The Magpie Diary: Aug. 17, 2025.

Something I’ve been feeling passionately about lately: unhooking from the language of optimization. I’ve written a couple of times that our lives are not math problems, and that we are not projects. I am not on this planet to achieve perfection, in whatever chimerical form the term shapeshifts into, be it appearance- or achievement-related. I am 41 and I want a quiet afternoon in which to write, and a mirror in which I see only my own face and the distinctive markings that make it my own.

This is a philosophical reversal from my younger selves. In an interview with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bonnie Raitt talked about the concept of “the uppercase Bonnie” and “the lowercase bonnie,” and of course she experienced (experiences) this more acutely than most of us because she has a big stage persona and a huge celebrity, but she said the bifurcation started earlier, when she discovered she could be praised and seen when she was earning all As, performing for her parents’ friends, doing her dances and singing, behaving. She started to see herself performing as the Bonnie that people loved. I think a lot of us experience this separation; I cultivated a strong sense of “uppercase Jen” from a young age. Uppercase Jen won all the academic awards. Uppercase Jen was the “book girl,” the responsible big sister, the rule follower. I filled certain roles and found myself praised for it. It was brutal when the mask slipped–when I didn’t get into the Ivy league school, when I was “caught” not having a sophisticated opinion on something. I will never forget when a friend of mine told me my reading choices were “so lowbrow” — the agony of being discovered! My own self-doubts reified by this one turn of phrase.

So much of nearing and turning 40 has been shrugging off that mantle, teaching myself I do not need to perform, living out an “if it comes, let it; if it goes, let it” ethos, and in the narrowest ways:

+writing just because it feels good, not with the intent of publication;

+relaxing my fitness regimen in various ways — not reducing exercise, but finding formats that feel nourishing and realistic rather than punishing;

+listening to my body and letting it tell me what to do versus foisting some plan upon it;*

+letting people be wrong about me;

+reading a ton of pulpy romance;

+saying “no” to things that don’t feel right in business, in relationships, in the various realms in which I live rather than rushing to please, accommodate, or “not miss out”;

+aiming for more white space in my calendar.

Doing these things has brought me closer to understanding who “lowercase jen” is — the soft, imperfect, inconsistent, version of me. I am learning that I like her small letter.

Sunday Shopping.

First, I wanted to spotlight a combo of skincare/coverage products that have really been working well for me this summer. I start by applying concealer to my undereyes and sides of my nose and anywhere else that needs it. I mentioned this earlier this week, but I am loving RMS’ brand new concealer. It has the tiniest paintbrush applicator so you can get really precise with it! Also love the consistency — creamy, lightweight, hydrating. But before blending that in, I apply a dab of RMS SuperSerum to my cheeks, forehead, and chin. Then I follow by applying a dab of Westman bronzing drops and, sometimes, depending on how much coverage I need/want, a slick of Westman foundation stick. I then use this brush (the GOAT, trust me) to blend everything in together, almost like using my face as the palette. It achieves the most perfect glowy tan skin!

You can use code JEN20 to get 20% off these two incredible products at RMS!

RMS CONCEALER // RMS SUPER SERUM // WESTMAN BRONZING DROPS // WESTMAN FOUNDATION STICK

ALSO SEEN ABOVE: CHICEST SCALLOPED MARBLE TRAY (USE CODE JEN20), LEATHER COSMETICS CASE, + HAIR CLIP

Below, some other great finds I’m loving or eyeing. Let me first mention that I have been noticing a trend of drawstring jeans and I am contemplating investing in these DL1961s. They actually are sold out on the brand’s site and are hard to find in most sizes, but I did find them here and on sale in white here! Or get the look for less with a slightly more exaggerate barrel shape at Gap here. I ordered the Gaps in the stripes because I thought they were so unexpected and would look fun with a leather sandal and simple white tank. They have “writing uniform” written all over them — loose fit, easy to sit in all day long!

CURRENT FAVE WALKIN’ DRESS (JEN20 FOR 20% OFF) // AUTRY SNEAKERS // J. CREW STRIPED TEE* // THIS MONTH’S BOOK CLUB PICK! // BAREFACED OVERACHIEVER SKIN BOOSTER** // CLARE VIVIER NECKLACE // J. CREW ORGANZA SKIRT // DL1961 TAYLOR JEANS (LOOK FOR LESS HERE)

*I ordered this striped tee this week! I love a long-sleeve top layer to throw on over an athletic outfit when I’m running errands / sitting in the AC at home after exercising / etc., and the colors were so fun in this one! One of the reviews of this top read: “I don’t know why basic tees are so hard to find, but glad I found this one. Flattering cut, nice lighter weight that can be easily layered.”

J. CREW TEE // TRACKSMITH BRA // TRACKSMITH SHORTS // SPRINTS BAG // AUTRY SNEAKS

**I just ordered this 10-in-1 “skin booster” from clean skincare line Barefaced. I was immediately pulled-in by its description as a “a retinoid alternative” that “works to firm, calm, and refine skin for all—including expectant mothers.” I have tried several rounds of retinol/retinoids and find it always totally dries out my skin, even though I have so many friends (and Magpies) who rave about its benefits. Anyway, I want to try this alternative. (Plus, this BeautyTokker convinced me.) If you are pregnant, you should check out the entire line from this brand, which is designed to be pregnancy-safe. Would also make a thoughtful gift for a newly-expecting friend! They are currently offering three of their bestsellers as a bundle, and when you order, you get their “clean slate spritz” for free. The clean slate spritz contains hypochlorous acid, which is an ingredient I have found really helpful for avoiding body breakouts after exercising. (I use Tower28’s formula.)