Have you noticed how the smallest gesture of gentleness can turn your day around? A kind text (“I was hoping you’d be here”), closing the door and taking a deep breath, a hand squeeze?
And sometimes even less than that. Sometimes just the normal will do it — the comforting mundanity of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your kitchen, or watching your neighbor head out for his morning dog walk. Right on time. The way your slippers look beside your bed in the morning. The familiar sounds of your husband in the kitchen, making coffee. The hug of a loved sweater. The smell of your mother’s perfume on the scarf she leant you.
Last week, I had some disappointing news that cast a pall over my day. I couldn’t shake it! I ticked through all my usual comforts: “will this matter in 5 hours, five days, five weeks?” “rejection is redirection,” “get outside,” “move your body,” “make a list of three things that went right today.” (This last one is powerful; did you know women hang onto critical feedback 30% longer than men do? And that in general it takes something like four or five positive comments to balance out one negative comment? We hyperfixate on the critical!) Still, I was a study in storm clouds.
When my children came home that afternoon, carrying news from their narrow worlds, a profound calm came over me. I found myself thinking: “Aren’t I lucky that after that unpleasantness, I can turn a corner, and go downstairs, and sit in my dining room and talk with these chirpy little bugs, and be silly, and find myself about 1,000 leagues away from that headspace?”
I felt held and warm sitting at that table, cocooned from the disappointments of my day. I kept thinking: “The only thing being asked of me right now is to love — and what a relief.” To sit there and laugh at my son’s joke, to serve them ladles of pasta, to tousle my daughter’s hair in passing. Sometimes the ministrations of motherhood can be taxing, but other times — they come like a rescue. Ah yes, I can be helpful and needed and loved here, and in the smallest way. The aperture is delightfully narrow: clearing some plates, refilling juice cups, answering “what does fifteen plus nineteen equal?”. I can pour myself into these quiet acts of care, and let the rest dissolve behind me.
It was as if I’d leapt into a hot air balloon with them, my worries shrinking beneath us, then disappearing into the horizon.
What shape-shifting magic, this love that carries all things.
Post-Scripts.
+It’s helpful to name what you love.
Shopping Break.
+GORGEOUS burgundy slip skirt to pair with a cashmere sweater…!
+I swear every time I go back to ME+EM, they have released something new and fabulous that captures my fashion imagination. I am currently obsessing over this knit scarf and the combo of this knit top and this pleated skirt.
+I have a full-length ivory coat from VB from three years ago that I TREASURE and will be wearing again this season. Last season’s version is on sale for 50% off here!
+Currently wearing and loving. (With these barrel jeans.)
+Oo! Vuori’s new waffle tee is calling my name. Their daydream tee is my go-to for layering over a tank and peeling off a few minutes into my spin. Also good with leggings for a walk outside. I love the length.
+Speaking of waffle knit: Negative’s new waffle pieces are sooo good. I have their joggers and henley but really love the new cropped set.
+Sephora’s sale starts today! I already ordered this “viral” lip balm that changes based on the pH of your lips (and a beauty influencer I trust recommended it) because I was afraid it would sell out (also available in a cute gift set for a bestie), but a few items still in my cart: this mini skincare kit for travel (little treat for myself to have this pre-loaded into my toiletry bag!), these merit mini flush balms (eek, a good gift but I kind of want for myself — what is it about their tiny size that makes them so irresistable?), a new hairspray I’ve been hearing good things about, and K18, which I have been waiting to repurchase on sale (I’m dangerously low — they just released an intriguing new bergamot-scented version of it; should I snag?). Two other recs for you: Tower28 mascara duo (two full size mascaras already at a discount — I LOVE this mascara and I think the brown color does wonders for blue eyes) and these little lip gloss sets for all the baby-sitters (or tweens/teens) in your life. I linked all my Sephora favorites here.
+Rattan holiday trees, at high sellout risk. Also love these vintage-style dessert plates!
+Adorable duffle jacket for a little one.
+I have this dramatic vest in my closet and love that it works with jeans / sweater or over a fall dress — the details elevate it!
+Is just begging for a glass of champagne.
+Love Gap’s take on the leopard trend! Chic with a black leather skirt or pants.
+Scent enclave, assemble: did you see that Soft Services released a D.S. & Durga-scented version of their exfoliating bar?! OMG. You know I’m a huge fan of these bars and now they are releasing in extremely fancy scents. (I first learned about this brand through this fancy hand cream my sister turned me onto. I actually have one already purchased and set aside for a holiday gift!)
+Freda Salvador fans: FS released fewer than 100 of these fab loafers in such good colors!
+From Donni’s latest drop: these espresso sweats and this cool satin-trim fleece.
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I was genuinely hoping your Nalida coat would get a mention!! It’s perfect on you, and happens to be one of my white whales that I would love to find in my size. Every time you share a different long white coat I think to myself about that one instead!! Veronica Beard is so good.