The before-school shift feels like a speed hurdle race. We are threading the needle between letting our children sleep as late as possible and giving them enough time to eat, dress, brush teeth without constant expediting, but there is constant expediting regardless — not just for my children, but for myself as well. I find I’ve set certain time marks to keep me on pace: breakfast on the table by 6:55; dishwasher emptied by 7:02; fruit rinsed by 7:05; etc. It is like a train gathering steam as I dirty the kitchen making breakfast and smoothies and lunchbox components. My son has been picky about lunch this year, so I am often also budgeting in the amount of time I need to pre-heat the oven for chicken nuggets or to make a batch of pasta (two preferred entrees of his) and then let the items cool sufficiently before stowing in to-go containers. Then there are the de rigueur fire drills about uniform parts that have sprouted legs and gone missing, last-minute text reminders from school parents chats about this and that, and those must be accommodated with some padding in the timeline as well.
It feels like a complex, multi-variate math problem. The bizarre yet reassuring thing is that I know there are mothers all up and down my street performing the same daily calculus in their own cozy morning nests, some with different inputs: administering medicine, coordinating transit or racing to the bus, somehow nursing the newborn while brushing a toddler’s hair. Somewhere across the ocean, my sister-in-law has already been through this morning rite, rubbing her children’s backs to wake them in the black Scandinavian morning, preparing oatmeal and packing lunches. Thinking of these sister figures brings a warm rush of comfort, of un-alone-ness.
After I see my children off, I clear away dishes and stray articles of clothing and miscellaneous kitchen papers (the kitchen papers will be the death of me!) and right-side the room. Sometimes I find myself rushing through the tidy, desperate to be done with the morning ministrations and ready to just sit for a spell outside, in the now-cool autumn air, alone and with nothing asked of me. But I usually catch myself if I’m hurrying. I remind myself that this, too, is the job. I didn’t know this before I had babies — that a good heft of the work of motherhood is the deeply unglamorous rinsing of cups and sorting of socks and other such near-invisible tasks. How to capture the volume of these responsibilities? On their own, they seem waif-like to the point of not-worth-mentioning. But they’re spider-silk, easily waved off and yet shockingly strong. High tensile strength.
And so I still at the sink. This, too, is the job. This, too, is a part of the life I once daydreamed about. Just a different part of the architecture.
*****
Writing this out brought to mind this musing from Small Wonders:
Post-Scripts.
+On being a joyful witness in motherhood.
+Reminder: you are the expert in your own children.
Shopping Break.
+J. Crew is offering 30% off sitewide! Don’t miss their slim-wide jeans in the perfect dark rinse, their Belgian loafer inspired flats, or fall layering basics like their long-sleeved tees and henleys.
+Tuckernuck brought back its perfect cashmere hoodie and wide leg lounge pant set in fab colors for fall — love the olive green and wheat colors! This is ultra-luxe comfort. I wore on the plane to Italy two falls back. (I had to have the pants hemmed for wear outdoors — I’m 5’0 — but I have zero regrets. I wear them every season!)
+Alice Walk released her sweater-jacket in a gorgeous chocolate brown! I own in the oatmeal but dang is it good in the cocoa!
+Mentioned this perfect bronzer (I take the shade Luminous) last week and a bunch of you ordered — cannot wait for you to try. You will LOVE.
+The Internet is going crazy over this $39 oxford, especially in the black midtown stripe. Apparently the collar is more like a stand collar (sort of like the AYR Tate) and is gorgeous on — face-framing, fashion-y, etc. I ordered immediately!
+Loving Donni’s new COTTON version of their viral taffeta pants. A little easier to wear if you’re on the fence about taffeta. Love the colors and patterns!
+Three compelling early-holiday buys: these rattan trees for the mantle, this porcelain Christmas village set in white to scatter down a dining room table, and this brass bow garland!
+If you like the look of our S&L bed frame but not the price, I found a compelling look for less here!
+My new favorite pointelle henley. LOVE. Slightly longer and more fitted than the Leset one (easier to tuck) with this gorgeous plush cotton. Divine. While you’re there: a perfect patterned sherpa vest, selling fast.
+Reminder that Virtue is still running its 30% off (and free ship) promo! I added this volumizing primer and this 6-in-1 styler (heat protectant, detangler, and I like to use it to lightly “hold” and “shape” my ends and my bangs). It’s amazing because it adds shape/texture/hold without making your hair greasy or weighed-down.
+These flannel jammies are speaking to me. But also: we’re deep into Relax set season. How I adore these…the new truffle color is amazing.
+Apparently this makeup setting spray is magic: “A skin care-infused, hydrating setting spray that seamlessly melts powder layers for a radiant, glass-like finish that lasts all day.”
+La Bonne Brosse brushes now at Nordstrom! This would make such a luxe gift for a daughter/mother/etc. Something she’d not buy herself but will adore. This is fantastic for giving you really soft, full hair. I think of it like Renoir hair. Gives you gleaming, happy, voluminous locks.
+25% off this perfect Pam Munson croc handled basket bag — use code FALLEVENT. I love styling wicker into autumn. Looks so unexpected with jeans and a sweater or a fall floral.
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I feel this!! Our morning routine got shifted into a higher gear now that I, too, need to be ready to leave the house for the day by 7:45. No longer am I expediting the girls through breakfast while in the kitchen with them – instead, I am yelling “less talking, more eating!” from the bathroom down the hall while I hastily apply makeup (I hate yelling from room to room). I’m trying to give them more responsibility – I taped up an index card listing their “backpack checklist” steps, which they are pretty good about. But I need to get out of the habit of asking them about individual steps – it defeats the purpose if I’m still quizzing them about their water bottle! I don’t feel like I struggle as much to see house/admin stuff as part of the job, since that was really my only job for many years while I was home with the girls. What I find myself straining against right now is time spent en route or waiting for something. This too is the job! For example, I’ve been detouring after school on Thursdays to grab take out for an early dinner before dance class. Between order snafus and traffic, the last two weeks have been very frustrating and time consuming! But maybe I can reframe it as all part of the task of feeding my family and preparing the girls for their one and only (current) extracurricular activity. But it’s hard to fight against the impulse to maximize time now that I have more demands on it as a full-time working mom.
Hi! I so relate to this! The waiting / dead time / transit. It can feel like — a waste? But truly it is part of the job. There is sometimes simply no other way to get things done, people where they need to be, etc. Right now Emory’s soccer practice is at peak rush hour and takes us 30 minutes to get there (should take 15-20 max), and by the time I get there, it just doesn’t make sense to leave and come back. I’d spend the entire time driving. So I’ve learned to just treat that time as “me” time. I read, I do some Magpie work, I call my mom, I glaze over, I watch my girl. There’s always some way to reframe that time in a more positive light. Even — book on tape! Use it as excuse to call a girlfriend! Or just “let yourself process the day.”
BUT I so feel this!!
Love the idea of the index card backpack checklist! Going to borrow!
xx
Jen, how timely. We haven’t had our daylight savings yet and the kids are finding it tough to wake in the dark. This morning all my careful planning and breakfast prep and alarms were thrown off by my daughter taking half an hour on the toilet! My son was all ready for school and packed, and my almost 3 year old was stark naked while I pleaded with her. Well, you can’t rush these things, but it’s embarrassing how frazzled I got. She still wants me to sit with her, which means I still hadn’t finished my coffee or brushed my teeth. I cannot believe I used to walk these two to school alone a year ago; the difficulty level of a recalcitrant 3yo vs a portable 2yo! I’ve resigned myself to waking earlier next week. Solidarity!!
I so feel for you!!! Been there, and those moments ARE frazzling. Then sometimes I zoom out and think “but what’s the worst that happens? we’re a little late?” and then feel sheepish. At the same time, our days can feel like intricate webwork, with everything carefully laid out, and if there’s one mixup or late start or whatever, everything goes askew!! I so feel for you. Been there a lot lately. (Even two days ago, when my daughter’s school was closed due to a utility issue in the building! I was thrown off — !!)
xx
I needed to read this today, thank you! Cathedrals weren’t built without grout and sweat indeed. Now I am going to visualize other parents doing the same as us and will feel in good company.
ALSO – we bought that Joss and Main bed about 7 years ago and it has held up great: no wobbliness, no nothing that reminds me of the great deal we got on it. I’m considering reupholstering it in the future whenever we are able to do a primary bedroom redo!
Aw – glad this resonated. I also needed to remind myself of this 🙂
Thank you so much for the intel on that bed!! So helpful when Magpies weigh in with “IRL” reports!
xx