Something I’ve noticed in this phase of my career: I am often the one hamstringing my own progress.
For one thing, I continue to labor under the delusion that I must do everything myself. This is partly honorable, I think: no task too small! determination! pride in my work! But I am ashamed to admit that I also half-to-fully believe that I must do everything myself or it won’t be handled properly, to my standards*, even as I conceptually understand that there are many people better-trained and more capable than I am at certain components of running the blog. A mentor once told me that if someone can do your job 80% as well as you can, you must hand over the reins. I parade around parroting that sentiment but find that 20% delta damningly difficult to ignore. (*On standards: These have frankly atrophied in certain ways over the years, mainly because of my “do it all” misapprehensions — c.f. all the typos in my posts that could be handily avoided with a good editor or more time, which can only be bought by outsourcing other components of my workflow.)
I also tend to underestimate myself. I feel a breathless, palm-sweaty kind of urgency to accept the first offer that walks through my door. (A bird in the hand…? Maybe a little bit of imposter’s syndrome, i.e., quick, take this opportunity before they find out they reconsider and find someone better at this!). I especially fret over whether I can make good on targets like book sales, deadlines, and drawing crowds for events. I don’t want to let a partner/publisher/bookstore down — part Eldest Daughter energy, part determination to cultivate good relationships that bear fruit down the road — and I still doubt myself, even though I have a) never let a partner down, and b) been absurdly blessed with my loyal Magpie community, which has always pulled through on my behalf. (Thank you!)
I’ve been examining this recently, because —
I do have the confidence to write and publish daily, to work assiduously towards meaty ambitions.
I do think I’m good at what I do.
And I have been doing this for a long time. I should know by know — with a long track record trailing in my rear view mirror — that nearly everything is negotiable with brands and collaborations. More than that: I should remind myself that if one thing doesn’t shake out, another one will. It always has.
And yet I continue to find myself the stalwart bottleneck. I gum up processes, I leap before the ink is dry.
Magpies, how do you get past this? It’s a strange spot to be in, because it asks us to both humble ourselves (admit there are others better qualified) and inflate ourselves (be bold in negotiations, self-advocate).
Writing this out, I keep coming back to something I copied down in one of my journals earlier this year: To go where you’ve never gone before, you must do what you’ve never done before. Bromidic, but I needed it while writing my book, which required an entirely new kind of work, with a different viewfinder and process. I had to shed and rearrange certain writerly preferences; I found it difficult to keep the project’s longitude in mind, accustomed as I am to the staccato of daily publishing.
Perhaps this moment is asking a similar openness to new ways of being and doing. Perhaps I can lean on the fact that I was able to write the book as a passe-partout at the door of my present quandary.
What advice do my tenured Magpies have? How do you let go of the ways you’ve long done things to make space for something new? How do you get out of your own way?
Post-Scripts.
+Books that calm the nervous system and poems that feel like a deep breath.
+Which books changed your life?
+Things you shouldn’t underestimate.
Shopping Break.
+Run — these $128 striped pants were just restocked in the women’s sizes in the “fancy navy blue stripe” option. THESE ARE GOOD PANTS. I just got my pair and am obsessed with the fit. Really flattering, very comfortable, and the stripe variegation just feels very on-trend and cool. Trust. Use code EXTRACRISPY for a discount. (You can see me in my pair here!)
+I styled the pants above with one of the iconic Frank and Eileen Patricks. They are just SO GOOD. I’m wearing in the triple fleece (like sweatshirt material) — they hold such great structure — which was too heavy for this season but I’m always cold in my studio! Also available in a more breathable jersey that I’m eyeing.
+Another pair of pants I can stop thinking about — just preordered a pair for shipment later this month. My chic Brooklynite sister was telling me she wants to wear “90s Meg Ryan khakis” this fall and these really fit the bill thanks to the pleating. Already selling fast in the khaki color (sold out in my size) but got the toffee. I find Everlane pants run a tad bit small so went up a size — also figure I’m OK with a slightly looser fit in this style.
+30% off at Mirth today only. You might consider their spectacular Vienna caftan — I own and adore this exact pattern but it comes in several. Ultra soft, can be worn belted or not. Great for maternity through nursing! Or try their ultra-chic pants!
+A lot of you picked up my Varley rain jacket, but if you’re still hunting for something a little left of center for rainy days, how great is this just-launched J. Crew style in that cool green color?
+Obsessed with these new Margaux flats in the leopard print. The toe shape is perfect. (Also, am I leaning into leopard for fall?! Already snagged these.)
+My other shoe crush for fall, mysteriously less expensive and fully stocked over at Neiman’s. But if you’re not into the sneaker mule, try this woven mule. Selling out in select sizes already! Magpies have been loving this pair.
+Rhoback just launched leggings and joggers in great colors for fall! You know I have to try these.
+Ordered this cocktail table for our living room. I truly believe having every guest have an easy place to keep a glass is one of the keys to elegant and comfortable entertaining.
+OMG, just realized Cire Trudon candles are included in the Dermstore sale. It is REALLY hard to find these on sale but they are the most elegant, complex scents. These make exquisite gifts. Landon usually buys me one for my stocking at Christmas, and then I’m really careful with when and how long I burn it so I can make it last!
+This sale find is haunting me…still one available in my size…
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