I was late in mailing my Christmas cards this year; I addressed most of them on Christmas Eve and then they sat in a fat stack by the front door for over a day for no reason at all — chalk it up to that lethargic holiday feeling of not wanting to do anything between the heavy drumbeats of social gatherings, Mass, gift exchanges, multi-course meals. Around 7 p.m. the day after Christmas, I slipped into my shoes and walked to the mailbox at the end of the street, my daughter accompanying me with her new lacrosse stick and lacrosse ball, too. We looked at the ancient, half-dressed-in-cloud crescent of the moon; we felt the cold air; we recognized that we were small and underdressed, even for the short trip to the post box. Nature has the keenest ways of reminding you that you’re alive and that you’re not exempt from feeling. The rain in your hair; the wind in your face. The weather will press on and press into you whether you’re Oprah or the little sister of the poor who gathered donations at Sunday Mass a few weeks ago. Which is to say, in the most beautiful way, to live is to expose yourself to the broad spectrum of phenomena that the world presents to you. Let us permit ourselves to use every color in the crayon box when responding.

This is the level of emotional acceptance to which I aspire. To not immediately shoo away or resolve the confusing, discomfiting, tender — but to sit with it. We need the dark chestnut browns and the broody cranberry reds alongside the cheering morning oranges and the soothing cerulean blues. Contrast therapy! I don’t mean to be maudlin or belaboring, to seek out desolation, but let me learn to gently, gently observe every shade within me. This is difficult to do when in company, by the way; the occasional violence of conversation! Its clipping pace! The peering face seeking a reaction! I’d often prefer to abscond to a sideline, perch around a corner, and have a think about things, but this is unrealistic in the normal flow of social engagements. Still, I am learning not to rush my own reactions, to instead try to stand still in my center while I let things settle or dredge. A helpful tool for any of you in a similar boat: “Let me think about that” when someone presents you with something you aren’t sure how to respond to, be it a barb, a pointed question, something you don’t understand. “Let me think” is a perfectly acceptable answer. And you can deliver it lightly, too.

Perhaps some of you relate to this line of thinking after the holidays.

All of this dovetails with something my favorite Peloton instructor, Emma Lovewell, says: “Let it be heavy.” Not that we should look for hardship, but that we can learn to tolerate heaviness without reaching down to adjust the dials right away. We can let ourselves sit with the round shape of things. We don’t need to immediately “click next,” seek the quick fix or distraction. As my cousin one time told me: “Can I tolerate instead of troubleshoot?”

This is, I think, the hallmark of maturity: the seasoned, and slow, approach. The ability to sit in a muddy color wash and not immediately sort the shades. I’m not there yet but I am learning and can feel the muscle building.

A goal for the year: build up this tolerance. Take a nighttime walk to look at the moon and stamp my feet against the cold and feel my own triviality. Carefully read reviews of books that throttle us (ahem). Go to Mass on a weekday morning. Remember that the earth was here first. Listen to or read something entirely out of my orbit and comfort zone. (Art can make us grieve for total strangers!)

Onward!

Post-Scripts.

+How do you make a big life decision?

+What the trees teach me.

+My dad’s encouragement on the eve of a big change: “You’re gonna love it.”

+Favorite offbeat seasonal rituals.

Shopping Break.

+30% off the best everyday bra. My absolute favorite. Wear it daily.

+Madewell darted barrel jeans on sale plus extra 50% off in a range of washes and prints. Go a size down in these!

+Just ordered one of these daydream crewnecks in the new robin’s egg blue color from Vuori. Two notes: a) if you like a limited edition color at Vuori, grab it ASAP – they always sell through!; b) I feel like I’m always looking for something this weight to wear before/after Peloton. I need to shed down to a tank while spinning but just before and after, I like a lighter top layer. Note that they’ve put a bunch of things on sale too!

+Kule is running a great archive sale. I own and love both their cashmere Raffa cardigan in green/navy and their chunky striped half-zip in navy/white but also love it in this even-more-discounted red-white-and-blue. Also! Striped turtlenecks for under $80!

+Matouk vibes for much less.

+Love this funnel-neck cashmere in the dusty blue.

+Love this new “lucky in love” pendant from Jane Win. The four hearts! One for each member of my family…may need to add this to my stack.

+Unexpectedly fun little key pouch / coin purse for your bag!

+Love this boxy crewneck in the ivory color.

+Wait, I’m totally enchanted by this Ratoutouille-themed baking mat! My daughter is really into cooking shows / baking and think she’d love this. Also love this patterned baking dish for me.

+Fun crossbody phone sling. (Guaranteed to annoy your husband — but they are chic!)

+If you’re heading somewhere tropical sometime soon — Coco Shop makes the most gorgeous getaway dresses. I wore this to my fifteen year anniversary last summer.

+Cool collab: Parachute for Target!

+Varley’s Alpine Retreat collection is SO good.

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