This morning, republishing a piece from the archives. I love you, Landon.
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We spent five years in Chicago, Illinois. Most of it was a winter that howled, then stilled, around us. It was hard to get warm; harder to suppress my complaints amidst the unfazed Midwesterners, who would walk through the cold as though ermine in tundra: light on their feet, adaptive. We were enduring winters of other kinds, though. We lost a pregnancy and a business there, and I felt at that time as though we were two wayfarers cutting a path against an open plainland. But there are always at least two stories, and usually hundreds, to any year. Because amidst the shortest and darkest parts of Illinois, we bought our first house, and laid on our backs on its roof making fragile promises to one another about our future, and celebrated New Year’s Eve with champagne and oysters and candlelight, and walked out of Prentice Women’s Hospital shielding our baby from the wind.
In that time in Chicago, we realized what it had meant when my father had said, on the night before our wedding, reading the words from The Exhortation Before Marriage:
“This union, then, is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly influence your whole future.
That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes.
…And so not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.
Truly, then, these words are most serious.”
When I recalled these confidences in Illinois, I thought back to our wedding day, and saw us as two young lovers crouched against a lee. We couldn’t have known what lay on the other side. We knew only how warm and happy it was to huddle together.
But when I remember these words now, I see that Chicago shaped us into the lee itself, our backs a shared shelter against the wind.
Love can do that, you know.
It can shapeshift into rock just as easily as it can into chamomile, and heat, and a soft touch, and the light left on in the window, and the pilgrim crocuses of spring.
Which is to say, life will ask a lot of you, but love will continue to provide the provisional form you need to bear through.
Post-Scripts.
+Marriage is…many things. (I’ve had a couple Magpies use this adapted/shortened version of the piece as readings in their weddings, which has to be the best compliment my writing has ever received. I had a handful of copies printed on nice paper to send to those Magpies who requested to read it in their services/ceremonies, so let me know if you are planning to use it in your wedding and I can send you one of these. My little gift!)
+Marriage is also an act of optimism.
+In spite of its hardships, we loved Chicago. I wrote a love letter to it here.
+And New York is, still, a shock.
Shopping Break.
+Marea is launching a big fall collection today, and I predict their new bandana shawl cardigan and tartan wool skirt will fly!
+Ooh la la, new fall terry sets from Julia Amory! Love the olive green. Use code JEN-15. Suzie Kondi also has fantastic upscale terry sets for the season — I especially love their Paxos pants and the matching sweatshirts. Note that Suzie Kondi runs a tad small. I would go up a size.
+Madewell is running a 25% off fall promo! I love this quilted gingham jacket, this denim tie-neck shirt, and these sweatshirts (you can have them personalized!)!
+New and highly versatile skirt over at Tnuck.
+Obsessed with this fine-gauged knit polo. I have it in red. So polished! Would be great for my workerbee Magpies with a pair of fall trousers — I’ve heard SUCH good things about this pair from Aritzia, which comes in a ton of chic colors, and is especially beloved because the material doesn’t wrinkle! (Good for work trips!). Also comes in short, regular, and tall lengths!
+If you don’t like the short-sleeved polo sweater look, they also have a very chic long-sleeved variation in a thicker/plusher knit. I own one of these from last season. It has such an elevated, intentional shape / look!
+As we head into cooler weather, I have to remind you of / rave about these insanely clever vests from Uniqlo. They are super low-profile/thin but keep you very warm. You can layer beneath a coat without it adding any bulk, and the collar is adjustable so you can wear beneath like a double breasted wool coat without compromising the neckline. I wore mine SO MUCH last fall. A great layer if you run cold like I do. Did I mention they’re under $60?! This is the kind of thing I’d buy my sisters for Christmas. Also already eyeing some of these $29 heattech cashmere-blend turtlenecks!
+Cool striped taffeta pants — $200!
+Did anyone order the iPhone18? We upgrade our phones every few years and we’re due for one this round! I just ordered a new case for it — I really like these ones! Leopard is also fun/unexpected. Imagine with your dark rinse denim and a cashmere sweater and trench coat! Fun little pop!
+I feel like everyone should know about this — but this “beeswrap” stuff is THE BEST for preserving cheese. Air is the enemy when it comes to preventing molding! And you can just rinse them clean with soap and a sponge when needed, let air dry, and reuse. We’re obsessed.
+I actually love a bunch of the products that Grove carries, including these pre-cut parchment liner sheets (!!! makes life sooo much easier and prevents me from wasting scraps), this kids’ bubble bath (clean ingredients, but really foams up, and not crazy $$$ — my son loves this), and basically anything from the Koala Eco line.
+For imminent inclement weather: Varley makes a great rain jacket (I own a slightly shorter length version of this style from a past season and LOVE IT). Pair with the shorter Hunter boot styles (I think these are more flattering and modern) or my Croc boat shoes!
+Rails has some really pretty new fall arrivals — smitten with this sweater (paired with this skirt); this jacket (have been noticing these kinds of button closures all over the place this season!); this pretty fall blouse (almost sold out); and this whimsical cardi.
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I am loving the Croc boat shoes! The Crocs site says to size up. Did you find that to be true?
Hi! Yes, these run small!
This is so beautifully written. Also, I had my first baby at Prentice in Chicago, too!
Thank you, Claire! And omg! I had a view of Lake Michigan!!
xx
I actually just got the Aritizia pants! I got them in plum to add some variation to neutral tops for work. The fabric does wrinkle slightly, but not badly, and I like that they wash easily. I cannot handle too many dry clean only items these days, taking them in is such a pain. I will say the pants run quite long. I am 5’4, so just on the edge of petite, and I got the short inseam and it still needs to be hemmed. As-is would only work in at least two inch heels, and I’ll be mostly wearing them with flats.
Great intel! Thanks for sharing. Love the plum color too!
xx
this is so very beautiful about marriage
Thank you, friend. xx
Sometimes I look at our wedding photo and think, “those kids have NO IDEA!” Lol I was 35 but still…in the intervening nearly-10 years we have weathered so much. Two miscarriages, our oldest going through cancer treatment before her 2nd birthday, surgery for 3 out of the 4 of us, and the usual big and small adulting/homeowner crises. But also moments of joy and God’s clear provision for us! And everything in between – sometimes all at once. Thank goodness for the shelter of love!!
Ahhh I know! I think the same thing. I had just turned 25 when we got married. What a baby!
I love the phrase you’ve offered up here: “Thank goodness for the shelter of love.” Amen amen. Sounds like you two have weather quite the storm huddled together.
xx
This instantly called up two of my favourite songs of all time:
Apartment Story by The National
Old, Old Fashioned by Frightened Rabbit
The former completely encapsulates the sort of intimate universal-building of shared space with a partner. From the opening lyric, it’s a fly-on-the-wall window into a relationship that reinforces the sense, over and over, that the kingdom of love is a million bricks assembled over time, lived in together.
The latter, my wedding first dance song, takes the sentiment further of stripping back that intimacy to the space of ordinary moments made extraordinary. The summoning to focus on what really matters, the barefoot everyday, the stripping back to staying up talking all night because there’s never not something to say and drifting off peaceably in a shared bed. The essential companionship of just being together, the shared silences, the unerring in between of always and no matter what.
I adore the image of being on the roof in Chicago so much, too xx
OMG – your descriptions of these songs are so stirring and evocative! Adding to my playlist immediately. TY!
You really captured it well with the image of talking into the wee hours of the night. Landon calls these “dream talks.” We still have them — those nights we just sit up, two silhouettes in the night, talking because it feels good to be together.
xx
This is beautiful! The line about the happy huddle brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you friend. xx