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I’ve had a few requests for styling several of the on-trend pants we’ve been snapping up this mid-winter season, specifically Highsport kick flares and their replicas and cousins at lower price-points; the modified horseshoe style of the Brylie pants I’ve been yapping about; and horseshoe jeans, period. Below, some thoughts.
The $850 Highsport pant (dubbed “the Newsletter Pant” because so many fashion writers with Substacks have been smitten with them for the past year) has seeded a new wardrobe must-have for 2024: the stretch kick flare pant. Less expensive options have been cropping up (pun intended) left and right: I own these from Donni (soft and stretchy, run TTS — seen above) and these from Spanx (more compressive and office-ready, run a tad snug), but I’ve read several empassioned reviews of Gap’s pair and J. Crew just released a sweater-material iteration this month. I’ve taken a lot of my style notes on this silhouette from Donni and the dressed-down, model-off-duty, just-ducking-out-for-coffee-on-a-Saturday, borrowed-from-my-boyfriend look they cultivate. Specifically, I like the pants styled with a boxy button-down (balances out the body-consciousness of the bottoms), a sweater over the shoulders or a masculine-leaning field coat layered on top, and a pair of trendy flats. I’ve seen a lot of chic peas styling with Mary Janes, mesh flats, or loafers — the effect of the statement shoe decidedly communicating “I know what I’m doing here.” I also like them paired with a knit sweater and cool sneaks, and a wool coat. Boiling all of this down, my two style suggestions for this look: 1) lots of layers and different textures; and 2) play around with (mix and match) overtly masculine and feminine elements. I shared myself styling my Donni pants in a post last week and also above/below.
**Do these do anything? I’m very skeptical. I bought them a few months ago because I spend so much time staring at my screen and have no idea if they’re doing anything. They do look cute though? These are specifically designed for small faces / teens.
Onto my Brylie pants. I adore these. Great fit for petites. (I’ve written this before, but if you’re taller, I’d try the Nili Lotan Shon pants, which someone once called “The Hampton Pant” because you couldn’t walk down a street in Sag Harbor or Amagansett without seeing them). These are “horseshoe-lite” pants. Wearable and flattering. My top styling tip for these — balance out the utility style / drama of the pants with classic, feminine pieces: a cropped blazer, a pointed toe flat, an elegant watch.
I recognize that horseshoe jeans and even my Brylies are polarizing — to each her own! I laughed when a Magpie wrote that she sees this silhouette and thinks only “Yosemite Sam.” I now think of Yosemite Sam whenever I see them – ha! I like having fun with fashion though – I never take it too seriously. Anyhow, for horseshoe jeans (Citizens are the “it” pair, but you can get the look for less with these Everlanes, these Free Peoples, or these Amazons), I think it’s important to wear a figure-hugging top (I like the bookishness of a turtleneck alongside this loud shape) so you have some angles to work with and polished details to elevate the look: a fabulous bag, a leather belt, great sunglasses.
By the way, do you know about the brand Aeyde?! Cool and slightly under-the-radar / just about to take hold as a Loeffler competitor in my opinion. They have fashion-forward / designer styles for less than half what you’d expect to pay from brands putting out similar styles (Celine, Khaite, etc). These are very Miu Miu; these are very Celine. And I love the 90s minimalism of these slingbacks.
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Already thinking to the thaw ahead with a few fresh finds. Above: gorgeous table linens from Christina Dickson; spiral taper candles (sold out, similar here); my favorite scalloped rattan tray. I also found a scalloped wood tray for $20! More early spring finds below…
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Four separate Instagram saves from the past week or two that really made me stop and think, or laugh, or just sit with my feelings drawn about me. Sending out your way today —
The last one reminded me of my observation that time alone increases steadily as we age, and that we must therefore learn to befriend ourselves almost as a matter of survival, and also of my essay about how little time we really have with the people we love. If ever there was a nudge to pick up the phone and call my sister, or arrange a lunch with a girlfriend, this is it. I also found myself thinking about the people I do see all the time. Interesting to acknowledge that, for example, I now see my trainer more often than my mother, and the neighbors more often than my best friends. Who are these people we end up almost accidentally spending our days with? And might they be answers, or blessings, too? (I wrote elsewhere: “Stay open to the neighbors, who turn out to be guardian angels in disguise, treating you tenderly when you’ve fallen, and bringing by dinner and crates of activities for the children when illness visits.”).
The Dooley poem mainly spoke to me in the sense of how much we carry as women, and how the profound jangles up alongside the piddling. Pocket change and remorse! It’s all there, and if we aren’t careful to separate them out from one another, we can feel like Atlas on a random Monday. Just a reminder that not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry, and that the good people in your world want to help. The movie “Saltburn” was so dark and unwelcome in its sentiments — I could not disagree with its underpinning assumptions more. Movies like that lead you to think that greed and self-interest are the binding agents of humanity, but my life has proven the opposite: open the door, and people will show up for you. People want to help!
Of course, the worrying one gave me a good laugh. (I worry too much!) Anyone else?
And to sail into the week: Anais Nin’s reminder to take risks, because even when things don’t turn out as we anticipate, we still learn and move forward and arrive where we’re meant to. It has taken me years to see how all of the zigs and zags of my squiggly career path have deposited me here, writing for a living, and happy. Trust the path! On a finer-grained note, one thing I learned from my direct sales days: don’t take the “nos” personally. It’s usually an issue of product-market fit, or that you didn’t have the right value prop, or that you didn’t speak to the right stakeholder — and so those “nos” are really refining your process versus proving that you are in some way incompetent, or dim-witted. Zooming out, I see the Nin philosophy. “The mistakes are right, too.”
+Hunter Bell’s collections sell through so quickly, and I am in love with their entire spring collection, especially this dress in either fabulous pattern, and this skirt/top set.
+H&M always has fun home finds – love these. On the fashion side of the house: this embroidered top is stunning!
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Above: I have a few of the beautiful decoupage trays and plates from John Derian. Such a great gift and way to add depth and whimsy to a shelf or console. And, my little fuzzy Birks sticking out.
I don’t want to write more about Tilly, but of course she was at the top of my mind this week, a cloud that followed me everywhere. That cloud was not always of the Eeyore-variety, though. Did you know there are whole practices (Maranasati meditation and probably others) that involve proactively reflecting on death as a daily habit? The idea is that accepting death enables us to live fully, with more urgency and mindfulness. The notion is alien and possibly distasteful to most of us because we are socialized to avoid talking about death, at least in Western cultures. (I was reminded of this, rather gruesomely, while watching “Saltburn” a few days ago…) Anyhow, my awareness that we are walking towards the end of Tilly’s life has left me more grateful, less flappable during this time.
It also helped me bring new energy and love to my daily household devotions. I’ve written on and off about the amorphousness of “the jobs” of our lives — how sometimes the little tasks that feel like interruptions, distractions, chores are in fact the real pith of life. I find this especially true in motherhood — on days I feel I’ve not done my best, I remind myself that still I packed the lunches, and read the bedtime stories, and asked after their days, and told them not to use toilet language, and urged them to eat, and wiped their noses, and folded their sweatshirts, and all of these things, all of these little nothings, are actually the real meat of motherhood. The tiny, almost invisible repetitions that stitch together into a pattern of care. The showing up in a thousand fractional interactions day in and day out. It’s all the job. It is the job. This, I am finding, is my trap door out of mom guilt.
The other day, I was sitting at the kitchen counter, shooing mini upstairs to get ready for bed, and she pressed her face to my shirt and said: “Just one second to get that magnificent smell.” Where she learned the work “magnificent” is beyond me, but I was struck by how much of who I am — the perfume I wear, the way I tie my hair, the jilty singing of her lullaby — are already endeared to her, permanently. I had not known she even noticed my perfume! And so, yes, another way of saying that the tiniest, most pointillist details of our lives add up to meaning, or connection, or identity. This makes me want to bring my whole self to every single moment, every decision. How you do anything is how you do everything. My children are watching and they notice the way I neatly stack the papers (or don’t, because does it really matter?), and everything is adding up to the woman I am.
Adjacent, random thought that I keep circling back to: physics tells us that we are not solid masses but actually empty space demarcated by electrons that are held together by electromagnetic energy. I choose not to reflect on this too much because it makes me feel the same way I do when I contemplate the vastness of outer space — unpleasantly disoriented, slightly unhinged — but there is a mimesis with my previous point, on how we are defined by all our tiniest interactions and repetitions and idiosyncrasies. We are not monoliths of motherhood, wifehood, creativity, etc — we are instead made up of these moving, evolving nodes of personality. I find this deeply reassuring. We are not one thing; we contain multitudes in constant motion.
Is this too much for a Sunday morning?
Onto some smaller matters:
Bodega blooms! We no longer have access to actual NYC bodegas, but I still consider these grocery store flowers the same. Amazing what fresh cut flowers can do for your mood. Treat yourself. Likewise, treat yourself to colorful leggings. Instant mood elevator. I just ordered these in the pastel pink. I stick out like a sore thumb in my gym, a sea of black and gray, but why not bring color to the drab?
Bodega blooms, repositioned. I love the waywardness of tulip. Go your own way, honey! Stick that out neck out there. Earlier this week, I received an email from the owner of Indian Springs Resort — we stayed there while visiting Calistoga, CA last October and I guess I ended up on their mailing list, a subscription that has proven to be a tremendous joy. She emails sporadically, but always with moving vulnerability and thought. This is not a standard hotel mailing — it’s not remotely promotional except for the fact that I am now permanently endeared to her and will absolutely be staying there when we return. A poet’s soul running a hotel! Anyhow, in this week’s email, she talks about the time her husband (now deceased) “went and gathered some flowers (some weeds too) and put them on the copier in a very artistic arrangement. He then wrote on the copy next to the flowers…Forever Flowers for Pat. I always have flowers and the romantic gesture stays with me. Sometimes the simplest gesture is the one we most cherish.” Can you even?! Just the handwriting on the paper is such a gift. This was one of the things that nettled me when my co-worker Nate passed away: I had already forgotten what his handwriting looked like, and it was at one point as familiar to me as my own. We sat so close to one another, and he was a prolific note-taker, doodler, list-maker. I probably could have forged his penmanship at one time. The absence of this small part of him hurt. One of his friends sent me a photo of a note in his hand, and I treasured it. So, yes, the smallest things — write them down! capture them! Pat goes on to say something adjacent: “Show your love to someone by doing something unexpected but simple. Write a short poem, draw a picture, bake a cake, make a special meal. Put yourself out and show someone you care. The gesture can have such deep meaning beyond the moment.” Amen, Pat. And thanks for the nudge.
P.S. A moment of appreciation for my vase, from Half Past Seven. Several Magpies asked after it this week on Instagram — it’s the absolute perfect size for a standard bouquet, and I love how the scalloped rim makes for easy arrangement. The flowers just fan out naturally. It’s available for pre-order now, and I strongly rec you do so — they do sell out of this frequently and it will be your most-used vase. Also a great gift for mother’s day, not too far out in the fields.
Speaking of Mother’s Day, and small gestures of kindness and care: I snapped this photo on the way to lunch with my mother this week and was reminded how lucky I am to live here, so close to her, in this season of my (and her) life. While at lunch, my mother told me that she had been so impressed with the Salvation Army team that had coordinated and picked up some items she wanted to donate that she called the manager up the next day “to thank them properly.” This is so my mother. May I one day become an extension of her ever-kind gesture. Her story, shared entirely absent of self-aggrandizement, just sort of “ho hum, what you do,” has me challenging myself to really see and thank the people who are doing great, or kind, work. I started with my son’s teacher, and my nail technician, but there are so many people who routinely help me, and I am determined to take a beat to let them know how appreciated they are.
A small thing, but if you’re from the Mid-Atlantic, you’ll get it: I could drink this. My favorite condiment for fries. I feel sometimes like the Mid-Atlantic is overlooked for its regional culture. We’re sandwiched here between the drawly South and the clipped North, with their attendant caricatures, but there is such originality of cuisine, and marine culture, and history, and topography here. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the rolling Virginia hills with the Blue Ridge backdrop, or the marshy wetlands of the Chesapeake Bay. We’re heading back to Charlottesville just for a night in a few weeks, rooming at Keswick, where we stayed the weekend Landon proposed to me!, and I can’t wait for the panorama.
Still loving (!) these little sticker tags from Joy Creative Club. So nice not to fuss with tape for tag/card, or the worry that your card will slip off somewhere in transit. I swear I am always wrapping a gift for a birthday party! Some of my go-to gifts for children here, and my gift closet must-haves here. Above: a personalized pouch, Ooly scratch art activity, and Usborne sticker book for a cute ballerina we know.
Ending on a bright note: these rainbow brite running sneakers are the definition of happy feet. Nike does the best colors. More of my recent Nike picks here, and more BRIGHTS for this mid-winter time here.
OK, before I branch off into another dense tributary of thought, let me conclude with a few shopping finds…
+Doen generously reached out to send me an item from their just-launched spring collection, and I spent a good hour hemming and hawing over what to pick. I think I would get a ton of wear out of this striped dress (mix, match, layer, wear with sandals — it’s a year-rounder!) but I’ve been feeling a kind of “life is short, wear color you love!” energy so I went with this spectacular floral dress. I couldn’t resist the pattern. Actually might tuck it away for Easter. Cannot wait to wear.
+I’ve been contemplating carpenter jeans (yes, you read that correctly) ever since I saw them on the ultra chic Nicole Cassidy. Veronica Beard has some great pairs that are making a compelling case. Also kind of taken by this pair from Banana! Ooooo!
+VB also just launched handbags! The Goody style is, well, really good.
+I have this very specific vision for a fabulous beach/resort look on my mind: these pants, this suit, these sandals. Oo yes! The sandals are just the best. I reached for these more often than my Hermes Orans last summer. I feel like they look a tad dressier with dresses, but can also be easily worn with casual attire, too. I love the barely-there-ness. Very Greek Goddess.
+Speaking of warm weather wear: I think matching printed sets are going to be a big thing this summer. Zimmermann and Alemais always have great options (but spendy) — you might consider Farm Rio (top, shorts) or Lamare Gold for the look for a little less.
+Really love this belted “big shirt” from Gap. Wear to work with trousers, wear on the weekend with leggings. Chic and polished.
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My Latest Snags.
On the family front: I ordered a sampler of Skout’s snack bars for my children. I’m constantly looking for healthier/healthy-ish options to send in for their snacks at school, and have been hearing good things about these and their few ingredients. Stay tuned — fully expect my children will summarily reject them and I’ll have 20 bars to eat myself. And as a last minute Valentine’s surprise, I bought my children heart day Squishmallows (they love them! — this one for my son; this for my daughter. I think you can still have delivered in time for the 14th. I’m going to have them sitting in their breakfast seats and string this garland up over the table.
Thank you a million times over for your generous, supportive, and wise responses to my post on Tilly. I felt so lifted, and in a strange way reassured by how many of you have gone through this recently, too. As one of you put it: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” One of the threads that made a strong impact on my outlook during this time: isn’t it a privilege to help these animals leave the world? Like, I’m sitting here with my girl grateful for this borrowed time in which I can show her love and make her last few weeks as comfortable and happy as possible. I went from wallowing in anticipatory grief to feeling needed, useful. I cannot control when she will go, but I can show up and show her love today. I think sometimes just having a job, and doing it well, can be an answer. It is a gift to be needed.
I will say I am dreading the quiet after she’s gone — already eyeing her stuffed animals and favorite chuck-it balls with worry. I know they will soon be ciphers of her absence. (Who will throw them out?) But it’s OK, I remind myself. That sadness is the sister of love. At the end of the day, it’s all love.
On a happier note, two joyous things that emerged from that post: 1) so many of you wrote to say you’d stopped and taken some time to love on your dogs, and that brought me joy, and 2) several of you wrote to me about your dogs, and your memories of them, and I enjoyed those, too.
Thank you all for the soft landing.
P.S. More reframes (mainly from you readers!) that I have loved and leaned on.
I could not put down this propulsive Appalachian song of self. Barbara Kingsolver’s Demon Copperhead is simultaneously a brilliant bildungsroman in which we root on the hero and a seething indictment of the treatment of America’s rural poor, with laser-like focus on the opioid crisis still unfolding in our country. Not many novels can accomplish both agendas without sacrificing believability, but Kingsolver nails the landing. One of the things that makes the novel remarkable, and compulsively readable is that for all the grisly and dark details of a boy born into the worst of circumstances (a single mother battling addiction, abject poverty, an abusive boyfriend in the picture), we find hope. There are many recursions and parallels in the novel, yet they often run askew of repetitious, with just enough slippage to invite the light in. For example, Demon’s father dies of drowning at the Devil’s Bathtub, sending Demon’s mother into a downward spiral. His death more or less forecloses on what might have been a true love story and happy ending. Demon returns to that site (and as he approaches the hollow, our hearts race with foreboding) and witnesses another gruesome death there, but this time of an evil man he’d once admired. Unlike his mother, Demon uses the climax to turn his life around, entering rehab, escaping Lee County. History need not repeat itself.
On a prose level, Kingsolver’s Nabokovian playfulness with language and especially naming — Demon is actually Damon; Angus is actually Agnes; and the text is rife with riffs on names from Dickens’ David Copperfield (more on that later) — operates in much the same way: a single syllabic substitution, or an inversion of letters, invites new meanings, new endings. In this way, possibility is something narratively ordained. Because of this, I did not leave the novel with a rock in my soul, as I did after finishing Shuggie Bain, another story of a poor boy sustaining the worst of the world’s abuse. I left thinking that somehow, even the most rotten of happenings cannot drive humanity out.
But let’s talk about Demon, and his rhapsodic, idiomatic confessional. He is wry but feeling, self-deprecating and determined. He is insightful in the best way, seeing all the way around even the ugliest of pictures, and grasping the nuance with wit and perspicacity. There is a section where he’s fallen through the cracks of the foster system and turned up as unpaid labor on a tobacco farm in which he and other orphans start taking drugs (“pharm parties”) to escape. Demon says: “A ten-year-old getting high on pills. Foolish children. This is what we’re meant to say: look at their choices, leading to a life of ruin. But lives are getting lived right now, this hour, down in the dirty cracks between the toothbrushed nighty-nights and the full grocery carts, where those words don’t pertain. Children, choices. Ruin, that was the labor and materials we were given to work with. We had the moon in the window to smile on us for a minute and tell us the world was ours. Because all of the adults had gone off somewhere and left everything in our hands.” In spite of this incisive capture of institutional poverty, he gives people chances, seeing the good in Tommy Waddles when others see only a soft soul to be taken advantage of, or otherwise spurn. He does not let the toughness of his life close up his heart. He loves his ruinous girlfriend (against all reason; I could not bear that section); he hurts but forgives when old family friends refuse to take him in; he shows up for the people who depend on him time and time again, even when he is strung out and suffering withdrawal. He is artful, and imaginative, and his comics save him in many instances, whether winning people over, earning him a little pocket cash, or affording him the space to make sense of the injustices of his world. It is not difficult to see the point Kingsolver is making here: art saves lives. Later in the novel, Demon’s comic strips are picked up by newspapers, and they become a telephone to the outside world, too: art can also shape history.
I make a point of avoiding all critical matter about a book before reading it, but halfway through this one, a friend mentioned that Demon Copperhead is based on Dickens’ David Copperfield, which I’ve never read. I do not feel shorted by the lack of context here, because I found the link itself yet another example of history running shy of repetitious: David and Demon are two poor boys, an ocean and 150 years removed, finding their ways through an unfeeling world, and living to tell the tale. Both critique institutional poverty, but Demon’s story is embroiled in newer-fangled social problems (drugs being a big one). At one point in the novel, Demon reads “the Charles Dickens one” and says: “Seriously old guy, dead and a foreigner, but Christ Jesus did he get the picture on kids and orphans getting screwed over and nobody’s given a rat’s ass. You’d think he was from around here.”
All in, this book handily flew into “top five books I’ve read in the last decade,” the other few being Circe by Madeline Miller, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin, The Dutch House by Ann Patchett, and Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. Hamnet snuck up on me — I rarely go a few weeks without thinking of it. Interestingly, four of the five are re-imaginings / adaptations / otherwise heavy draws on pre-existing cultural phenomena (Shakespeare x 2, Greek mythology, Dickens) but always completely non-derivative, born anew. It’s almost as if these extraordinary writers use the tension of source material to draw their own brilliances out. Here’s the pole: let me plant my flag off the end.
+I am currently enduring the worst book hangover. Nothing fills the void! A girlfriend of mine pointed me in the direction of Barbara Kingsolver’s Instagram account and specifically this post, where she shared what she’s reading. I already have two in her lineup in my TBR pile: North Woods by Daniel Mason and Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton. Also high on my list: The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese. I’ve lost track of the number of times you have recommended this to me. However, I need a break from the heartaches, so I’ll probably read a mystery or romance before I tap back in.
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+ All my favorite ShopMy finds here and check out the latest in Le Shop here.
+Love these earrings. I’m all about the heavy gold earring right now. Also loving these $14 puffy heart earrings! (Order for Vday!)
+In my continuing quest for great sweats: about to try these from Quince. The petal pink sold me! They have a few different sweat pant styles — I chose these, but these are also reminding me of the Frank and Eileen ones.
+Tilly has been picky about eating, and the vet advised us to give her Farmer’s Dog or Royal Canine wet food vs the dry kibble she’s used to — basically, give her anything she’ll eat. I signed up for the Farmer’s Dog, which is currently running a 50% off your first order promo. I’m auspicious because we found something similar in our local Whole Foods (called Fresh Pet) and Tilly gobbled it right up. The Farmer’s Dog is pricey but less expensive than Fresh Pet at WF, plus I don’t need to stay on top of picking it up all the time as it’s shipped automatically.
+Nicola Bathie just released these pretty birthstone flower necklace charms. Remind me a lot of a necklace I bought from Lizzie Fortunato last year!
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01. I bought these reusable Easter “coins” last year (seen above!) to fill our Easter eggs with (versus candy). They are so adorable and thoughtful — my only word of advice is being sparing with them. Altogether, it’s a lot of commitments…! (Aside: my MIL found the woven bunny basket seen above from Michael’s last year, but these are very similar at Crate and Barrel. They also have these really cute quilted ones (good if you’re an apartment-dweller / short on space — they can lay flat), and then of course I still regret not investing in the Ballard ones when they were younger, but we just couldn’t have stowed them while we lived in NYC.
10. I read an article on how the carabiner-style necklaces have been majorly trending lately from high-end jewelers — get the look with this Etsy beauty.
11. Liberty headbands. So sweet for Easter for a little lady.
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I’ve been focusing recently on my hair health. I’m trying to grow my hair out longer and feel it looks dry and thin — I can’t tell whether that’s age or the cold winter, or some caustic combination of the two. Anyhow, I am on a hair-strengthening campaign, and have lined up a suite of products to combat the situation. I’m impressed with my new regimen — see photo below. I’m desperately overdue for highlights but there have been logistical issues getting to see my guy (snow days, travel, etc). If you can overlook the roots, I think my hair is looking sleek, shiny, and hydrated. The handfeel has changed significantly — it feels much softer and silkier.
Side note: I’m wearing the Brylie pants again above (!) and noticed they are selling out super fast in my color, but are still available in a great army green here and brown or black here. These feel so “right” for this fashion moment — sort of cribbing the horseshoe style but much more wearable. Great for petites — run TTS. I paired with one of my Leset short sleeved pointelle tees (more sizes here), but I just noticed J. Crew released a rival style for less, too. The sweater is Sezane and nearly sold out! One of my favorite knits this season — goes with everything!
Anyhow, sharing thoughts on all my hair strengthening finds below, plus a few other recent beauty/skincare/cosmetic products I’ve been testing.
+Mielle rosemary hair oil and Anablue treatment oil. I apply a few droppers of each all over my head and then massage into scalp and brush through my hair, adding a tad extra to the ends. I do this first thing in the morning before I’m going to go for a run/exercise and then pull back in a ponytail/bun so it can soak in for a good two hours before I shower it all out. Honestly, it’s difficult for me to tell you which one is pulling the most weight here, but I believe these oils are the reason my hair feels much softer and shinier lately — it really helps with the condition of the strands. The price is right with the Mielle, too! I shared a little snap of this product on Instagram and a girlfriend wrote me to say: “I swear Mielle + Nutrafol + Nioxin the past few months have made a HUGE difference in my hair growth and fullness.” And, let me tell you — this girlfriend has absolutely gorgeous hair — dark, full, thick, always perfectly blown out. I’ve heard about Nutrafol before but am not big on taking supplements. Nioxin was new to me, though, and I added it to my “test next” list, which brings me to —
+Vegamour Gro Shampoo and Conditioner. I’ve been alternating between this and my tried-and-true Roz Foundations Shampoo and Conditioner. I like the Vegamour lather and the fact that it leaves no build-up in hair (my concern with using these kinds of growth-targeting shampoos/conditioners), but I cannot stand the scent! It smells like a citrus gummy bear? I can’t wait to mask the scent with other products afterward. (I may be alone in this.) I do think it’s helping with the fullness factor — maybe not specifically helping my hair grow in more quickly but I do feel like when I’ve used this, my hair looks immediately more voluminous versus flat. I think I will continue to use for the coming weeks to give it a true college try and then contemplate Nioxin.
+T3 Airebrush. I was over the moon when t3 sent me their Airebrush. I was skeptical that it could knock my Revlon 1-Step off its pedestal (it’s been my favorite hot hair tool for four years or so now), but after using multiple times, I do think it’s superior. It’s higher-powered (so it dries hair more quickly) and I think the different settings are crucial. I was circumspect about their suggestion of “sealing” the hair by running the cold air setting over your hair after fully drying with heat, but I swear this helps with achieving polish / finish? Hair looks smooth and sleek after I run it through the cold air setting to finish. But most importantly, I find the T3 is better at maintaining tension in the strands while using to dry — and I think tension is the key to a good and lasting blowout, and why professionals are able to achieve it and I am not (hard to pull on your own hair at the right angles). I believe the t3 grips hair better so you are able to get more tension and therefore a smoother result. Big fan — I already demoted by Revlon 1-Step; she lives in the guest bathroom now. However, I do think I am going to buy myself the Dyson AirWrap in the coming months — I’ve marked it as a treat for myself if I achieve a personal goal. I’ve mentioned this a few times, but several girlfriends on my recent trip to Tulum swore up and down it was worth every penny. I remember one saying she carries her on the plane because it’s too valuable to her to part with (e.g., if checked baggage was lost) for even a few days. I also polled Magpies on Instagram last weekend for a good curling iron, and 90% of you said to just get the Dyson — you won’t need a curling iron after. N.B.: you can buy these refurbished — I’ve heard this is a great way to get the product at a discount.
+Roz Root Spray. I continue to chase volume (I have very fine, straight hair), but Roz’s new root spray has been VERY helpful. I don’t have the full pompadour I seek but it really does help at the crown of the head in particular, and — the most important thing for me — is invisible. I mean, it just disappears! Normally volumizing products (especially mousses) make my hair stiff or crispy or greasy but this stuff goes on invisibly! Writing this out, I’m wondering if I’ve not been using enough. Going to try with a heavier hand and see if that gets me closer to my vision of root volume. I believe my code MAGPIE15 still gets you 15% off.
+Prequel Gleanser. I’m neutral on this cleanser, which is described as follows: “non-stripping glycerin cleanser for the face and body formulated with 50% glycerin, inulin, and a unique aquaporin-stimulating active to boost skin suppleness.” This had been SO hyped to me, and has even sold out in the past (I was on a waitlist!). Here are the pros: an ample size and a reasonable price. Definitely better than your run of the mill drugstore cleanser but not much more expensive. Does a good job lathering. I find it hard to wash fully off my face, and usually need to wet a face towel and wipe it off after I’ve already been rinsing it over the sink for a good 15 seconds. I will continue to use because it’s not offensive or anything, but I am currently grieving the absence of the Motif cleanser. I love that one and the Youth to the People one, though they’re very different from one another. I think the Motif one is ideal for winter (creamy, moisturizing, mild exfoliation) and YTTP gives you that squeaky clean feeling you crave in summer or after a workout.
+True Botanicals Chebula Serum + Chebula Extreme Cream. I love love love the cream which they claim is “one of the ONLY moisturizers in the world that is made without any pore-clogging waxes.” This appealed to me, as I am acne prone in the winter when I’m layering all of these serums, etc, onto one another. It has a thick consistency that needs to be worked into skin (versus Augustinus Bader, which seems to evaporate into the skin), but it has this immediate softening, hydrating result that just feels good. Chebula, I’ve learned, is an antioxidant that “targets five signs of aging.” I’ll take it. A really good winter cream. The serum is nice, too – I can’t say it stands out to me as accomplishing anything much more notable than Vintner’s Daughter or Clarins or a few of my other favorite serums. It seems to brighten skin and leave it glossy. VD I find more hydrating and Clarins really enhances the texture of my skin, by contrast. I continue to think Clarins is the best option for a generalist serum that really makes a difference in the brightness, texture, happiness of your skin.
+Elemis Cleansing Balm. I’ve reviewed this many times over the years, but I truly love this makeup-melting balm. It is my favorite end-of-night luxury — it feels like you’re melting your day right off your face, and I love the botanical scent. I use this to melt all my daytime makeup off, then cleanse, then apply a nighttime moisturizer or cream.
+Tower28 Mascara. I think I reviewed this already but OMG, you guys! This $20 mascara is the best! It’s displaced prestige beauty brand rivals 2-3x its price. I use this daily. Gives you really full, long, separated lashes — I LOVE love love.
+First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads. I’ve been obsessed with these! I will wipe them over my face after I cleanse in the morning or if I’m reapplying makeup before going out. I like the way the textured side feels like it’s scrubbing everything off. Skin looks refreshed afterward.
+Lumify Eye Drops. I read that this is a Red Carpet / makeup expert’s secret. Instantly remove all signs of redness for a brighter, healthier overall look. I think it helps, especially after low-sleep nights.
What else are you loving in your beauty routine these days?
P.S. Doen launches its spring collection today at 9 AM EST and there are some goodies involved. Currently in my cart (not from the spring collection, but already on the site): this white midi skirt. I love the way they’ve styled it with ivory/taupe/white knits in the photos. Made me think differently about some of the white in my closet as we continue in the February chill.
P.P.S. Wise words from a friend: “I feel like objects of devotion are important in these times — like something you can wear around your neck or keep in your pocket to touch as a reminder that life is happening, you will feel things, and you will survive, you know?” More here.
You can sign up for my Magpie newsletter here — I send out a Magpie Digest each Friday with the week’s highlights (quotes, comments, finds) and a Magpie Diary with loose and roaming thoughts each Sunday.
By: Jen Shoop
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04. My favorite starch. A beautiful, mild scent and highly effective. I used to be a nut about ironing; now I will use it for linens when having guests over, and occasionally on our pillow cases.
Last week, Mr. Magpie took our eight-year-old Airedale terrier, Tilly, to the vet for some routine vaccinations and to inquire after some strange eating habits and behaviors we’d noticed recently. About thirty minutes after he’d left, he sent me a text: “Cancel Tilly’s grooming appointment,” which had been scheduled for the day following (up-to-date vaccines being a pre-requisite for groomings), and I thought: “Not good. Maybe the vet was closed, or couldn’t squeeze her in, or…” I would not fill that blank. Even a catastrophizer like myself knows when to keep the basement door firmly shut.
When I heard our front door open, I walked out onto the landing:
“What’s going on with Tilly?” I asked.
A deep pause followed, and in it, I saw the truth: Tilly is dying.
Mr. Magpie explained that she has tumors on her liver, and that the vet estimated that she has a few months left with us. It has been a strange, somber time, living with what Wendell Berry once described as “the forethought of grief.” In some ways, we feel lucky to have this time to draw her to ourselves, to enjoy her before she is too-soon gone. In other ways, the looseness of the timeline is fraying: is this snuggle my last? I worry each time I leave that she will be dead when I return.
I have noticed myself reaching for guilt, my favorite form of personal torment: how many morning walks have I treated like chores rather than the gift they are? In some ways, I survived those long weeks of pandemic lockdown in New York City because of Tilly. We had to take her out, and those ten minute stretches on the streets of the Upper West Side were often our only contact with the burning outside world. There was also the week during which I was deeply unwell with COVID and she laid on the bed next to me, accommodating my feverishness and moaning, as steady as the weather in the window. Dogs are this way: they receive you in whatever form you arrive. Sick, short-tempered, distracted. Still, Tilly will press her enormous black nose against the window pane by the front door, tail a-wag, as though you are the greatest creature on God’s green earth.
As always, I seek and find small glimmers of good. For one thing, to have had this dog a part of our lives, period. She has seen us through rocky climbs, our stout companion. She has played Puck in our thinnest-lipped moments of stress. Oh, the things you lose in life! But the having makes the pain of parting worth it a million times over.
Another reassuring streak: feeling myself lean on Mr. Magpie, with his open-arms approach to communication, to grief. We have cried together and talked up and down about our heartbreak and wrapped our arms around one another, as close as bark to the tree: no space between.
I also feel heartened by how we have navigated the situation with our children. We wanted them to know, and we decided to approach it as simply and straight-forwardly as possible, no euphemisms on the docket. Over breakfast on the weekend (strategically not when exhausted from a day of school), we sat down with them, and Mr. Magpie said: “Tilly is very sick. She’s going to die. We don’t know when, but soon. We can use this time to show her lots of love.” I shed a tear — something I’d not thought I would — but I also explained: “It is OK to cry. It is OK to express how you feel.” And then we answered their litany of questions, which ranged from: “Can we get a puppy?” to “Why is she dying of cancer, when my teacher had it and is still alive?” and “Can Tilly die at home so I can watch her float up into heaven?” This last one from my four-year-old son, a reminder of the clover sweetness of youth. Later, he climbed onto my lap, and said: “My head feels sad for Tilly,” and I told him “So does mine, and it’s OK to feel sad. It just means we love her, and it reminds us of how lucky we are to have her.” We have had a lot of meandering conversations about death and specifically how the soul leaves the body since, and I find myself relieved each time I am able to normalize his feelings. It has occurred to me many times that this is an important modeling moment: their first brush with death.
One final lamp that’s lit the gray skies: the wise and generous things our friends have said. How did I get so lucky? These people know how to console, and I will be borrowing their sentiments should I ever need to comfort a friend in a similar situation. Some of the most powerful:
“I completely understand. A dog is a family member.”
“We know how hard this is. Tilly’s been on my mind all day.”
“She’s a lucky dog to have lived such a full and joyful life with the Shoops.”
“Isn’t it an amazing privilege to help these animals exit? Geez they teach us so much.”
And from our vet: “We support you in this and are going to make it as painless as possible for Tilly.”
The goodness of people! You open the door and there they are, with the right words at the right time.
We do not how much longer we’ll have Tilly around, so instead we are taking things day by day, focusing on what we can control: making her feel loved and comfortable. She likes to lay on the rug of my writing studio while I peck at my computer, and I savor her company, taking ample breaks to pet her, thinking always: these are the good ol days; let me press them to my heart.
+You can sign up for my Magpie newsletter here — I send out a Magpie Digest each Friday with the week’s highlights (quotes, comments, finds) and a Magpie Diary with loose and roaming thoughts each Sunday.
Shopping Break.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+J. Crew released an answer to the $850 High Sport pants that have been informally dubbed “the newsletter pants” because so many fashion writers with their own Substacks have been raving about them. Chic chic! My Donnis are another contender for this silhouette.
+I own and ADORE my Frances dress from Emerson Fry, and I cannot get over how chic this new color/pattern is! Runs TTS. Also love this blouse from their latest collection.
+Everything from Mira Mikati puts such a big smile on my face. The definition of chasing rainbows!
+Ordered a few new office supplies: these white out pens, these highlighters, and these dotted pads. More of my favorite gear for creative workspaces here.
+Have heard such good things about this undereye product from Trish McEvoy — finally going to test it myself!
+So many of you are urging me to jump on the Dyson AirWrap wagon! I’m committed. I’m setting it as a reward if I hit a personal goal this month. One of you mentioned this organizer is very handy for stowing all the parts. I will say I have been using and really loving the T3 Airebrush. It’s very similar to the Revlon but I’m actually able to achieve more volume — it’s higher-powered, and I think my hair looks shinier afterward, too? I find I’m better able to keep tension in my hair strands while using it.
+And for my fellow petites: an entire denim brand dedicated to women under 5’4. My fellow petite friend, Chrissy Ward, has been raving about this pair of ecru jeans for us shorties.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
I noticed that a few of you bought these gorgeous lamps from Aerin last week and I found myself going down a deep interior design hole inspired by them as a result. Below, sharing the fruits of my labor: some refreshingly serene home finds to zhush up a room (or several) in your home in this mid-winter period, many of them well-priced! (Wouldn’t this $126 ottoman be adorable in a nursery?! And can you believe this little lamp is under $50?!)
