I had planned to go live with our monthly book club series today (last month’s review and discussion here; this month’s book club pick: The Names by Florence Knapp), but I need more time. Please bear with me — will share as soon as I can! In the meantime, I still wanted to talk books today, and specifically wanted to ask:
Which book(s) changed your life, and why?
I have a slate of books from my childhood through college years that shaped who I am and how I understand the world (the power of Little Women cannot be overstated), but I’m focusing my answers today on books released in the last twenty years or so — books that I met as an adult — that profoundly moved me and led me to look at the world, and myself in it, in a different way. I recently came across a Reddit thread where a reader posted the most relatable description of reading a life-changing book (in reference to Call Me By Your Name):
Yes, all the tell-tale signs of a watershed, life-shaping book: “I didn’t know what to do with myself” and the desire to do multiple dramatic, out-of-the-ordinary things: “quit my job and run away to the country”! Related:
What are your watershed books from the last decade or two? Here are mine:
01. Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. “A luminous portrait of a marriage, a shattering evocation of a family ravaged by grief and loss, and a tender and unforgettable re-imagining of a boy whose life has been all but forgotten, and whose name was given to one of the most celebrated plays of all time, Hamnet is mesmerizing, seductive, impossible to put down—a magnificent leap forward from one of our most gifted novelists.” I wept long and hard while reading this, and still find a lump in my throat when I think back on its portrait of grief. There is a line in this book I think of all the time: the bereaved mother talks about casting after her deceased son by instinct — just the way our minds reflexively travel to take stock of our children throughout the day (“I wonder if he remembered his water bottle,” etc) — and the gut wrench of finding nothing at the end of the line. I’m still a puddle of tears thinking of it. There are also some exceptionally cinematic moments in this book — the apple scene! — that have imprinted themselves on my cultural memory. I reach for them almost like a prism or touchstone when I’m encountering other texts and moments in my life. Magical, the way that happens: O’Farrell brings specific visual moments into high-relief, technicolor, and they cling to us for the long haul. Finally, I think her presentation of the bard in a very different light was fascinating, new, different. Her telling of their love story changed my view of Shakespeare! Not easily done for someone so widely covered. (Cannot wait for this film to come out!)
02. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevins. “Sam and Sadie—two college friends, often in love, but never lovers—become creative partners in a dazzling and intricately imagined world of video game design, where success brings them fame, joy, tragedy, duplicity, and, ultimately, a kind of immortality. It is a love story, but not one you have read before.” This book astounded me with its originality. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever read; I was mesmerized by its raw creative pulse. But Zevins is not only exceptional in her deft universe-building and novel thematics; she is also an insanely gifted line-writer and realistic character portraitist. She is “full stack”! This is a rich delight to read and decode. It completely absorbed me.
03. Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. “Set in the mountains of southern Appalachia, Demon Copperhead is the story of a boy born to a teenaged single mother in a single-wide trailer, with no assets beyond his dead father’s good looks and copper-colored hair, a caustic wit, and a fierce talent for survival.” This book wrung me out. I walked around in a newly-colored universe after I finished it, having cultivated the deepest sensitivity for the children who fall through the cracks of the welfare system in our country, who are born with the deck stacked against them. But the novel is not only an indictment of this complex set of social problems — it is also a richly drawn bildungsroman of a deeply lovable hero. I love Demon! One of my favorite characters in contemporary literature.
04. Normal People by Sally Rooney. (Really anything Rooney has written.) “Normal People is the story of mutual fascination, friendship, and love. It takes us from that first conversation to the years beyond, in the company of two people who try to stay apart but find that they can’t.” When I read this book in 2019, I felt like I’d fallen in love with literature for the first time. Rooney writes exactly what I want to read: smart, feeling, modern, carefully-drawn, round characters engaging in plot points that feel realistic — and yet the novel carries the arc of the traditional will-they-won’t-they romance. There are obstacles. There are prejudices against one another. There are accidental run-ins, secret trysts, glow-ups, jealousies, missed crossings, mixed crossings. It is all the pent-up frustration of a classic romance robed in gorgeous prose and deeply drawn, non-simplistic characters. Gah!!!
05. The Dutch House by Ann Patchett. “Set over the course of five decades, The Dutch House is a dark fairy tale about two smart people who cannot overcome their past. Despite every outward sign of success, Danny and Maeve are only truly comfortable when they’re together. Throughout their lives they return to the well-worn story of what they’ve lost with humor and rage. But when at last they’re forced to confront the people who left them behind, the relationship between an indulged brother and his ever-protective sister is finally tested.” My love affair with Ann Patchett’s writing is well-documented on Magpie, but it all boils down to this: no one does character portraiture like Patchett. Her characters are spectacularly round, and we develop keen affection and deep understanding for them. I love Patchett’s singular, distinctive voice: observant, smooth, polished, a joy to sit with. This was one of the few books I’ve ever read in my life where I actively protested and drew out the finish — I did not want it to end. Probably the worst book hangover of my life.
06. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. “Joan Didion delivers a searing portrait of a marriage and a life – in good times and bad – that will speak to anyone who has ever loved and lost a husband or wife or child. In a work of electric honesty and passion, Didion explores how we all, somehow, will ourselves to survive. “An utterly shattering portrait of loss and grief.” I read this book on a plane in 2015 and was unwell for several days — it’s one of the only times I can remember reading something that actively cast a pall on my everyday life. The power of this book — ! Didion is a genius and one of the finest craftspeople in the written word that I’ve ever encountered. Her writing wows with its heft and incisiveness: somehow both concise and rich.
What about you?
Post-Scripts.
+My favorite book I’ve read this year.
+When was the last time you had a book hangover?
+You can sign up for my book club email newsletter here. This is a special edition of my newsletter with only book reviews and some special add-ons; I send it out about once a month.
Shopping Break.
+Sitting here on this chilly, rainy October morning wearing these cashmere track pants and the matching hoodie. SUCH a great buy. I first got the set for an international flight last fall and have gotten so much mileage out of them! I like to layer over this really thin cotton tee from Donni. Normally I’m a devotee of SoldOut’s white tees (a little more structure and sheen to the cotton) but beneath a knit set like this, I prefer my featherweight Donni.
+Speaking of SoldOut: their cashmere turtlenecks are SO GOOD. Really thin, stretchy, soft knit. I own in navy but I love the new olive color.
+Can’t believe it, but Hill House’s tartan capsule is here — this is my favorite. It would work for Christmas (outfit idea here) or Thanksgiving (outfit idea here)!
+Splendid’s sale section is on sale! Standouts: these ultra-soft lounge pants (what I want to wear while sick) and the matching tee. Out of season, but we all love these gauze pants, too — your future self will thank you next summer!
+Deeply drawn to fair isle right now; have a full roundup coming out soon but how good is this J. Crew in unexpected gray? I just got this plum Veronica Beard; the Outnet has a past-season colorway on sale for 50% off! But also: this Jenni Kayne! With faux leather pants!
+Sweetest pullover for a little lady. Speaking of attire for our girls: my daughter just received a few pairs of shoes from Melissa and she’s obsessed with these chelsea rain boots and these black glitter cowgirl boots (Taylor Swift energy!). All of these shoes smell like bubblegum, which she finds charming; I love that they are waterproof but have cute silhouettes.
+It’s relax season.
+Everyone’s favorite high hopes pants, in seasonal cocoa! These are as soft as sweats and feel like leggings but have more polish! Also love the color and shape of these new jeans.
+A great faux fur vest to layer over a black ensemble.
+A good look for less for Patagonia!
+Enticed by this “airplane sweatshirt.” The name alone is so suggestive to me – I need it for the next trip! Layer over a button-down!
+Jane Austen cocktail napkins!!!
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Such treasures in this post/comment thread! I concur wholeheartedly with your list, to which I would add The Secret History, Gentleman in Moscow, North Woods, Ministry for the Future, The Sea of Tranquility, Cloud Cuckoo Land, The Overstory, and, most recently, Heart the Lover. I will forever associate The Secret History with my first “serious,” immersive reading experience with modern literature in high school—I was completely captivated by the mood Tartt created. I am due for a reread. North Woods, Cloud Cuckoo Land, and the Overstory “destroyed” me in the sense that they reshaped my thinking on humanity, our relationship to the natural world, and time itself—not to be dramatic lol. Relatedly, Ministry for the Future, while admittedly a slog at first, astounded me with an alternate, hopeful vision for how humanity might turn things around in the face of climate crisis. Have you read Writers & Lovers and Heart the Lover by Lily King? I just read both and adored them—reminded me of an American Sally Rooney! Another recent 5 star read was The Queen of Dirt Island by Donal Ryan. It was a delight!
WOW, I just love the way you write about these texts, and actually giggled when you note: “not to be dramatic lol.” Spoken like a true book lover. Wow wow! I haven’t read either of those Lily King ones though they’ve moved in and out of my TBR piles. I’ll return them to the pile with this review!! American Sally Rooney, hellloooo
xx
It feels impossible to narrow down the books that have changed my life – from Little Women, Anne of Green Gables and the Famous Five in childhood, to Name of the Wind, a Year in Provence and Jane Austen anything…..
but I read Reformatory on the plane back from a family trip to Europe (with two under six) and it has sat with me ever since.
Wow!! WHAT praise for a book to have it listed alongside the OG canon! Added to my list. Thanks for sharing…
xx
The Neopolitan Novels (that begins with My Brilliant Friend, which, ironically, may be the least favorite of the four!) absolutely changed my life. At times this year (which has been a trying one!) I’ve itched to reread them but am upset that I’ll never get the experience of reading them for the first time ever again. The mark of great books!
Absolutely a sign of a great book!! I read the first and intend to read the others. I was totally blown away by their novelty. SUCH a unique voice and style, and so evocative.
xx
A book I constantly think about is When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi.
Have heard this is a deeply moving, profound book!
+1 to this! I remember reading this on a flight and sobbing. This book has stayed with me for a long time.
Oyy – I have this on my radar but just don’t think I can take it on right now!
01 A Ghost in the Throat by Dorian Ní Ghriofa, a Magpie recommendation that changed me and wrecked me completely. What a wrenching and beautiful portrait not only of the subject but of the author in her early days of motherhood. Reading it before a trip to Ireland superimposed the story over the landscape for me. I will be carrying pieces of it with me a long time.
02 All the Celia Lake Albion books but especially Pastiche (marriage in trouble, arranged marriage, heroine w fibromyalgia). These are magical books for adults, set in an alternate historical England. The richness of her characters and world consistently stuns me, I took one of her workshops at a recent conference and I have so so much to learn from her. I have the 3-4 new books she puts out per year marked on my calendar! My favorite author currently writing.
03 An Everlasting Meal by Tamar Adler. In some ways this is a cookbook, in some ways this is a whole philosophy. I’ve loaned and rebought so many copies. Her chapter headings are pure poetry, and I used to show passages to my colleagues when we were writing design decks.
04 The Diane Duane Young Wizards books (which I started reading around 12) remain a keystone of my life philosophy, morality, and a key source of comfort in dark times. I cannot wait until my kids are old enough to read these.
05 How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis genuinely removed a lot of shame I have around not achieving perfection constantly and gave some real practical tips to make running my house go more smoothly, I reference it often. The audiobook is good too! Really improved my life in myriad ways.
06 The Husbands by Holly Gramazio is just such a good concept and so well done. Besides being enjoyable, it gave me so much to think about and write about. I like a book that’s thought provoking but not unpleasant.
07 Sword Crossed by Freya Marske is just a perfect book!! The world building is excellent, it manages to be both high stakes and low stress, and the ending is perfectly executed. A frequently reread romance, I think I reread within less than a month of reading it the first time.
08 The Duke Who Didn’t by Courtney Milan is the funniest romance I’ve ever read, and it manages to both break and embrace lots of excellent romance tropes, and it’s so immaculately researched. I enjoy Courtney Milan in general and she’s obviously had a lot of prior success but this series feels like a really great achievement and I love seeing another author level up.
Shoutout to the authors who got me into romance: KJ Charles, Beverly Jenkins, Cat Sebastian, Lisa Kleypas, Alyssa Cole, Talia Hibbert, Rebekah Weatherspoon, Katrina Jackson, Olivia Waite, Rachel Spangler, Elizabeth Hoyt, Helen Hoang, Jennifer Ashley, Tessa Dare, Sherry Thomas, Alisha Rai, Sarah Maclean, EE Ottoman, Alexis Hall. My life would be a very different place without them.
I was the one who recommended A Ghost in the Throat. This is a book that will be with me forever. I am so glad it had what sounds like a similar effect on you.
How cool that you rec’d this!?!?
Love these — !! You make we want to curl up and binge read the lot! xx
Thank you for this list! I’m going to check these recommendations out!
I was just talking about Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel earlier today with a work colleague! I put off reading it for a long time despite loving her writing, given the pandemic subject matter. However, I found it deeply moving and a fascinating look at how important art is to us as humans. I can’t stop thinking about it months later. Highly recommend it and her books The Glass Hotel and Sea of Tranquility, both of which include some overlapping characters and themes.
I’ve not read any of her work! Adding to list — thanks!
You have some of my favorites on the list. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow was unforgettable, and Demon Copperhead! Loved. Hamnet was another face. The Dutch House bored me to tears but listening to Tom Hanks read the Audiobook made up for it! I can’t wait for your review of the Names, I just finished !
Have you read the Goldfinch by Donna Tart? one of my favorites
This is a big resume gap for me – I actually bought it to read this fall, but the season is quickly evaporating…need to tuck in!
xx
It is amazing. Pulitzer prize 2014
I love this book. One of the few books that gave me a profound visual experience and a brilliant narrative.
Can’t wait to read. I’ve heard it’s perfect for this October season too.
Lots of similar thoughts here — so interesting you found TDH boring until TH read it! Fascinating!!
xx
I agree with the books you listed! The only one I haven’t read is “Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow.” Here are mine:
– “A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading, and Life” (George Saunders) — This book made me more merciful and curious, and it gave me another chance to experience one of those college-literature classes that is so transformational you can feel your mind expanding in real time. This book would be a great starting place for anyone who feels like literary analysis is too mysterious or esoteric. You’re good at it just by paying attention to your own questions! This book is practice for understanding the world, not just reading literature. Like George Saunders says, those skills are one and the same.
– “The Overstory” — I don’t know how to convince people that it’s possible to be riveted just by descriptions of trees. You just have to read the first few pages, and you’ll see. Everyone I know who has read this book agrees. This book reconnected me with the outdoors. I have all sorts of gardening hobbies and nature apps now.
– “When We Cease to Understand the World” (Benjamin Labatut) — I will never apologize for choosing prose over plot. It’s just who I am. This book satisfies that wish I’ve always had for the best scientists to be captured by best writers. I want to feel the significance of what they know.
– “Second Place” (Rachel Cusk) — I keep a commonplace book that I plan to have printed and bound one day for my kids. I have so many Rachel Cusk quotations in it because she’s such a talented writer. This book is a good study of what makes a book a page-turner despite having little action. My husband laughed every time I stopped to read him a passage showing what a little pill the narrator was. Her interactions with people and descriptions of herself were so perfectly crafted that I had to share every time there was another “moment.”
– “Thomas Jefferson: The Art of Power” (Jon Meacham) — I’m not usually a nonfiction person; I just can’t finish any of it. But I listened to this as an audiobook and stayed tuned in like it was a Netflix series. I didn’t plan to admire Thomas Jefferson at all, but he kind of makes it impossible. The man is just extra. I mean, he basically willed himself to die on July 4 to make his legacy more poignant. Even across 250 years of time, you still feel his enthusiasm for the world. You find everything fascinating and funny that he does. There’s a reason the Declaration of Independence was his job. He’s such a great writer that the best parts of the book are just portions of his letters. Knowing all of this only deepens the disappointment when you read about his flaws. There are serious lessons to contemplate when you see failures like that in someone you can’t completely recoil from. I also learned a lot about his style of his persuasion, which depended a great deal on kindness. The book works on the level of career advice, too.
Wow – I love your detailed, meaty descriptions of each of these books. The Overstory was a top contender for Magpie book club pick, but I couldn’t tell if it would be as appealing to others…I’m definitely keeping it on the shortlist thanks to this note. As you may have noticed, I love any nature-focused writing…!
Also, I read Cusk’s Outline maybe six or seven years ago and I think of it so often — I didn’t love the experience of reading it, or the experience after (I felt empty, poured-out, cold to the touch) — but WOW was it high art. Just so different. I still think of a few of the scenes with vividness!
xx
I keep a commonplace book too! Or rather, I keep several by subject! I love commonplacing. I have an ongoing one for work things, one really special one for my philosophy of life/parenting/values, and a more general one for everything under the sun.
This is so fascinating! Love this idea.
Can you explain? What is a commonplace book?
Jen—I so loved this question that I had to log in. I love what’s listed so far—from your more contemporary texts to a reader’s texts recalled from childhood. And these books do have real power. One of my friend, after reading Demon Copperfield, went back to school and became a certified court advocate for children. And my sister-in-law inspired by The Secret Garden, put in her own private garden.
The books that changed my own life include Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays, Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises (I wanted to be Lady Brett!), Fitzgerald’s Tender is the Night, Baldwin’s Sonny’s Blues (short story, I know), Eliot’s Prufrock, Wharton’s House of Mirth, James’ Portrait, Woolf’s Mrs Dalloway & Cunningham’s The Hours, everything by Irish mystery girl Tana French, Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Mineral and Fowler’s We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves.
I could go on—but this list is way too long. And I know, a little heavy on modernism. But they really did/do change everything.
Oh I love these examples of the page imprinting on the real life — so cool about your friends who were inspired to make changes in their own worlds after reading those two books. Wow! Just gives me so much hope to read that.
GREAT list of life-changing books here, though I have a few gaps that I should fill (never read Tana French?) —
Thanks for writing in! xx
Have you read Kingsolver’s Prodigal Summer? I almost included it!
I am going to invert this and tell you about a book that changed my life in a bad way- one that I wish I could unread. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. A relentless, brutal book that somehow received a lot of critical praise after its release. There were a number of satisfying takedowns in subsequent years, however, notably by Andrea Long Chu. (Someone one twitter once said, would you rather be interviewed by Issac Chotiner or reviewed by Andrea Long Chu? Both are extremely fraught!!)
SO interesting – I’ve heard this! I’ve had people insist it’s one of the best, most powerful books they’ve ever read, and then other people have described it along the lines you have. I already decided to skip this book after my sister read it and implored me not to follow suit! I trust her filter.
xx
Not here to debate, agree that it is brutal. However, as a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, I have never read a book that better captures the impact of trauma on a person’s psyche. The nuance with which Yanagihara captures the mind tricks and fault lines that trauma sews even in a life filled with success, is remarkable. For that reason, I think it is a work of genius. Haunting and beautiful in its horror.
Though it may be a bit unexpected for a Magpie read, the book that has stayed with me for years is Viet Thanh Nguyen’s The Sympathizer. It’s about a North Vietnamese spy posing as a South Vietnamese captain. It could almost be a novel form of Edward Said’s Orientalism, a book I read for countless classes in grad school! I found Nguyen’s prose endlessly compelling. Though many of the themes are violent, the beauty of the writing brought me to tears and left me with chills. Nguyen is a keen observer of human traits like vanity, loyalty, greed, lust, duplicity and identity
Wow – you’ve sold me on this!! Sounds very interesting. Thanks for sharing! xx
I’m struggling to come up with this list! I think the main obstacle is that I don’t read to be destroyed. I’m mainly it in for entertainment and escape – or learning (non-fiction). My book hangovers are more like “wow, that was fun! I’m sad it’s over! Is there a sequel coming??” I did read and enjoy The Dutch House (listened to Tom Hanks read it) but none of the others on your list. I’m giving Hamnet a wide berth – my heart is too tender to read about child loss, possibly due to my history of miscarriage and being a caregiver for childhood cancer (thankfully in remission!) but I’m sure it’s a very compelling story for those who do choose to read it! I think the book that had the most impact on my life lately was Good Energy by Dr Casey Means. The book I enjoyed the most in the last few years (also on audio) was The Thursday Murder Club – not sure I can leave a book-related comment on your blog without mentioning this book, haha!
PS – glad you postponed the book club, it gives me more time to get it from the library!
This is SUCH a well-considered point; “good books” don’t need to destroy us, and, as we’ve talked about dozens and dozens of times on the blog, there are many reasons and ways to read, and all are legitimate. I love this reminder!
I also love the reminder to listen to yourself / be an expert in yourself / don’t push yourself to read something that will trigger or upset you! I feel that way about “A Little Life,” which I know so many Magpies have raved about, but which I just don’t think I have the stomach to read.
xx
Thanks for allowing us all to be bad book girls here in our own way 🙂
Amen!!! xx
I feel this so much Stephanie! I have been very lucky to have avoided some of the things you talk about, but I just don’t have the desire to use my sparse leisure time to think about child loss, and since having children any apocalyptic themes also make me anxious. I love to read serious literature that makes me think, and I wish I was a little less tender, as you put it, but in the end I know those will make it hard for me to sleep.
My husband and I have a recent tradition to try to watch as many of the Academy Award best picture and I’m apprehensive about the possibility of watching Hamnet.
But ultimately there are so many good books and movies out there – plus so many that are enjoyable if not stay with you forever good – that I feel fine skipping stuff that isn’t for me.
Love this and fully support!!! xx
You’re right, Mia- soooo many books, no need to torture ourselves with tricky subject matter, no matter how highly recommended! Thanks for the solidarity 🙂
A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Secret Garden
The Anne of Green Gables Series
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
Wild Dark Shores
Isola
Pride and Prejudice
Fatherland by Burkhard Bilger ( this one is about his family’s history in Germany. Really makes you think about certain circumstances what would your family do, how would your perceptions change, and the hard choices families have to make in times of war and occupation).
Wow – I was so happy to see two Magpie Book Club picks on this list, nestled in amongst some of my absolute favorite classics!!
xx
Read and loved all by Hamnet – must put it on my list to get!
Oh Emma – you are in for…a treat, a devastation! Great timing, too, with the film coming out soon!
xx