Today, I’m returning to a theme we’ve been playing with this year: seeking the wisdom of sister figures who have been through known-to-be-sticky phases of life before we have. And in this post, I’m thinking about parenting through the knotty teen years. When this phase comes up in conversation, my dad will often pause meaningfully and say: “Good luck.” Then again, he was a father to four daughters born in close succession and you don’t want to know how much our shared bathroom approximated a war zone during the years of 1998-2002. (2002 being the year I flew the coop for UVA; the battle royale could well have persisted in my absence, though I was a mettlesome belligerent during my tenure.) The level of pettiness over who used whose face wash and how long someone had taken in the shower (“you used up all the hot water on purpose!”) cannot be overstated. And that’s only thinking about sibling-to-sibling dynamics. The boundary-testing! The driver’s licenses! The sleepovers with friends! The unchaperoned mall trips and pre-proms and house parties! I remember one time my friend Lauren and I made friends with a few boys our age at Tyson’s Corner Mall and had the audacity to invite them to meet us to play pool at Babe’s Billiards in Tenley Town, D.C. (Native Washingtonians from my generation will remember this, and its proximity to Steak and Egg, which my sister once described as “smelling like bacon grease and regret.” Major greasy spoon destination for high schoolers after a big night out.). I can’t remember the exact reasoning but we had them meet us at my childhood home so we could all take the Metro together. My house sat on the top of a hill close to Rock Creek Park and had a long ascent of a driveway. The boys huddled at the bottom and waited for us down there. (This was before the era of cell phones, or cell phone ubiquity.) My dad, doing yardwork outside, noticed them and came up to the kitchen. “Those boys will come up and knock on the door if they want to take you out,” he said. I was mortified, and for about twenty illegitimate reasons. How humiliating to ask the boys to come all the way up. How painful to have them meet my dad. How agonizing that all of this was happening in front of Lauren. I put up a piddling fight, and, to my surprise, my Dad relented and let me slink down the hill. I am still surprised by this; my Dad was a resolute sort, and when he said something stern, he meant it. But he did give in, and my guess is that he decided it wasn’t worth the fight, and that he’d made his point about the caliber of boys idling at the foot of the driveway. Which he did. I thought a lot less of those boys for not knowing to come to the door, and I held this little bit of discernment in balance with other observations about them.
Anyhow – to my point today: mothers to teens, would you share your top insights, tips, mantras, perspectives? What are the good parts of the teen years? What can we look forward to? Equally, what do you wish you’d know before embarking on this phase?
One minor positioning note before we get to the comments: I have been drawn to this provocation of truly honoring the season you’re in. What does this mean to you, wherever you are in your life? (Just-engaged, switching jobs, recently-married, recently-divorced, empty nesting, newly post-partum, grieving, recovering, starting over, or any other permutation!) Take a minute to reflect on that — how do I honor this season? How do I not cloud it over with expectations, regrets, nostalgia, “what’s next”? It might mean temporarily giving up habits and comforts you liked from earlier phases. It might mean changing up routines. It might mean prioritizing sleep or socializing more or less than you have in the past. Like how do you really make space for what this day is asking of you?
Post-Scripts.
+A letter to new moms, and thoughts for mothers in the midst of breastfeeding.
+N.B. as we head out for summer travel: Whenever I travel, I always add a couple of socks to my lingerie bag — my feet are always cold in hotel rooms (?) and they feel like a little tether to home after a day of exploring a new city. I know many Magpies do something similar by packing their own slippers for hotel stays, but I’m a big sock girl (bonus: they take up almost no space). I just added these cute beach motif socks to my drawer with the intent of packing for summer trips. Bombas continues to be a top regrettably worth it discovery for me AND I teamed up with Bombas and got us an offer of 21% off first-time purchases with code SHOOP21. This mention is sponsored by Bombas.
BOMBAS FLORAL RIB SOCKS // BOMBAS BEACH MOTIF SOCKS
Shopping Break.
+In the mood for tee dresses, and I love this one and this one (use code LESET10 for 10% off). If you need something with a belt to define the figure, this is one of my favorite dresses of all time (use code MAGPIE10).
+OMG these Birks! In canvas or raffia! A perfect compliment to the aforementioned tee dresses.
+The $58 bandana bucket bag you will reach for all summer long. Call It By Your Name vibes! (Also comes in red.)
+A new summer layering favorite. The fit is perfection.
+LOVE this new arrival at Julia Amory.
+Popular, well-priced skincare brand The Ordinary just launched a sister brand called Loopha focused on body care. I’m testing this new hand and body cream! The price is solid relative to ingredients!
+Chic $40 pleated tennis skirt in great colors. The green!
+Cuyana is running a rare archive sale! This spectacular linen tote I keep mentioning is 30% off (!!!), and this charming raffia mini bucket is 20% off. Select colors of their classic zip-top tote are also 20% off (the butter yellow is perfection).
+New in at Negative for peak summer heat: these playful cropped pants and these fun lounge shorts.
+25% off these cute gingham blackout curtains. We had these in Emory’s bedroom in NYC!
+If you liked my slip-on boat shoes (obsessed with them – super comfortable leather, too) but are looking for something a little less $$, how FAB are these Sperry mules?! I especially like them in the darker washed brown leather color, but they’re low on stock everywhere in that color except, randomly, Abercrombie. So chic with a pair of boxer style shorts and a button-down for summer.
+This navy bandana print dress!!! In my cart! (Different silhouette and higher price point: this voile midi.)
+Just restocked my return address labels with these sweet bee and flower ones! They reminded me of Small Wonders! BTW, the book is still $13 on Amazon! A great gift if I don’t say so myself — hostess, someone recovering, new mom, sister figure!
+Birch Lane is running a great Fourth of July sale — I love this x bench, the entire “Shelby” collection in that great ticking stripe (esp love the idea of this ottoman instead of a coffee table!, but also this chair and a half for your son’s room!), and this inexpensive performance rug for a high-traffic area like a kids play room or breakfast nook.
+The colors in this Chanel blush duo…!
This content may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links above, I may receive compensation. Image above from the movie Ladybird!
