It’s been a week of unclear parenting. (Then again, maybe every week of parenting is slightly unclear — easier to see the shapes of things at a year’s view, or longer.) There have been moments of “am I being too lenient?” and moments of “am I being too strict?” There has been a strangely high volume of questions I’ve been unprepared to answer. (Are all the other mothers to nine-year-old daughters already talking to their daughters about puberty? This has been on my mind for literal years but I’d been looking for the right moment. Then, after her nine-year physical, the conversation unfolded organically, and I learned she already knew about some parts of it, and was seeking clarity. I felt badly that she’d been grappling with these questions on her own, unsure how or when to ask them. I think I did a serviceable job normalizing and reassuring and explaining but — my God, one minute you are just sitting behind the wheel of your car waiting for the light to change and the next, you’re floating above your body as you reach for the right words to explain a huge incoming change to her.) There have also been a hundred minute-to-minute decisions, a lot of them coalescing around completely boring topics like the amount of sugar I’m permitting them to ingest (every single end-of-year and dawn-of-summer event capstoned by ice cream, cupcakes, cookies) and negotiations around bedtime, screen time, and pool departure time. My daughter brought home a school Chromebook for the summer and we’ve been rapidly trying to establish rules around its use — only for the math applications; never for free-roaming around the Internet; only when she’s asked for permission; etc. And yet. I was listening to my husband play Knock Hockey with the kids downstairs, and my daughter stormed off after a loss. We later joked: “it wouldn’t be family summer without arguing over games.” I mean, this is just the meat of daily parenting in the lax wane of summer. Everything thrown in together, big storm emotions swimming alongside tender hugs and inside jokes. Complex, thorny topics in the air-conditioned car after a cozy morning in the public library. (Remember Rachael Ringenberg’s quote that “Watching You’ve Got Mail is like eating a chocolate chip cookie with a glass of milk. Or sipping a very cold, perfectly prepared martini. You get what I’m saying—one of life’s great things.” A public library on a summer morning is one of life’s great things. It somehow recenters and promises. It just feels good all over to be there.)
Anyhow, summer has arrived, slightly unspooled and free-form. It feels like we’re all barefoot after a season of well-laced boots. Which we are. The complexity for me is that I feel loose-limbed — want to be loose-limbed — but my children still need me to be firmly clipped into the role of metering mother. Boundaries, rules, reassurances. They still turn their tiny freckled faces to me for approval at every turn: “can we go?” “can I have one more?” “can I stay up a little later?” It can be hard to find the balance in summer.
I think I am feeling all of this with particular acuteness because we are moving our son to a new school in the fall. The decision comes with complex emotions, and the usual parental dread of “am I doing the right thing?” We felt the same way moving our daughter to her new school last year, and things couldn’t have gone better for her, so I am clinging to that hope. Still, I felt weepy his final day at his current school — even a bit verklempt at his final drop-off in the familiar carline. Of course I shielded him from the internal melee: he is just-seven and I don’t think the finality of any of this registers. After the final bell, he leapt into the car ready to head to the pool, without so much as a backward glance. I felt the pinch for him instead, and something nameless that felt a little but not exactly like guilt, too. All week I’ve carried it. I only realized in writing this little diary that I think it’s the weight of uncertainty. And so I’ve been sitting here, naming the uncertainties in specifics: I’m worried about him missing his best friend. I’m worried about the change in logistics. I’m worried about whether he will be seen for his specific strengths (and uncommon sweetness)… I already feel better with the list in hand because now I can apply my favorite reframe: how can I approach this change with curiosity instead of expectation? How can I go in with an open mind? How can I let myself be surprised by what’s to come?
Onward, into the unclear —
Sunday Shopping.
+Asha is running a closeout sale — my bib-front maxi is now under $200 (dang!). I’m telling you, this is what you want for your family portrait or family reunion dress. Chic, easy, but polished, in great colors.
+Oh my gosh, VirtueLabs is offering 30% off with code PRIME. This is even better than their BFCM promo. I swear by their full shampoo and conditioner — gives you the glossiest, straightest locks. I love it so much I bought it in the huge pump style bottle! They have other formula if you’re looking for other solutions, including their topselling recovery shampoo for damaged hair.
+Very popular the past 24 hours among Magpie: this Liberty floral one-piece swimsuit. Every time I visit J. Crew, I find a new chic arrival (are they slow-dripping their releases this week?) so I had to also mention this perfect eyelet confection. Can’t decide if I like it more in the yellow or white?
+Alice Walk just restocked their iconic, perfect crewneck sweatshirt. A perfect light weight and slightly longer length.
+Rhode just released their EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD glazing milk in highlighting colors/tints/glows. OMG. The glaze is so good. I use it daily as sort of the liaison between skincare and makeup. It primes skin so well for concealer/tint/etc.
+FUN new summer arrivals at Jane Win — especially these shell and turquoise earrings and this turquoise beaded necklace (layer with everything).
+Final day to get these bronzing drops for 30% off! A summer essential now that I basically walk around with an enormous sunhat on all the time. Also the last day of the Blue Mercury sale — this Skinceuticals “PTiox” (botox extender / serum) has been a top Magpie seller. You can also get up to 30% off Diptyque in the sale, which is unheard of. A good time to stock up on your favorite candle scent.
+Your feet will thank you all summer long. (And it’s 20% off.)
+This long-sleeved striped tee for layering over athletic wear.
+Speaking of happy feet: 20% off at Ruggable. How great is this green botanical?! We have this exact runner in front of our stove. This jute is also crazy chic.
+Just ordered a fresh pack of acrylic coasters for summer! Use code PARTYGUEST for a discount.
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