It started with this monogrammed pillow from Biscuit Home for micro (this applique monogram style in red and blue is also darling) and now I can’t stop my obsession with the pairing of red and aqua. I just added this fish tote to my cart (and I need a straw bag like I need a hole in my head! — but $28 and absolutely adorable with its Positano vibe) and this monogrammed notepad, too. A few other recent finds in this magnetic color pairing:
P.P.P.S. Still rocking a lot of turtlenecks these days, hbu?
By: Jen Shoop
An extra 30% off sale items at RL, which means we can score classics like long-sleeved polos and barn coats (these for girls, these for boys) at a ridiculous discount. It’s also an amazing opportunity to snap up some unfussy basics at unbelievable (Old Navy!) prices: these long-sleeved tees are around $5, these waffle-knit leggings are $8, footies for under $15, and tiny mittens for $10.
P.S. Sweet baby and toddler pajamas for under $20 and how fun are the new SCL x Roller Rabbit palm tree jammies, just launched this morning?! These are sure to go quickly and they feel like vacation. I find RR runs small (size up for children) but fairly TTS in adult sizes (I take an XS). And on the subject of just-launched: I know several of you are huge fans of Bisby, and they have some cute pre-orders just now available, including little dresses like this, which are perfect for schooldays!
P.P.S. A bunch of darling finds for little ladies here, most under $30.
+My planner (seen above — not sponsored, just love this thing). I have used a planner since high school, but am so impressed with my recent upgrade to one of these heavy-duty and enormous Day Designers. I wrote about it last week, but at first I thought it’d be overkill (and a brick to carry around with me), but I really love all the space to detail out my goals, activities, etc., and find the little boxes for “Today’s Top 3” and “Daily Gratitude” lovely additions to my day. Even before I had this particular brand, though, I have leaned on planners to help me not only stay organized and feel productive about my day, but to help ease my mental load. It is such a relief to have a thought like “oh, I need to schedule a routine checkup appointment for Hill but they aren’t taking appointments now — I’ll just add an item to my agenda three months out.” One less thing floating around in my mind. (I have also loved Sugar Paper’s planners in years past.)
+Bonavita Electric Tea Kettle. I drink herbal tea after lunch and this electric kettle heats up lightening fast, ensures the perfect brew (water temperature is super important, and you can set the temperature to the exact degree you’d like it), and is strangely delightful to pour from. I believe these gooseneck kettles are specifically designed for pour over coffee, but I love it for tea, too. Mr. Magpie has been eyeing this upgrade pick, which comes in such cool matte colors (!), but we have no reason to swap out our workhorse.
+Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream. I use this at least twice a day on my lips (the best ointment for dry lips!), but it also comes in handy for any number of abrasions/irritations as well as cuticles and even seriously dry patches of skin. My mom has used this for as long as I can remember, and I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
+Crate + Barrel Appetizer Plates. The perfect size for a snack, a tea bag rest, a side salad, a bread plate, a makeshift spoon rest, a post-dinner cookie, even a dish for beneath a planter. Unfussy, goes with any tabletop, and shows food beautifully if you’re in it for style points.
+Caran D’Ache Pen. A gift from Mr. Magpie, this pen just brings me joy. It’s always at my side and it writes like a dream.
+Miele C1 Vacuum. I’ve written extensively about this vacuum (most recently on this list of home gear I love), but barely a day goes by when I do not pull this out. Two small children and a big dog make for a lot of messes!
+1Password. A digital password manager that keeps track of all my passwords and generates new ones that are secure and difficult to crack. I used to use the same password over and over and over again for ease of remembering and I’ve been hacked one too many times to go down that path again. Once you get over the fear of losing your master password (literally a nightmare), this handy app/site keeps track of every single log-on you can possibly think of. The tools themselves take a minute to get used to and require installation on multiple devices but once you’ve got the system up and running, it is SO amazing to never have to look up or reset a password manually again.
+Pouches on pouches on pouches. I am not a bag lady — I’m a pouch lady. I use them in every bag and all over my children’s bedrooms, too. A few of my favorites:
+My Kindle. Truly has changed the rate at which I read. (Being more intentional about my reading habits is one of my goals for 2021. So far this year, I’ve read three books, and one of them is easily one of the best books I’ve read in the last decade!)
+My AirPods. Love these specifically because it can enable me to chat with my parents and siblings, hands-free, while walking Tilly in the cold at night, ironing/folding laundry, and even tidying up the kitchen. I also enjoy listening to audiobooks in between running errands or on my way back from dropping mini off at school. Unnecessary, but kind of loving one of these personalized airpods cases!
Are you gearing up to celebrate a little one’s birthday? In general, my favorite brand for occasions like birthdays, Baptisms, and the like is Luli and Me — absolutely stunning pieces that you’ll want to pass down to cousins, siblings, grand-children, or maybe just frame in your child’s closet. Show-stopping, heirloom quality pieces with just the right amount of detail and restraint. My heart stops for sets like this and this. Bellabliss’s just-launched heirloom collection strikes a similar tone — I specifically adore this collared romper for a baby boy on his first birthday. I have also had very good luck buying special occasion pieces for mini at Sal E Pimenta — items like this dress are beyond for a spring birthday; I actually bought mini this one for her upcoming fourth birthday!
However, it’s also fun to snag outfits with a deliberate birthday theme — candles, cake, balloons! — and so I’m sharing a couple of precious birthday outfits for toddlers and young children below…
P.S. Any of these and these would make great birthday gifts for little ones.
P.P.S. A couple of sweet birthday invitation ideas in the event that you can manage to pull one off in COVID times…this, this, this. And I’m sure Erin would work with you on something darling and custom. Imagine this as a starting point!
My sister recently shared the observation (borrowed in part from a book she has been reading on nonviolent communication) that when there is a problem in life, people tend to do one of four things: blame others, blame themselves, sense their needs and feelings, or sense the needs and feelings of others. “The ideal,” she said, “is to hold three and four in either hand and realize that both deserve empathy.”
I was shook! Such an astute reading. For many years — from childhood through my twenties, I think — I blamed myself for most unpleasant or painful situations that arose. I will never forget the day I was parallel parking in a tight spot in Chicago’s beautiful Lincoln Park neighborhood, right in front of Floriole on Webster Avenue, when a man in an enormous SUV made a big show of being in a rush: accelerating too fast, slamming on the breaks behind me, gesticulating out the window, and then — after I took too long finagling my way into the spot, sweating bullets the entire time — he careened around me into oncoming traffic, rolled down his window, and gave me the finger, yelling something disgusting in his wake as he sped off. I was, in a different and far worse way, shook. No one had ever spoken to me that way, or given me the finger for that matter. The casual cruelty of it! I was flustered for the entire day and prone to sweat-inducing flashbacks whenever I attempted to park on a busy street for weeks to come. But when I reported the incident to Mr. Magpie in a tone of righteous rage — how dare he! — I was sharply aware that I was only miming indignation. It was the hardened exterior shell protecting the softer inner feelings of shame and frustration at having caused someone inconvenience or angst. Maybe I had lingered too long trying to angle my car in? It was a crowded street! Maybe I had stolen his spot without realizing it? I should be more aware! I should have given up after that first try, I guess? I really need to learn how to park better. The accusations came fast and furious. It was much harder for me to say, and believe, that I had simply been dealing with an enormous prick.
There are other stories like this, too personal and tender to share here, that coagulate around my guilt and self-reproach over failures in relationships with people I love. For years and years, I assumed I alone was the culprit in these embroilments.
In a strange way, starting and closing my business helped me out of that rut. Mr. Magpie and I often refer to the years of running a business together as a gradual unveiling of the world as it is. By this I mean that we learned, in thousands of excruciating interactions, that people generally mean well, but are driven by private motivations and anxieties that often cluster around necessary self-preservation. I slowly began to learn to take fewer things personally. And not by erecting a wall around myself, exactly, but by apprehending that people are subject to forces entirely beyond my ken and control, and that often my interactions with them are only incidental, even accidental, in relation to their core concerns.
He’s not angry at me, I would observe, carefully, as I pitched my business for the ten trillionth time to an irritated client or a brusque venture capitalist — he’s tabulating the fifteen other items on his list, or agonizing about the bad quarter he’s had, or digesting troubles at home. All I can do is show up prepared and with an open mind and trust in my gut that I’m doing my best. I can’t control his day or how I fit into his plans.
From a sales standpoint, Mr. Magpie called this “the art of collecting nos.” The quicker you can get to a definitive yes or no (far more commonly a “no” in the world of sales), the better — you waste less time and less resources, you notice patterns that help you expedite the process with future prospects, and you develop the thick skin you need to succeed. You learn to take less offense at unpleasantries and awkwardnesses and also realize that about 50% of your sales touchpoints have nothing to do with the widget you are selling and everything to do with understanding the world of your customer, much of which is cluttered with issues far outside your realm of focus.
These observations spilled over into the personal realm, too. Curt exchanges with passersby, unthinkably rude interactions with strangers, clipped conversations with loved ones — over time, I have found myself increasingly capable of letting these things go, of shrugging off the slights, of reminding myself, as a reader recently and brilliantly noted, that “guilt is very often our reaction to other people’s feelings — which they are entitled to, and we are not in control of.” I am far from consistent on this front, of course. I recently went off the deep end arraigning the wounding behavior of a friend, only to have my Dad say: “you know, Jen, you don’t know the full story. You’ve got to let this go.” And more often than I’d like, a stray arrow glides over the battlement and lodges itself in that vulnerable space between the thick skin public writing and running a business and just surviving for 37 years on this earth requires, and the dispassionate logic of which I know myself to be capable. And in those moments, sometimes I find that it’s not entirely bad to start from a place of self-reproach. The activity of analyzing what I might have done wrong or could have done differently in a given situation is often productive, or at least humbling. It helps me ferret out my blind spots, stretch to think how others might feel. Besides, I remain leery of leaning too far into a mindset of “it’s not my problem, it’s theirs!”, as if universally exonerated from blame.
Still, it is a perilous perch, and if I am not careful, it can lead to unhealthy browbeating. So I will continue to strain towards that ideal my sister helpfully outlined at the top of this post: holding empathy for myself in my right hand and empathy for others in my left.
+If you are an expecting mama, please treat yourself to a Sleeper Brigitte dress while on sale! So beautiful, works with bump, and great for nursing, too. On sale in the orange for under $100 (!!) and in the white for only $104!
Mini took “pre-ballet” classes (movement class with a ballet inflection) until she started her twos program, and those memories are among the strongest I have of her before she became a sibling. We used to walk about ten blocks to get to class, her tiny ballet shoes just visible from my view over the stroller’s sunshade, and she would turn heads in her enormous bow and fluffy tutus, and I would peacock down the street in pride. The “free dance” portion of the class was always her favorite: the teachers would dim the overhead lights and turn on a strobe light and upbeat music, and I would watch her flit around the room, laughing giddily, often with a fabric scarf trailing behind her. One day, they put on “Little Surfer Girl” by the Beach Boys during free dance and I found tears streaming down my cheeks as I watched her from the sidelines: so little, so inhibition-free, so perfect. I knew the lyrics to be mawkishly romantic, but how could I not hear these lines as if intended for us:
Little surfer, little one Made my heart come all undone
I had also enrolled her in a toddler ballet class to be held on the weekend just before COVID hit this past spring that we then obviously were unable to attend. She still asks after it every now and then and I’m hopeful we can get her into a class before the end of this year, but perhaps we’ll have to consider soccer or another outdoor sport in the interim, as the weather thaws and if COVID cases decline in NYC…
At any rate. I’ve come across so many sweet ballet finds for little ones in the past few weeks! Wanted to share a few here, many of which would make darling gifts for a little love:
If hearts feel too frou-frou for you, check out this similar (and discounted!) top from Loretta Caponi for 60% off here.
P.S. More shirred/smocked/peplum tops along these lines here.
I also bought myself a third (!) pair of these Nike Infinity React sneaks since they were on sale and in the best shade of blue. (More cute pastel fitness finds I discovered yesterday here. I also ordered this earwarmer and I already own many of the other items linked, including this jacket, which I did not realize came in the prettiest shade of pink!)
I was profoundly moved by Maggie O’Farrell’s novel Hamnet and specifically by the acute portrait of a mother’s grief over the death of her young son. The passage below read exquisite and unbearable to me — so powerfully evocative of loss and the way a loved one’s death can feel irreconcilable with instinct:
“She, like all mothers, constantly cast out her thoughts, like fishing lines, towards her children, reminding herself where they are, what they are doing, how they fare. From habit, while she sits near the fireplace, some part of her mind is tabulating them and their whereabouts. Judith, upstairs. Susanna, next door. And Hamnet? Her unconscious mind casts, again and again, puzzled by the lack of bite, by the answer she keeps giving it: he is dead, he is dead. And Hamnet? The mind will ask again. At school, at play, out at the river? And Hamnet? And Hamnet? Where is he?”
The visual of her catch-less casting lingers, corrodes.
Oh, it is beautiful and truthful work! Please read it!
+I just finished Maggie O’Farrell’s Hamnet and wow, wow, wow. Wow! Wow! I loved this book so much I did not want it to end, even though it positively tore me up. I cannot remember the last time a book elicited such a strong emotional response from me — I wept over this book. (And this, on the heels of reading the unrelentingly dark and depressing Shuggie Bain!) Hamnet is the fictional account of Shakespeare’s marriage to his eccentric wife Agnes and the unthinkable loss of their son, Hamnet, at the age of 11. It is the most truthful writing about my experience of motherhood that I have ever encountered — every word so beautifully captures the radiating, hungry love and fear I hold for my children, and how that intensity laps up against the small details of parenting and nurturing little bodies. Oh, God — Hamnet’s death was an unbearable ache to encounter in words. I don’t think I will ever get over the description of his death or Agnes’ reaction to it. My worst fears realized. And all so exceptionally and achingly well-captured, with unbearably effective restraint. Just wow. Wow! I believe it might be my second favorite book I’ve read in the past decade. (Circe is first, then probably Dutch House and Red at the Bone tie for third). I loved it so much I think I will order it in hard copy to keep on my shelf. (More books to read right now here.)
+After the intensity of Hamnet, I toggled back to thrillers — now reading The Wife by Alafair Burke alongside my sisters and mother! (We just started a little thriller book club since many of us enjoy the genre and my mother always has her ear to the ground in terms of trending thrillers.)
+My mom tipped me off to a crazy Kindle promotion on her favorite book series ever, Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Unset. For a limited time, it is only $2.99 to download the entire series (normally each book in the trilogy is like $10-$15!). I’ve been meaning to read it for actual decades at her insistence and now I’ve downloaded the set! Description: “Set in fourteenth-century Norway, Nobel laureate Sigrid Undset tells the life story of one passionate and headstrong woman. Painting a richly detailed backdrop, Undset immerses readers in the day-to-day life, social conventions, and political and religious undercurrents of the period.” Very excited.
+It is Mr. Magpie’s birthday today! A touch anticlimactic in that he guessed (!) what I’d bought him for his birthday, which is a manual coffee grinder. Coffee enthusiasts claim that manually grinding your coffee is superior to electrically grinding it, even with an electric burr grinder (which is better than other types as it does not burn the beans as much in the grinding process), unless you are willing to spend over $2K on the best of the best, which we are not. And so Mr. Magpie has been pining over the idea of buying a top-of-the-line manual coffee grinder in lieu of our electric Capresso (which, to be clear, gets good reviews and has served us well over time). One thing I love about Mr. Magpie is his endless pursuit of the best in everything he does — coffee brewing among them. So if it means putting in extra elbow grease with a manual grinder, so be it! I spent hours researching the subject, reading arcane Reddit threads, watching videos (!) of coffee experts (!!) discussing the ins and outs of different models, knowing all the while that Mr. Magpie has been reading the same for the past few weeks and that I had to put in commensurate thought to honor his interest in this area. I now know way, way too much on the subject, but ended up with a Comandante — just sharing in case any of you have coffee nerd loved ones and you want to really knock his/her socks off with an abstruse gift. At any rate, on Sunday night, while I was leaning against the kitchen counter, unhelpfully swirling a glass of red wine while he was undertaking the fifth hour of cooking a very involved platter of enchiladas in mole sauce, he brought up the subject of coffee grinders, and I could not (!) keep a poker face. He arched his eyebrow and said: “You got it for me, didn’t you?” So, we celebrated early that night by opening it a full five days in advance of his actual birthday. Tonight, I have a few other gifts for him (none as special and recherche as the grinder) that we’ll open while we enjoy Polo Bar delivery and a nice bottle of champagne. I’ll be wearing this Rhode dress in a different colorway that seems to be sold out everywhere to mark the occasion!
+My sister-in-law and I had a fascinating discussion of “Bridgerton” over text (some interesting comments by fellow viewers at the end of this post, in which I shared some inaugural thoughts), and I found this to be one of the most provoking things she had to say: “A good question to ask ourselves is what we want out of historical fiction — does an ‘old-fashioned’ set up allow the characters to push against norms of the time in interesting ways? Or do we want the history rewritten, in a sense, through our modern lenses?” She also passed along this excellent discussion of the show along similar lines by women much sharper than I and more conversant in the Romance genre conventions more generally. Enjoy — they articulate many of my apprehensions about the show wonderfully.
+One of the women in the above-linked discussion uses the term “milquetoast” to describe Daphne and another comments: “Daphne as portrayed is a blancmange of a heroine isn’t she? Her bangs were more compelling than she was, and most of the time her bangs were extremely distracting.” A) What a burn and B) must immediately find excuse to use both “milquetoast” and “blancmange.” See how long it takes me to weave one or both into an upcoming post…
+I bought myself one of these expensive and enormous day planners this year, and when it arrived, I was disconcerted: a brick of a thing, portly in all dimensions. However, I have to say I have been enjoying some of its prompts, including space in the frontispiece to write out your values, goals, passions, which I initially dismissed as silly and then took nontrivial amounts of time sussing out in a way that felt useful. It also boasts a little square in the upper left hand corner of every day to identify your “Top Three.” I am finding this practice helpful in the intentionality category, especially after long days of parenting, when I can write, as the following-morning’s “top three”: “carve out time to read by yourself” or “spend one-on-one time with Emory, no phone.” That is — it presents a pre-fabbed means to course correct and hold myself to it. The brand also has a diffusion line at a weekly cadence for less that I’ve used in the past. I am liking the one-page-a-day extravagance of the full-size, though. A visual reminder that we can make a lot out of every day. My one gripe is that, as a leftie, I have to contend with that damned spiral, and I also find it very difficult to write in the lower portion of the page given how thick the notebook is. Small things, but true ones.
+Mini turns four in March. I’ve already been scheming about a candy-themed birthday, and she has already dreamed up her birthday wishlist: superhero Duplos (yep) and blue sunglasses (coming right up). I think we will also get her a tricycle. We had been planning on buying one for her for Christmas, but I was paralyzed by the conflicting perspectives of so many moms in the comments here, and then Mr. Magpie pointed out that we might not get much use out of it until the spring thaw anyhow. I think I’ve decided to skip the balance bike based on some of your feedback and instead go with a tricycle, but stay tuned. I will also be getting her a subscription to National Geographic and another sensory kit — these have been so profoundly loved in our home in the past six months. I often “make them” myself — using rice, beans, play-doh, and little figurines and scoops/tools — but there is something ultra-intriguing to little hands to have a whole new treasure trove of color-coordinated figures and shapes and poms and the like in a fresh new box. I have bought/gifted ones from Knead to Play, my friend Liz of Home with Elizabeth, and Young, Wild + Friedman. All so amazing!
+I had to update my Valentine’s Day post to share that I ended up buying these red corduroy overalls for micro to wear on Valentine’s Day (and here in bigger toddler sizes). Nothing like classic Osh Kosh. He will look too cute. He has a few pairs that I like to layer over turtlenecks. These ticking stripe ones are also beyond adorable!
+Before Hamnet, I finished Ruth Ware’s most recent thriller, One by One. I found it slow-footed at the start but am glad I stuck with it — the final 30% of the book is thriller-writing at its finest. The moonlit ski scene! Ah! Just brilliant! I was on the edge of my seat. How long until they make this into a movie?!
+My post-holiday thank-you writing session depleted my reserves of stationery, and so I revisited this post to replenish my stock. Currently agonizing over the font description but committed to ordering an elegant set from Haute Papier, but also drawn to a bright, modern set of these for more informal letter writing. Good to have both, I think. You never know when you might need to lean on a carefully-drafted condolence card…speaking of, I remember after my grandfather died, a neighbor wrote a letter of condolence to my parents on thick ivory paper with black trim and their names in script across the top. Did they keep a set of somber paper just for such dismal correspondence?
+A combination of micro’s prying fingers and a couple of laundering incidents destroyed one of the little pillows in micro’s crib, which he actually uses! (He actually puts his head down on the pillow every night — too cute.). A few I have loved as possible replacements: this Ellis Hill, this applique style (in a boudoir size), and this scallop-edged one with the airplane monogram, which I believe is the winner. Too cute.
+I shared this brand recently, but I cannot get over the precious prints of these pajamas for littles for only $26. Mini must have a set for summer.
+I really enjoyed putting together this roundup of European pharmacy favorites and received so many enthusiastic messages about it! I think we all love the same thing — good quality products at a reasonable price with a mystique about them. Along those lines, I really cannot underscore how much I love (!) this $35 facial cleansing oil. With each passing day, I grow more and more enamored of it. I use it in the A.M. after reading from Caroline Hirons that it’s best to avoid cleansers that are too astringent in the morning and it sets up my face with the loveliest glow. Scent-sensitives, beware: this oil has a strong botanical/herb scent to it that makes me feel as though I’ve just been at a high-end spa where the masseuse used a rosemary oil all over my body. I now love it, of course, but it took some accommodation. It is lovely in every way and I love the way my skin looks in the morning after I apply this and then add my vitamin C serum and Clarins Double serum. I am a glowing, radiant goddess! (Such is what I say to myself in the mirror.) Amazing! Amazing stuff!
+Also have to asterisk my earlier (milquetoast…? too early?) review of Westman Atelier’s Blush Stick in the Dou Dou color. I am properly obsessed now and am back to serve as its hypegirl. The color imparts the flush of cold air you might see on Winona Ryder or Kiera Knightley after riding, breathlessly, on horseback across a gray, cold English countryscape. That is, it is a perfect deep flush and, now that I’m mastering its application, exquisitely natural-looking. J’adore j’adore j’adore. Will absolutely be giving this or the highlighter as gifts to girlfriends this year. (NOTE: New clients can get 10% off with code CLEAN10.)
+I haven’t succumbed to the Veja trend (though I like them — I just didn’t know I needed another pair of dressy sneakers beyond my GGs), but I am digging this new, slightly more athletic style in the pink or even (gasp) the white, which are borderline orthopedic-looking, but have a cool factor I’ve seen other women pull off in the city. Would be v. cute with jeans.
Mini has been wearing a lot of exaggerated collars, florals in dusty/muted colors, and items with vintage appeal — basically, throwing major grandmillennial steez. Thought I’d share a few finds in this vein, many of them under $25 and in mini’s closet already!
*Image above via La Vie Style House — as I mention below, I’m dying to invest in one of their stunning statement caftans this summer. I loved how many questions below were thinking ahead to warmer weather! So am I. I’ve organized some early warm-weather-season finds here.
Parts I and II of this series for this month here and here!
Q: Wedge espadrilles for summer. (Wishful thinking!)
A: Castaner! They are elegant and well-priced and come in various heel heights. This one is very Grace Kelly in Monaco and how saucy are these? And this gorgeous pair is 70% off!
Q: White sneakers to wear with jeans to look like a cool UES mom.
A: I’ve been seeing a lot of Veja (<<specifically, this pair has turned my head) and New Balance (one of the chic moms in pick-up line wears these with wide leg crop jeans regularly — tres tres cool). I also think Supergas are timelessly chic in a European kind of way.
Q: Brown boots!
A: The profile I’m drawn to at the moment (partly/largely inflected by my entirely pedestrian lifestyle) are boast kitten heels. Love these suede ones, which are perfect with the boho Ulla vibe or just with jeans (imagine with white jeans!), but these are so uptown chic and polished. Alternately, Khaite is one of the hottest labels out there at the moment, and these slick suede ones do not disappoint.
For something more casual, I wear my No 6 clog boots most days of the week. They are SO warm and so interesting to look at with a casual jeans look. And if you’re a combat boot kind of girl, these are chic and well-priced!
A: These are selling fast everywhere, but here are some darling ones that, as of the time of writing this, are still available. I also organized all of the Valentine’s Day finds into a boutique here!
Q: A kids’ table for legos.
A: This one ($100!) is super clever because you can flip the surface to have a Lego mat on one side and a plain white tabletop on the other depending on activity, and it has built in storage bins! If you’re looking for a more versatile play table, we have this one and it’s well-made and unfussy, and I love the seating that comes with this set!
Q: Decor for a little girl’s room.
A: Some super cute finds here and here, and some great organization ideas here. A couple of recent finds to add:
Q: Basic, comfortable dresses to dress up or down.
A: My forever go-to in this category are shirtdresses in denim, oxford stripes, navy, or white. These simply never go out of style and can be re-styled a trillion and ten ways. I wear them with pearls and heels to buttoned-up events and sneakers to the playground, throw a silk scarf around my shoulders and add big shades for a ladies’ lunch (sigh, remember those days), slip into with leather slides to head to the museum, etc. They are the cameleons of my wardrobe! Even my patterned ones have long lives. I have been swooning over the patterned styles from Evi Grintela and itching to add to my collection of HVN. And, just, YES. I can just as easily see myself wearing these with heels as with white Supergas!
Q: Godmother dress for First Communion this spring!
A: Congratulations! What a special honor. A few pretty spring frocks that are Church-appropriate and feel elegant for the occasion:
For a more conservative setting, this Shoshanna strikes me as very Charlotte York.
Q: Setting powder or setting spray that makes makeup last.
A: I haven’t tried it myself, but have heard excellent things about Charlotte Tilbury’s Flawless Setting Spray. She sells it in a travel size for $20 that you can test without investing in a full bottle.
Q: Everyday affordable napkins with a busy pattern to hide stains. Etsy or small vendor preferred!
Q: A matching sweat set from Amazon. (I have a gift card there!) Maybe tie-dye…is that still in?
A: Hmmm. I’ll be honest: I feel a little bit like the tie-dye sweatsuit belongs to March 2020 and that we should leave it there for awhile. My favorite sweats ever are by Monrow, which Amazon carries (sweatshirt here). Haven’t worn myself, but this Amazon brand gets solid reviews and comes in good colors (the pink!) Not part of a sweat set, but these jogger/sweat hybrids get great reviews and I’m eyeing a pair for myself.
My other suggestion is to stay on top of your hair and nails game — ha! I like doing the Gel Couture colors from Essie at home because the color actually lasts about a full week without chipping (and I use my hands A LOT at home)…and blow-drying hair with the trusty old Revlon One Step whenever you shower. I promise you will be very happy you have manicured nails and good hair the day you get engaged — there are lots of pictures!
By: Jen Shoop
I often understand and situate mini’s meltdowns alongside my impression that transitions are difficult for her. Whether we’re shifting from the weekend back to the school week, leaving a play date, or even ending a movie, I have long noticed that transitions trouble her. Many of you, along with various parenting experts, have corroborated this observation as a general tendency among toddlers, who as a general rule thrive on routine and consistency, and so we have attempted to the best of our abilities to smooth out the “transitional edges” by giving her plenty of forewarning. We talk through the logistics of the day during breakfast, idle in front of the calendar as a part of our bedtime routine to discuss the next day or two, and let her know — before she starts an activity — what she will be doing afterward. I am not above admitting that dangling the promise of something else just after a fun activity has been completed (“when we get home, we can do those new stickers!”) works rather well for her, though I am always keenly aware that this tactic falls somewhere just shy of bribery and so must be issued with care and sparing. I could talk at great lengths about all of this, but it’s only window dressing for the discovery, this past year, that —
I, too, struggle with transitions. For example, I found the comedown from the holidays particularly dispiriting this year, as odd and rather bare as they were. Upon reflection, I think the promise of the magic of Christmas morning and the exchange of gifts and the delicious meals and champagne we had planned was a much-needed crescendo in an otherwise monotone string of months. And so returning to the lather-rinse-repeat of the non-holiday season felt darkly trying, especially on the heels of the realization that it will take us a long, long time to get everyone vaccinated, and that my children and I are probably the very last on the priority list. (As it should be.)
But even in a micro sense, in the absence of coronavirus, I find transitions jarring. Specifically, I have a hard time toggling from “work Jen” to “Mom Jen” at 5 p.m. in the evening. It’s as if I cannot unclip my bike shoes from the pedals. A shadow-y version of Mom Jen rises from her desk, leaves the room, marshals the energy to plan dinner and pretend to be “Hulk” after an endless barrage of pleas from mini. (She loves — !! — to pretend to be Spiderman or Captain America, wielding the green lid of our Lego box as her shield, and she routinely insists either myself or Mr. Magpie assume the role of Hulk, which entails stomping around the apartment, zombie-like, yelling “HULK SMASH HULK SMASH HULK SMASH.” Is this not what you imagined me to be doing at a stray 5:37 p.m. on a Tuesday night? Ha!). At any rate, it is me but it is not me. Half of me is lost in thoughts of writing, or reading, or the latest comment from a Magpie, and the other half is prying a suspiciously small toy out of my son’s hand before it is ingested. I am peripheral, wraithlike. It is deeply unsettling. My mind whirs, alive — and my body, and the responsibilities it bears, is fumbling through other logistics. When I am in this space, I feel frustrated with myself, as though I am not doing anything well, as though I am going through the motions of motherhood and writing with no true fruit borne of any of it.
The solution for me has been The Buffer: proactively building in 15 minutes to decompress, shut Work Jen down, and toggle into Mom Jen mode. I have been so intentional and determined about this that I asked our nanny to adjust her regular hours such that she stays until 5:15, just so that I can honor that time, and just so that it doesn’t feel as though I’m ceding part of my workday by forcing myself to finish at 4:45 when I am accustomed to having my workday lap up against five o’clock. Now, when 5 p.m. rolls around, I get up from my desk. I stretch. I splash my face with water, brush my teeth, and then reapply my makeup, doubling down on the glossy black mascara and finishing with a spritz of perfume. I often change outfits entirely, and in recent weeks, have been wearing a lot of Hill House nap dresses and long dresses that permit movement and comfort from the likes of SEA, Ulla Johnson, Rhode, and Ganni in the evenings. Sometimes I lay on my bed for a minute or two, gathering myself, giving Tilly a scratch, or listening to some upbeat music. And I always tidy up my workspace, ritualistically clearing the desktop of any clutter, notes, stray pens, mugs.
I cannot tell you how much difference this makes. I feel as though I am shedding one exoskeleton and slipping into the other, and I emerge much clearer-headed and more intentional.
Mr. Magpie and I discuss the magic of The Buffer frequently, and he will occasionally even police the sporadic, errant couple of minutes spent pecking at my computer after 5 p.m.
“Jennie! It’s five!”
It dawned on me recently that Mr. Magpie has been applying this Buffer principle for a long time. Back when we used to travel, he always insisted we take an extra day of vacation time after we had returned from our destination to ease back into the real world. That is, if we flew back from somewhere on a Sunday, we’d take Monday off to recalibrate, tackle admin, or just sprawl out. It was so much easier to slip back into work having that extra day to decompress and adjust.
We talk about this principle more generally with regards to the six months during which we had no childcare and were attempting to hold down our full-time jobs and maintain sanity while living in tight quarters in Manhattan with two small children while a terrifying pandemic raged around us. Once we hired our nanny in late August, we designated the following couple of months as “Buffer” in a general and lax sense. If we ordered out more than we normally did, or let the children watch more TV than they should have, or asked our nanny to stay late more often than usual just so that we could enjoy a few nights free of the bedtime routine, we’d look at each other and say: “It’s buffer. We’re in the buffer zone.”
Because that’s what we were, in fact, doing: buffering. Holding ourselves in a temporary, cosseted space while processing the enormity of what had just happened. Giving ourselves the room to take a breath and the grace to admit that we needed a break from our children, or from the exertion of meal-planning and cooking.
I have been thinking a lot about this concept recently. Running is in its own way a buffer, too — both in how I use it temporally as a bookend to the morning, a closure before I enter the work portion of the day, and in its function as a liminal space where I can download and process things without interruption and also — strangely, blessedly — without the intensity or focus I would marshal were I simply sitting alone with my thoughts. When I am running, I feel pleasantly unburdened of anxieties. Thoughts arrive and depart with a kind of blithe rubberiness —
What is going on with these tantrums mini has been having?
That scene in Bridgerton!
We only have three rolls of toilet paper left.
COVID!
Is wraithlike the right word for that sentence in that post?
Did I remind Landon that the delivery guy is coming between 9-11?
No, really — wraithlike? Apparition-like? Phantom?
When will I see my mom again?
These concerns appear and retract, unable to penetrate my mood or derail my movements. They feel far lighter than they do when I am laying in bed with them at night, or fussing over them in the gray of an early dawn, or sitting alone with them while waiting for my order to be ready for pickup.
And yet my mind seems to be doing the work in the background, lumbering through the logistics and emotions without the exertion fully registering. Because it is usually on the cold, one-and-a-half-block walk back from Central Park, when I am catching my breath, that I find myself lining up resolutions and doling out action items with a calm to which I normally lay little claim.
In short, when I run, I am buffering: running yields the same delightfully clarifying effects of my 5 p.m. end-of-work buffer.
Sharing this concept in the event that you also struggle with the liminal and distracted space between work and motherhood — or whatever spheres you occupy, for that matter. Buffers! Let me know if they help!
Post Scripts.
+Writing this post made me realize how — in an ideal world — I would be able to carve out a separate physical space for writing to further assist with the designation between work Jen and mom Jen. It also made me realize how insanely lucky I am, as I know that there are many parents (including many that read this blog) who do not get any breaks, who have no space or time to themselves, and who are permanently living in that half-in-half-out situation of trying to parent while working. My heart goes out to you. I hope that there are small windows of opportunity to create space for yourself.
+These flats are SO chic! They give me major high-end designer vibes, but cost under $200. So unusual — people will be eyeing you wondering if they are Bottega!
+YES to this reasonably priced duster. (Great for nursing mamas!). Love the way it’s styled in the cream color with gray and white for a chic neutral palette.
+This toy soldier button-in would be ideal stowed away for next Christmas. Also only $20! I feel like this style is absolutely perfect on a toddler between the ages of 12-24 months.
P.S. I buy mini these Old Navy leggings in white, navy, and pink in multiples every few months. They are only $5 today! Just stocked up on a bunch of white ones for spring to pair with cute tops like this (only $20! — ordered in the pink and blue florals) and this (on sale for $20). Such a cute classic everyday look during the transition from winter to spring with an enormous white bow.
P.P.S. Some of the items for little ones here are still on sale and available!
