It has been loud in our home for the past few weeks between the holidays, mini’s extended school break, and especially the unnerving set of toddler tantrums we have been muscling our way through, one of which left Mr. Magpie carrying a kicking and screaming near-four-year-old down six blocks of Central Park West, little fists pummeling and all. I called my brother the other night to unload: “We are in it. I don’t what we’re doing wrong!” After puzzling over possible sources of her tiny and unfurling fury (leading suspects: intense schedule changes owing to holidays/zoom school/in-person school and a delayed jealousy of her now-active and now-communicating younger brother who is suddenly capable of participating in many of the activities to which she alone used to lay claim), my brother, ever the sane and compassionate soul he is, concluded: “Ah, Jen. You’re great parents. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’ll get through this.” I had to focus for a moment on Tilly, idly sniffing at dubious street detritus, at the scruff on her neck and the blue gingham of her collar, to re-center myself. I felt my shoulders relax from a month-long hunch.
Oh, the wild emotional fracas of parenting! Of trying your hardest and yet windmilling out of control on an unsuspecting Sunday evening after a meticulously planned day, in advance of which I sat on the edge of my bed staring out into the white of a January dawn and marshaled all the positive and motivating thoughts I could muster. Things like: “Love your way through it” and “you can do this” and “She does not know how to control her emotions — she needs my help regulating them.” But somewhere around 4 p.m., after making my way through several meltdowns and skirmishes with a practiced calm, she stared straight at me as she pelted little balls of play-doh at the ceiling, at her brother, at the wall, at the carpet in direct defiance of my carefully-worded reminders that “play-doh stays on the table, please.” Writing this out now, I think to myself: “Good God, Jen, just let her play. You should have let it go.” But you know — you know! — when you have been delicately snow-shoeing your way through the day, careful to avoid her triggers, aiming to tamp down on the commands and just let her be, and suddenly your foot gets stuck in an unexpectedly deep drift of snow and —
Oh! I can just feel my teeth grinding in frustration. I took the play-doh from her. “Well, the play-doh goes away now,” I said matter-of-factly, prying it out of her hands, placing it and all of its accessories into the bin and clicking the lid shut with a satisfying snap snap snap snap on all four sides, as she barreled into hysterics, snatching at my dress.
Oh, the outrage! The sobs! The protestations that “I won’t do ANYTHING ANYMORE”! The little red face and little red eyes puffy with tears. Then the just-as-sudden denouement, the click-off, the quiet, as her eyes traced the outlines of the displaced dog figurines that she had been hunting for earlier hiding under her bed, distractions in shadow.
“There they are, mama,” she said, with excitement, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Mama, look!” Crouching down, retrieving them. The intensity of the previous five minutes nothing but a cloud quickly retreating behind us.
And what to do then but embrace the mercurialness? To squat at her side and tinker with toys, to brush the hair out of her eyes (but not insist on re-tying her hair — no, no, that would be too much and too precarious at this moment), to sigh inwardly, to study that perfect little face and peer into those expressive little eyes and wonder at what is going on inside and what measure of it belongs to my own skill as a parent.
Mr. Magpie and I put our heads together at night, strategizing, hypothesizing, commiserating, forgiving one another for the not-sins that feel like them. “It felt horrible carrying her home like that,” he says, and I remind him that he is a good dad, and that we will get through this, parroting back my brother’s more seasoned wisdom as a father to two with children two years older than our own.
Just to say —
Sitting here with you mamas who are in it right now, whether grappling with sleep regressions or breastfeeding woes or tantrums or sibling rivalries or recalcitrances or parenting troubles of any kind.
Sitting here, thinking quiet thoughts, reminding you that you are doing your best.
WISH I HADN’T MISSED OUT ON THESE JAMMIES WHILE AVAILABLE IN HILL’S SIZE!
THIS SWEET WICKER PRAM WAS SOLD OUT ALMOST EVERYWHERE AROUND CHRISTMAS…GREAT GIFT FOR A LITTLE GIRL’S SPRING BIRTHDAY
THIS TOOL KIT WAS AN EARLY-QUARANTINE IMPULSE BUY BUT HAS PROVEN TO HAVE STARTLING LONGEVITY — BOUGHT FOR HILL BUT MINI LOVES TO GO AROUND THE APARTMENT FIXING THINGS
+If you’re running dry on indoor activities for busy little ones (I have been…), I have been revisiting this roundup and adding a couple of new finds to my cart:
+A propos of my recent post on what to read right now, a reader sent me this book, which apparently Ann Patchett has given to countless people and everyone has the same astonished, impressed reaction. Immediately added to my reading list.
I had a strong and unanticipated response to one of the scenes in our recent viewing of the excellent 90s Western “Tombstone”: Wyatt Earp is leaving Doc Holliday’s death bed, and he says: “Thanks for always being there, Doc.” Tears sprang out of my eyes and poured down my cheeks. Not so much because of Doc’s imminent death, but because Wyatt had said the thing. That is, he had galvanized the strength to stare death down and set aside the discomfort of expressing a tenderness in cowboy times in order to say how he really felt, and it was not only the right thing to say, but the right time to say it.
I lingered over my knee-jerk emotional response for some time as I washed my face before bed that night. As I drew the washcloth down my cheek, a twin pair of recent moments emerged, apparition-like. The first: when I blithely asked after a friend’s loved one over a Zoom happy hour and he replied that she had passed away from COVID just a few days prior. I fumbled around for the right words and ultimately said the wrong thing: “I’m so sorry…what a bad year.” I had felt overwhelmed by the moment, unsure of whether I was about to cry (!), and had meekly chosen to distract from my friend’s loss with a feeble reference to the more generalized horrors of 2020. A flimsy feint if I ever saw one. I wrote him a proper letter of condolence the next morning, fretting over whether I had seemed unsympathetic, but more capable of well-articulated sympathy with my pen in hand and a long run searching for the right words under my belt. The second: when another friend, in a moment of duress, shared some horrific memories from her childhood, and I sat quietly on the other end of the line, tears rolling down my cheeks. All I could manage was: “I am so sorry.” And then a regular cadence of phone calls to check in on her in the weeks following.
I will not permit myself to browbeat over my earnest and vulnerable reactions to the misfortunes of these friends. I am human and I was caught off guard by the emotional intensity of their admissions. I know, too, that sometimes — perhaps more often than we think — it is enough to just sit in grief with someone, to just be there. But as I stared absently into the sink of my bathroom that night, I thought how much I would rather have been Wyatt in those moments. To have said the thing. It seems to me that a woman of substance should have the presence of mind and emotional fortitude and experiential know-how to say the thing.
I write for a living, take genuine pleasure in a well-turned phrase, and spend days agonizing over le mot juste. I am particularly attentive to and critical of dialogue in fiction. And yet why is it that when these moments present themselves, it is as if language fails me, and I find myself either mute or awash in vaguenesses and platitudes? It is l’esprit de l’escalier, but applied to exchanges of all varieties.
I asked Mr. Magpie about this as we climbed into bed. “My mom is like Wyatt Earp, too. Why is it that she knows just what to say and how to say it in the moment?” I asked, drawing the covers up under my chin as I effortlessly conjured a half dozen individual moments in which I had observed her responding swiftly and with genuine empathy to admissions of loss on the part of friends and loved ones. Her composure! Her earnestness! The ease with which meaningful and kind and substantive words tumble out of her mouth. The instinctual way she tilts her head and makes a tutting noise to let you know — “well, this is awful” as she says the thing.
“Well, she has a good thirty years on you,” he replied. And maybe that’s true — maybe she has (sadly) had countless opportunities to practice the right words. But I should be at least partly on my way there at this point, right? I’ve grieved the war stories and losses of too many loved ones as it is.
But, yes — maybe I’ll get there with age.
Maybe I won’t, though. Maybe it is my lot to wear my heart on my sleeve and to disappear into a puddle of tears and to sit quietly on the other end of the line, present but bereft of speech. But then I can, maybe, do the thing afterward — write the letter, make the donation in someone’s name, call to check in with regularity, commemorate the moment of grief in various forms of shorthand and emoji for years to come.
Maybe it is enough.
Does anyone else struggle with saying the thing? How do you get around it? How do you reconcile?
+We have been loving this cookbook so far this year.
+Cannot recommend these little tubes of “plus plus” pieces enough. A reader recommended them not long ago (thank you!) and they have preoccupied hours of mini’s time since she received one of the tubes in her stocking. I sent one to my lego-loving nephew as a little surprise!
I’ve written about how to make your portable office life a little easier, but — in the event that you have your own dedicated workspace, with a proper desk and chair and room of one’s own, I wanted to share a few little finds to make your workspace even spiffier…
BIGSO DOCUMENT STORAGE BOXES — WE ALL DO IT: ACCRUE STACKS OF PAPERS AND NOTES THAT WE THEN SORT THROUGH IN DESPERATION WEEKS LATER; WHY NOT HIDE THE MESS?
P.S. I always get a lot of questions about the leaning bookcases in my living room. They are SO brilliant and chic and surprisingly affordable. Once assembled, they can almost pass as a custom-built solution. They weren’t available for awhile, but are now carried again. So chic! We have two, one flanking each side of our media console.
After my great experience with Essie Gel Couture in a bright red for the holidays, I bought my favorite light pink / white pink hue from their collection, Pre-Show Jitters. Going to get back into my manicure habit — this time at home.
I also picked up another pair of these ColorfulKoala $25 leggings since they just re-stocked in the best colors. They aren’t as good as Aligns, but they are my second favorite (beating out many other higher-end brands).
I recently sent this quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald around to my sisters as we eased our way into 2021:
Post-Scripts.
+A reader awhile ago asked for laundry baskets that are NOT woven and I can’t stop thinking of her whenever I find a good non-woven one. This one is chic!
A couple of months ago, I crossed (digital) paths with Jenny McHugh, founder and designer of jewelry line Campbell + Charlotte, and we wound up on a stimulating phone call talking all things entrepreneurship, jewelry, and motherhood. At some point in the conversation, Jenny said: “Part of the reason I’m building this business is to show my daughter that just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible.” The sentiment and its careful phrasing have stuck with me, redolent as they are with a lovely mix of reality (building any business is, frankly, really hard), determination (keep going, keep going, going), and optimism (nothing is impossible!). I knew then that I had to profile this tough and bright entrepreneur in my Women of Substance series.
Jenny’s love for jewelry was born at an early age, when, as a two-year-old, she waged a nightly war when asked to remove the dozens of plastic bracelets, necklaces, and earrings she wore each day. Over the years, her taste matured from plastic baubles to fine jewelry and eventually resulted in the launch of her collection, Campbell + Charlotte, which she characterizes as “serious jewels for those who don’t take themselves too seriously.”
The namesake Campbell + Charlotte is deeply meaningful to Jenny. Campbell is the name that belongs to her first child, a daughter who Jenny describes as “the push I needed to leave the corporate world and take a chance on my dreams.” Meanwhile, Charlotte refers to Jenny’s current home town, where she lives with family and launched her initial collection (though all jewelry is hand-made in New York City!).
Jenny and her team work with clients in a number of ways. They have an extensive ready-to-wear collection but also frequently work with brides for custom engagement rings and other bridal jewelry. They have also worked with jewelry-lovers on completely custom and one-of-a-kind pieces, whether they are collaboratively designed from scratch or reimagined using unworn or forgotten-about pieces clients already have in their jewelry boxes.
And, exciting news! Jenny has generously offered us 15% off any online purchase between now and January 22nd with code MAGPIE. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, if you want to casually pass the word along to your loved one…!
You can keep up with Jenny on Instagram here and learn more about her reading her answers to my questions below.
Your favorite qualities in a woman.  Compassion, hustle, not taking herself too seriously, and willingness to be vulnerable with others to build a real connection.
Your favorite heroine. My mom. Sounds kind of cheesy but she has taught me so much about how to treat others, how to be a mother, and how to listen to the best parts of your inner voice. Â
Your main fault. Impatience. I want everything to happen now.
Your greatest strength. Empathy. Sincere empathy truly helps you forge deeper relationships in both your personal and professional life. Â
Your idea of happiness. Two extremes: Either an intimate dinner party with my closest friends where we get dressed up for no reason and drink too much wine or sweatpants on the couch watching a movie with my family. Also, pretzels and hummus. Â
Your idea of misery. Paperwork. I hate anything administrative that requires filling out lots of tiny boxes and making sure it is all right — it gives me major anxiety. Â
Currently at the top of your shopping lust list. Always jewelry! Anything from Daniela Villegas; her designs are so unique and insane. I love this skull ring from Polly Wales. I’m also always shopping for cool vintage finds — vintage is a good source of inspiration for my designs, too.Â
Desert island beauty product. Comfort Zone Tranquility Body Lotion. I discovered it on a trip to Napa a few years back with my husband and it still reminds me of how amazing that trip was.Â
Last thing you bought. Vintage gold snake chain from The Moonstoned.
I feel most empowered wearing…Something feminine with a dash of sparkle. My recent go-to has been a floral or brightly colored dress and fun belt with some sort of power blazer or leather jacket. Â
Favorite Magpie post. I love the Sale Snacks series! The name makes me smile every time and there are some amazing finds.
I received so many shopping inquiries this go around, I will need to split this up into a series. As always, feel free to shoot me a DM or email if you’re on the hunt for something specific! (Sadly, none of us appear to be shopping for sequined frocks like the ones above, but they’re pretty to look at nonetheless. In case you are, though, there are still some great glittery little things to consider here.)
Q: Eye cream.
A: To be honest, I’ve never used an eye cream that has blown my mind or lived up to the expectation of actually treating/erasing dark under-eye circles. For that reason, I’m skipping the prestige beauty here and using Olay — relatively inexpensive, widely available, and the consistency is nice. (Thick but absorbs easily.) Does it do anything magical? No. Does it keep the area well-hydrated? Yes. Wrote a full review of this here.
Q: Sugar container.
A: If you mean for the pantry, go with this set by Progressive International, which has specialized containers for brown sugar, powdered sugar, etc. I originally bought all of those OXO Pop containers for my sugars and while they look pretty, I do not believe the seal works well. I’ve purchased several packages and none of them are airtight, which means that brown sugar dries out in an instant. I replaced with this brown sugar keeper and was CRAZY impressed. It actually keeps brown sugar soft — you just re-wet the ceramic insert every few months. If I could go back, I’d buy only the Progressive International pieces for flours and sugars. (I label all bins with my handy labelmaker.)
If you’re talking more for decorative countertop, my mom has a beautiful set of copper canisters in her kitchen that I’ve long admired. (Or maybe marble is more your vibe?)
And if you’re talking a sugar pot for serving sugar with tea/coffee, I love Juliska, a splurge-y one from a high-end china label like Raynaud or Wedgewood, or a trinket-y vintage score like this set.
A: Cannot rave enough about these ones from Birdies, which unfortunately keep selling out (but they have restocked a few times, so sign up if interested!) I also love these ritzy ones from Olivia Morris, these on-trend shearling ones, and some of the furlane styles popping up here and there, like these and these.
Q: Your Todd Snyder recommendation was a hit. Any other men’s clothing recommendations?
A: My most recent clothing purchase for Mr. Magpie was very trendy Maison Kitsune sweatshirt that he’s been wearing quite a bit. It’s smart enough to put over a collared shirt or wear with nice jeans — it has a tailored look. A few other brands I have my eye on for his next clothing infusion:
Buck Mason — elevated basics like this for everyday wear. Mr. Magpie has a few of their pieces and they last forever.
Taylor Stitch — Rugged but refined. I like this sweater and some of their shirts have really interesting textures.
Q: A nice ottoman tray for corralling junk in a chic way.
A: Love this and applaud the motivation. I shared some very chic tray options at all price points here! This one is inexpensive and frequently sells out; this one is just straight up fun; and I’m lusting after this splurge from House of Cardoon!
Q: Waste bin for office.
A: Fun! Depending on your style…
THIS IS SO UNIQUE — THE BROWN WOULD BE EXCELLENT IN A TRADITIONAL-LOOKING LIBRARY-STYLE OFFICE
YAMAZAKI HAS A FEW SLEEK, MODERN STYLES — LIKE THIS
MY SECRET SOURCE IN THIS DEPARTMENT FOR INEXPENSIVE BUT GOOD-LOOKING WASTE BASKETS? CONTAINER STORE FOR SIMPLE FINDS LIKE THIS AND THIS
Q: Blue and white pillow shams — standard/king/lumbar combos please?
A: Check out Schweitzer Linen — love the Portland and Block Island collections for blue and white, but they have many more options. Biscuit Home also does fun whimsical prints! And a greek key style never goes out of vogue!
Q: Easy tops to wear with jeans (nothing cropped).
A: I swear by turtlenecks and cardigans at the moment, an easy and comfortable way to look like you have a perspective on life, but a few other vibes I’ve owned over the past year or two: striped tees from Kule (a bit more streamlined/less boxy than the bretons from St. James), chambray (love denim on denim; also currently eyeing this ruffle-trim style), a crisp white tee (<<this $14.50 style is my favorite, but Uniqlo u-necks are also worth a gander), and RL oxfords (I’ve owned some of mine since college!). All of these have a timelessly chic vibe and can be worn with anything from Golden Goose sneakers (gah! why do I want these?) to snakeskin flats without missing a beat.
Q: An outfit for mama for newborn photos when body may be looking questionable.
A: Ahh! It pains me to hear you talk about your body that way. It will have just given birth to a human — what?!?! You and your body are amazing. Still, I totally relate to the sentiment. I remember days of looking at my postpartum body and not recognizing myself at all. But I digress. For a newborn photo — I love several of the Sleeper styles for postpartum! I owned and loved their Brigitte dress, but this one is also super sweet. Both are flattering, loose-fit in the right spots, and nursing-friendly. Also love all of the Hill House nap dresses — this one would be super pretty in either the pink or blue toile depending on baby’s gender/your color reference!
A few other long, loose-fit dresses that I would have considered as well: I own and LOVE this caftan, which is super loose-fit but packs a powerful fashion punch; I lived in SZ Blockprints caftans this past summer and they are comfortable and loose-fit; Mi Golondrina does some spectacular embroidered styles; and this Sister Jane looks like a dream.
Q: Clothes for my 25th anniversary trip to Bermuda!
Q: High-waisted, no-compression leggings for lounging.
A: There aren’t zero-compression, but these Lululemons are the most comfortable leggings I’ve ever worn. (I basically wrote an entire post singing their praises.) Do not cinch. Like butter. The best the best the best.
A: Can’t say enough good things about my M.Z. Wallace Metro tote. It’s not actually a diaper bag, but it’s great for so many reasons. However, before I had two children, I used a Tote Savvy organizer inside my Goyard bag and it worked great!
Q: Birthday gifts for a two-year-old.
A: Happy birthday, little one! My top picks would be Maileg mice, a Micro scooter, or magnetic tiles. A roundup of more excellent slow-burn toys for this age group here, and some other great gift ideas here.
Q: Big storage baskets for toys.
A: These ones are fantastic (attractive, sturdy, well-made) and I’ve always loved these stackable ones from Ballard Designs.
Q: Kitchen cabinet organizers.
A: I love these ones (even more sizes here). They are all in all of my cabinets! They are sturdy, stackable, and thoughtfully-dimensioned to fit standard grocery cans/boxes very well.
Q: Men’s winter hats? Something that doesn’t make my husband look like a bank robber.
A: I had a good laugh over this one. I so know what you mean. I think the key is picking a color that isn’t black or navy? Mr. Magpie owns this Filson beanie in the red (it’s actually a brighter red than shown online) and it is SO attractive.
Q: A bookshelf to display kids’ books so they can see them.
A: I wrote about how much I love our Ikea Kallax shelving unit here — part of the reason is because it makes all of the spines easy to see and reach. A cart like this or this would also be good in a smaller room, and I have a friend who raves about this book caddy, which presents all the spines at a good angle for little eyes.
Q: So random, but absorbent dish/hand towels for the kitchen.
A: Not random at all — I wrote about these here, but I’m obsessed with our new and unfussy kitchen mops. We try to avoid using paper towels and instead go through a stack of these each day. They are SO absorbent! They aren’t the most attractive things, though, so we also keep some Williams-Sonoma ones out by the sink for hand drying. (More of my favorite kitchen gear here.)
A midday note to my Magpies: My blog was down this morning for a few hours; I apologize if you were throttled or served an error message. Now that I seem to have resolved the issue, I wanted to say that — wow. Yesterday was not an auspicious start to the new year. Does it occasionally feel that we are just waiting on that fourth horseman? I was also reminded this morning of some of the comments on this post about hitting the reset button in the face of frustration, hurt, anger, etc. My personal ambition in times of darkness is to angle for light, and so I will continue to share as much positivity as I can here. If you need a palate cleanser, the roundup of books below might be just the ticket. That said, some of them are serious drags…! You might want to skip Shuggie at the moment…
Hang in there, friends.
P.S. Today only, Zora Neale Hurston’s exceptional Their Eyes Were Watching God is available for free audiobook download via Libro.FM! This book is absolutely gorgeously written and I can’t wait to experience in audio. Details here.
********
One of my goals for 2021 is to be more intentional about carving out time to read, and one thing that is helping me get in the mode is a very full and very exciting tsundoku pile.
Below, my top reading picks for the start of 2021:
+For spirit-boosting, feel-good fiction:The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. This book is earning a lot of press right now and I was surprised to see how many Magpies were reading this when I performed an informal poll on Instagram. The book is an engagement with the choices we make in our lives and the alterities that could have been. In the words of the book jacket: “Somewhere out beyond the edge of the universe there is a library that contains an infinite number of books, each one the story of another reality. One tells the story of your life as it is, along with another book for the other life you could have lived if you had made a different choice at any point in your life.”
+For an intimate portrait of grief and marriage based on the life of Shakespeare: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. A fictionalization of the life of Shakespeare focusing specifically on his marriage to an eccentric falconer named Agnes and their grief over the sudden death of his young son. I had several Magpies positively rave about this book.
+For a difficult but exceptionally well-written story of childhood trauma in 1980s Scotland: Shuggie Bain by Douglas Stuart. This was the first book I completed this year, and — despite its considerable length — I devoured it in a few days. The writing is excellent and the narrative darkly compelling. It is the haunting, deeply sad story of a tender-hearted boy coping with poverty, his own sexuality, abandonment, a mother who is struggling with alcoholism, and all manners of violence and cruelty as he grows up in the public housing of 1980s Scotland. It is bleak, difficult reading — I had to take breaks to quiet the heartburn and voyeuristic agony — and yet I could not stop reaching for it, and it has not left my mind (or heart) since I finished. Reading was like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. The specificity and brutality of the injuries, embarrassments, and heartaches that befall young Shuggie are painful to endure as a reader, especially knowing that the author’s own background is similar to Shuggie’s — Stuart, too, lost his mother to alcoholism at a young age and grew up in working-class Scotland in the 80s. It is difficult not to wonder which of the horrific events of the stories happened to the author himself. What struck me as most moving and masterful was the generous way in which Stuart paints the mother, Agnes, as a woman who suffers terrible violence, hurt, and harm and then also endures the horrific burden of addiction and yet still attempts to carry her head high and show her sons the most love she can. The scene in which she sets fire to her home and yet survives is a rich invocation of her namesake, Saint Agnes, who was burned at the stake but did not die from the flames — and her devolution into alcoholism follows a similar pattern in which she appears continuously consumed. Meanwhile, Shuggie’s tenderness and devotion to his mother is as heart-wrenching as the author’s humane portrait of her (suggestive of a personal reckoning with his own mother): he skips school to care for her, tenderly removes her stockings and dentures when she has passed out after too much drinking, and eternally hopes for her recovery. He is a child forced to mature too quickly, and he bears the full force of the judgment and castigation of his community, both for the “sins” of his mother, the abandonment of his family by his father, and his own burgeoning homosexuality. Shuggie is an exile, an outsider, in every sense of the word, alienated even from his own siblings and isolated from his mother by virtue of her addiction. From a craft standpoint, there are segments of the book describing the decrepitude and stagnation of 1980s Glasgow that were nearly Joyceian in their poetic yet realistic representation of place and self and the relationships between, and the invocation of the physical in the book is unbelievably rich. There are scenes of hair pulled from heads, skin split open, legs bruised that are so clearly described they made my stomach turn. And there are visions of the sooty, tar-covered mine fields of Glasgow, and the squat and desolate housing schemes in which its residents live close by, that are so vividly painted, I nearly feel I’ve been there before. All in all, an incredible, albeit disturbing, achievement that left me in a fog.
+For a tender coming-of-age story: Tell the Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt. This is Brunt’s debut novel, and it has been earning considerable acclaim. In it, Brunt tells the coming-of-age story of a young girl who loses her eccentric uncle, the only person who she feels understands her.
+For a creepy marital thriller: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides. Described as “a mix of Hitchcockian suspense, Agatha Christie plotting, and Greek tragedy” in which a well-to-do wife shoots her husband and refuses to speak about why she has done so, transforming the tragedy into a mystery that captures the attention of their community. My cousin — who shares similar tastes in thrillers (Ware, La Pena!) loved this one.
+For a suspense focused on class, family, and race:Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam. A few Magpies raved about this one, too! In it, “two families, strangers to each other, are forced together on a long weekend gone terribly wrong.”
+For a moving love story between mother and daughter: Burnt Sugar by Avni Doshi (to be released on Jan 26). Described as a love story between mother and daughter, this novel earned the Booker Prize (just like Shuggie Bain) in 2020. The book jacket is compelling: “In her youth, Tara was wild. She abandoned her loveless marriage to join an ashram, endured a brief stint as a beggar (mostly to spite her affluent parents), and spent years chasing after a dishevelled, homeless ‘artist’ – all with her young child in tow. Now she is forgetting things, mixing up her maid’s wages and leaving the gas on all night, and her grown-up daughter is faced with the task of caring for a woman who never cared for her.”
What else are you reading? What else would you suggest?
Also: everyone’s favorite $25 leggings were restocked in fantastic colors here! I own several pairs of these already but added the pale pink to my collection. More of my favorite running gear here! I’m a newly-initiated fan of merino wool base layers for running in the cold, and have my eye on these $60 tops next.
As you probably know from over-excessive documentation, I have been reworking my skincare regimen for 2021 and will write a full post after I’ve lived with it for a few months, but I wanted to cut in with some of my recent beauty discoveries that I can honestly report back on after a few weeks of use…
+Ilia Limitless Lash Mascara. I was frankly dubious of Ilia after my underwhelming experience with their skin tint, but I gave their mascara a try after a few Magpie readers recommended it. I am a serious mascara junkie — it’s definitely my desert island beauty product, along with SPF. I would rather have acne on display than no mascara. It just makes me feel “done.” Because of this, I feel I have tried nearly ever mascara on the planet and am a fairly harsh grader in this product category — and I was VERY impressed with Ilia. I usually prefer a dramatic, inky, volume-building mascara (I wear Armani most days), but this is wonderful for low-key, more natural-looking “morning lashes.” It is absolutely incredible at separating, lengthening, and curling — but not volumizing. I have now started wearing this most days and then adding a few swipes of Armani in the evening. Is it so strange that I do this despite the fact that I am always at home? I have no idea, but it makes me feel happy to glam it up just a touch come five o’clock. At any rate, the Ilia is a keeper and I’d strongly recommend for anyone, but especially someone looking for something natural-looking (and clean!)
+Westman Atelier Lit Up Highlight Stick. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes! This is similar to RMS Beauty’s Living Luminizer but — in my opinion — a better formula in that it is much easier to apply (and also more handily sold in an easier-to-use applicator). This stick is totally colorless and invisible but gives you that gleaming, glowing Gwyneth skin you know you want without appearing to have done anything but drink forty gallons of water to achieve it. I swipe this on daily on my cheeks, brow bone, and cupid’s bow — it is low-key enough to wear during the day without looking like you’re headed to a disco ball, believe me. Just the kind of under-the-radar boost you need to make yourself feel like a glowing goddess in the dead of January. I swipe the stick directly onto my skin, even over the top of blush/eyeshadow. The stick does pick up a little bit of the makeup on your skin but I just swipe it off after and it hasn’t been an issue. VERY INTO THIS PRODUCT.
+Westman Atelier Baby Cheeks Blush Stick in Dou Dou. After using this, I think I’m realizing that I’m just not that crazy about cream blushes — or perhaps just not adept enough at applying them. I want to like them but I find them very difficult to apply without appearing slightly clownish. I wore Tata Harper’s volumizing lip and cheek stain (also a cream blush situation) prior to this and struggled with the same issue; powder blushes are much easier for me to control, build in intensity, and blend. That said. I love the color and formula of this W.A. product — it is much easier to blend into skin than Tata’s is, and the color is SO gorgeous and sophisticated. I feel like I’ve just gone on a long promenade in the chilly London air (can you tell I’ve been watching “Bridgerton”?) when I apply this. I just started using one of my Artis brushes to help with the blending and I think it is helping me out — I will continue to use and report back as I improve in skill!
+LuvScrub. My curiosity was piqued after several Magpies raved about this body exfoliating tool. I mean, it’s a mesh wash cloth! And people were literally crazy about it! However, I now totally get it and can’t wait to tuck it into gifts for girlfriends this year. It’s beauty is in its length — you can extend it and use along your back sort of like you might a towel when drying off to really scrub the entirety of your back! And it lathers up beautifully! And it polishes your skin (especially my shoulders and decolletage for some reason?) to a high, fine, gleaming shine. It is unbelievable! Very into this product. Will never use a loofah again.
+Amope Electronic Foot File. A good utility tool to keep in the closet when your feet are really dry or callused, though I have to be honest and say that I am a little scared of it. The instructions tell you not to run it over any part of your foot for more than a few seconds and I’ve been skittish around it ever since, imagining myself letting it linger too long and then burning through my toe. Haha. I do think it works well, though — much better than any cream could! — at truly exfoliating and polishing. My feet were so smooth after each use, and then I moisturize heavily. Thanks to the reader who recommended this — did not even know it existed!
+Essie Gel Couture Nail Polish. The name is a misnomer, as this is NOT a gel polish (i.e., you do not use one of those UV lights — you just apply it like a normal polish), but it lasts much longer than any nail polish I’ve ever used at home before. I am now hooked on doing my nails at home after a manicure hiatus since the start of quarantine in March. Let me backtrack and say that my mother has gotten her nails done at 10 A.M. on Friday mornings for as long as I can remember. “This is something I do for myself once a week,” I remember her saying with the slightest of sniffs even when I was only seven and blinking in confusion at the vague concept that my mother might need to actually care for herself at some point between shuttling around, nurturing, and feeding her many children. She went to a fancy salon, too, and saw the same technician, Gloria, for nearly 25 years (maybe longer, even), until Gloria retired and moved away. The salon smelled like warm laundered towels and Gloria scoffed at the unseemly idea of cutting cuticles (“push back only”). When I would sit in the leather chair alongside my mother on the occasion I’d shadow her there, I would watch Gloria elegantly and carefully varnish my mother’s nails while chatting about children and grand-children over the roar of hair blow dryers. Then my mother would practically skip across the street to her parked car, her fingers lifted up in front of her in the universal gesture for “I HAVE WET NAILS,” as the salon’s street was zoned for one hour of paid parking, the meter maids in Northwest D.C. were surprisingly vigilant, and her appointments always abutted against the time limit. Then we’d sit in the car and she’d continue to dry her nails, keeping a steely eye out for meter maids. There was something about this ritual that stuck — the escape and elegance of it all. So, since the age of 20, I have gotten my nails done once a week, too, almost always in fire engine red or white-pink and rarely at salons as fancy as my mother’s. (I keep trying for the dark colors I find so chic on other women, but then I look at my hands and they do not feel like my own and it scares me.) Strangely, giving myself a manicure using the Essie polish returned to me an element of my former self, a vestige of my mother. I am hooked.
+Clarins Double Serum. OK. OK. I should wait until I’ve been using this for a full couple of weeks (as I am trying to do with the rest of my skincare regimen) but I have to rave about this product after only a few weeks of use. This serum is MAGIC. I have used and liked several serums and oils, but this I think is proving to be my favorite. It is a dream to apply (and smells like botanical heaven), and it leaves my skin so hydrated, happy, bright, and smooth! I feel like I’ve just basted a turkey or something — is that the weirdest analogy?! My skin just GLISTENS after this. It is wonderful. I’d put it above the Ole Henriksen Truth Serum and probably also Vintner’s Daughter. They all achieve similar outcomes, but I prefer the consistency and glistening, hydrating effect of the Clarins. (It is so much easier to apply than any other serum I’ve tried — it is not as runny/oily as V.D., and it does not disappear as quickly as the Ole Henriksen, which I always felt I had to apply a few pumps of because it would evaporate by the time you’d dab it on your forehead. You can really feel Clarins absorbing into your skin but it glides all over your face with just the two designated pumps. I just LOVE it!!! Love!
+O-Cedar Sponges. This is not a new discovery but I just reordered a pack and have to say — a small thing, but these are simply the best dish sponges. They are thicker and, well, spongier than the standard Scotch Brites and I find them more effective. I randomly switched back to Scotch Brites a few weeks ago because I’d run out and immediately regretted the decision. Super tiny adjustment but these are where it’s at.
+Unfussy, unbranded mop cloths. This is nothing exciting but we bought a huge pack of these to decrease the number of paper towels we use and they are such a random Godsend! They are ULTRA absorbent, a great size for wiping up quick spills and drying dishes and glasses, and very soft. I read about these on a random Reddit thread and I’m so glad we gave them a go. We still keep prettier kitchen towels out for decor/drying hands, but these are SO handy for those of you who cook a lot at home.
+Tracksmith running gear. I invested in a few new pieces from Tracksmith and I am seriously in love with their merino base layer tops. Where have I been living and how was I running in the cold without these?! I can’t believe how lightweight yet warm they are. I can wear one of these under my New Balance jacket in temps in the low 30s and still feel perfectly warm — sometimes even hot by the end of my run. I am tempted to order more already. I also ordered a pair of their tights but had to exchange for a different size. I’m normally an XS in everything but the pair I got were uncomfortably tight at the waistband (which has a thick band of elastic stitched into it). I re-checked the size chart and I am doubting that the S will fit well, but we shall see. I am thinking the brand might be ideally suited toward a true runner’s body — long, lean, sinewy! — but will report back. If the pants don’t work, no sweat. I’ll order more of their merino tops!
For enquiring minds, the skincare regimen I’m testing currently…
A.M. Rinse face with water (I have often applied an overnight mask/product the night before). Cleanse with Living Libations cleanser. Note that this stuff is very hard to find at the moment because Kourtney Kardashian just shared that she uses it and now it’s the HOT HOT. It’s sold out most everywhere in the full size, but you can find a travel size (good for testing purposes) here. I wet a square of Shiseido facial cotton (so so good), apply two pumps of the cleanser, and then run all over my face. Then I re-wet the same square of cotton and run over my face again. Then I apply a topical vitamin c and follow with the Clarins serum, then sunscreen, then eye cream, and, finally, moisturizer.
P.S. More beauty finds for the new year here (read the great comments! — will be sharing reviews of several of the products listed here in forthcoming installments) and more honest reviews here.
Now is my favorite time to scoop up precious finds for next fall/winter season, while cute items are discounted to half off! A few amazing finds at Bellabliss…
RED CORD OVERALLS (WOULD BE DARLING FOR VALENTINE’S DAY, JUST AROUND THE CORNER!)
A girlfriend of mine sent me a link to a pair of shoes and wrote: “I’m walking that fine line of thinking these are weird but also I *need* them, you know?”
My response: “Girl, wear what makes you happy.”
On the downslope of this fourth decade of my life, I tell myself and my friends and my Magpie readers —
Wear the house slippers that make you feel slightly ridiculously like royalty,
The faded gray Virginia sweatshirt that still smells like your husband before he was your husband,
The nap dress that makes you look pulled together but feel like you’re wearing pajamas, styled a la Nellie Diamond herself, with a black turtleneck leotard underneath, even when your husband calls it your “sister wife look” (aHEM),
I must cheesily bookend this post with a bit of script from an excellent 90s Western that Mr. Magpie and I re-watched recently, “Tombstone.” (Side bar: were the 90s not the golden era of action films? I find the ones nowadays are over-engineered and rendered totally ridiculous by CGI? Mr. Magpie and I always talk about how the animontronics achieved in “Jurassic Park” still supersede any of the computer-animated monsters and critters we’ve seen onscreen in the past few decades…)
Doc Holliday: What do you want, Wyatt?
Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.
Doc Holliday: There is no normal life, there’s just life, ya live it.
And so I say again, mainly to myself and perhaps it will resonate with a few of you this morning, too — you do you // you do you // you do you.
