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My Latest Snags.
On the family front: I ordered a sampler of Skout’s snack bars for my children. I’m constantly looking for healthier/healthy-ish options to send in for their snacks at school, and have been hearing good things about these and their few ingredients. Stay tuned — fully expect my children will summarily reject them and I’ll have 20 bars to eat myself. And as a last minute Valentine’s surprise, I bought my children heart day Squishmallows (they love them! — this one for my son; this for my daughter. I think you can still have delivered in time for the 14th. I’m going to have them sitting in their breakfast seats and string this garland up over the table.
Thank you a million times over for your generous, supportive, and wise responses to my post on Tilly. I felt so lifted, and in a strange way reassured by how many of you have gone through this recently, too. As one of you put it: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” One of the threads that made a strong impact on my outlook during this time: isn’t it a privilege to help these animals leave the world? Like, I’m sitting here with my girl grateful for this borrowed time in which I can show her love and make her last few weeks as comfortable and happy as possible. I went from wallowing in anticipatory grief to feeling needed, useful. I cannot control when she will go, but I can show up and show her love today. I think sometimes just having a job, and doing it well, can be an answer. It is a gift to be needed.
I will say I am dreading the quiet after she’s gone — already eyeing her stuffed animals and favorite chuck-it balls with worry. I know they will soon be ciphers of her absence. (Who will throw them out?) But it’s OK, I remind myself. That sadness is the sister of love. At the end of the day, it’s all love.
On a happier note, two joyous things that emerged from that post: 1) so many of you wrote to say you’d stopped and taken some time to love on your dogs, and that brought me joy, and 2) several of you wrote to me about your dogs, and your memories of them, and I enjoyed those, too.
Thank you all for the soft landing.
P.S. More reframes (mainly from you readers!) that I have loved and leaned on.
I could not put down this propulsive Appalachian song of self. It is simultaneously a brilliant bildungsroman in which we root on the hero and a seething indictment of the treatment of America’s rural poor, with laser-like focus on the opioid crisis still unfolding in our country. Not many novels can accomplish both agendas without sacrificing believability, but Kingsolver nails the landing. One of the things that makes the novel remarkable, and compulsively readable is that for all the grisly and dark details of a boy born into the worst of circumstances (a single mother battling addiction, abject poverty, an abusive boyfriend in the picture), we find hope. There are many recursions and parallels in the novel, yet they often run askew of repetitious, with just enough slippage to invite the light in. For example, Demon’s father dies of drowning at the Devil’s Bathtub, sending Demon’s mother into a downward spiral. His death more or less forecloses on what might have been a true love story and happy ending. Demon returns to that site (and as he approaches the hollow, our hearts race with foreboding) and witnesses another gruesome death there, but this time of an evil man he’d once admired. Unlike his mother, Demon uses the climax to turn his life around, entering rehab, escaping Lee County. History need not repeat itself.
On a prose level, Kingsolver’s Nabokovian playfulness with language and especially naming — Demon is actually Damon; Angus is actually Agnes; and the text is rife with riffs on names from Dickens’ David Copperfield (more on that later) — operates in much the same way: a single syllabic substitution, or an inversion of letters, invites new meanings, new endings. In this way, possibility is something narratively ordained. Because of this, I did not leave the novel with a rock in my soul, as I did after finishing Shuggie Bain, another story of a poor boy sustaining the worst of the world’s abuse. I left thinking that somehow, even the most rotten of happenings cannot drive humanity out.
But let’s talk about Demon, and his rhapsodic, idiomatic confessional. He is wry but feeling, self-deprecating and determined. He is insightful in the best way, seeing all the way around even the ugliest of pictures, and grasping the nuance with wit and perspicacity. There is a section where he’s fallen through the cracks of the foster system and turned up as unpaid labor on a tobacco farm in which he and other orphans start taking drugs (“pharm parties”) to escape. Demon says: “A ten-year-old getting high on pills. Foolish children. This is what we’re meant to say: look at their choices, leading to a life of ruin. But lives are getting lived right now, this hour, down in the dirty cracks between the toothbrushed nighty-nights and the full grocery carts, where those words don’t pertain. Children, choices. Ruin, that was the labor and materials we were given to work with. We had the moon in the window to smile on us for a minute and tell us the world was ours. Because all of the adults had gone off somewhere and left everything in our hands.” In spite of this incisive capture of institutional poverty, he gives people chances, seeing the good in Tommy Waddles when others see only a soft soul to be taken advantage of, or otherwise spurn. He does not let the toughness of his life close up his heart. He loves his ruinous girlfriend (against all reason; I could not bear that section); he hurts but forgives when old family friends refuse to take him in; he shows up for the people who depend on him time and time again, even when he is strung out and suffering withdrawal. He is artful, and imaginative, and his comics save him in many instances, whether winning people over, earning him a little pocket cash, or affording him the space to make sense of the injustices of his world. It is not difficult to see the point Kingsolver is making here: art saves lives. Later in the novel, Demon’s comic strips are picked up by newspapers, and they become a telephone to the outside world, too: art can also shape history.
I make a point of avoiding all critical matter about a book before reading it, but halfway through this one, a friend mentioned that Demon Copperhead is based on Dickens’ David Copperfield, which I’ve never read. I do not feel shorted by the lack of context here, because I found the link itself yet another example of history running shy of repetitious: David and Demon are two poor boys, an ocean and 150 years removed, finding their ways through an unfeeling world, and living to tell the tale. Both critique institutional poverty, but Demon’s story is embroiled in newer-fangled social problems (drugs being a big one). At one point in the novel, Demon reads “the Charles Dickens one” and says: “Seriously old guy, dead and a foreigner, but Christ Jesus did he get the picture on kids and orphans getting screwed over and nobody’s given a rat’s ass. You’d think he was from around here.”
All in, this book handily flew into “top five books I’ve read in the last decade,” the other few being Circe by Madeline Miller, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin, The Dutch House by Ann Patchett, and Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. Hamnet snuck up on me — I rarely go a few weeks without thinking of it. Interestingly, four of the five are re-imaginings / adaptations / otherwise heavy draws on pre-existing cultural phenomena (Shakespeare x 2, Greek mythology, Dickens) but always completely non-derivative, born anew. It’s almost as if these extraordinary writers use the tension of source material to draw their own brilliances out. Here’s the pole: let me plant my flag off the end.
Post-Scripts.
+I am currently enduring the worst book hangover. Nothing fills the void! A girlfriend of mine pointed me in the direction of Barbara Kingsolver’s Instagram account and specifically this post, where she shared what she’s reading. I already have two in her lineup in my TBR pile: North Woods by Daniel Mason and Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton. Also high on my list: The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese. I’ve lost track of the number of times you have recommended this to me. However, I need a break from the heartaches, so I’ll probably read a mystery or romance before I tap back in.
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+Target has a great La-Ligne-inspired sweater out right now. The pink is so cute – it reminded me of the pink sweater curation I shared last week. You could probably order in time for VDay. Only $25!
+Love these $50 earrings. I’m all about the heavy gold earring right now. Also loving these $14 puffy heart earrings! (Order for Vday!)
+In my continuing quest for great sweats: about to try these from Quince. The petal pink sold me! They have a few different sweat pant styles — I chose these, but these are also reminding me of the Frank and Eileen ones.
+This tote is in my cart. I don’t need another straw tote…right?!
+Tilly has been picky about eating, and the vet advised us to give her Farmer’s Dog or Royal Canine wet food vs the dry kibble she’s used to — basically, give her anything she’ll eat. I signed up for the Farmer’s Dog, which is currently running a 50% off your first order promo. I’m auspicious because we found something similar in our local Whole Foods (called Fresh Pet) and Tilly gobbled it right up. The Farmer’s Dog is pricey but less expensive than Fresh Pet at WF, plus I don’t need to stay on top of picking it up all the time as it’s shipped automatically.
+These wood planters are so gorgeous, and currently on super sale. Great way to begin to think about spring plantings. Also love this scalloped umbrella stand from the same collection and also on sale.
+Nicola Bathie just released these pretty birthstone flower necklace charms. Remind me a lot of a necklace I bought from Lizzie Fortunato (similar to this but different colors) last year!
+Rattan bunnies! While on the Easter tack, how cute are these eggshell baskets for little treats / surprises?
+Hot pink croc flats! I own this exact style in a few colors and they are crazy comfortable.
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01. I bought these reusable Easter “coins” last year (seen above!) to fill our Easter eggs with (versus candy). They are so adorable and thoughtful — my only word of advice is being sparing with them. Altogether, it’s a lot of commitments…! (Aside: my MIL found the woven bunny basket seen above from Michael’s last year, but these are very similar at Crate and Barrel. They also have these really cute quilted ones (good if you’re an apartment-dweller / short on space — they can lay flat), and then of course I still regret not investing in the Ballard ones when they were younger, but we just couldn’t have stowed them while we lived in NYC.
10. I read an article on how the carabiner-style necklaces have been majorly trending lately from high-end jewelers — get the look with this Etsy beauty.
11. Liberty headbands. So sweet for Easter for a little lady.
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I’ve been focusing recently on my hair health. I’m trying to grow my hair out longer and feel it looks dry and thin — I can’t tell whether that’s age or the cold winter, or some caustic combination of the two. Anyhow, I am on a hair-strengthening campaign, and have lined up a suite of products to combat the situation. I’m impressed with my new regimen — see photo below. I’m desperately overdue for highlights but there have been logistical issues getting to see my guy (snow days, travel, etc). If you can overlook the roots, I think my hair is looking sleek, shiny, and hydrated. The handfeel has changed significantly — it feels much softer and silkier.
Side note: I’m wearing the Brylie pants again above (!) and noticed they are selling out super fast in my color, but are still available in a great army green here and brown or black here. These feel so “right” for this fashion moment — sort of cribbing the horseshoe style but much more wearable. Great for petites — run TTS. I paired with one of my Leset short sleeved pointelle tees (more sizes here), but I just noticed J. Crew released a rival style for less, too. The sweater is Sezane and nearly sold out! One of my favorite knits this season — goes with everything!
Anyhow, sharing thoughts on all my hair strengthening finds below, plus a few other recent beauty/skincare/cosmetic products I’ve been testing.
+Mielle rosemary hair oil and Anablue treatment oil. I apply a few droppers of each all over my head and then massage into scalp and brush through my hair, adding a tad extra to the ends. I do this first thing in the morning before I’m going to go for a run/exercise and then pull back in a ponytail/bun so it can soak in for a good two hours before I shower it all out. Honestly, it’s difficult for me to tell you which one is pulling the most weight here, but I believe these oils are the reason my hair feels much softer and shinier lately — it really helps with the condition of the strands. The price is right with the Mielle, too! I shared a little snap of this product on Instagram and a girlfriend wrote me to say: “I swear Mielle + Nutrafol + Nioxin the past few months have made a HUGE difference in my hair growth and fullness.” And, let me tell you — this girlfriend has absolutely gorgeous hair — dark, full, thick, always perfectly blown out. I’ve heard about Nutrafol before but am not big on taking supplements. Nioxin was new to me, though, and I added it to my “test next” list, which brings me to —
+Vegamour Gro Shampoo and Conditioner. I’ve been alternating between this and my tried-and-true Roz Foundations Shampoo and Conditioner. I like the Vegamour lather and the fact that it leaves no build-up in hair (my concern with using these kinds of growth-targeting shampoos/conditioners), but I cannot stand the scent! It smells like a citrus gummy bear? I can’t wait to mask the scent with other products afterward. (I may be alone in this.) I do think it’s helping with the fullness factor — maybe not specifically helping my hair grow in more quickly but I do feel like when I’ve used this, my hair looks immediately more voluminous versus flat. I think I will continue to use for the coming weeks to give it a true college try and then contemplate Nioxin.
+T3 Airebrush. I was over the moon when t3 sent me their Airebrush. I was skeptical that it could knock my Revlon 1-Step off its pedestal (it’s been my favorite hot hair tool for four years or so now), but after using multiple times, I do think it’s superior. It’s higher-powered (so it dries hair more quickly) and I think the different settings are crucial. I was circumspect about their suggestion of “sealing” the hair by running the cold air setting over your hair after fully drying with heat, but I swear this helps with achieving polish / finish? Hair looks smooth and sleek after I run it through the cold air setting to finish. But most importantly, I find the T3 is better at maintaining tension in the strands while using to dry — and I think tension is the key to a good and lasting blowout, and why professionals are able to achieve it and I am not (hard to pull on your own hair at the right angles). I believe the t3 grips hair better so you are able to get more tension and therefore a smoother result. Big fan — I already demoted by Revlon 1-Step; she lives in the guest bathroom now. However, I do think I am going to buy myself the Dyson AirWrap in the coming months — I’ve marked it as a treat for myself if I achieve a personal goal. I’ve mentioned this a few times, but several girlfriends on my recent trip to Tulum swore up and down it was worth every penny. I remember one saying she carries her on the plane because it’s too valuable to her to part with (e.g., if checked baggage was lost) for even a few days. I also polled Magpies on Instagram last weekend for a good curling iron, and 90% of you said to just get the Dyson — you won’t need a curling iron after. N.B.: you can buy these refurbished — I’ve heard this is a great way to get the product at a discount.
+Roz Root Spray. I continue to chase volume (I have very fine, straight hair), but Roz’s new root spray has been VERY helpful. I don’t have the full pompadour I seek but it really does help at the crown of the head in particular, and — the most important thing for me — is invisible. I mean, it just disappears! Normally volumizing products (especially mousses) make my hair stiff or crispy or greasy but this stuff goes on invisibly! Writing this out, I’m wondering if I’ve not been using enough. Going to try with a heavier hand and see if that gets me closer to my vision of root volume. I believe my code MAGPIE15 still gets you 15% off.
+Prequel Gleanser. I’m neutral on this cleanser, which is described as follows: “non-stripping glycerin cleanser for the face and body formulated with 50% glycerin, inulin, and a unique aquaporin-stimulating active to boost skin suppleness.” This had been SO hyped to me, and has even sold out in the past (I was on a waitlist!). Here are the pros: an ample size and a reasonable price. Definitely better than your run of the mill drugstore cleanser but not much more expensive. Does a good job lathering. I find it hard to wash fully off my face, and usually need to wet a face towel and wipe it off after I’ve already been rinsing it over the sink for a good 15 seconds. I will continue to use because it’s not offensive or anything, but I am currently grieving the absence of the Motif cleanser. I love that one and the Youth to the People one, though they’re very different from one another. I think the Motif one is ideal for winter (creamy, moisturizing, mild exfoliation) and YTTP gives you that squeaky clean feeling you crave in summer or after a workout.
+True Botanicals Chebula Serum + Chebula Extreme Cream. I love love love the cream which they claim is “one of the ONLY moisturizers in the world that is made without any pore-clogging waxes.” This appealed to me, as I am acne prone in the winter when I’m layering all of these serums, etc, onto one another. It has a thick consistency that needs to be worked into skin (versus Augustinus Bader, which seems to evaporate into the skin), but it has this immediate softening, hydrating result that just feels good. Chebula, I’ve learned, is an antioxidant that “targets five signs of aging.” I’ll take it. A really good winter cream. The serum is nice, too – I can’t say it stands out to me as accomplishing anything much more notable than Vintner’s Daughter or Clarins or a few of my other favorite serums. It seems to brighten skin and leave it glossy. VD I find more hydrating and Clarins really enhances the texture of my skin, by contrast. I continue to think Clarins is the best option for a generalist serum that really makes a difference in the brightness, texture, happiness of your skin.
+Elemis Cleansing Balm. I’ve reviewed this many times over the years, but I truly love this makeup-melting balm. It is my favorite end-of-night luxury — it feels like you’re melting your day right off your face, and I love the botanical scent. I use this to melt all my daytime makeup off, then cleanse, then apply a nighttime moisturizer or cream.
+Tower28 Mascara. I think I reviewed this already but OMG, you guys! This $20 mascara is the best! It’s displaced prestige beauty brand rivals 2-3x its price. I use this daily. Gives you really full, long, separated lashes — I LOVE love love.
+First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads. I’ve been obsessed with these! I will wipe them over my face after I cleanse in the morning or if I’m reapplying makeup before going out. I like the way the textured side feels like it’s scrubbing everything off. Skin looks refreshed afterward.
+Lumify Eye Drops. I read that this is a Red Carpet / makeup expert’s secret. Instantly remove all signs of redness for a brighter, healthier overall look. I think it helps, especially after low-sleep nights.
What else are you loving in your beauty routine these days?
P.S. Doen launches its spring collection today at 9 AM EST and there are some goodies involved. Currently in my cart (not from the spring collection, but already on the site): this white midi skirt. I love the way they’ve styled it with ivory/taupe/white knits in the photos. Made me think differently about some of the white in my closet as we continue in the February chill.
P.P.S. Wise words from a friend: “I feel like objects of devotion are important in these times — like something you can wear around your neck or keep in your pocket to touch as a reminder that life is happening, you will feel things, and you will survive, you know?” More here.
You can sign up for my Magpie newsletter here — I send out a Magpie Digest each Friday with the week’s highlights (quotes, comments, finds) and a Magpie Diary with loose and roaming thoughts each Sunday.
By: Jen Shoop
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04. My favorite starch. A beautiful, mild scent and highly effective. I used to be a nut about ironing; now I will use it for linens when having guests over, and occasionally on our pillow cases.
Last week, Mr. Magpie took our eight-year-old Airedale terrier, Tilly, to the vet for some routine vaccinations and to inquire after some strange eating habits and behaviors we’d noticed recently. About thirty minutes after he’d left, he sent me a text: “Cancel Tilly’s grooming appointment,” which had been scheduled for the day following (up-to-date vaccines being a pre-requisite for groomings), and I thought: “Not good. Maybe the vet was closed, or couldn’t squeeze her in, or…” I would not fill that blank. Even a catastrophizer like myself knows when to keep the basement door firmly shut.
When I heard our front door open, I walked out onto the landing:
“What’s going on with Tilly?” I asked.
A deep pause followed, and in it, I saw the truth: Tilly is dying.
Mr. Magpie explained that she has tumors on her liver, and that the vet estimated that she has a few months left with us. It has been a strange, somber time, living with what Wendell Berry once described as “the forethought of grief.” In some ways, we feel lucky to have this time to draw her to ourselves, to enjoy her before she is too-soon gone. In other ways, the looseness of the timeline is fraying: is this snuggle my last? I worry each time I leave that she will be dead when I return.
I have noticed myself reaching for guilt, my favorite form of personal torment: how many morning walks have I treated like chores rather than the gift they are? In some ways, I survived those long weeks of pandemic lockdown in New York City because of Tilly. We had to take her out, and those ten minute stretches on the streets of the Upper West Side were often our only contact with the burning outside world. There was also the week during which I was deeply unwell with COVID and she laid on the bed next to me, accommodating my feverishness and moaning, as steady as the weather in the window. Dogs are this way: they receive you in whatever form you arrive. Sick, short-tempered, distracted. Still, Tilly will press her enormous black nose against the window pane by the front door, tail a-wag, as though you are the greatest creature on God’s green earth.
As always, I seek and find small glimmers of good. For one thing, to have had this dog a part of our lives, period. She has seen us through rocky climbs, our stout companion. She has played Puck in our thinnest-lipped moments of stress. Oh, the things you lose in life! But the having makes the pain of parting worth it a million times over.
Another reassuring streak: feeling myself lean on Mr. Magpie, with his open-arms approach to communication, to grief. We have cried together and talked up and down about our heartbreak and wrapped our arms around one another, as close as bark to the tree: no space between.
I also feel heartened by how we have navigated the situation with our children. We wanted them to know, and we decided to approach it as simply and straight-forwardly as possible, no euphemisms on the docket. Over breakfast on the weekend (strategically not when exhausted from a day of school), we sat down with them, and Mr. Magpie said: “Tilly is very sick. She’s going to die. We don’t know when, but soon. We can use this time to show her lots of love.” I shed a tear — something I’d not thought I would — but I also explained: “It is OK to cry. It is OK to express how you feel.” And then we answered their litany of questions, which ranged from: “Can we get a puppy?” to “Why is she dying of cancer, when my teacher had it and is still alive?” and “Can Tilly die at home so I can watch her float up into heaven?” This last one from my four-year-old son, a reminder of the clover sweetness of youth. Later, he climbed onto my lap, and said: “My head feels sad for Tilly,” and I told him “So does mine, and it’s OK to feel sad. It just means we love her, and it reminds us of how lucky we are to have her.” We have had a lot of meandering conversations about death and specifically how the soul leaves the body since, and I find myself relieved each time I am able to normalize his feelings. It has occurred to me many times that this is an important modeling moment: their first brush with death.
One final lamp that’s lit the gray skies: the wise and generous things our friends have said. How did I get so lucky? These people know how to console, and I will be borrowing their sentiments should I ever need to comfort a friend in a similar situation. Some of the most powerful:
“I completely understand. A dog is a family member.”
“We know how hard this is. Tilly’s been on my mind all day.”
“She’s a lucky dog to have lived such a full and joyful life with the Shoops.”
“Isn’t it an amazing privilege to help these animals exit? Geez they teach us so much.”
And from our vet: “We support you in this and are going to make it as painless as possible for Tilly.”
The goodness of people! You open the door and there they are, with the right words at the right time.
We do not how much longer we’ll have Tilly around, so instead we are taking things day by day, focusing on what we can control: making her feel loved and comfortable. She likes to lay on the rug of my writing studio while I peck at my computer, and I savor her company, taking ample breaks to pet her, thinking always: these are the good ol days; let me press them to my heart.
+You can sign up for my Magpie newsletter here — I send out a Magpie Digest each Friday with the week’s highlights (quotes, comments, finds) and a Magpie Diary with loose and roaming thoughts each Sunday.
Shopping Break.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+J. Crew released an answer to the $850 High Sport pants that have been informally dubbed “the newsletter pants” because so many fashion writers with their own Substacks have been raving about them. Chic chic! My Donnis are another contender for this silhouette.
+I own and ADORE my Frances dress from Emerson Fry, and I cannot get over how chic this new color/pattern is! Runs TTS. Also love this blouse from their latest collection.
+Everything from Mira Mikati puts such a big smile on my face. The definition of chasing rainbows!
+Ordered a few new office supplies: these white out pens, these highlighters, and these dotted pads. More of my favorite gear for creative workspaces here.
+Have heard such good things about this undereye product from Trish McEvoy — finally going to test it myself!
+So many of you are urging me to jump on the Dyson AirWrap wagon! I’m committed. I’m setting it as a reward if I hit a personal goal this month. One of you mentioned this organizer is very handy for stowing all the parts. I will say I have been using and really loving the T3 Airebrush. It’s very similar to the Revlon but I’m actually able to achieve more volume — it’s higher-powered, and I think my hair looks shinier afterward, too? I find I’m better able to keep tension in my hair strands while using it.
+And for my fellow petites: an entire denim brand dedicated to women under 5’4. My fellow petite friend, Chrissy Ward, has been raving about this pair of ecru jeans for us shorties.
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I noticed that a few of you bought these gorgeous lamps from Aerin last week and I found myself going down a deep interior design hole inspired by them as a result. Below, sharing the fruits of my labor: some refreshingly serene home finds to zhush up a room (or several) in your home in this mid-winter period, many of them well-priced! (Wouldn’t this $126 ottoman be adorable in a nursery?! And can you believe this little lamp is under $50?!)
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I’ve been reaching for a suite of key pieces week in and week out — staples that just make my entire wardrobe work. Seen above: several constituents, including kick-flare pants; a striped button-down; a striped sweater; and a great handbag. Detailing below —
01. A great ladylike blazer/coat. I have several, and my favorites are by Veronica Beard (how great is this new knit style?) and this Tuckernuck, but this $129 Mango steal really does it all. The gold buttons add polish; the tweed texture is a nod to Chanel. Throw this on over a tee and jeans and immediately feel like a million bucks. Also great for layering over blouses on chilly nights. Upgrade pick: this BA&SH.
03. Timeless cateye sunglasses. I’ve been longing for this exact pair from Celine for an eternity. I’ve written about this many times, but I’m still doing penance for losing two pairs of Chanel sunglasses in my more reckless 20s, and have been making do with Le Specs Airhearts in the interim, which are excellent and less guilt-inducing if lost/destroyed.
04. White tee. Everyone’s favorite $15 secret is this Uniqlo tee. They really are excellent. I took my true size and find it runs snug/narrow – have heard other Magpies prefer to size up. I also absolutely adore my Leset Margo.
05. A casual non-denim pant (more sizes here). I’m currently in the honeymoon phase with these Brylies (also in a green color here) — the fit is perfection for petites. (If you’re taller, you should try the Nili Lotan Shons.) The silhouette feels on-trend, or just shy, and I love the vibe of dressing them up with a striped button-down or blazer. So cute. I also love a utility pant like these from Joe’s Jeans, which I still wear constantly. (This particular pair is very stretchy and comfortable.)
06. Classic watch. I wear my Hermes H Heure constantly, but these under-$400 ones from March Hare are classic, ultra-chic and reasonably priced. If you’re dead set on Hermes, you might set a search on TRR. You can always replace the strap by going into an Hermes store!
07. Striped button-down. Love the way this can elevate jeans / cargo pants / leggings. Rag & Bone’s Maxine is iconic — the perfect silhouette (not too oversized, not too fitted) and a gorgeous silky material that doesn’t wrinkle as much as others I’ve tried.
08. Mid-sized leather handbag. I love my APC Grace. She’s elegant, a perfect size, and looks even more expensive than she was. Easy to throw on for evenings out but also casual enough for daytime. She’s perfect.
09. Black turtleneck. An absolute unsung hero. The best for layering beneath cardigans, dresses, blazers, vests, etc. These ones from SoldOut are fabulous. Run small – I’d go a size up. I took my true size and feel very sucked in.
10. Gold earring. Somehow elevates everything? I’ve been wearing these Aureums nonstop (lightweight and vintage-inspired), but who doesn’t love a $12 Bottega-inspired score?
11. A neutral, “dressy” sneaker. IMO, these Loewes have staying power — they have been around for several years and I still think they kill. My other top pick for a neutral sneaker with legs are Supergas in white, navy, black, taupe. $70, last forever, and they’re always chic. I prefer this style of sneaker to Loewe or anything more athletic when pairing with dresses. I’d happily wear Supergas with a shirtdress but would think twice about pairing with Loewes — maybe it’s the millennial in me, but I have a hard time with the dress-and-athletic-sneaker situation unless the dress is a tee dress or something very dressed down. Other neutral sneaker options: these Bodens are a Loewe-look-for-less and these Autrys feel like a more interesting New Balance.
12. Shirtdress. My dream is to invest in one of the ones from Co, but I love the idea of a denim one to mix things up. Would look fab with heels, sandals, flats, etc. I own this denim dress in a lighter wash and it is perfect — the zip front adds a little interest. You could layer over a turtleneck, throw on beneath a blazer, etc. This brand generally runs big and long — great for taller Magpies.
13. A well-fitting pair of everyday jeans. I’m presently smitten with these SLVRLAKEs (run TTS), but I have to say that probably my most-worn pair of jeans over the past two years have been these Madewells. I do not think they hold up as well as higher-end/prestige denim labels — mine are looking a little long in the tooth after two years — but the fit is perfection. Go a size down in these. I also love my Citizens Charlottes and my Agolde Rileys but I find myself smack in between sizes in both of these styles. I erred on the side of sizing up in both, but they are both a tad bit too roomy. Still great for everyday wear, though.
15. Solid-colored cardigan. I love the weight of this particular one from Alex Mill — soft (cotton) so you could wear against bare skin for a slightly different look (versus layered over a tee) and a tad heavier weight / more structured than your run of the mill cardi. Upgrade pick: any solid colored cardigan from G Label. I own several of their sweaters and they are beautifully made. I find they run a tad small in general.
16. A black or navy pant. You do you in terms of which silhouette you find most flattering/comfortable, but I’m a long time devotee of the kick flare, and these Donnis (just got my pair) are pretty incredible. They feel like a legging (less compressive than Splits59 TBH) but look like a pant. I am going to have mine hemmed a bit. They currently look like a straight-up flare (I’m 5’0) but if you’re taller, they’re going to be ideal right off the hanger. I also love my Spanx perfect fit pants, but those are much more compressive FYI. You could travel in the Donnis; the Spanx are like “OK, wear to work and back, look like a million bucks, take off in favor of sweats.”
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Do you dress up for Valentine’s? I always throw on something pink or red for the occasion, and I will absolutely be wearing this spectacular hot pink sweater from G. Label (gifted by Goop!) this year. Mr. Magpie will be out of town for the actual holiday, so it’ll be a lowkey day of surprising the kids with heart shaped pancakes, ordering myself something for dinner, and watching a rom-com solo in my Lake heart jammies. (I think tomorrow is the deadline for ordering yours if you’re interested!)
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Anyhow, I shared these snaps of myself wearing this sweater on Instagram over the weekend, and don’t think I’ve ever received so many messages! The sweater is a splurge; you can get the look for less with this. I love the cuffs! A few other chic knitwear options for the occasion:
Pair with your favorite jeans (still obsessed with these – have been wearing a lot) and a fun ballet flat (look for less with these) for an easy look.
Random side bar: my curling iron is on its last legs, finally. It’s lived a long and full life — I think I’ve had her since college? — which is pretty incredible for a $20 piece of equipment, but the handle is starting to fall apart in my hands. I polled my Magpies for curling iron recs and about 90% of you insisted that a Dyson Air Wrap is the only tool you need for drying, styling, curling hair. I’m going to treat myself to one next month I think. I’ve waited long enough!
A few other fun Valentine’s style buys to consider:
Mr. Magpie is heading up to New York for business soon, and I went back and forth on whether to join him. I love to visit, and haven’t been up since last February, and yet 2024 has been a year so far (January alone seemed to contain a full 12 months) and I think minimalism is the name of the game for the coming weeks. Do the little thing, I tell myself. Close the ports, I chime in. Simplify.
And yet…
I was rereading the pastiche of New York learnings and memories below, originally published in March 2021, and I found myself equal parts nostalgic and mystified that I lived there for four years. Was it a dream? Certainly the quarantine/COVID bits felt like a foul nightmare. I still mourn several months of my son’s babyhood, slurped up by lockdowns and the accompanying angst of just making it to bedtime while cooped up in a small space with two young children and a big dog. I continue to feel we haven’t collectively processed that experience, but that ball of wax is tomorrow’s business, and I use “tomorrow” euphemistically. Anyhow, I sit here in my serene suburbia and I feel as though the Jen that lived in New York from 2017-2021 is a girl I used to know. Who was she, marching around the 86th St 1 stop with an air of I-know-what-I’m-doing? Last night, Mr. Magpie muted the television (on screen: “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” featuring Donald Glover and Maya Erskine) to listen to the brief wail of sirens running somewhere in the vicinity. It was such an unusual cacophony that we actually paused to listen to it. We laughed at ourselves, then, because those sirens were for a time a kind of white noise, 86th being a major thoroughfare for ambulances and the like. Today, I sit here and wonder: what did it mean, to have that kind of urgent alarm shapeshift into background noise? Looking at it from a more positive lens: how did the constant shuffle of life and music and conversation and traffic — the way New York renews itself on a daily, or perhaps hourly, basis, almost to the point that a time-lapse camera is unnecessary to capture its continuous change — shape my worldview and my writing?
Conversely, what does it mean to live in almost constant quiet?
Thoughts for coasting into this Monday, friends —
As we say, onward —
*******
Ed. note: The essay below was originally published on March 18, 2021.
*******
One subset of the responses to the news of our imminent relocation from NYC to D.C. has taken me by surprise: the many emails and notes that have read “I am selfishly going to miss your musings on New York.” They make me realize how much place seeps into the fabric of my writing, as I do not feel I’ve written extensively on the city. In fact, I have often felt sheepish attempting to wrap language around it. I still feel like a newcomer, an initiate, undeserving of the subtext that I somehow belong here. The day we moved into our first apartment in an an old-fashioned, art deco building on Central Park West, one of the porters appeared in our door frame with a ten dollar bill poking jauntily out of the pocket of his uniform jumpsuit.
“Will that be all, Mr. and Mrs. Shoop?” he asked. He had helped us with clearing some of the boxes and the like. The bill seemed an obvious invitation for a tip. Mr. Magpie and I exchanged an uncertain glance. What was the code here? We had been under the impression you tip at the end of the year, at Christmastime, based solely on information gleaned in conversation with Manhattan-based friends. But maybe you pay a little extra for dedicated assistance? We had no idea what we were doing. We didn’t even know what the term “porter” meant — it felt like it belonged to the lexicon of the 1920s! — let alone the purview of his responsibilities. We tipped. I still don’t know whether we were taken or the practice was the norm. All I can say is that we weren’t “invited” to tip on any other exchange with employees of the building, but that particular porter was very good to us.
It was a specific example of a generalized sensation of outsidership. We felt like rubes of a different dialect. New York is that way, with lots of informal but de rigueur behaviors that can intimidate, vex, and confuse. My hairdresser and I were talking about this the other day, and she said, “Oh yeah. When we were doing renovations for this space, my contractor told me, ‘And then you’ll need to tack on $10K for the super.'” As it turns out, if a crew needs access to some of the innards of the building while completing a project or reno, it is common practice to slip the super something. And that something has four zeros tacked to the end of it. “That’s just New York,” she shrugged. It struck me as both irritatingly and quaintly old-fashioned that such exchanges take place, “off the books,” and are the unequivocal standard for doing business. The contractor hadn’t batted an eye. Neither had my hairdresser: “You just get used to it over time.” I am sure variations of this happen everywhere the world over, but there is something particular and pronounced about it here in New York, something shrugging and brusque, and I have witnessed it countless times. It’s a sensation that goes hand in hand with the old New York adage: “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”
There are many other practices not involving the exchange of cash that run along the same grooves. It took me awhile to accept this, but here, it’s not rude for people to shoulder against one another on the street corners while waiting for a light change, boxing one another out. It sounds soulless, but people don’t mean anything by it. Everyone is just trying to get where they’re trying to go, and are accustomed to the feeling of population density to boot. Related: it’s elbows out if you are grocery shopping at Zabar’s. Elbows out at any grocery in NYC, come to think of it. I was deflated — almost literally, as I was run down a couple of times in the aisles — the first time I shopped at the now-closed Fairway on the UWS. I left on the verge of tears and promptly signed up for Instacart. Other things I have learned: avoid empty subway cars (never, ever a good sign) and do not let a taxi driver roll down a window and ask where you’re going. You must pretend not to hear and climb right in. Otherwise, the driver can coolly evade going in a direction he doesn’t want to go, and you’re out of luck. Wear a crossbody bag with a zippered top when on the subway. Avoid ogling the strange sights you will invariably encounter — as longtime Magpie reader Carmen put it: “Head up, eyes down.” Mr. Magpie and I use “DNE” as a similar shorthand: “Do. Not. Engage.” Always take the subway when it’s raining. You won’t want to (a wet subway is an unpleasant subway), but you’ll get there in a fraction of the time. Avoid maxi dresses (and, when possible, open-toed sandals) when taking the subway, too — difficult in summer, but you’ll be a happier camper. If you are lost in Central Park, look for the green posts. On them, you’ll find a string of characters: the first will be a “W” or “E,” depending on whether you are on the West side or the East side, and the next two or three will indicate the closest numbered street (e.g., if a post reads W6701, you are on the West side, at the 67th street latitude. I don’t know what the last two digits mean. One of many NY codes I’ve not yet deciphered.) I have never gotten fully lost in Central Park, but many of the walkways curve and meander and you can end up well north or south of where you intended. I find the markers primarily useful when running — a quick gut-check as to where I am along West or East drive. Tip the super and doormen as generously as you can and take care to get to know them, as they can make your life heaven or hell. Be leery of “no fee” apartment listings. The fees emerge elsewhere — in elevated rent, or some other loophole. Generally distrust agents involved in renting or subletting apartments. I’m loathe to categorically denigrate a profession, but we’ve been through the wringer on that front. It’s a cutthroat business. Public restrooms are hard to come by and as a rule disgusting; plan accordingly. Never assume a restaurant can accommodate a full-feature stroller. Some don’t even have high chairs. When in doubt, tip.
All lessons learned the hard way, fumbling through the city. With time, some of our initial awkwardness have faded, especially as corners of the city have become as familiar to me as the arrangement of furniture in my childhood home. There are blocks that feel — as strange as this sounds — as if they belong to me, as if they are extensions of my living space here, similar to how it used to feel to pull down the alley behind our Chicago home in order to back into our garage, or to turn onto Tilden Street off Connecticut Avenue in D.C. Safe, home, legible. Those illusions are routinely disturbed by the realities of city life — strange interactions, dog poop, overflowing bags of garbage — but still. This has been our home, and I love her.
When my Dad visited earlier this month, he insisted upon running in the Park despite extreme winds and ultra-cold temperatures. “I had to pay my respects to Jackie O.,” he said, and I knew what he meant in a visceral sense. There are many corners of this city to which I feel pulled to pay my respects as we wind up our time here — most of it in and around the blessed Park, that bastion of green and hope that buoyed our spirits and enabled our life to go on the past year. In it, we have identified optimal sledding hills, preferred benches for coffee and conversation, ideal running routes depending on conditions (like my father, I love running around Jackie O., but the bridle trail is too muddy if raining), favorite playgrounds, and sloping greenswards perfect for picnics that are less trafficked than Sheep Meadow and more accommodating of our dog to boot. There are areas to avoid (mainly south, where all the semi-dead horses cluster and poop) and playgrounds too big and busy to be enjoyable (I’m looking at you, Heckscher Playground, where, incidentally, I caught a man attempting to filch my wallet from my stroller! Shame on me for not knowing better, but still. Another lesson learned.) I feel most at home on the 1 train. I know all its stops by heart, including the one that lets me out literally beneath my best friend’s apartment. I spent many afternoons and evenings skipping up its steps en route to see her, and then her growing belly, and then her sweet baby, born three months before my own son. There is a narrow dirt path along the north side of Sheep Meadow that blooms overgrown with fragrant lilac in the early summer and I cannot help myself: I must cut through there whenever I can. There are streets on the Upper West Side — namely W 85th and W 87th between CPW and Columbus, and then a string down in the low 70s — that make my soul sing. They feel gracious to me, the faces of the brownstones somehow arranged into beneficent smiles, the trees posing proudly in elegant arcs, the foliage generous. I love emerging at the Christopher Street stop downtown — home to many of my favorite restaurants in the city and positively alive. There is a block in the West Village where my girlfriend Inslee used to live and when I think in some abstract sense about New York culture and art, I think of that block, and the many beautiful things she painted while perched in her beautiful studio upon it. And I think, too, of the year I held an in-person book club with Magpie readers, and we occasionally descended upon her studio or her adjacent apartment to discuss books and life and how they intersected and it was one of the most meaningful threads of experience in my life. Flatiron is like a second home to us, as we have faithfully dispatched our daughter to and from that neighborhood every day of the school year for the past two years, often ducking into Eataly for groceries after, or occasionally treating ourselves to coffees at Ralph’s or Devocion (neither far away). I will never forget the bloom of the trees flanking the playground in Union Square, where we’d often let mini roam around after picking up goodies from the farmer’s market there: her face peeking through the bars of the playground equipment while the pink magnolia petals rained down on my sister and I, watching her from a few feet away. Then the picnic my sister and I enjoyed in Sheep Meadow while I was eight months pregnant and desperately uncomfortable — the way my sister listened to me and chased mini for me and then walked me back to my apartment at the chelonian pace of which I was then capable. Meanwhile, my daughter learned to scoot on the wide plaza in front of the Metropolitan Opera, and enjoyed countless dripping ice cream cones while gazing distractedly into its dancing fountains. My son learned to walk in the grass of The Great Lawn in Central Park. His first few days of life were spent in a small bassinet looking out across Fifth Avenue towards Jackie O. Reservoir. I cannot take a cab up Madison without several intense flashbacks to the many trips to the hospital for testing and sonograms while expecting him and then the morning I went into pre-term labor that eventually, thankfully fizzled out. I remember standing at the corner of 98th and Madison, calling my mother to let her know it was a boy. “A boy! A boy! Oh, Jennifer, I am so happy for you!” she said, and that conversation, in the shade of the hospital, against the whizzing-by of cars, is the primary memory I call upon when thinking about that pregnancy. 98th, Madison, my mother’s happy voice, my heart in my throat — a boy, my boy! My New York baby.
So yes – perhaps against my better judgment, in the sense that I do not feel I have fully earned the right to write about her – she has been here, steadily coursing through my writing, an anchor to my musings and an umbrage to my thoughts. Will the move to D.C. alter the ebb and flow of my essays? Will my thoughts expand, or contract? How will the rhythm change?
These are things I cannot know, but —
At least I have a couple of years of writing to revisit when I am feeling lonesome for New York. Even the pieces not explicitly about New York, as I have discovered in the course of writing this post, sing a New York song. I’m proud to have sung it.
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+Boden has such great pieces out at the moment. I’m loving this happy striped midi, this colorblocked rain coat, and this striped dress. You’ll never regret the striped dress. Style up, down, under a cardigan or scarf, with sandals or heels. The best.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
This week hung between two ill-paired tent poles: the joy of escaping to Tulum with friends followed by some bad news back home (all will be fine – will write more when on firmer ground). I found myself leaning, the latter portion of this week, on the tonic of “taking care of myself as though sick.” Specifically, I let myself off the hook in various ways. If I didn’t have the energy to tackle something on my to-do list, or to squeeze in another work out, I didn’t push it. I had lots of high-falutin’ ideas on the work and motherhood fronts this week (specifically around meal planning for my children) and instead of road-runnering into action as I normally do, I told myself: “Now is not the time to dive head-first into this” and jotted down my thoughts on paper, making a mental note to revisit in a week. And you know what? It felt kind of nice to cocoon myself so I could move more slowly through my week, and give myself time to think, and process, and talk to Mr. Magpie, and sit in front of the television in the evenings watching re-runs of “Parks and Rec.”
Funny, too: earlier this week, before we’d heard the news, I had two separate conversations with friends navigating their own turbulent waters, and I’d found myself saying: “Multiple things can be true at once; let yourself feel it all; no feeling is final,” and my God! Did I need to repeat those things to myself just a few days later. The earlier conversations were earnest, of course, but in retrospect, also stood as rehearsals for how I’d need to speak with myself. Do you ever think like that? That life is preparing you for something? Or that God is giving us now what we’ll need later — filling the backpack with requisite supplies?
The base note to which I returned many times this week, though, was: “Focus on what you can control.” It is so easy to get swept up in “what ifs” and contingencies and regrets of various shades! I found it easier to wade through my emotions by anchoring on what I, specifically, could do at a given moment.
I saw an offshoot of this principle on Instagram this week that went something like: “How people treat you is their path; how you respond is your power.” This didn’t specifically apply to my situation, but I loved the sentiment and know I will be pocketing it for the future.
Other random little things from this week:
+My daughter and I got a huge kick out of this Taylor Swift-themed list of Super Bowl snacks. Ever since, we’ve been challenging ourselves to come up with other cute names from her song list. She came up with: “Look What You Made Me Stew.” Pretty clever for a six year old?!
+I cooked for Mr. Magpie again (!) — two weeks in a row! This time, I made him a hanger steak with an arugula-Calabrian chile pepper-onion relish and potatoes served with mint and feta. All recipes hailed, again, from Missy Robbins’ cookbook. I definitely have a style when I’m at the helm of the menu-planning committee, and it looks a lot like what Missy Robbins and Paul Kahan serve up: a meat with some kind of vinegary-salty relish; a side with the same. I fetched the ingredients on my way back from a session at the gym in which my trainer had me doing bicep curls like a true jock. (I feel like such an imposter!) But it’s also the most divine thing to follow someone else’s (educated) instruction — zero resistance and zero decision-making — like an automaton. I swear that’s a principle appeal of the arrangement: an hour in which I make no decisions and yet am so focused my mind has no space to worry, wander, think about the other 22 items on my to-do list.
+Related to the gym session note: I have fallen increasingly in love with Nike’s Metcon training sneakers. They offer the best cushion, and come in the greatest color combos. My exact colorway is on sale, but just look at all these punchy combos that just arrived.
“Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
“What you got done today was enough.”
“God has forgiven me so I can forgive me, too.”
“Will this matter in five minutes? Five days? Five years?”
And — just for good measure, a little humor: “No one likes perfect people anyway.”
(Ha!)
+This little Sezane coin purse is the perfect size for carrying a minimal amount of jewelry while traveling. Could not recommend more. Small enough to keep on your person at all times, too, in case you aren’t comfortable leaving in your room. I traveled with only these Aureum studs, Madewell wavy hoops (exact style sold out, similar here), and my Dorsey Clemence.
+More travel memoranda: this Amazon cosmetics case was incredible — packs a lot and you can quickly find what you are looking for! I can’t believe it’s only $20. I also followed the Magpie reader hack of decanting serums into contact lens cases — worked like a charm! Totally leak-free and perfect for small amounts. And, of course, a full-size Cocofloss because I’m never without it. More great Magpie skincare travel strategies here in the comments. I’m wearing, of course, my Lake heart jammies. You can still order from their Valentine’s collection in time for V-Day! I will say, though, that Negative Underwear takes the cake for clever heart day marketing. I laughed at the headings: “Stuff to Watch Rom Coms In: I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to buy her a Whipped set” and “Gifts to Self “Awww, you shouldn’t have.”-Me to me.” I will say everything from that whipped collection is beyond divine. The softest, stretchiest, dreamiest fabric.
+Mentally, I’m still at the beach club drinking pina coladas and/or looking out on the water at the Mayan ruins.
+Physically, I’m sitting at my desk, eating a bag of candy salad. (Have you heard about this TikTok phenomenon?)
+We had a lot of “STPs” this week. I’ve shared this in the past, but Mr. Magpie and I have informal meetings after the kids are down where we run through “STPs” or “Shoop Talking Points.” This is purely on an as-needed basis, and sometimes we will go a week without any at all. But the general gist is that we sit down with a note pad or iPhone note spilling over with items we need to discuss — logistics for the weekend, insurance claim updates, plans for mini’s seventh (?!) birthday, which gifts to send whom, etc., and work through them, item by item, assigning tasks to one another. The practice is hangover from running a business together: more efficient to tackle a suite of action items in one focused strategy session versus splintering them via text or quick pit-stops throughout the day. I know some of you have adapted the practice to your own lives, and that tickles me. Anyhow, this week we had a lot of STP sessions, which seemed like a signal that we have a lot going on in our lives right now — possibly too much. We could probably chart the stress-level of our lives via a heat map of STP sessions.
+I can’t quite string the logic together here, but when I was feeling underwater earlier this week, I found myself drawn like a moth to a flame to the Instagram food creator Hannah Taylor. Have you seen her? There is something about her that brings instant calm: everything is going to be just fine. Strip away what’s on your mind, have fun with life, eat a biscuit, why was I worried again? She has a beautiful, vivacious presence and is absolutely magnetic on camera. There is also a hilarious side-conversation about her loving interactions with her husband in many of the comments that I have enjoyed reading. (Watch this video / read the comments to see what I mean. The way he looks at her!!!)
+I was so, so excited about this PR package. Roz’s volumizing root spray (15% off with MAGPIE15) and T3’s Airebrush. Impressed with both — the airebrush is a higher-powered Revlon 1-Step, with more settings (including a cool air one). I am still very close to buying the AirWrap, though. I mentioned this a day or two ago, but several ladies on the trip were raving about it / saying that they couldn’t live without it / even packing it in their carry-ons because they considered it the most valuable part of their luggage. Not that it matters, but they did come out with a cute version in limited edition colors.
+OK, the Velvet Brylies arrived (wearing in photo at the top of this post as well as beneath) and I am obsessed. The perfect way to get in on the horseshoe trend without going whole…hoof? It’s a more tapered/tailored shape that is perfect for fellow petites. I’m going to take more full body shots this week so you can see how they look. Take your true size. These are goooood. I styled with my Ferazia blazer (truly one of my most worn wardrobe pieces this winter — snap it up while on super sale!), this Sezane top, and originally my Celine phone sling but swapped out for my bigger APC Grace bag (on sale for under $400!!) when meeting up with a girlfriend for lunch and then picking up my children from a half day at school. The APC Grace small bag is big enough to fit my Kindle, which was requisite because I have not been able to pass a spare moment without reaching for Demon Copperhead. Magpies, you advised me on this book for months and months, and reader, you were right. I am 70% done at the time of writing this little missive and it is easily the best book I’ve read since Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tom Lake. I can’t wait to talk all about it in an upcoming post.
+I felt like my outfit needed a pop of color so I added these bright red flats for some punch. You can’t see them in these two photos, but at the top photo, you can also see I’m still wearing my gold knot earrings from Aureum allll the time. I love the vintage 80s vibe? They are super lightweight, though. The team sent me a code: 20% off with code JENS20.
+OK, Magpies. That’s all we have this week. Take care of yourself, friends — take a break if you need to, watch some Hannah Taylor, enjoy some candy salad. Tread softly!
