I recently learned that a friend of mine suffered a severe spinal injury when she was 14 and, after a twelve-hour surgery, spent three weeks convalescing in a hospital in Pennsylvania. I am still processing this information. The bravery! The intensity! How lonely it must have felt, how simultaneously terrifying and tedious, how wing-clipping! How alien to everything you want to be doing at fourteen! (My referent point here is Cynthia Voigt’s traumatic Izzy Willy Nilly, which I read as a tween.) “But,” she told me, with her signature brightness (which I now understand to be buttressed by the matter-of-factness and forbearance born of early-in-life grapplings with the unfair) : “It’s what led me to be a physical therapist, and I love what I do.”
Her dedication to her profession is self-evident; I could see — instantly — the unbroken narrative arc of her story. What a silver lining. A helluva silver lining if I ever saw one! Tinsel town! More importantly: what a beautiful outlook, and a beautiful person.
So, because we publish the good news: I’m here today soliciting yours. What is your best silver lining story?
Mine is not getting into my first-choice college — the first enormous rejection in my life. (The first of many.) This proved to be the best thing that could have ever happened to me. My college experience continues to be the foundation for everything good in my adult life. I found and fell in love with the love of my life; heard Seamus Heaney read poetry in a pin-drop -quiet Church in Charlottesville; started writing seriously; built life-long friendships; bloomed. Those four years remain the touchstone, the center. I also learned invaluable lessons in ego, identity, and resilience. Dead ends are just convenient places to turn around 🙂
Post-Scripts
+An annotated playlist for morning reading and writing.
Shopping Break.
+Currently wearing a past-season denim version of this vest and reminded of how flattering these gilet-style tops are. (Also, love it in the gingham — so chic! I’d ideally style with the matching shorts and a big RDV tote.) I feel like a million bucks in this vest but it’s as comfortable as wearing a tee. I styled with these perfect pants (still 20% off) for my travel day to NYC (writing this from the Acela train).
+BTW — the Real Real is an actual treasure trove for finding NWT or gently used Veronica Beard. For example, you get this past-season denim Veronica Beard gilet (almost identical to mine) new with tags OR — this is MY FAVORITE BLAZER OF ALL TIME, and it’s in excellent condition. It has a good amount of stretch in it and is a perfect silhouette. A lot of blazers swallow me up whole but this one is a perfect fit. And the collarlessness/denim make it cool.
+Urgent! My beloved blow-dry spray (gives you the glassiest, smoothest blowout while protecting hair — also smells insanely good) is 20% off! (I love this so much, I just ordered the oil, too. And while we’re talking great haircare, reminder that the BEST shampoo is 30% off and shipping free this week. For the glossiest, straightest locks.)
+You all LOVED this jute rug I mentioned earlier this week.
+A lot of you also ordered this thermo-regulating bra I mentioned earlier this week. Cannot wait to test mine. (Dispatches from one peri-menopausal woman to another…). Use code SHOOP10 for a discount!
+I just snagged this bandana print SEA. So good. Also comes in a cute top to style with white jeans/shorts.
+Truly obsessed with this detergent in the xtra milk scent. Makes laundry smell exactly how you want it to smell — clean, fresh. It’s been described as a “your skin but better” but geez it’s even better than that. Candidly, the names/marketing on these products is not really my cup of tea but trust me — the smell is worth it, and the detergent actually works. The linen/room spray is also one of the most-used products in our household! I use it to spray on laundry, in the guest bedroom, in the pool bag, etc. My daughter also loves the scent and will spritz it on her uniform! Pre-perfume – lol.
+I don’t think we’ve adequately discussed how cute this J. Crew beach dress is.
+Back to bandana prints, two other fashion GEMS I came across this week: these $120 bandana print pants (SO good with a white tank and big sunnies) and this new patchwork mini from Julia Amory (in my cart with the matching shell).
+Ann Mashburn perfection.
+Gorgeous head-to-toe white eyelet dream of an outfit.
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I carried my daughter’s pain and suffering from mental health issues throughout her high school years: when she self-harmed, when she swallowed an entire bottle of aspirin, when she tried meth…all while my husband was deployed to Afghanistan. Eventually, she began to disappear for periods of time, until one day she called her dad, because she was having a baby. They both tested positive for meth and marijuana, and we brought them home with us. My daddy passed a few weeks later, and my daughter disappeared while I was at his funeral…and left the tiny baby boy she birthed! Eight years later, he is the most beautiful, curious, kind and funny boy—our beloved adopted son, who turned our lives upside down and made them richer and more full of love and joy and magic than we could ever have imagined!!!
Oh Chrissy – first, thank you so much for sharing your story so vulnerably. I can feel the heartache and hard work woven into this story. You are a wonder. Wow. Your grandson is so lucky to have you looking after him. Thank you for sharing this. I can’t believe how many big-hearted, strong women are in the comments section — I look to you all!
xx
I dropped out of a renowned university, worked in tech, and went back to the coziest, most wonderfully nurturing little unknown business school thanks to a rec from a woman I admired at work (and followed my then-boyfriend now husband to Texas). I would not have the life I had now without making that leap. I really didn’t discuss it with anyone or make any pro-con lists, just quietly set things in motion. Obviously my husband is the best call I’ve ever made in my life, and my wonderful kids, and pursuing that thread that brought us from maybe to yes. But also, my years at StMU were deeply healing and wonderful and everything I had hoped for from higher education, with no snobbery and such genuine caring from the professors.
I love this, and the self-conviction / sense-of-self that undergirds this decision. Love. So happy for you 🙂
xx
Trigger warning: pregnancy/child loss. I had a full term stillbirth and it was the most harrowing experience of my life. I thought I was permanently broken. I was certainly permanently changed. However, I never would have had my son- who was born almost exactly 13 months after his sister. He is my rainbow prince who helped me heal and has this deep well of empathy, along with the most devious twinkle in his eye. Losing a child is a pain unlike anything else that changes you forever. But my life without Jacob (now 10 yo) is unimaginable.
Oh, Laura – I don’t have the words to communicate how sorry I am. I am sending you so much love. I am in awe of your strength and love that you think of your son in this beautiful way, as your healing partner. Thank you for sharing and for trusting us with your story. I am confident your comment here will touch many other mothers who have experienced this, too.
Love,
Jen
I love these “sliding doors” reflections in our 40s!
Heading into junior year of high school, I didn’t make varsity cheerleading after two years of JV. It was beyond devastating to my fragile, angsty 16-year-old psyche; cheerleading was a huge part of my identity. I spent the entire summer crying about it, and then an acquaintance casually mentioned that she was going to run cross-country for the first time and I should join her. I signed up and it truly changed my life- that acquaintance became a best friend and eventual bridesmaid! And together, we found an incredible group of friends who remain close now, decades later.
I still think of it often as my first real lesson in adult perspective. As a teenager everything feels so black and white but after that, it became easier to believe that there might be more than one good outcome to any disappointment. And that sometimes that path you never would have chosen ends up being the one you’re most grateful for!
I love this early insight – honestly, you were lucky to have it at such a young age! So, so wounding at the time (first rejections always are) but make you so much stronger if you’ve lived through those ego-bruisings and applied the learning quickly.
xx
I don’t know if it’s a silver lining story so much as making a fairly impulsive gut decision and having it pay off. Two come to mind. I was an exchange student my senior year of high school and chose the country (Switzerland) fairly impulsively but that year abroad has shaped me in ways I couldn’t have imagined 27 years later and two of my closest friends stemmed from that year abroad.
Simultaneously, I did not even remotely get into my first choice college and was heavily pressured to choose a state school based on in-state tuition cost. I got into UC Santa Barbara and UC Santa Cruz in California and I remember standing in the post office (this was 1999!) in Switzerland holding the form that I needed to check the acceptance or rejection on and calling my mom asking which I should choose. She gave me the usual mom talk of how she couldn’t make that decision for me. I impulsively chose Santa Barbara for reasons I can’t even articulate to this day — it was purely a gut decision. While my time there was a bit rocky and I didn’t do well in school (it took me nearly 6 years to graduate) I met my husband of 22 years there when he moved into the house next door and we shared a driveway. He too was not at his first choice school and I always wonder what hand the universe may have had in ensuring we both ended up there in that place at that time.
Love love love the kismet of your meeting your husband in this way! I feel much the same!!
Your stories are a reminder to take risks / trust your gut! I’m feeling inspired.
xx
Yes! Since then, I’ve made a few other major life decisions that have been all about trusting my gut and while it may not always be immediately apparent that it was the right decision, I’m always happy with it in the long run.
“Dead ends are just convenient places to turn around” stopped me in my tracks. YES.
As someone about to start a new job after a bit of a circuitous route to this next (very desired) chapter, those types of reframes with an undercurrent of “keep going” are so important. Cheering on anyone in the uncomfortable middle of any new pursuit, as someone finally (finally!) closing in on the other side. So redemptive. I’ve clung to several of your trademark phrases and reframes along the way, so thank you!
Yay! Cheering you on, Erica!!! Keep going!
xx