A few months ago, one of my girlfriends was navigating choppy waters, and one of the things I remember saying to her as we unpacked the situation was: “You are such a good person. You have to know that. You can’t let this cloud that truth.”
The statement was as effortless as it was self-evident. But afterwards, I found myself wondering: How did I know that? What does it mean to be a good person? (Do I consider myself “a good person”?)
Every definition I reached for made me realize that the answer is more inexact and intuitive than rule-bound. For example, in some people, punctuality feels like an extension of their goodness (concern for others, commitment and follow-through, etc), but I also know some deeply good people who tend to run late, and this does not compromise their goodness in any way. On the flipside, I know people who are almost punishingly punctual, and in those cases, timeliness seems orthogonal to the concept of goodness. Further complicating matters, I don’t think “a good person” is without fault. I think good people make mistakes just like any human — but they reflect, own, and apologize earnestly.
The best I can come up with is that goodness is more like a penumbra — a cloud-like composite — of thousands of tiny gestures that reveal service to other people, good nature, self-reflection, and good will. But a few specific things that — when taken together — are pretty good signals:
Signs You’ve Met a Good Person
They reflexively assume the best of intentions
They balance their needs fairly with those of others (corollary: good people aren’t the same thing as martyrs)
They make space for other people — physically and conversationally
They do not need the final say
They demonstrate routine evidence of self-evaluation
They contemplate and advocate for how other people might feel (“that might not be fair for Emily”)
They apologize when they’ve unintentionally offended someone without any self-excusing (often times, they do this well after the fact, making clear that they’ve been grappling with the moment in self-reflection and found themselves in the wrong)
Rarely the loudest voice in the room, and never the one who talks over or interrupts
Willing to forgo small wins so that other people can enjoy them (“here, you take the final slice”)
Speak to waitstaff with respect
Return their carts and dishes
Generally pull their weight in any social setting, never assuming they are above a common chore
Let the restaurant manager know when the bathroom is out of paper or in some manner of disrepair
Patient at the register or on the customer service line (“I know this isn’t your fault, but here’s what happened…”)
Do not tout their own kindnesses
Will chase someone down to return a dropped mitten
They stop to help someone who is lost or confused — I witnessed a man walk an elderly woman through how to use the Amazon return kiosk at Whole Foods with complete dignity and patience
They might express disappointment in the way people act, but they distance themselves from it, i.e, “Oh that guy? Yeah, I don’t know what his deal was” as they shruggingly move on
Related: they reset easily and let petty grievances go
What else would you add? How do you identify a good person?
Post-Scripts.
+Related: light-house friends.
+Living room confessionals.
+A poem to get your engine going.
Shopping Break.
+Reminder that Julia Amory’s sale section is an extra 25% off, meaning my favorite eyelet shirtdress is under $200 and this chic patterned mini caftan is under $90.
+Cutest red, white, and blue stripe sweater to throw on with everything. Like even a pair of athletic shorts (<<these have been trending among Mapies.)
_Similar vibe, slightly different colorway over at Minnow. The cut of this sweater is next level. I have been wearing the solid blue version of this sweater all summer — I love that it hugs in at the waist so it’s perfect for styling with a pair of shorts or a skirt and not swallowing you up. I wore with this eyelet skirt and this tank over the weekend!)
+The ONE product my facialist enthusiastically recommended last week. I know many of you have been devotees for years; I ordered! She was also adamant about routine exfoliation via acid pads, but said she wasn’t as loyal to any one brand. Two brands she mentioned liking: m61 (currently 25% off) and Dr. Dennis Gross. I’ve actually used both in the past but maybe hadn’t realized how important and effective they are over time. I’m clipping back in!
+This turquoise station necklace is on sale plus an extra 20% off with code SPARKLER. CHIC.
+Just LOVE this tassel skirt.
+My favorite longline athletic tank in a featherweight, uber-soft material is on sale!
+Ordered these bandana print pants.
+This fabulous embroidered shirtdress is on sale. While you’re there: this linen dress is PERFECT.
+CUTE knit striped shorts.
+STILL not over the perfection of this seersucker striped athletic skort.
+Gorgeous, airy new arrival at La Ligne.
+Cute $33 girl’s room accessory that was popular among Magpies last week. For hats, backpacks, hooded towels, jackets!
+Two glow-enhancing beauty products I just ordered: this “dewy peptide plumping serum” (I saw another creator apply this with just tinted SPF and she looked ethereal!) and this highlighting milk. Anything for summer glow!
+Living in these jammies! LOVE the silhouette, fabric, stripe!
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links above, I may receive compensation.
