People say that moving is the second most stressful life experience you can go through, the first being losing a loved one. I’ve always turned up my nose at that factoid. How could you consider moving anywhere within the realm of heartache associated with grieving over a loved one? And while I continue to believe that moving is not as hard as a lot of the other life experiences we’ve been through — including, of course, losing loved ones, but also starting a business, having a baby, raising a puppy, contending with illness in the family, supporting loved ones going through difficult times, and even working for a truly horrible boss, I really really really really really hope that I don’t need to move again any time soon. And I really really really really wish I could fast forward to a few weeks from now when we are settled into our new home and new routine and everything we’re living through right now fades into a distant memory. I am overwhelmed at the moment by details, contingency plans, the 230894898 non-refundable fees and deposits associated with moving into an apartment in NYC (holy hell), the horrible case of Murphy’s Law we’ve been contending with, and, through it all, the raw and oversized emotion I feel with this major life change.
I was rocking minimagpie to sleep just an hour ago (it’s currently 8:13 p.m. the night before the movers come), looking around at the familiar shapes and shadows of her nursery, choking back tears as I remembered the many months dedicated to sourcing her gorgeous wallpaper, and selecting just the right crib, and tracking down the cutest nightlight, and identifying the best diaper pail, and arranging everything just so. And then the many months after spent rocking her in that exact spot, observing the passersby on the quiet residential street below her window, making mental notes of the gossip to pass along to Mr. Magpie, or reading on my Kindle, or texting with my sister, or smiling at the funny way mini holds her hands in mid-air while she’s sucking down a bottle, as though she’s testifying in Church — in other words, progressing through her nighttime routine entirely oblivious to the fact that my days putting her to sleep in this beautifully appointed nursery were numbered.
There’s a sharp feeling of finality that’s slicing through the air these last few days in our home in Chicago and I’m having trouble coming to terms with it.
There’s that, and there’s also the fact that I’m grouchy about all of the hurdles that we’ve found in our way. Things like last-minute requests from the condo board that could have been made over two weeks ago and handled as promptly that we’ve instead needed to urgently, stressfully dedicate half a day of precious Chicago time to when we have 23 other tasks that need to get done. Things like a sudden, second $1000 “move-in deposit” (the second! THE SECOND! and totally unrelated to the first move in deposit, the security deposit, the broker fees, the two months rent, the multiple application and credit report processing fees, etc, etc, etc AD FINITUM) that we’ve needed to procure a cashier’s check for and FedEx overnight. Things like realizing I’d need to procure a travel crib because there will be a gap between when we arrive in New York and when our moving trucks do, only to realize the one I’d selected would take over 10 days to arrive — and then spending the better part of a morning calling every baby store in Chicago and New York to see whether anyone had one in stock — and then realizing I SHOULD HAVE JUST PICKED ANOTHER DAMN TRAVEL CRIB. Things like trying to find pet-friendly hotels that aren’t insanely overpriced, or figuring out what will actually fit in our SUV when we already have a baby, two adults, and a large dog cluttering its confines. I’ve been trying to go with the flow and pretend as though everything is just fine, but this is what I feel like:
I am not, usually, I don’t think, a whiner. Or I pray I am not, because I realize how fortunate I am and rarely does a day go by when I don’t say as much to Mr. Magpie. (Will you forgive this aberration, Magpies?) And I had been moodily pecking out this post when I looked down and glanced over two recent text exchanges — one with a dear friend who is expecting her second baby in a matter of days and has received some less than optimal information about the upcoming labor and delivery process, and the other with a dear friend who spent the better part of today with a pediatric specialist, hoping to rule out the possibility of a rare syndrome for which her six-week-old son was at risk.
Shame on me.
Life is bigger than this.
Life is bigger than these details, than these fleeting moments of frustration and grouchiness and fees and, yes, even the maudlin musings over minimagpie’s nursery. There will be other nurseries, and other happy spaces, and other happy memories and — as one of you lovely readers put it in a recent email: just remember that home is where your loved ones are.
So now I will turn on Seinfeld, and pour a glass of wine, and eat the too-spicy-for-me “Dan Dan Noodles” we just ordered from our favorite Chinese delivery spot, and appreciate the quiet of the right here and right now in this place we have loved on this couch we have hated. (PSA: never buy this couch. It’s cute and petite but it is NOT COMFORTABLE and YOUR HUSBAND WILL WHINE ABOUT IT FOR THE BETTER PART OF TWO YEARS.)
And also, share a few random things:
+This is THE BEST UMBRELLA EVER. It is itty bitty and lightweight but very well-made. Ideal for the working woman in New York where every square inch of her bag — like her apartment — is precious real estate.
+Thinking of having custom roman shades made by this Etsy gem of a store for our new apartment.
+This dress is under $60 but looks like something from RedValentino. So adorable.
+I love this coat.
+I think I need this book for mini.
+I have a blue and white marbled pitcher that looks a lot like this one — I use it as a vase!
+If you missed out on the jumpsuit I ordered for the holidays, consider this one instead!
+Very on trend. (Remember my obsession?)
+Do any fellow organization-obsessed folks LOVE the idea of this for saran wrap storage?!
+Will you judge me as much as Mr. Magpie does when I confess that this is one of my all-time favorite candies? (Eeeee.)
P.S. If you need a laugh, and you have a child and therefore an appreciation for this book, check this out. Thanks to my girl Bunny for sending this over! I needed a laugh!
It’s really to explain how insane NYC real estate is until you live through it. It’s an incredibly tenant-unfriendly city and it just keeps getting worse. I remember moving once in my 20s, just going from one tiny studio apartment to another, and between the deposit that I hadn’t received back from my old apartment (took 8 months) and all of the deposits and fees for my new apartment I had laid out more than $10K. On the tiniest nonprofit salary! Oh, and the paperwork…I have had multiple friends tell me they needed less paperwork to get a mortgage. But it’s sort of a rite of passage, and I promise will you be laughing about it with new friends soon, and you’ll see how tough you are and you’ll feel stronger.
New York tests you for sure. But the song is no joke (Frank’s, not Taylor’s. She doesn’t know anything about NYC). Once you hit your stride and realize you are thriving in NY, you feel invincible. Fingers crossed that luck is on your side through these next weeks!
Alison – you are so right about all of this and I feeeeel like we need to get an enormous martini to swap experiences/stories at some point. My best friend (who also lives in New York, THANK GOD!) had this to say: “For as crappy as New York makes certain things — like moving — it also makes it up to you in small ways every day. Things like how magical it is and how things that would be incredible luxuries elsewhere are part of the fabric of life here.” Girl! Thanks for telling it like it is. xoxo
You’re more than entitled to have all these feelings! And moving is indeed so stressful. I’ve been incredibly short-tempered these days, especially as I like nothing more than to be settled but it’ll be at least a good month before that will happen (the joys of buying a house!). As you said, yes, there are bigger things in life, but your life is uniquely yours, and never discount your own emotions/feelings.
In the meantime, hope you’re enjoying New York! I miss living in a walkable city!
Jen, you are so right — I think it was you who wrote in at some point to remind me to make space for my emotions. Thank you for this timely reminder. “Your life is uniquely yours” — yes. Yes. GIRL you get it. Are you settled on the West Coast yet?! How are you faring, aside from a short temper? (Totally understandable.)
Oh, goodness — I hope things are going smoothly for you in New York! Just remember, this too shall pass. You’ll make it through the move, and eventually you’ll be settled into your new apartment and life in New York will be wonderful.
I love Miroslav Sasek’s books! That’s a great one to start with.
And that Migos video … so funny! I love!
Thanks, MK — I always look forward to your notes and appreciate the words of encouragement. xoxo
You know what- I LOVE this post. You are honest about what you feel, then able to step back and put it all into context. thank you equally for both parts.
“Weepin’ wilin’ fo’ his mama” sometimes I just tell my little guy “no more mama llama drama!” when he’s in A State — it’s the book that keeps on giving!!!
Thanks, doll. A) Thank you for reading and for encouraging me to keep things honest. B) THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT OF THAT VIDEO. One of my dearest friends and I keep texting each other: “Llama might HAAAAVEEEE a gun!” thanks to you. xoxoxoxo
Ok, breathe. Take it one day or even one hour at a time. I’m reading your blog and thinking how lucky you are to have lived in Chicago and now you get to try New York. People wish to live in either city. However, I keep thinking you will ease into NY City seamlessly, with your gorgeous style and Gucci shoes. Prance the streets and show them what you got girl! Remember Mary Tyler Moore’s song, “You’re gonna make it afterall”. Hang in there. We are all cheering for you
Claire — Sorry it took me so many days to respond to you, but when I first read this on my phone, I literally brushed a tear off my check. Thank you for your kindness, your support, your words of perspective and encouragement. You are so right. I am blessed to have this experience and blessed to have such a lovely group of women cheering me on. I know that a move is not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but…thank you for your encouragement during this unexpectedly intense part of my life! xo
In fairness to you, that couch is the worst.
I would have been better off with one good lounge chair that fit in my tiny apartment and actual lifestyle than that terrible half-hearted concession to the lifestyle I aspire to.
TOTALLY. Jen, we should sign a petition to have that chair removed from West Elm’s catalogue. xo