One thing that charmed me last week: several older Magpies responded to my post about “weird things in my 40s” by saying things like: “Wait until you hit 60! Keeps getting better and better!” and “I’m onto my 50s and not much has changed except the parts about self-acceptance and pride…those continue to grow.” I was so encouraged! Thank you for the big sister energy you are bringing to this community.
It also made me wonder — what are the things you love about your life stage, whether you’re older than I am, younger than I am, or exactly the same age?
Tell us what we have to look forward to! Remind us of the good stuff right in front of us! Help us relive the magic and promise of our younger years! Mainly, show us that there are things to love wherever we find ourselves.
From my view, as a 41-year-old with children aged 6 and 8, the things I love about this life stage:
+The children are charmingly, refreshingly independent — can entertain themselves, can pour themselves breakfast cereal, can be sent out of doors to play with the neighbors, can carry on interesting conversation. They need much less direct supervision. This makes life feel a lot roomier.
+The children also love to spend time with me, curl up in my arms for a hug, believe in Santa, and look like babies. (They’re still little.)
+Everyone sleeps well.*
+My parents and in-laws are here with us. It’s a golden age — having kids old enough to enjoy and build relationships with their wonderful grandparents!
+My body is strong and able! I truly think I’m in the best shape of my life right now. And I do not take my good health for granted!
+Family adventures are fun and relatively easy for everyone. Big ones like Disney and skiing but also small ones, like trips to the movies, neighborhood walks, special stops at Starbucks, etc! The children are excited to do whatever we’re doing (no teenage angst) and capable of following us almost anywhere with minimal planning (i.e., no naps, no diaper bags, no snack/screen strategy, etc).
+My parents live five minutes from me.
+My marriage with my husband continues to deepen and support me in the most surprising ways. I honestly had no idea to expect marriage would look like 15 years in — would things calcify? relax? become routine? — but the relationship keeps getting better and softer and more worn-in. There is this one older couple I’ve always held as a paradigm for a successful marriage. They speak gently to one another, and about one another. There is grace and deep respect. That’s where I feel we’re headed.
+Easier to make decisions because I have real experience to draw from and, more importantly, have learned to trust myself.
+The gap between my ambition and my reality continues to shrink in many areas — work, desired lifestyle, even the way my home looks and feels!
+Find more joy in the daily living of my life than ever before. I think this is because I’ve routinely practiced the art of noticing the good stuff in its smallest denominations — coffee in a favorite mug, the way my studio feels on a rainy day, the familiar sound of my husband making dinner downstairs.
+A lot of big life questions have been answered — through the baby years, no plans to move, committed to a vocation. I’m surprised by how good it feels to be settled.
+Per my post on “weird things in my 40s,” I feel like a true expert in “Jen” — and I’m proud of who she is. This also means I care less and less about what other people think. (…Finally!)
+Easier to gain perspective and take the long view. I can get over minor hurts and disappointments much more quickly than I used to.
+The seeds I planted decades ago are now bearing fruit. (My book will be available for preorder in February, OH MY GOD –)
Post-Scripts.
*Well, sometimes perimenopausal anxiety (“are you a loser?” lol) interrupts my sleep, but generally we’re pretty solid sleepers! Wake-ups from the children are few and far between, and they let us sleep in until 8 most weekends!
+Instructions for a good life.
+What would you tell your 20-year-old self?
+It helps to name what you love.
+Image via.
Shopping Break.
+These bestselling cashmere pants were just restocked. I own and love!
+New arrivals at La Ligne: perfect black tie gown and mini marin in new colors.
+Intrigued by these new “carpenter” pants from Leset — especially in this burgundy color.
+Burgundy velvet ballet flats — drool.
+How I’d style the flats for every day —
VELVET FLATS // AYR LEGEND JEANS // ALEX MILL CARDIGAN // BURBERRY COAT // CELINE BAG // RHODE POCKET BLUSH
+Gorgeous new arrival at ME+EM.
+Charming chunky knit. Vibe for a lot less here.
+Regretting not buying this “facial essence” while it was a Cyber Week deal. Did anyone get it? What do you think? Worth it?
+Cute activity for Christmas break. My kids love to do this with me!
+Reminder that this is the best facial cotton on earth.
+Cutest winter boots for girls — remind me of our Inuikiis!
+Loving chartreuse this season. This knit skirt is SO good.
+Intrigued by this jewelry cleaning kit.
+Love this velvet dress by SEA and this dramatic fringed top, too!
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Feeling confident in myself. Not settled, because early motherhood is a time of great change no matter when you experience it. But confident, rooted. Attractive. Secure. Some days are a grind and some days everything feels dipped in gold. I have systems that work for me and my home functions the way I want to. I’m very happy in my home, but it’s less about the place itself and more about its rhythms.
The ages my kids are (4 and 2) is a font of endless delight. Christmases feel like real magic. I’m tired because my days are full of conflict resolution and negotiation, but hearing my kids discover their love for each other and develop hobbies is so special. They love music so much!!
I have a circle of friends that’s really nice. Not as intense as friendship in your twenties, but I go out of my way to deepen those bonds by running errands or doing favors or being vulnerable myself. Everyone’s trying to pretend they can do it all without help, but that doesn’t make a deep community.
“Days that are dipped in gold” — ! So sweet. These are the good ol days, aren’t they?
xx
Thank you so much for this prompt, Jen! Lately I feel that I’ve been hard on myself after going through some very frustrating physical changes at age 45. I appreciate the prompt to see the silver lining! One of which is — I have been strength training and I didn’t ever think I could reach the weight that I lift now. And yet here I am, doing it! So while my old clothes don’t fit, I know I am getting stronger and building a foundation for the next decades of my life. A gift to my future self!
And 100 percent agree on caring less about what others think. It’s so freeing.
You are so fortunate to live so close to your parents! I often wish I could teleport myself half a world away.
I feel you, Mia — I also feel like my body is not really my own right now / has a mind of its own / is not behaving as it has for the previous 40 years. It is so frustrating. Like you, I’ve been focusing more on strength and am honestly impressing myself with how strong I’ve become!!!
xx
At 45, I’m really enjoying the long view in so many different ways. When I was younger, I was much more impatient, I had a temper, I was so reactionary, etc. etc. But having lived through a number of challenges, I’ve mellowed so much! I know to remind myself that something is just a phase, hard times pass, and often they turn out to be blessings in the long run. I’m also better at seeing things coming and can head them off or prep for them. There’s so much more ease than my angsty youth haha.
An unexpected side benefit is that I’ve found a lot of gratification in helping other women who have gone through similar (fertility) issues as me. It was such a confusing and fraught time, so I’m glad I get to be a support and resource now in ways that I didn’t have. And often it’s not even giving specific advice, it’s just walking through it with them and giving them space for all of their feelings– “I know, it sucks, you’re allowed to be mad.”
Thanks for this prompt! It’s nice to celebrate our age as women!
I love this note about being able to support other women going through phases you previously survived. I hadn’t realized it until you mentioned it here, but I definitely feel a calling to support women going through specific hardships from my past, too — especially entrepreneurship and pregnancy loss. I know, an odd pairing, but I really love to support women going through either. Thanks for that note; it crystallized something in me.
Agree, too, about a greater measure of forbearance, patience, “let’s wait and see.”
Thank you Iris!!
xx
Jen, I love this prompt! I have to admit my first reaction as someone similar in age (turning 39 next week – eek!), was to immediately feel envious of the settled points in your life where I’m struggling – unsure if I want to have children, very much NOT feeling the strongest or healthiest I’ve ever been, and more confused about work than ever.
However, so many things you noted reminded me of all the good I do have! A similarly deep, comfortable and loving relationship with my husband. We’ve been together for 16 years and yet things feel somehow even more fun and relaxed than ever! A beautiful old co-op apartment that we bought a few years ago that we’re slowly but surely making feel like home. Deep friendships with friends from elementary school all the way through college – though I wish more of them lived close by! And a wonderful relationship with my parents who also live in DC and whom I see weekly, whether for long dinners or a quick pop through where my dad inevitably gives me an article he saved from the physical copy of the paper and my mother packs a bag of various produce items (shallots! avocados! cake she made!) and sends me on my way.
You’ve given me lots to think about as I enter this last year of my 30s, how to make the most of it and truly enjoy it!
Sofia! I love these notes and also related to your vulnerable and very real comment about feeling envious of certain other markers that other people your/our age seem to have hit. I can’t tell you how much of my 30s I spend wishing I had a more straight-forward career path. It was really hard for a long, long time — both in the actual doing of it and then in the way I’d have to constantly explain myself (or it felt that way — probably no one else cared that much, LOL). Anyway, it was difficult for me not to measure myself against / envy my friends who seemed to have their careers on lock. It made me feel like I was very far behind. But then reframing to think about all the things I HAD done was eye-opening…
I love your list of things to love right now. Living close to parents is such a gift — I relate to this one intimately! 🙂
xx
I’m 30, and we bought our first house (a city row home!) a couple years ago. I didn’t expect how much it would help me feel rooted in my community. I’m involved with a local animal rescue, a regular at my neighborhood yoga studio, and my husband and I frequent the coffee shop down the block. There are so many restaurants we can walk to, for a quick drink, a casual bite, or a fancy sit-down meal. This has been a delight! There are many things I am eagerly anticipating (a baby…..hopefully soon), but I am very grateful for my sense of place in this season.
Oh I LOVE this — that feeling of connection to the place you live is so powerful! And putting down real roots, belonging to a place! Bravo – great life milestone!! And so lovely that you’re so aware of it.
xx
While I don’t want to minimize or sugar coat the serious challenges that can begin to pop up in your late 40s and 50s, there are so many things I love! I can’t improve on the positives you listed except to say that good friendships continue to deepen, a happy marriage will continue to strengthen and the teen years can be some of the best years. My mother always claimed that her favorite stage of being a parent was the teen years, which I had a hard time believing. She loved teens so much that she became heavily involved with an international high school exchange student program! Every stage and age has its own joys and challenges, but I also love the teen years. I have 5 late teen/early 20s goddaughters that I’m close with, along with my son, and it’s been so much fun discussing crushes and life plans and hearing funny stories about various adventures. I’m glad I can also offer some advice, lots of commiseration and support, fun presents and even the occasional weekend trip when needed too! It’s also a reminder that culturally we sometimes romanticize our twenties as our best years, but they are also full of challenges!
This is so fascinating and reassuring/encouraging about the teen years, and also about the 40s and 50s! Thanks so much for sharing these perspectives here. I agree with your note about over-romanticizing the 20s. Every phase is a good phase, but there was a lot of chaos and comparison during that time, and I personally feel a little anxious remembering how unsettled / unclear my life felt at that time…
xx