A Reflection on Turning 42 and Not Needing to Perform

I turned 42 on Friday (above: my birthday glass of Klepka Sausse champagne and my birthday dress!). 42 trips around the sun; 42 winters, springs, summers, and falls. We contain so many seasons, don’t we? Think of all the sheddings and new roots and austerities and bounties we’ve worked our ways through. I’m proud of this pastiche of chills and blooms, and of cultivating a positivity about what comes next.

So 42. And what did I learn this year?

My 40s in general have felt like a gradual un-tentacling from things that don’t matter. I’m less and less worried about the opinions of others. Less and less upset by setbacks and challenges. All part of the process. The process of what, I wonder? Pursuing a creative life? Maturing? Become an expert in myself? Every time I go to publish a post on this blog, I’m prompted to tag the column with relevant keywords. I noticed at some point his year that about 90-95% of the time, I tag the word “perspective.” Perspective being the dead-center of the venn diagram mapping every discrete musing I draft. Is this what I’m after? Is it safe to say that my raison d’etre is perspective? The perspective to understand what it means to be living? The perspective to let go of the things that I don’t need — the things that fog, that fester — and grab hold of the things I do? Yes, maybe that’s it: the 40s are about exercise perspective over a life half-lived. Shoring up for the next forty, doing things with the grace and measure born of age. Swapping windmilling and water-treading for wisdom. Taking the long view. Or at least the view from the half-way point up the climb.

Something else: my mother took me to the spa for my birthday, and I had the most fantastic hydrafacial. The aesthetician was asking all kinds of questions about my skincare routine (“do you double cleanse?”), whether I switched my pillow case every week (I now know this can cause breakouts — residual grease/bacteria/whatever on the case!), whether I used retinol (“you really should”). She was perfectly lovely, professional, and competent about all of this, but I found myself thinking: “my 30-year-old-self would have felt panicked and judged by these questions.” That version of myself might have even fibbed — “yes, of course I double cleanse every night.” (Reader, I do not.) But I felt my 42-year-old self walk in a different direction. Simple answers, and no apologies. If I’ve been doing something wrong — well, OK. Let me learn and change. Why cover? And most importantly: why in the world would I expend any energy worrying about whether my answers were suitable to this stranger? I mean that in a non-rude way. I mean that in a: “I should listen to this expert and let her tell me what to do without any posturing.”

This is the energy I’m bringing into my 42nd year: simple answers, no unwarranted apologies, no posturing. Just be who I am, bare-faced and open-hearted. Seek out the people and places that do not ask me to perform.

What have you been learning in your 40s?

Post-Scripts.

First — an alert! You can get 20% off Hotel Lobby candles here with code ANTHRO20 (and a cart value over $100). My favorite summer candle is their Hamptons scent! Just stocked up.

A couple of other great finds and deals this weekend —

FRANK AND EILEEN BUTTON DOWN // TUCKERNUCK BLOUSE // ICE CREAM SCOOPS // RED STRIPED JEANS // PEACH GLAZE MIST // GAUZE COVER-UP // CROCHET BALLET FLATS // SAILBOAT BANDANA // EYELET COVER UP // RDV LINEN AND RED TOTES ON SALE //

+This gauze tunic dress looks like a dream for a beach day. Pair with a canvas tote — did you see that Rue de Verneuil is running a summer sale?! I couldn’t love my large Traversee tote more, and it’s on sale in a few great colors — love this linen with the navy trim and this crisp white. These are my favorite travel day totes. Super sturdy, very chic, and I nest another handbag inside for the destination. Also love this punchy red mini size!

+Ooo a new tee format from Buck Mason! They also just stocked this button-detail skirt. Chic chic!

+Festive ice cream scoops (would make a cute hostess gift tied up with a big bow). While you’re at Anthro, a reminder that the ANTHRO20 code expires today! Magpies have been snapping up this cardigan and this cute bandana (also seen above).

+Straight up obsessed with these crochet ballet flats (under $150).

+If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I bought this Celine phone sling a few years ago and it’s been the surprising travel MVP of the past many years. It’s so handy ON travel day (keep your phone and ID/credit card on your person at all times) but also when in a hotel and you’re just skipping down to the bar or pool, while at a theme park, while exploring, etc! Anyway, I found one in good condition on TRR. I promise you’ll loveee this. This $99 one is a chic option for less.

+This eyelet cover up is gorgeous.

+A new summer staple just launched at Tuckernuck.

+Love these red jeans and these striped ones.

+In my cart: this peach glaze mist from Ole Henriksen and the matching niacinamide cleanser. For bright, glowy summer skin!

+A CHIC ceiling fan. Also — their famous lidded baskets are on rare sale for 30% off. (I just discovered that Quince has a good look for less!)

+My top picks for fresh summer bedding, for all different sheet preferences, and nearly all of these are on sale: these sateen sheets (so cool to the touch, and nearly sold out; the pattern reminds me of designer wallpaper), this crisp blockprint percale (esp in the chrysanthemum), this broken-in linen gingham (we have and love these for summer), and these vintage washed sheets (which feel like a lived-in t-shirt).