I am in a third, equally stymied position: I find myself with less time than usual to read. Or, rather, I am focusing my sparing free pockets of time on other pursuits — namely, fitness, mixed in with extra doses of childcare (we had a half day Friday, no school and no childcare Monday, and a snow day with no school and childcare Tuesday). I have long believed in “the three slot” philosophy, which is basically: I have enough time and focus to give to only three major categories of activity in my life at any given time. Family and writing are my permanent numbers one and two, and the third rotates between fitness, friendship, involvement in the children’s school, reading, culinary adventures, etc. Of course, I dabble in all of these categories all the time, but in fractions rather than whole numbers. The third slot is a big question mark for me, and it alternates with seasons and my fidgety interests, but I do try to be intentional about it: “OK, Jen, this is the season for fitness.” Or, “and now, we read.” Just naming the third slot erases a lot of the guilt that can occasionally accompany doing things for myself, and can also ease decision paralysis/fatigue. For example, if I know fitness is occupying the third slot, I can more readily put off ordering a new book, or saying “yes” to a social engagement that I’m on the fence about.
Anyhow, this is why I am making chelonian progress through The Fourth Wing, which I know many Magpies (and dear friends) loved — in fact, I’ve had several interesting and compelling conversations about it with my sister and a few girlfriends over text in recent weeks that have been more enjoyable than the book itself. (Don’t hate me for saying it!) In the novel’s demerit column: I cannot stand the protagonist, and this likely also explains the drag in my readership. I was reflecting on why as I made the bed this morning. It’s not so much that I find her poorly written or “cringe” (as I first described her via text to my girlfriends), but — the heavy-handed conceit of her using humor to mask insecurity and gravity rubs me the wrong way. I think I am looking for earnestness where I am finding snark, and it feels misplaced in a novel in which we are reading the protagonist’s (teenage!) innermost thoughts. She is performing caustic commentary for an audience of one? (Later, a dragon is able to read her thoughts, and the “conversationality” of her tone makes more sense there, but still: cloying to the point of hackle-raising.)
Maybe I will pause and turn to something else?
I polled my Magpies on their favorite current/recent reads and thought I’d share in case you also need a change in reading scenery. Sharing only the ones with multiple upvotes. Please add to the list / upvote in the comments:
*I have to give a little plug for the Van Pelt. This was one of the sleeper hits of 2023 for me — I read it, thought it was lovely and unusual, and wrote a warm review of it here. But it’s one of those books whose images, and characters, linger. I find myself thinking about scenes from that novel more frequently than I’d have expected — they’ve permanently lodged as referent points in my imagination. What a gift Van Pelt has!
Two other book-related mentions: first, if you’re looking for something lighter-weight, and you don’t follow Katie at Beach Reads and Bubbly, you’re missing out. She is charming beyond measure (I am immediately drawn to a woman who a) takes her own joy seriously, and b) does not take herself too seriously, and I deeply enjoy her thoughts and reviews on all things books. Second, I find Ova at Excuse My Reading so fun to follow. Her instagram description is “Half Woman, Half Book,” which — aptly describes another type of woman I immediately love. She’s designing her own cottage library, and I find the entire pursuit sweet and in its own way profound? Virginia Woolf would think well of it.
Post-Scripts: A Lil Shopping.
+The heavy-duty tee we all need. She’s perfect for throwing on over leggings.
+So tempted by one of these hats. Keep imagining how perfect one would look with my Nalida topcoat. (On sale, but still a splurge!)
+Still in my pursuit of perfect sweats: what do we think of these? Keep hearing good things.
+Handy for organizing tiny parts — Barbie accessories, lego people, etc.
By: Jen Shoop
Around my feet curl a pile of tiny bed clothes,
detritus from the morning mayhem, dotted with cereal milk and purple ink.
I kick them out of the way, making a mental note to gently remind my children, again, to deposit their pajamas into their ample-sized laundry bins,
and to hang their coats and put their shoes away when they come in the door besides.
But the halls of my home are deafeningly quiet,
as though the held-breath of the symphony audience after the orchestral caesura,
and what sometimes comes out too-strident in the cacophony of raising two spirited and squabbling children who need more of me than I sometimes have to give —
stalls mute, an effete earful.
I am gripped by a kind of Wednesday weepiness,
suddenly shocked that I have two children who are no longer babies,
and I think:
in a year, these 4T pajamas with the hearts on them will be worn by a stranger,
having found them in the community donations bin,
and my daughter’s front teeth will have grown all the way in,
replacing the charming gappy grin I love so much today.
In short, nothing will be the same in a year.
And I pick up the pile of clothes, and put them in the bin, and I cry a little bit because motherhood can feel like a slow and painful form of long division,
even though I know it is doleful and distorted to put it that way —
after all,
didn’t motherhood multiply, rather than split, my heart?
+On maintaining wonder as a parent. (This post, and the Magpie reader who wrote me about the death of her son that I mention in it, are often on my mind, and bring me close to tears each time.)
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+In photo at top of today’s musing, you can see my children’s Lake jammies (I was wearing my matching ones beneath my Weezie robe) and mini’s bunny slippers. A few days later, we were using these conversation cards at the breakfast table, and the question was: “If you could dress your mother in anything, what would you choose?” Mini suggested I wear a tuxedo (!), and micro said: “Your Valentine’s pajamas that match mine.” I just ordered this larger set of the cards because my children LOVE them and it’s a great way to prompt and model conversation. Plus, the kids have such funny answers.
+We use an open-front salt pig from Emile Henry for kosher salt (easy to reach in and grab a pinch — we keep it right next to the stovetop) but didn’t have a good solution for stowing Maldon salt and this fancy Japanese seaweed salt Mr. Magpie loves that we heard about from Samin Nosrat, so I bought two of these in different woods (one acacia, one bamboo). Perfect solution. (Note that the Japanese seaweed salt links to a two-pack. Buy one for you and one for a food lover! Great for seasoning rice.)
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A couple of fun and chic new sneakers to zhush up the winter wardrobe. Don’t be afraid of the punchy colors! Pair with your fav jeans and neutral sweater/tee and be on your way! I’m wearing Adidas’ mint green Sambas above, which you can still find here and here, or in different colors here. Make sure you check the sizing — sometimes these are sold in men’s sizes (they’re unisex). I find they generally run a bit big. If in question, you can go down half a size IMO.
*Don’t ask me why, but they are on sale in a silver/white colorway here.
Shopping tip: if you are obsessing over a designer sneaker but unwilling to shell out for them, keep an eye on The Real Real. For example, these Loewe Flows are in my size and in “pristine” condition, with tags on, but under $500. (When I can’t sleep, I love to prowl TRR for hidden gems — I shared some recent excellent finds here.)
The current style is to pair sneakers with socks that show. A few great pairs to consider: any of these ones from Target; these from American Trench; these Falkes (so, so soft and conveniently thin for layering with sneaks — I have a few pair of these); or these pop-of-logo Totemes.
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Judging by how many of us have been buying jeans the past two weeks, I think we’re in a collective mid-winter fashion rut, and in search of new denim silhouettes and washes to recharge the batteries. I ordered three pairs to try on: SLVRLAKE’s London Crops, Citizens of Humanity Florence Wide Leg Straights, and Agolde Riley High Rise Straight Crops. Based on reviews, I ordered my true size in all three pairs. I am petite (5’0) so was specifically looking for pairs that would not need tailoring.
I was particularly excited about the SLVRLAKES. I loved the wash and fit, as shown online. They are just the teensiest bit too long IMO — they look cute barefoot but I think pairing with shoes will make my legs look shorter than they are and/or it will prove difficult to find the right shoe to pair with them. You can see the effect in the final photo, where there just isn’t enough ankle showing to make the straight leg feel/look flattering? At the same time, these were very comfortable and I love the way they hug the hips without feeling constraining. I’m wearing below with my beloved Leset pointelle tee. I am sitting here debating whether or not to go through the expense of hemming. I really like them. I think taking them up 1/2″ to 1″ would be the perfect result…
The second pair was Citizen’s Florence, which hugged in all the right places and have an unfinished hem, meaning I could trim them maybe 1/2″-1″ to reveal a touch more ankle. I think the straight leg is a nice departure from the kick flares I’ve been so into lately. Such a cool black wash, too — Citizens does the best washes! I’m wearing with The Great’s The Slim Tee. If you are tall, you need this t-shirt. It’s overlong — I wish I’d taken a picture of it untucked — but it goes down to like mid-thigh on me. Great, ultra-soft material.
Finally, I tried Agolde’s Riley jeans. I have a few pairs of Agoldes, all of which I adore, and these might be the most comfortable pair from the brand I’ve tried on?! Wash is interesting (more casual because of distressing at pockets — I feel like the SLVLRLAKEs could be a bit more versatile, e.g., you could dress up with a blazer and nice flats for a slightly nicer occasion, but these really feel dressed down), and THE LENGTH IS PERFECT. If you are a shortie like me, these have your name written all over them. No hemming required! Again, I’m 5’0 and I think they hit the perfect part of the ankle.
A few other pairs of jeans worth a look:
TOP ROW:
+Citizens Gaucho Vintage Jeans. Run big – go down a full size – but work surprisingly well on petites IMO. The color is amazing.
+Veronica Beard Dylan Jeans. Cuffed jeans have been a major trend this fall/winter season. VB tends to offer well-tailored / more polished and elevated takes on the trends, and here is no exception. Love the dark wash and front-leg seam. Super sharp! For something more on-the-fashion-nose, Agolde’s Dames are all the rage.
+Khaite Vivian Jeans. SO many Magpies adore these! Better for taller girlies.
Last but not least, two of my tried and true favorite everyday jeans: Citizens Charlotte (classic) and Agolde Rileys (in a different wash — less stretch than the pair seen above, and I feel they have a different look/fit).
02. Best heart-shaped melamine plates and bowls — I bought these a few years ago and love to use them around Valentine’s Day for the kids. Also an inexpensive way to present treats for the classroom without worrying about getting the plate/tray back. Incidentally, we use the bowls year-round specifically when serving up a two-part snack: popcorn in one half, apple slices in the other. It just creates a natural “half and half” serving option.
03. Dior-inspired sandals. (Compare with the real deal, for $750 more, here.)
04. Boxy-fit tee. Love the look — the silhouette reminds me of my beloved Margo.
07. Floral-pattern throw for your little one’s room. Reminds me in general ethos of a Chappywrap. (P.S. Chappywrap’s new arrivals are gorgeous! These make such good gifts, including (unexpectedly?) for men. Awhile ago, I polled my Magpies with: “What does your husband routinely steal / borrow from you?” The answers were split between skincare products and Chappywrap blankets! Ha!)
Last week, Mr. Magpie and I were talking to a woman whose daughter was in the midst of receiving college acceptance and rejection letters.
“Life lessons coming in fast and hard,” observed my husband. The mother nodded:
“Exactly. This is the first time in her life she’s been rejected. And I told her, ‘But it’s done, and you’re still standing. It’s over, and you’re still here, and you’re fine.’”
What was your first rejection? What did you learn from it?
College application was also my first rejection. (Or, perhaps, my first major rejection. My first year of high school was ungainly as all get-out, and I felt like a gawky outsider for most of it. I didn’t field any outright rebuffs, but I was nursing wounds of a slighter, and possibly more insidious, silhouette: the ‘why didn’t I get invited?’ and ‘I wish I could be friends with those girls’ type. It’s probably unfair to label those non-interactions as “rejections,” but that’s what they felt like.)
When I histrionically collapsed into tears after a rejection letter from Princeton University, I wasn’t thinking anything remotely like: “this is my first rejection, and I’m still standing, and I’m still here.” I was thinking: “My life is over; my identity as an academic is forfeited; Princeton’s admissions teams has outed me as the intellectual charlatan I am.” I was not one of those four-pronged students, with great grades, a varsity sport, a sterling community service record, and an off-the-wall hobby. I was Jen with a 4.3 GPA and a string of AP 5 scores under her belt. I was valedictorian of my class, and – that was all. Until the letter arrived in the mail, I’d thought, ‘And that’s OK. Academics are my bailiwick.’ So my outright rejection from a school I had publicly stated I wanted to attend dismantled my sense of self. Adding salt to the wound: two of my close friends had gotten into Princeton, and three others were Ivy-bound. I had to white-knuckle my way through celebrating the arrival of their thickly padded acceptance envelopes. I tried, fastidiously, to avoid jealousy and instead riot against the injustice of Princeton admissions, but it was hard. I found myself tiptoeing around an unbecoming calculus: was it because they had family connections? Had at least one or two extracurriculars? Were smarter than I was?
Comparison is the thief of joy. It left me sour when I could have been celebrating my own acceptances (multiple!), and I had the wherewithal to see this, but was not particularly elegant about extricating myself from its brawny grip. Still, my awareness that the paths my friends had started down would not be my own, and that there was nothing I could do about that but go my own way was a precursor to the bigger learning that my first major rejection offered me:
When one door closes, another opens, and it is the one you’re meant to walk through.
UVA was the best possible experience for me at that time. I met and started dating the love of my life. I was in a special scholars program that made me feel recognized for my intellectual abilities. I came into my own socially. I made a ring of best friends who have proved to be “lifers” — we reconvened in Atlanta this past fall, and we all keep in good touch with one another. I worked hard, and I had so much fun. Virginia laminated me, shaped me, enriched me, and I emerged a happier, better-rounded woman. Would these things have happened at Princeton? I have no idea, and we’re entering Schrodinger’s Cat territory by engaging with the question. The point is: I went to UVA and found the experience roundly fulfilling, and I knew with a kind of bone-deep certainty that this was where I was meant to be.
It took a full semester enrolled at UVA for me to begin to see this. Meaning: I was licking my wounds for nearly a year.
One thing I find auspicious about the generation of children we are raising now is that they will be armed with a fuller vocabulary when encountering these routine, coming-of-age emotional maelstroms. I know my family said all the most nurturing and generous things to me when I was flailing against the Princeton letter, but we did not talk about rejection and failure in the abstract. I did not have a grasp on the topography of life lesson-making. I knew only: “I feel really bad, and I don’t know how to get out of this, and life is over.” I’m sure teens today feel those same emotions on a visceral level, but they probably also hear things like: “This is the first of many rejections in your life. And you’re fine, and you’re still standing.” So much of modern parenting seems to be about “giving kids the tools” and “coaching them through emotions” and I am hopeful that my own daughter can encounter her own first major rejection without holding a funeral for a full year.
What are your thoughts, friends? What were the major lessons from your own first rejection?
Post-Scripts.
*Caveat to today’s musing: I recognize my privilege in being able to attend college and have my pick of the options in front of me. I know these conversations are triggering to those who had different experiences and constraints, or for whom college was not an option.
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This week, I had my first session with a personal trainer. I arrived in a mildly apprehensive state — despite prostrating myself to the writing gods on a daily basis (and, accordingly, enduring routine failures in my efforts), I generally avoid things I know I will be bad (or beginner-level) at, especially where an audience is involved. I find I push myself too hard in order to meet the expectations of others in these types of settings. In general, I think I push myself too hard — overhang from my Type A teen years in a high school environment that prized high achievement. I specifically remember a classmate of mine (whom I adore and still keep in touch with — E, if you’re reading, I see you) who would walk around with a clipboard, highlight and color-code her planner in intriguing and hyper-organized ways to keep tabs on assignments and exams, and keep a thick stack of index cards on hand to drill herself on material between classes. This was high school. I considered the discipline normal, even therapeutic, and desirable. Perhaps all the structure compensated (in ways healthy and not) for the wilderness of my inside world as a teen. Even now, I find I have to consciously coach myself out of a “must get this done at all costs” headspace on a semi-routine basis. It’s a virtue in some situations (I can be a self-directed spartan — a requirement if you are going to write for a living, and work for yourself), but it can be injurious in others. For example, I had a bad head cold earlier this week, and I had to force myself to lay down for 60 minutes even though my body desperately needed it. And when I say Force myself, I mean it. I kept looking at the clock and saying, “In ten minutes, I will lay down…” and then punting the deadline back, despite the fact that I was sweaty and feverish. And I felt guilt (!) about missing a day of exercise owing to the cold since I’ve been so on the ball about it this year. (C’mon, Jen!Let’s create a life baggy enough to live in!). I was able to propel myself through by insisting “you’re where you need to be” once I got into bed. I knew immediately that my body needed the rest and leaned into it.
Anyhow, as I went into my first session, I anticipated scary drills that would exceed my capacity, but was pleasantly surprised by three things: first, the non-judgmental professionalism of my trainer, second, the relief of having someone else do the decision-making for you, and third, the fact that I am stronger than I think. On the first point: I found it easy to take feedback on my form because of the trainer’s straight-forward tone. It almost felt like a neutral force pushing me into the right position. No judgement, no embarrassment, just — “scoop your belly” or “pull this arm in closer” or “flex your foot.” On the second point, I enjoyed the feeling of being shepherded through a range of drills and reps. It was almost like working out on auto-pilot? Like, the moves were challenging, and I am sitting here with aching arms and legs, but at the time, I just went from Point A to Point B because I was told to do so, and an hour of rigorous work evaporated into thin air. Perhaps my people-pleasing ways were, for once, an asset. “You want another crunch? Sure.” “45 second plank? Mhm.” “Move my leg this way? Yes ma’am.” I think this might have been amplified by the sensation of decision fatigue in my personal life. We are responsible for so many decisions every single day! Parenting multiplies the decision points by a trillion. Should I push her to hurry up and finish her breakfast because we’re running behind, or will that agitate her unhelpfully? Maybe she needs the extra fuel today? We’re out of apples, should we do kiwis or bananas for breakfast ? What did I pack in their lunches again — don’t want to be too redundant on the fruit offered. (These exact thoughts actually took place in the span of 1.1 seconds this morning. Just one second, casually packed with thirty five prompts and related decisions. Oy!) Anyhow, what a treasure to be in a situation in which I was the raw material being passed through someone else’s decision-making process. My body was working, but my mind was at rest. Finally, I enjoyed a major ego boost because the trainer conducted some initial strength/stability/agility assessments and told me “for someone who thinks she’s not very strong and only occasionally works out, you’ve got great core strength, balance, and body awareness.” (!!!) I felt like a million bucks! I share this not to self-aggrandize but to say — the same is probably true of you. I had discounted the benefit of having tried lots of workouts over the years (yoga, pilates, barre, cycling); because I haven’t stuck with any of them, and I had always heard that “you lose muscle tone / memory within a week if you don’t keep at it,” I considered those temporary practices fossils from the past, with no bearing on my present wellness or strength. But in fact — ! I did carry a lot from those former experiences, especially in the realm of balance and body awareness, into the fitness room this week. I know how to isolate muscles and best practices for stabilizing (bend knee, focus on core muscles, lock eyes somewhere a few feet in front of you) and am overall familiar with the feeling of powering through when your muscles are shaking. So for anyone feeling like you’re starting at square one because you haven’t taken a fitness class in years, you’re not. You’re already better primed than you think, and probably stronger than you think, too! As we say: onward…!
Another random insight from the week: do you ever find yourself absolutely sprinting through tasks because they feel like they’re “getting in the way” of your real work (as a mom, as an employee, as an entrepreneur)? Things like filling out forms, ordering Valentines for your child to hand out in class, responding to emails, following up on insurance claims, completing performance reviews? Here’s something I’ve been telling myself a lot lately: “This is the job.” Not to say that we shouldn’t work at a rigorous pace, and not to Pollyanna it (no one ever wants to call an insurance company), but just to dispel that grating voice telling me “hurry up so you can get your real job started.” I’m doing my real job. This is the job. Identifying the tasks that occasionally feel like interruptions as “the real work” immediately changes my outlook.
Mr. Magpie always compares and blends multiple recipes, and he primarily consults with these two cookbooks for all things pasta: Missy Robbins and Oretta Zanini de Vita. We use an old-fashioned, creaky hand-crank pasta roller from Imperia, and he achieved the zig-zag trim on the noodles using these beautiful handmade wooden and brass pasta cutters I found on Etsy a few years ago. I love that they’re called “nonna’s cutters.” By the way, the bundle of these items (along with Typo 00 flour — the type most pasta makers use) would make a great gift for a cook!
+These handmade “ripple bowls” (seen above) from Haand still spark such joy. They have a funky organic shape but are the perfect size and depth for pasta, rice bowls, anything with a little sauce. In the background, we plated a roasted squash that Mr. Magpie topped with sage, hot honey, and parm on these salad plates from the same brand.
+I was deeply moved by the comments, emails, DMs about this post on worrying. So many words of encouragement and tonic that I needed to hear. One Magpie shared this quote: “God gives grace for the situation, not the imagination.” She added: “That is to say, it’s easy to get worried thinking about the future, and we can forget that God will be with each at each step, giving us the grace we need. I often repeat this to myself.” Thank you, friends.
+Nike (!! true pinch me moment!!) reached out and offered to send me a few things to help with my fitness journey and I cannot wait for them to arrive so I can work out in pieces that are highly functional and also stylish. One thing I absolutely needed was a pair of non-running / more general gym/training shoes! I have multiple pairs of these running shoes that I love but my trainer pointed out that these are designed for forward motion and that my ankle was often near-rolling when I was doing side-steps / side-lunges / etc. I picked these out, along with these leggings, this sports bra, this tee, and some more socks. A mood-elevating pink moment for the training sessions. I also picked up this cropped tee specifically for stationery bike days in my home and this thermal half-zip for cold weather running. (Thank you, Nike — you could have knocked me over with a feather when they reached out.)
+On related front: I did a review of all of my favorite leggings here earlier this week, and I’m now moving on to find the perfect pair of sweats. The Vuoris (sweatshirt / sweatpants) arrived and I don’t think they’re it for me. I’ll do a full review and comparison but I don’t love the clinginess of the fabric and I feel like the length of the sweatshirt paired with the joggers looks frumpy rather than chic? At the same time, I’m thinking I’ll keep the hoodie to wear on its own because it’s got a nice, light, layerable weight and I’m for some reason in love with the strings from the hoodie? I will say these joggers did work on me despite the fact that I’m short (5’0) because of the “anklet” cinching bottom. I don’t know, now that I’m reviewing the photos, I’m like, “maybe these do have a place in my closet?” What are your thoughts?
+A little reminder that Danrie is running an amazing sale at the moment, and they’re offering an extra 20% off sale prices this weekend. I shared all my favorites here; the extra discount means you can get this beautiful winter parka from one of my favorite children’s brands (Northern Classics) for a scoch over $65. They generously sent me a few pieces from the sale, and I’m especially excited about the jacket for mini and this Bobo Choses elephant set for my boy. I mentioned this earlier this week, but I have a few items from that brand — spendy, but I always feel like my kids look like fancy French kids whose parents work cool jobs in the music industry when they wear them. Ha!
+In the background above, the sweetest Petite Plume sheets. I have to say, my daughter was ecstatic when she came home and the bed was made up with them. She threw her arms around me and said “thank you so much mommy!” (!!!) and was upset when I told her I’d need to launder them this weekend. “Will they still be as soft after?!” So, we’re big Petite Plume bedding fans in these parts.
+You can also see a little cuff from my new La Ligne sweater. I’m so into an exaggerated cuff these days! Also love the ones on this sweater I wore earlier this week, from G. Label, and the Toteme one I wore last week. (Speaking of, the turtleneck version of the Toteme sweater would be one of my top picks from this roundup of wardrobe basics. Have heard a few expecting Magpie mamas treated themselves to it and wore it heavily throughout pregnancy with leggings. Obviously can be worn PP too!)
+Speaking of laundry: just your quarterly reminder to clean the washing tub with one of these packets. I just used up my last one and re-ordered. Absolute magic. I can usually smell when I need to use one — the tub of the washing machine will smell slightly mildewy or just off. This takes care of business in an hour.
+Do you ever have one of those moments where your kids leave the house and you’re busy tidying up and you think, “oh wait, I have two little kids? I’m a mom? How did this happen?” I sort of snap out of my quotidian routine and can’t believe I’m here. I blinked and I have a six and four year old! I had that moment today when I looked down at the pile of pajamas at my feet after I’d shepherded them out the door. May I add that four is the absolute sweetest age? My son was joyful when he realized we had matching pajamas. I know this sweetness cannot persist; soon it will be deeply uncool to match with mom.
+Above, wearing the new mint heart Lake Pajamas. I had hoped to save the kids’ pairs as a surprise for Valentine’s Day, but they saw them and begged, and I acquiesced. Wearing mine with my beloved Weezie robe. Truly one of my most treasured possessions.
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Image above via. I love (!) that little brass floor lamp in the back. It’s super similar to this RL one I’ve had in a “home” Pinterest board forever.
My Latest Snags.
As you’ll see in the bestsellers list below, a lot of us purchased denim this week! I’m also in the market — facing some major winter doldrums and need new jeans to make my fleet of sweaters feel new again. I ordered four pairs to try last week and will do a try-on next week. My buys were these SLVRLAKES, these Citizens, these Agoldes, and these Sezanes. Will report back on all!
*These are selling really quickly. Several of the designs I shared earlier this week are now gone! These are so appealing because they come packaged with the little treat so you aren’t, like, stringing 30 friendship bracelets together. I got the dino-egg hatching ones for my son. I presented my daughter with a few options and she chose these Taylor Swift themed ones, which we’ll bundle with these little disco ball keychains.
Weekend Musing.
I know I’m not the only Magpie who loves Harry Styles; perhaps I’m not alone in humming this lyric to myself:
I’m on the roof, you’re in your airplane seat I was nose-bleeding, looking for life out there
I’m extrapolating here (and I may have written about this lyric before), but every time I hear the words, I think about the notion of sitting in the nose-bleeds section for your own life, and something stirs inside.
I think —
You are the main character in your story.
Let’s live life, not visit with it. (To paraphrase Mary Oliver.)
I don’t want to sleepwalk through my own life. (To borrow from a notion Leslie wrote about recently.)
And also —
Dave Chappelle released a new Netflix stand-up special a few weeks ago, and one of the points he makes is that maturity means recognizing when you are in someone else’s narrative, and, with care, situating yourself accordingly. He positioned this while talking about pursuing his aspirations as a comedian, and how intense and blessed it has been to chase and live out that dream in his lifetime. He added that sometimes, though, he realizes he’s walked into someone else’s dream, and that the moment, or day, or production has nothing to do with him. He’s “just regular Dave,” and that’s OK, too. There is something powerfully philistine about his admission in the context of contemporary cultural mores, and it has something to do with knowing that you are not always at the nucleus. This in essence gets to some of my musings earlier this week on what it means to be a woman of substance:
“A woman of substance can listen without interjecting her own story; she can marvel without battling jealousy; she can endure unkindnesses without questioning herself. She does not need the last word, the biggest laugh, the adulation, the apology: she is full without the feedback. She stands still in her center.”
Ooh, Magpies: how difficult I have found these guidelines. How sometimes, still, even after many life lessons have pointed me in the opposite direction, I crave the last word, the apology. How sometimes I want to bubble over with news of my own world, and yet I know the right thing is to stop and listen instead. Knowing when, and how, to cede the narrative, or to weave together multiple narratives, or to otherwise toggle between frames, requires humility and perspective that I hope to continue to cultivate with age.
I recently read somewhere that “most of the wisdom that comes with age has to do with forgiveness.” Here I see the silhouettes of the same principle.
+A great ribbed knit top to tuck into high-waisted pants/skirts. Lots of fab colors!
+I’m such a big fan of Madewell’s Perfect Vintage denim line. I find it’s helpful to go down one size in most of the styles in this lane. This pair is on sale for $60. Because I know a lot of us are shopping denim, I also wanted to mention I’ve seen a few people rave about these jeans, too.
+All Alice Walk sweaters are 20% off this weekend!
+This cardigan (more sizes here) with the matching skirt (more sizes here) is BEYOND good. Perfect for a baby shower, bridal shower, high tea, Baptism, etc…!
+I’ve been drooling over these denim Chanel ballet flats — these afford the look for less. Very tempted. I feel like denim reimagines the ballet flat, makes it less formal!
By: Jen Shoop
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Are we done with winter yet?! I’m so tired of the same old, same old! Can’t wait for our trip in a few weeks to mix things up. (My full warm weather getaway packing list here.)
*My sister-in-law, who lives in Norway, sent me one of these for Christmas! These are iconic Norwegian sweaters from an iconic Norwegian brand (established in 1853!). I love the way it weaves a little bit of her everydaylife into my very American world. Our lives do indeed become mosaics of the people we love.
**These turtlenecks are currently on sale for $11 with code…no brainer.
More generally, for some reason, stripes have been sparking extra joy for me this drab January. Any time I feel blah in the morning, I put on a stripe and feel just a little bit more with it.
A week ago, I turned onto Bradley Boulevard, and something about the lay of the winter twilight on my windshield and the spare stick figure trees on my left reminded me of Painesville, Ohio, and my grandparents’ squat home there. I thought then of my tall, blithe Finnish grandfather, and I reflexively instructed Siri: “Play ‘I’m in the mood for love.'”
My grandfather’s last name was Nurmi (my maiden name, too) and he used to sing that song:
“I’m in the mood for love // whenever you’re ‘Nurmi,'” replacing Julie London’s breathy “near me” with our surname.
My father considered the transposition corny, especially when my grandfather performed it at my cousin’s wedding, yet it has been a hardwearing tentpole of my grandfather’s legacy: one of a handful of anecdotes that continues to circulate on a yearly basis, in the way of all grandparent lore, offered up almost at random, to lukewarm reception, just because it needs to be shared.
But a narrow detail can exemplify a spirit almost better than a thousand-word history. In this case, my grandfather’s version of the song vibrates with personality as though a 2×2″ slide projected on a classroom wall, in 2000 lumens of color.
As I drove down Bradley, I thought how it reflected his chipper buoyancy in a life of hard work. The Finnish sisu, but with a jaunty flare. I, living a blessed life of comparative ease, could benefit from better channeling his outlook. Desiderata.
A few days later, Mr. Magpie put on a playlist that included, against all odds, the same song.
I was struck by the repetition: my grandfather, here, and again.
I don’t know what these visitations mean, but they point me, and clearly, toward my roots. And I have needed that grounding. I have been too in my head, or too much of this world, and I was chastised to remember the generations that came before me, the ones who planted trees under whose shade I now sit.
What I mean to say is —
Tell the story, and again. Sing the song, even when your children roll their eyes. Write about the deceased. Commit the finest-tipped details about your grandparents to paper.
Because one day, these particles of personality will either be blown away and forgotten, dust in the wind,
or regolith,
fine and rare and luminous.
Post-Scripts.
+Another way of saying: “I choose to find echoes where I could see randomness. I want to draw the lines that make this life make sense, to chart the belt between the component stars of Orion. At the end of the day, I’d rather wander starstruck, identifying asterisms, than feel my way blindly through a shapeless and inconsonant dark.”
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+URGENT: the world’s greatest inexpensive sheets are on sale for 25% off at the moment. SUCH a bargain. We have multiple sets we use in our primary bedroom! They’re amazing.
+Kule launched a fab sale today! The first stop must always be their iconic modern long tee — I own four of these in different colors, and some are as inexpensive as $36 right now! They are SO fun and well-made. Run TTS, slightly boxy/loose fit. I also love this half-zip sweater, this pink and white striped tee (so cute with white jeans, but also kind of dig worn as a set, with these shorts, and some trendy sandals), this tote, this terry cloth sweatshirt ($60!), and for your mini: this tiny cherry tee.
+Prada vibes for $17. I own this in the blue! Oversized and packs flat. Good for throwing into a suitcase if beach bound!
+I already own several pairs of kick flares (ahem, these Gaps are still my most-worn), but I keep hearing rave reviews about VB’s Carson jeans…do I need to try them as well?! Come in lots of cute washes…
+Speaking of VB, my denim blazer I wore all fall has been further reduced to under $200. I had a few Magpies write to me asking for sizing details — runs TTS, and I don’t think the shoulders look as dramatic in IRL. I took an 00 but it’s snug — I probably should have taken an 0 if I want to layer over anything with any amount of bulk. You can see me in it here!
+I’ve been on a t-shirt buying bender so far this year, but in the winter, what else do you have to switch up? I’ve got lots of sweaters to layer! Anyhow, my favorite higher end white tee is the Leset Margo, but now I’m contemplating this $10 style, which looks fairly similar (maybe a bit more cropped).
+My friend Lauren was wearing this $30 sweatshirt and looked SO cute in it. She ordered two sizes up for an oversized/boxy fit. Ordered immediately.
+I’ve been looking for a great everyday concealer that is less expensive than Cle de Peau and a little lighter-weight than Kevyn Aucoin (but I do LOVE both of those products), and I’ve been hearing all of the sudden a lot of murmurs about the one from the brand Make. Has anyone tried? Intrigued.
+Minnow’s new collection is so tempting for my upcoming trip! I’m loving this for me…and also love this striped set for mini and these striped trunks for micro.
+Fun, flashy sandals. It’s a lot of logo, but you could pair these with jeans and a tee or a simple white dress and feel completely on-trend in the easiest way.
+Another “fancy” sweatpant that’s been getting some buzz. I ordered the ones from Vuori and The Great but if neither pass muster, I’ll move onto these! (Any other recs, I’m all ears!)
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
On Instagram today, I partnered with Net-A-Porter to share some of my top picks for wardrobe essentials — sharing below in collage format, too. These are the kinds of pieces you will reach for week in and week out, and that you can style in countless ways.
I also created a “shelf” on my ShopMy page with more wardrobe basics along these lines.
I also wanted to mention that Shopbop is offering an extra 25% off most sale items. I am sharing a few of my favorite sale pieces below, and some are included in this promotion!:
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Q: Jean that are not cropped.
A: Agolde, SLVRLAKE, and Mother have lots of great (chic, full-length) options — you might consider these, these, or these for everyday wear, or, if you’re on the trendier side, these wildly popular cuffed “Dame” jeans. I’m linking to most of these jeans at Net-A-Porter because I’ve been finding they offer a lot more consistent size runs and more washes than other sites! If you’re a wide-leg jean girlie, these jeans are under $100 and amazing. I own in black. They run a tad shy of TTS, so if in question, size up.
Q: An outfit for private school interviews.
ED NOTE: A Magpie commented that wearing jeans to an interview at the private schools in her area would not be appropriate. I would wear jeans without a second thought (dark wash, no holes, a nice blazer) in my area, but maybe best to exercise caution! Just a heads up!
A: A polished blazer like this or this (vibe for less with this), button-down (look for less), dark-wash jeans, and ballet flats with simple everyday jewelry. Recently, Mally K. Goldman wrote that (paraphrasing) a good blowout makes your clothes look better. I can’t unhear this and it’s so true. Any time you are attending an important meeting, it’s a big help to get a good blowout (at home, or out!)
Q: Matching father-daughter somethings for my toddler and her dad. He’s mildly jealous of the mother/daughter lavender Shit that I Knit hats. We run slightly preppy and live in Boston. Could be warm or cold weather appropriate. Budget $150 total for both.
A: The baseball hats from Harding Lane! My children and my husband own a few of their designs. So cute!
Q: Engagement picture outfits for my fiance and I – Central Park/Nantucket in late spring.
A: Congratulations!! I would look at Agua Bendita. They make the most beautiful dresses (insane detail / tailoring – you can tell the quality of the pieces when they arrive) that are sweet, polished, festive and just whimsical enough. One of their blue and white ones would be perfection. Also love this embroidered Loretta Caponi. A few others that turned my head: this ALC (on super sale), this Karen Millen, and this G. Label.
Q: Work bag under $350.
A: I’m really into these Proenza Schouler totes at the moment (somehow on sale for 65% off!). (Also available in a blue pinstripe.) They seem polished but roomy enough for laptop, etc. I also love these Rue de Verneuils. If those are too informal for your work environment, these Cuyanas are beautiful and specifically made for workerbees! These minimalist-chic Quince ones ($149!) are also chic.
Q: Parkas!
A: I love these Aritzias (best colors!), basically anything Herno but especially this or this, and the fun (more performance-oriented) ones from Halfdays, like this or this.
Q: A navy handbag.
A: If we’re talking splurge/designer, this Bottega or this Celine. More reasonably price: my Grace bag in the navy color (on sale for almost 60% off! — she is SO gorgeous and looks very expensive, almost Celine-like, IRL), this woven Clare V., this Naghedi, or this Madewell (I own and adore in brown!).
Q: Burnt orange (aka rust, terracotta, etc) items to wear to University of Texas football game.
A: This sweater or this sweatshirt with great jeans and interesting dressy sneakers; this top tucked into high-waisted, wide-leg jeans.
Q: A bag suitable for work that isn’t too precious to carry pumps and bottles in?
Q: Amazon purses! Like lady gray one you have. Something you don’t have to be too careful with.
A: This one reminds me of Naghedi; this one reminds of Bottega (best colors!); these are Rue de Verneuil-inspired; and I wear this sherpa belt bag constantly. Also like these colorful neoprene ones — would make great sport / mom life bag.
Q: Bride to be; comfy heels that can be reworn (so not white, lol).
Q: Guest at a casual winter baby shower (baby is a girl!)
A: Hm – if it’s really casual, I would do nice jeans and a tweed sweater/blazer or fun blouse. If it’s a step above, I’d wear a dress from Doen like this or this, or from Parterre — they don’t feel too fussy/formal, are really comfortable, and still feel “pretty” / “feminine.” If Doen/Parterre is not your speed, I always come back to striped shirtdresses — this one is a fun twist.
Q: Pants! Not jeans and not casual. Something to wear to Church that’s not a dress.
A: Have you tried the Spanx perfect fit pant? Polished, flattering, comfortable — great for pairing with a blazer or chunky knit. They remind me of the much more expensive HighSport pants that have been getting lots of praise lately. SPRWMN has some great, polished-looking styles, too — these cords would look amazing with a fair isle sweater. And people love Anthro’s Colette pants — dress them up with a striped button-down/blazer, or a patterned blouse.
Q: Dress for gala – Margaritaville themed.
A: Fun! Designers perfect for this theme are Borgo De Nor, Johanna Ortiz, Agua Bendita, and Farm Rio. They do lots of FUN, tropical, palm-motif dresses that are on the dressier end. My top pick: this Agua! She’s PERFECT.
A: I assume you’re asking because she’s sold out at Alex Mill? (Versus because you’re looking for something less $?). If it’s the former, this Everlane will be right up your alley. If the latter, you might look at this $63 style from Gap!
