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“Sometimes it is necessary / to reteach a thing its loveliness / to put a hand on its brow / of the flower / and retell it in words and in touch / it is lovely / until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing”
-Galway Kinnell
I read those words and thought of my unraveling a few years ago. It was a strenuous time in a difficult relationship in which I forgot myself, or rather, trusted the warped image of myself created by another and handed back to me. I was looking in the funhouse mirror; it was me, wasn’t it? Rough where I thought I was soft, with my heart shrunken to a lead button. It took a long time to come back. To look in the right kinds of windows and mirrors. No one tells you how long this takes, actually. It’s years; it’s forever. It’s an ongoing practice of saying, “No, that’s not me; no, that’s not for me,” and of tottering around on fawn legs as you re-learn how to see the good inside. Embarrassing, maybe, but in those early days, I found myself clinging to two memories as though a storm-tossed sailor wrapped around a cracked mast: the first, in my sister’s tiny 81st street apartment, sitting on the floor. I was maybe twenty-six, and she was saying to my future brother-in-law: “Oh Jen could never do that – she’s a good person.” And another, via email, from my sister-in-law: “Jen, you are a good person. Read that back to yourself.” Together, the click train that helped me echolocate myself when I was lost.
Which is to say, “sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness.” No one ever suffered from an extra word of encouragement, a bonus “look at you; you’re lovely.”
A woman commented on my “10 I Love Yous” post: “You could also say “I love you.” So many times people do all of those things but that.” I can’t stop thinking of this. Yes, you can wring “I love yous” from deed and gesture, but sometimes you need to hear the words, too.
Stop for a minute, Jen: run downstairs to tell Landon just how good and smart and kind he is. How I saw the way he spoke to his aunt’s boyfriend at the funeral: tender, earnest. “Hang in there, buddy.” Take the children into your arms when they return from school, clothing stained with paint and peanut butter, dirt under their nails: “You are every good thing. You are exactly what this family needs. You are loved just as you are.”
Post-Scripts.
+I cannot believe the LA wildfires continue to burn. It is devastating. Many good people are doing good things to help — one small operation that spoke to me today was this Altadena Girls group. You can send supplies (skincare, school gear, grooming tools) to teenage girls impacted or displaced by the wildfires via Amazon. Address here; wishlist here.
+Things I know for certain. (Turns out, not a lot.)
Shopping Break.
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+Into this new denim silhouette from J. Crew.
+Most comfortable flats in the the most gorgeous chocolate brown suede.
+Cool oversized long-sleeved tee to throw on with leggings. I also love my AYR Early Mornings tee for this.
+Rose-scented counter spray in chic packaging.
+CUTE cropped red puffer on sale for $50 at the time of writing this. Reminds me in general ethos of my red Varley puffer, which I have basically been wearing exclusively for the past few cold snowy weeks! (Gap also has a vest version!)
+This Zara cape is SO good. It’s not as oversized as the styles from Toteme but feels adjacent in vibe.
+Love this dramatic trench. Also like J. Crew’s new $148 raincoat!
+Chic acrylic laptop stand and a wide leather-effect desktop pad/blotter to upgrade your desk-scape!
+Butter yellow (and other pastels) trending for spring. Love this with a light-wash denim.
+Fun statement fleece, nearly sold out. A few more sizes available here and here.
+Laundry upgrade.
+A Magpie reader wrote enthusiastically about this Jones Road eyeshadow — going to test! Lately, I’ve been loving this palette by Makeup by Mario when I have the time to really apply, and when I’m in a rush, I just swipe on a dab of this Jillian Dempsey lid tint in the taupe color.
+A few of the items above would be SO chic altogether —
ZARA CAPE // HEAVEN MAYHEM EARRINGS // J. CREW JEANS // BOTTEGA BAG (LOOK FOR LESS HERE, HERE, HERE) // LOEFFLER RANDALL LEONIE FLATS
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