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I’ve had this theory for years that you only have three pins you can proficiently juggle at a time. For me, the first two are always family and writing, and so it’s the third category that invites regular contemplation. Will it be friendship? Particularly good sleep hygiene? Exercise? Reading? Television? Socialization? Involvement in the kids’ extracurriculars? Travel? I have time for fractional amounts of all of these things, of course, but I find that I can stave off decision fatigue and the constant “should I do x or y today?” by hanging my hat on just one of these categories at a time for a period of a few weeks (usually two or four week increments, in my case). It makes life much simpler when I can reflexively say: “Nope, this is my exercise groove, I’ll have to keep my schedule clear of lunch and coffee dates for a few weeks now” or “I’m in my reading groove — I’d rather not start that new HBO series this week.”
I was reminded of this truth this week as I watched Mr. Magpie head to the driving range and golf course a few times. I’d love to join him, but I’m in my own exercise groove and there isn’t enough give in my schedule to layer in another activity (particularly one so time-intensive). It’s OK, I reassured myself. That can be “the third pin” later this summer.
One thing this provisional theory helps me avoid? The sensation of doing lots of things half-well. I’m tired of that routine. I’m after a lifestyle that makes me feel like I’m doing what I’m doing well, or at least “wholly,” and with intention. I’m not sure I like the fractional life, where I’m splitting minutes between multiple screens, multiple demands, multiples roles. Some of this, especially in early motherhood or if you have a demanding job, is unavoidable, but wherever possible — let’s look for round numbers. I’ve seen this word floating around for a few years now: multi-hyphenate. The concept is that we carry many roles that refuse to resolve into one cute title, and so we see people on Linked-In with the subheader: “Writer-Entrepreneur-Investor-Mother-Volunteer” instead of “Author.” I feel multiple conflicting things about this. I love the idea of recognizing all the different hats we wear, especially the ones that typically go unseen, and applauding the fact that a woman contains multitudes. The multitudes sentiment is doctrinal for me. But sometimes I see that phrase and think: “But I just want to be one person, focused on one thing at a time.” I don’t want to be stretched across a string of en-dashes. Unrealistic and unresolved viewpoints, but such is life, where many things can be simultaneously true.
Anyhow, a few other things I try to do that help in the pursuit of “seeking whole numbers”:
01. The evening buffer. I’ve written about this before, but I try to “close up shop” ten minutes before our nanny leaves and I’m expected to clip, unceremoniously, into mom mode. This gives me enough time to toggle between roles and wind down my whirling writing mind. Key in this moment: 1) crossing everything off my to-do list and reassigning to another day if I’ve not gotten to it (this visual helps me defer thinking about what I need to do until the appropriate time); 2) re-setting my desk so it’s ready for the next morning (all my notepads in a stack, a glasses and wrappers cleared, all pens back in their cups); and 3) turning off the lights. Goodbye to all that! I often refresh my makeup and even change outfits to mark the transition, too. Think about it: back in the day, we had the commute to decompress and switch into family mode. We’d also change out of suits and other uniforms into more casual attire. So many of these facilitators of transition are absent in the contemporary work culture. Here is a makeshift way to reclaim that important buffering time.
02. One screen at a time. If we’re watching TV, we try to keep our phones out of sight and reach. If we need to check our phones, we try to pause the TV. I’ve learned I absolutely despise the feeling of absorbing information from the TV and my phone at the same time — I emerge feeling fuzzy-headed, distracted. This is an easy place to start a tech detox. I will say it’s absolutely a challenge if we’re watching something with commercials. The impulse to “white out” the noise by checking emails, texts, etc is real!
03. Doing something relaxing without any technology. The crossword book, a jigsaw puzzle, a card game with the kids, a round of Azul, sitting on the front stoop sans phone, sitting on the back patio with my lunch! It astounds me how much fuller these experiences feel when uninterrupted by messages, beeps, alerts. (I saw a funny meme — “RIP, Pavlov – you would have loved iPhone notifications.”) The time passes more slowly. You notice more. You emerge feeling like you actually accomplished something, even though that something was just pleasure.
Any other suggestions?
Some little snapshots from my week…
Nail salon therapy (currently into “Russian Roulette” red from Essie and the Skittles gummies – both regular and sour flavors); we made green smoothies several times this week using this recipe book and these glass straws, in the Half Past Seven “water glasses” (they’re HUGE) — a perfect post-workout treat; Mr. Magpie “hardening off” the plants he grew from seed in our basement under grow-lights. (This is a process by which he exposes them to the elements for an hour, two hours, three hours at a time before bringing them back inside over a sequence of days so that they slowly acclimate to the intensities and harshnesses of the natural world — wind, rain, etc. A perfect reminder to go slow and easy during transition times.)
+Speaking of Half Past Seven — they sent me an early bouquet of Mother’s Day blooms. Such thoughtful women and I love all of their products, but especially their iconic lettuce leaf vase, which I’ve featured many times on the blog. The perfect shape and the ruffled rim beautifully fans the blooms out with minimal zhushing. When I shared this photo, I had a few questions about the table — it’s $119 at Urban Outfitters, and it frequently sells out. I have an Anthro tray on top!
+Warm enough this week for outdoor ice cream after dinner! And how is my boy looking so old here?!
+Sunday was a big spring cleaning day for us. Mr. Magpie assembled a bunch of shelving for the garage; I transferred my winter wardrobe into storage, including all of my knits in this beautiful cedar chest my parents gave me; and we donated a ton of clothing and baby gear that we’d been holding on to not because of sentimentality but because we just didn’t get around to it! Afterwards, we enjoyed margaritas (our recipe here) and some truffle popcorn as a happy hour treat. I love to keep the truffle popcorn on hand for hostess gifts.
+The rhythm of a weekend: event in Georgetown, date night with Mr. Magpie at Dauphine’s (absolutely delicious but a cavernous, loud space that did not match the sophistication of the food? ah! am I becoming an old crab-apple about noisiness in a restaurant?!), then rainy sports the next morning. (Followed by child’s birthday party — we’ve finally reached the drop-off years! — and a birthday party Mr. Magpie and I attended. It was nice to have a slow but productive Sunday of spring cleaning after all the activity.)
+Final notes: a lot of working out this week! I feel so good! These Nikes continue to be my steadfast companions. Don’t they put a smile on your face? And, I’m getting my teacher’s gifts sorted early. I found these cute notepads to bundle with a gift card!
P.S. 16 spring fashion finds under $200.
P.P.S. Seeing what’s at eye level.
“…let’s look for round numbers” I think is a great mantra in a time I’m always wishing for an extra half hour, or full hour, in my day – that phrase challenges me to make the most and best of what time I do have. I enjoy your tips (I’m trying to do more of a wind-down routine when I wrap up a WFH day instead of hurriedly logging off before throwing on workout clothes and rushing out the door for a class – even typing that out made me exhausted!). In college and in graduate school, a quick tip I had when studying at home was taking a break to paint my nails. It sounds silly, but having wet nails forced me to focus on taking a moment to myself and switch to single-tasking (maybe reading a few pages of a fiction book) instead of jumping between notebooks/pages/my computer’s keyboard.
I love this idea — so smart! You literally can’t do anything until they dry. Brilliant!
xx
I saw the pic of the plants and immediately thought of The Bear and how Carmy would have wanted Mr Magpie to cut the tape labels with scissors! Ha. Thanks for the tip on hardening off the plants – we are growing some tomatoes and flowers from seeds for the first time and I didn’t realize this step was needed!
Haha! Mr. Magpie loved the Carm ref! Good luck with the plants, friend! xx