Something I am craving in my life recently: quality time with girlfriends. Low-pressure, winding conversations that unfold around making a meal together or spending an afternoon poolside or listening to cicadas on a back porch while the condensation gathers on the glass. Basically not the kinds of gatherings that seem realistic right now; it’s always “lunch” sandwiched between meetings/errands or “coffee after drop off” or that half-distracted chatter while our kids are playing nearby. Writing that out, I think a few things:
+I’m pretty intuitive; I tend to know what I need. I should listen to this strumming.
+To hell with “what’s realistic.” The phrase “realistic gathering” sounds like hard tack. Why can’t I make space for these kinds of get-togethers? “Want to come over and make pizza?” “Should we make a pitcher of margaritas and sit in the front room for a few hours?” (People are often relieved when others make the plans — myself included.)
+But! Maybe this is not the season, you know? I am consciously pouring myself into this book. I can’t explain how much time has already gone into the book launch. We’re talking minute details like “what should the invitation to this event look like? should it use the same font as the book, can we get that font, etc?” and “how many seats can fit in x space?” and “if we did a print of one of the pieces, which would it be, and what kind of paper, and would it be color or not?” All sausage-making you don’t need to hear, but rest assured, I have been a (happy) busy bee behind the scenes because I want to see it thrive! It is my life’s work. It deserves my nurturing and fussing. I’m stage momming hard! I was telling my sister yesterday that 2026 is already a success in my personal accounting because my book will be published this year. I told her it feels like I baked the cake in 2025 and am about to enjoy it in 2026. And so maybe right now must be a season for leanness in social areas and fullness in my creative career. I’ve written about this somewhere recently, but I saw this quote: “some years are for letting go, and are others are for giving it a go.” It’s a go year for me. Maybe the biggest go of my creative life! And everything is trade-off. I hate the conceit that “anything you do is displacing something else” — because ugh. I’d rather an abundance mindset. “I’m adding to my life right now, not displacing something from it.” But sometimes it’s hard not to see it that way, you know? I can already feel the heft of launching this book in my weekly calendar. It’s as if it jumped into the hot tub and displaced half the water — !
Just grasping at straws here, but maybe some of you relate to this impossible kind of mathematics, and the eventual conclusion that “something’s gotta give,” and the hope that maybe 2027 will be the year of deepening friendships (or whatever it is you’re hungry for). Who knows; maybe that’s better timing. Kids a year older and more independent, etc. And why can’t I just accept what we have as enough right now? Not be so frictional, against the grain. Maybe the quick chat, the short lunch, are just fine for this moment. It can be enough of a drumbeat! The key is presence, I think. How can I fully empty my mind of everything but the company with me? Not skitter ahead to pick-up logistics or the to-dos on my docket. But real, round presence. A true showing-up.
How do you think about this, Magpies?
Other Happenings from the Week.
YES, I got bangs! I feel like a different woman! My friend saw me immediately after and said “wow, I love them – they’re edgy! not mom bangs!” which pleased me. Then I picked my son up from school and he burst into tears and wept for about five minutes in the backseat, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m not going to look at you until you grow your hair out!” he blubbered. I was trying my hardest not to laugh, but my God! Not the reception I’d anticipated. I understood, though: he is a tender soul and it’s a big change to see your mother with a completely different look! “I didn’t want you to change,” he sobbed. Poor bug. When we then picked up my daughter, she witnessed his tears and said, matter-of-factly: “Oh, Hill. You’ll get used to it.” Then she turned to me and said: “I like it, Mama.” Can we talk about the major big sister energy she was bringing to the car? Practical, pick-yourself-up, let’s-not-blow-this-out-of-proportion, and also sensing that his outburst might hurt my feelings. I loved her for it while I also saw myself in her. Already carrying that weight of wanting to keep the peace, smooth things over, boost people up and quiet others down. Whoooweeee big sisters!
In other news, I purchased tickets to see the “Wuthering Heights” movie on release day! It’s going to be part one of our Valentine’s Day date — after, we’re eating at Albi, which I’ve wanted to try for actual years. I have no idea how I got a reservation for that weekend actually. It was one of those kismet things where I randomly thought to check and maybe they’d just released new slots. Green lights all the way, I guess — life slipping me a $20! Landon and I are obsessed with their more casual sister restaurant, Yellow, in Georgetown. Anytime we’re in the vicinity, we must make a stop, and then we ooh and ahh for a full and long hour while eating it. I picked it up this week after getting my hair cut in Georgetown (I see the genius Ismail — “Ish” — at the George Salon at the Four Seasons) and we again lost our minds.
Back to WH: if you’re in NYC, 831Stories is hosting a delightful “read-in” if you’re hoping to brush up on the original on 1/24. I would so go if I were local. What a fun idea? Hang with fellow Bronte (or Elordi) fans? (ICYMI: I recently re-read this book and shared some thoughts on it here. Wild read. And I have to say my playlist for that book is…a delight. I recommend listening when you’re in a funk or want to take a broody run in the cold. It will tap into your inner witchy wilderness in a pleasant way.)
What’s going on in your neck of the woods?
Sunday Shopping.
+Really loving this hydrating shampoo and conditioner for winter season. It’s heavier than my usual shampoo but doesn’t leave hair greasy or weighed down.
+My new Doen dress! She’s perfect for Valentine’s Day…I’m trying to wait to wear her to one of my book events but will probably break her in on Feb 14th, beneath a pink sweater like this and suede mules like this (classic, timeless! these look a lot like my ones from Scarosso but less $$. I think you’ll be shocked by how often you reach for them — I have been. They go with everything!
+Two additional great launches this week: Alice Walk’s double-faced lounge set and Julia Amory x Aerin caftans!
+And a restock: my favorite pareo ever. Goes with everything and always gets compliments! Available now for pre-order. This will sell out!
+Our favorite eye cream is 25% off!
+I wore these neutral sneakers (in the latte color) all week long. They are really flattering on the foot and they simply go with everything. I love the no-logo simplicity of them. My mom noticed them this week and ordered a pair, too, saying she wanted something besides an actual gym/fitness sneaker to wear with athleisure on travel days. They are $50 off!
+Rediscovered this Jennifer Behr necklace in my jewelry box this week. She is SO dramatic — you can wear her several different ways depending on how long you want the beads! Vibe for less with this.
+I got my hair cut on Friday and my stylist used this weightless “feather balm” to shape my hair at the end! I of course ordered on the spot.
+Speaking of hair: you know I love my Yves Durif brush but I keep hearing good things about this French boar bristle brush, too.
VIRTUE LABS SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER // LA BONNE BROSSE BRUSH // DOEN DRESS // SUEDE MULES // JENNIFER BEHR NECKLACE // ROUJE PINK SWEATER // COLLEEN ROTHSCHILD EYE CREAM // M. GEMI SNEAKERS // ALICE WALK LOUNGE SET // CESTA PAREO // ORIBE FEATHERBALM WEIGHTLESS STYLING CREAM // JULIA AMORY X AERIN CAFTAN
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Hi there, I had a similar experience with my son about red nail polish!! It is interesting to read that it is always the boys that are upset, not the girls…
– and the bangs look very good
Thank you – SO interesting! What is it about boys and their moms?
xx
Love the bangs! They look great on you!!! Could also see my son having the same exact reaction haha!!
Oh my gosh, he was furious with me for a full 48 hours — could barely look me in the eye!
xx
I love the bangs. What size are you in the Caftan?/
Thank you! I take an xs!
xx
You are rocking the bangs, Jen! And poor Hill — what a sweet reaction, although how shocking and unsettling it must have been for him. I feel that it’s such a reminder that we really are the world to our children when they are young. But I guess it’s a lesson that they can learn too, that change can be a good thing! I saw a somewhat similar video a while back in which a little girl had a huge meltdown seeing her father after he shaved his beard.
Re: quality time with friends in this season of life — aahh I have yet to figure this out too between a full-time job, parenting, school volunteering, daughter’s extracurriculars, etc. I have come to this mindset (in many aspects of my life) that it does not have to be all or nothing. And speaking of “all” — I have also come to the conclusion that there is NO “all”. A bit of a tangent here, but I really bristle at the question “how do you do it all?” that is often asked of women in leadership. It is a myth! There is no all. But I appreciate when people say, “I DON’T do it all, I employ a housekeeper, a nanny, an assistant, etc etc”.
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…
Going back to social time. A little bit is better than nothing! Sometimes I run into a good friend at my daughter’s martial arts class, and we have a quick chat. Sometimes it’s a more planned lunch or tea for which we really carve out time. A quick overnight spa trip if we can make it happen once a year. I’m grateful for any of those opportunities. And as you said, presence is really the key, and that can happen in a 10-minute conversation or a 1-hour conversation. There is an ebb and flow to everything, and aren’t we all just doing our best? In short, I think I am just trying to offer myself (and others) grace in this situation.
Oh! I also meant to say, have you seen that idea floating around on social media in which friends get together for “admin” night? They have snacks and drinks out and work on their laptops to complete home admin in each other’s company. I’m not sure if it’s something I would do, as I feel like I squeeze in home admin in bits and pieces throughout the week. But I’m curious about this idea!
Agree with everything you’ve noted here! The “do it all / have it all” thing is a myth!! It’s all fluid, ebb and flow, if I’m focused on one thing, something else must fall off the radar, etc. Grace is absolutely the answer. That and being clear-eyed about what you’re “trading off.” Like I know I can’t do x because I’m actively choosing y. It makes me feel like I’m in the driver’s seat a bit more esp when things feel chaotic / over-busy.
xx
The bangs are amazing! You look like YOU but different, modern! Love!
Aw, thanks!!
Bangs are fabulous! And yay big sister energy!
Re the first part of this post. Whatever you say YES to you simultaneously are saying NO to someone/something else. Priorities and goals and needs change and get redistributed but for me I tend to put more on relationships and quality time with friends and make them a priority but also ge the impression I am not important enough for them/rarely receive what I give if that makes sense. In their mind they see it as quality time. I scheduled us for 1.5 hours for coffee and that should be enough. But can we actually quantity how much time is enough time and if someone is always feeling unimportant or not good enough. Like the lifelong friends get the 5 day vacation or 6 weeks plus over the winter but the casual neighbourhood friends get thr one hour every few weeks. People are so selfish and self-absorbed. Maybe that’s why we all pay exhorbhant amounts to therapists and the let them theory just is not really comfortable or nice. I don’t know if that aligns with how you see it though. And we only really miss and care about people when they are dead and literally are not part of our life.
It would be such a treat if you ever offered us magpies a chance to see a film together for those in the DC area.
I would love to know your thoughts on the birds this winter. Here in CO, the crows are just having a day and so are the other birds. Yet is was 70° here for Christmas and no snow. And this weekend no snow but in the 30°s. At least in the Boulder/Denver-metro area.
I am looking for recommendations for watches. Classic and elegant and does not break the bank.
And any insight as to how you store and organise your clothes, purses, shoes, etc. Because there is a lot to say about wearing outfits twice and being sustainable too while also owning fabulous outfits and can go for months without doing laundry.
Back to my first comment though. It does strike a nerve. I always feel I make time for people if they want to get together but when I want something it just doesn’t happen. I read your blog daily and have been since 2016…talk about dedication. But the bottom line is what works for me and how I see things is not what others see. I must have missed the memo their life is more important.
Follow-up. Would you say women are better at prioritising their time because by default it is a societal expectation to do it all and keep ourselves looking gab when inside we night be just at our limit and no one actually will care until we’re dead. Or about the people who still pay to see a therapist do they deserve extra time and attention or is it never enough yet too much? I recently learned a roommate of mine died and I didn’t keep ij touch. My other roommate who was suitmatmates with them too and I had a major falling out. I think i was too much for them. This has been a hard day.
Hi Michelle – I’m so sorry to hear this, and can feel your tenderness/hurt through these comments. It is a lot to sort through. I relate in the sense that one of my closest work colleagues passed away suddenly in a ski accident a few years ago and I was completely stunned and knocked off my center by it. I hadn’t been in close touch with him for a year or two but we’d really lived a life alongside one another for a few years and it was such a shock. I was grieving him, but also grieving that I’d not stayed close, etc. So I do relate to the complex sentiments of losing someone you were a bit out of touch with — it’s a lot to unpack.
Hang in there — sending you all the best —
xx
You are not the first person I have heard say that their daughters liked their new haircut while their sons acted like it was the deepest betrayal of all time. What is that about?!?
This is SO fascinating; had no idea this was a thing until I mentioned it here and the sentiments were echoed on Instagram and from a few friends I spoke with, too! I don’t know what that is. I think mothers and sons have such an interesting relationship. But I know my boy is a particularly sentimental one — when I am away for the night, he’ll sometimes take a framed photo of the two of us to bed. And he WEEPS when something like a note from my husband or a photo of him and his sister gets torn / tossed. I mean WEEPS. He is a tender heart. So I understand; he doesn’t want me to change!
xx
LOVE the bangs. My little brother had a similar reaction when my mom got a perm in the 80’s and I still remember trying to settle him down.
This is SO fascinating!!!
You’re so lucky you have the perfect hair to carry off those beautiful bangs! I love the entire look!
Thank you!!!
You look phenomenal!! And wow, poor Hill, my brother had a similar reaction when my mom dyed her hair back to her natural color. The little boy sweetness of that! Three cheers for unflappable Emory.
Thank you!!! So funny about the boys’ reactions!
LOVE the bangs! So chic.
Thank you! xx