Musings + Essays
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Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 254: On Releasing People from Expectations.

By: Jen Shoop

*Image above via Anina Hee. I love (!) the look. I believe the boots are actually Jimmy Choo’s Mavis in a kitten heel they no longer make but you can get the look for less with these fab Staud ones, currently on sale!

My Latest Snag: Striped Furlanes.

My new summer uniform shoes just arrived: striped furlanes! I love the idea of pairing these with white denim and a white top for a crisp, casual look or with a navy shirtdress for something a bit more elevated.

P.S. Note that Daphne Wilde is running a sale at the moment!

You’re Soooo Popular: Outerwear + Stripes.

The most popular items on le blog this week:

the fashion magpie blog best sellers

GORGEOUS SPRING FLORAL DRESS

SPORTS BRA — LOVE THIS COLOR

CABLEKNIT CARDI (ON SALE FOR $60)

PEPLUM RUNNING JACKET

BABY BJORN MINI — ONE OF MY TOP 10 FAVORITE ITEMS OF BABY GEAR; EASIEST CARRIER TO USE

SKI JACKET

STRIPED BUTTON-FRONT PULLOVER

KULE TEE (ON SALE!)

QUILTED TOTE

STRIPED SWIMSUIT

MELAMINE PLATE SET

WOVEN VASE

LETTERPRESS STATIONERY

Not seen in above collage but also very popular:

THIS CROSSBODY

STRIPED KHAITE-INSPIRED SWEATER

MARK CROSS-ESQUE BOX BAG FOR $40

DYSON HAIR DRYER DUPE

DOEN-ESQUE CARDI (UNDER $50!)

$28 SWEATSHIRT FOR A LITTLE

Weekend Musings: On Releasing People from Expectations.

A former colleague of mine recently sent a life update in which he shared a Shamanic blessing that had meant a lot to him over the course of the previous year:

“I release my partner from the obligation to complete me. I release my parents from the feeling they failed with me. I release my children from the need to bring me pride, so they can write their own paths to the rhythm of their hearts. I don’t lack anything. I cherish my essence, my way of expressing it, even if not everyone can understand me. I learn from all beings, all the time. I honor the divinity in you and me.”

It is a lot to absorb in a single gulp. But I have found myself returning to the notion of “release” since. How often do I enter a conversation, interaction, parenting moment with a sense of expectation? On a certain level, this is natural — even beautiful, flattering! — as I feel I learn to open up and rely on people the more they consistently show me their love, loyalty, consideration. And so having high expectations of the ones we love is in a sense a compliment, or a token of respect.

And yet.

I love the way this blessing reminds me to center myself. To release people from those unspoken obligations and expectations I certainly carry with me. To give others space to be themselves, express themselves, care for themselves. I really needed to hear this recently to maneuver through a tough moment in a relationship where I was called to quietly honor someone else’s decision and release her from my own desires and expectations for a certain set of circumstances. It took effort. But I was happy to lean on the phrase: “I release xxx from yyy” and remember to cinch in the circumference around what I can control (versus cannot).

Shopping Break.

+These popular rattan frames were restocked but are flying!

+J. Crew’s end-of-season sale is insane! For you: my favorite classic black pump on sale for like $75 (!); tissue turtlenecks for $8; a $50 utility jacket. For your little one: adorable gingham jammies for $10; an $18 cableknit heart sweater; sweet patterned leggings for $6; and this sherpa jacket for under $50. (<<I bought all of these items for mini!)

+The sale is a great time for little boy basics, too — micro owns several of these henleys and pocket tees (great for layering) and I have loved him in this sophisticated little cashmere polo sweater (only $16)!

+Majorly eyeing these shoes for spring.

+Is this not the sweetest birthday dress for a little love? (Sibling match option here.)

+How fun is this bag strap?! Very Hermes.

+Has anyone tried these blemish patches?! Intrigued by reviews. I have to say that I’ve had my fair share of mask-ne (acne from mask-wearing).

+Meant to include this gorgeous skirt (70% off!) in my designer sale roundup. J’adore! Layer over a white swimsuit or pair with a white tee and go on your chic way!

+A crisp $24 striped button-down. Total essential. Love wearing tops like these (unexpected!) under overalls!

+This $80 rattan table would be so cute in a playroom / nursery / play area.

+Just added these enclosure cards to my cart.

+A great throw-on-over-anything cardigan.

+This top is absolutely gorgeous! Love the shape, back, color. And under $100!

+I did end up ordering a few of the items in my most recent children’s post and am mainly excited for this everyday dress to arrive for mini!

+A gorgeous $128 wedding guest dress.

+Adore this silver bow frame for a special photo.

+Love the color of these thermal joggers.

+Cutest tennis skirt of all time.

+For your lego-loving little’s next birthday party

+Mercury glass candle holders at a fantastic price.

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11 thoughts on “Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 254: On Releasing People from Expectations.

  1. Here to echo the endorsement for mighty patches (and most pimple patches – also love the ones Sephora carries!).

    Also, random q but I’ve been wondering this for a while: what constitutes “most popular” in your roundups? Most clicks? Most purchases? Most comments? So curious!

  2. I constantly remind myself that my expectations are too high and I need to lower them.
    But… (Can I have a but here?)
    Why can’t people remember basic courtesy! I have a BIG problem going out of my way to do something nice for someone and I never hear a peep (word) of appreciation back! It really bothers me. I bake chocolate chip cookies and go to neighbors and crickets! On New Years Day I made black eyed peas (a real Southern thing), delivered to neighbors and nothing! So now, I remind myself that I’m doing it because I want to do it and not for praise. It helps, but personally I think politeness/manners have left town!

    1. Hi Cynthia — I completely understand. I was talking with a friend recently about how I’m not sure whether I believe in the “love languages” concept but if it IS true or even mildly accurate, my love language is 100% “words of affirmation.” I really respond strongly to positive feedback/encouragement/recognition/just being seen. So I relate to your note on a profound level!!

      xx

  3. I love pimple patches generally, but recommend the Rael brand. But I also recently tried Mighty Patch “rescue balm” for the day after you patch, and I recommend!

  4. Oh, Jen, I needed that reminder!

    I recently had a friend break up (or rather came to the realization that I had overestimated my relationship with someone and now see them more clearly as an acquaintance.) I had been struggling with the idea of x letting me down /hurting my feelings without x really doing anything necessarily wrong…and now I realize it’s all expectation management. How freeing it is to release both of us from any pre-determined expectations.

    Thank you x million.

    1. Hi Veronica! I’m so glad these words appeared at the right time for you. I just went through a similar situation and these words really helped me, too!

      xx

  5. Great article – thank you!
    I just tried Mighty Patch! One pimple totally disappeared by morning. The other pimple went down by more than half & disappeared that day. Wow!

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