A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend who was puzzling over a changed relationship with a sibling. Near-invisibly and over a long period of time, things had shifted such that she had grown distant from the brother with whom she used to share everything. Nothing bad had transpired; no harsh words had been exchanged. There had simply been a slow growing-apart, a million ways in which their lives had gone in different directions (kids at different ages, different parenting philosophies, different interests and friends and cities) and now she felt they had almost nothing in common, in fact found it difficult to interact with him without strain or the sensation of being judged, and grieved the loss of their former intimacy. I listened, but didn’t know what to tell her. I have observed that sibling relationships can and do change over time — we grow closer, we grow apart, we come back together. And some of these fluctuations have little to do with us per se and everything to do with life-stage and location. Still, I understood her agita, her desire to knit herself back into closeness with a loved one — I have felt that, too. I found myself thinking: what would our 70-year-old selves say? Would they urge us to repair the relationship? Would they say, “it’s OK, give him grace, let him grow and be, things will come back together when it’s right”? Would they say, “it’s a two-way street; he needs to meet you in the middle”?

And then, more practically, I thought: what would a real 70-year-old “elder sister” say about this, and right now?

So here is my prompt/request: if you are a woman over 70 and are willing to play Abby (as in “Dear Abby”), would you send me a note via email (jennifer@magpiebyjenshoop.com)? I’d love to send a couple of queries to a couple of wise, tenured women to see what realtime, right-now advice they’d offer on this matter and a few others.

And if you are a younger Magpie, feel free to write in a question in the comments section here (or via email if it’s too delicate and you want your name redacted). I’d love to run a column in a week or two after sifting through whatever arrives sharing elder Magpie wisdom on the knotty issues we are currently facing and for which we might be seeking counsel. Could be related to parenting, marriage, career, relationships, self-image, etc!

More generally, a good prompt for this Monday morning: what would my 70-year-old self say? Sometimes just asking myself that question clears the clouds.

Post-Scripts.

*This concept was largely shaped by two beautiful forces: 1) Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ excellent podcast, “Wiser Than Me,” in which she interviews wise (older) women and demonstrates, in interview after interview, the widths of wisdom they carry, and 2) a younger Magpie reader telling me that she felt like I had a “helpful older sister” energy — such a great compliment, and also made me think about the many Magpie readers (of all ages) who play the role of older sister to me in the comments!

+Are you a book repeater?

+Lighthouse keepers — a big older sister energy.

+Tiny parades we should throw ourselves.

+Not to be morbid, but what would your final meal be?

Shopping Break: Cyber Monday!

+This post is more fashion-focused, but I shared a whole post on the best Black Friday finds for home and desk here, including several items I’m buying!

+A little birdie told me that Veronica Beard would be adding new (coveted current season) items to their extra 30% off cyber week sale this morning! This will be the first sale I check when I wake up, and I’ll try to update this little blurb with any standouts once I do. Their jackets are always the first thing to check!

+New items added to the La Ligne sale, including this perfect kiwi green dress (in my closet, and now available for a J. Crew price) and this slim-fit navy and white cardi. (Minnow’s fantastic striped cardis are also 20% off with HOLIDAY20.)

+RARE Varley sale! Own and love this longline fleece with the cinched waist, and love these two sherpa outerwear pieces: this cropped puffer and this longer-line quilted style. I find this brand runs big; go down a size if in question.

+Quince discounted a few fab things this morning: a Loro-Piana-coded cashmere vest, their cashmere turtlenecks (I have in the burgundy color — I like to go up a size in this for a slouchier look), their kids’ backpacks and lunchboxes (just like State!), and their Jenni Kayne-inspired cotton cardigans. I also am tempted by these kids’ cashmere sweaters while discounted.

+Lil reminder that Negative is 15% off right now. They never offer sales. I wish the discount were deeper but I’ll take what I can get. (Bonus: we were able to add an AMEX offer to our card to get $25 off an order of $75+ — check the AMEX offer site to see if you also can get this.) I treated myself to my favorite underwear (super spendy but I promise they’ll be the first you reach for).

+Loeffler added some new styles to their 40% off section today, including these perfect holiday heels and these glitzy ballet flats, both of which I own and adore.

+J. Crew sale continues: my top rec remains any of their statement knitwear (to zhush up your favorite jeans for an easy holiday look, or style with a pair of Colby pants), but I also love this cropped faux fur to wear over all of your festive outfits this season and continue to obsess over this Jen-Aniston-in-Picture-Perfect satin mini.

+A really thoughtful gift idea: frame something special for someone you love. Could be a treasured grandmother’s handwritten recipe, a special dry fly a uncle hand-tied, a drawing from your son. I love to use Framebridge for this — they do a really nice job and if you’re local in Bethesda, you can just drop whatever you want to frame off at their store, which somehow feels easier to me? You can even frame objects (a special license plate, a pennant or medal or coin, etc). They are offering 15% off right now with code PHOTO15. Landon has also been asking me for new desk frames for school photos of our kids and I got him two of these burl wood ones. So handsome!

+Second PSA: 20% off at AYR, including these incredibly chic classic jeans with a cult following (run TTS) and my reversible fleece I’ve been wearing all season. Their early morning tees are also a great gift for a sis.

+20% off at Donni — I know a lot of Magpies are big fans of this brand. I love these new silk-trim fleece jackets they launched. Sadly, they’ve sold through on their popular silk stripe pants but their knit sets and cult-following sweats are still available!

+25% off at The Great! Love this wrap cardigan, this patterned puffer, and this sherpa-trim belt bag for holiday walks!

+Final day to shop the 25% off Shopbop promotion! All my sale picks here and my hearts here (I updated these constantly). These cropped Staud sweaters are SO good. I’ve seen several chic moms at my son’s school wearing these and I love the way they hit just at the top of a high-waisted pair of jeans. Very flattering!

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