In May, I walk out the side door off our mud room and find shell-pink roses in bloom. They bring to mind my girlhood friend Elizabeth, who passed away when I was 25. I can’t explain the connection, just that I go outside, and she is there. A few times a year, her memory comes to me in the early morning, too — a warm, golden presence before I am fully awake. These visitations happen less and less as I age, a secondary loss to grieve.
It startles me, how deeply I have missed her, even all these years later. She was just — my God, so rare in her goodness, her vitality. I know this is an absurd, inappropriate thing to say, but: no one deserved death less. I think Elizabeth was the first friend who fully loved me all the way around. If she had a bad thought about me, I never saw it expressed — not in gesture, not in silence, certainly not in word. She had a rare capacity for wholesale love, the “come as you are” kind. She had an open field heart. She just loved and loved and loved, no fences to it. I could tell her anything, and she would receive it without reproach. She must have been grappling with her own coming of age but it seemed as if Elizabeth was always complete, fully-formed, capable of mature reassurance and reasoning. She was an older sister figure to me, even though we were in the same grade. I needed one. I doubt I gave her half of what she gave to me, but I loved her, and I know she knew this. I know she knows this.
I was thinking of her this morning, finding her in the faces of those May roses. I sometimes wonder, “would she text me about her kids?” if she had survived? Torment, these thoughts. But then I see that the May bloom has re-laid a tender line of connection between the two of us. And I walk upstairs to my studio, and I find her waiting for me here, too, on the other side of the blinking cursor. The open field heart, the confessions by our lockers, my silly nickname for her — LIPPY — across a decoupage box full of our secret notes to one another. I write about it all, and she comes back to me. In the May dawn, in the open page: she is not lost to me, she can never be lost to me.
Post-Scripts.
The May roses in large part shaped the line from this poem on the Artemis II crew:
“I can’t tell you the wild hope this gives me,
the way we search for the deceased in the faces of flowers and asterisms,
the great distances we go to honor the departed.”
Elizabeth’s signature is everywhere! This, also, reassures me.
By the way, I have never received more requests for a print version of my work than I did for this poem, and I just signed off with a letterpress studio to make beautiful letterpress prints of it, along with a couple of other pieces you have asked for over the years. I can’t wait to make these available — stay tuned.
In other thrilling news about my work, Southern Living listed Small Wonders as one of “The 10 New Books Everyone Will Be Talking About This May.” I was astonished when I woke up to this yesterday morning. I had just also learned from my publisher that Small Wonders is officially in reprint, meaning we’ve sold through all the copies from the first run. I have Magpies to thank for this. I am completely over the moon — thank you, thank you, thank you, for inviting me into your lives and onto your bookshelves!
For some reason, the Southern Living feature also felt like a tie-back to Elizabeth; her mother was from the South and kept copies of this magazine in her house. I think she would have been tickled by this. Maybe she is.
Shopping Break.
+When I polled Magpies about what we’re reading, a few of you mentioned this book from 2019! I’m wondering why the title has resurfaced all of the sudden? Can anyone shed light or share thoughts? It’s one of an eight part series, and the reviews liken the author to Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, P.G. Wodehouse, and L. M. Montgomery (!). Official description: “The Year is 1883 and Emma M. Lion has returned to her London neighborhood of St. Crispian’s. But Emma’s plans for a charmed and studious life are sabotaged by her eccentric Cousin Archibald, her formidable Aunt Eugenia, and the slightly odd denizens of St. Crispian’s.” I added this to my TBR pile.
+Cutest striped pajamas, and you can have them personalized! (What a special gift, to add initials or a nickname.) We’ve shifted our summer travel itinerary to include a couple days in London and I feel like these are exactly what I should sleep in there.
+A chic alt to a laundry basket (in another life, I live in Provence and have baskets like these all over my home, and everything is scented lavender). This basket is 20% off right now. Speaking of laundry: this is my all-time favorite detergent. I save it for bedding and meter it out carefully — the scent is absolutely divine. I also have the linen spray in this scent, and my daughter is obsessed with it — she often asks if she can spritz it around her room (and I’ll sometimes use it on her lacrosse/soccer bags…). I also spritz it in our closets, on our towels, on the throw pillows in our guest bedroom before guests are about to arrive. Such a delicate and clean scent.
+This breezy white dress is Jenni Kayne coded, but currently on sale (at time of writing) for $101. I love the idea of it with a structured sandal like this.
+Still obsessed with this sweatshirt — it’s the kind of thing I throw on over pajamas, linen or gauze pants, jean shorts, athleisure, even a little sundress in the summer when I’m cold. Love the unfinished hem. Very nautical-chic in the faded navy (varsity) color.
+My favorite pair of eyeglasses in a fun blue color. (Why not?!) Also come in a more demure tortoise.
+Some great and well-priced outdoor living finds: I just picked up two of these charming rechargeable stick lamps ($30 each). I love the height — it’s actually perfect for a dining table, not too high; it feels intimate and chic. Also loving the outdoor cushions from this brand, including these scalloped stripe throw pillows and these seat cushions. Finally: chic jute rug (use code JEN15).
+This is a summer travel and pool essential: a packable straw hat. This is Eric Javits’ best selling style — I love the slightly frayed edge. So chic!
THE UNSELECTED JOURNALS OF EMMA M. LION // GREAT EYEGLASSES FOR PETITE FACES // STRIPED PAJAMAS // ASHEVILLE BASKET (20% OFF) // DIVINE LAUNDRY DETERGENT // STRIPED SEAT CUSHIONS // RECHARGEABLE STICK LAMPS // SCALLOPED OUTDOOR PILLOWS // JUTE RUG // PACKABLE STRAW HAT // BREEZY WHITE SUNDRESS // LOF “VARSITY” SWEATSHIRT // MARGAUX SANDALS
BTW, just updated my Amazon storefront with my latest finds, including the BEST kitchen towels (come in such fun prints — great little house guest gift too), a pack of scissors (mine tend to sprout legs and wander off; I try to keep these in multiple parts of the house); the aforementioned scalloped outdoor pillows; an attractive step ladder you won’t mind keeping out; the best laundry detergent; and a quilted mattress topper with great reviews. More here!
FAVORITE KITCHEN TOWELS // PASTEL SCISSOR SET // ATTRACTIVE STEP LADDER // BEST LAUNDRY DETERGENT // SCALLOPED OUTDOOR PILLOWS // MATTRESS TOPPER
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