To Landon, a few weeks shy of our fifteen year wedding anniversary.
We’ve stared at some messes we’ve made in our time, the two of us — wrong turns, overcalculations, that house that sat on the market for six months because we liked our real estate agent and didn’t want to rock the boat. I internalize the mess; I let it wreak havoc. I lose sleep, gain an eye twitch or acid reflux. You are somehow always able to take a longer view: “this, too, will pass” and “so what’s the worst possible thing that can happen?” (We continue to live, you remind me.) We talk about this on a Friday night in summer, laying in bed beside one another, and you, an engineer by training, shift your weight on the mattress, studying my small hand in yours in the waning light, and say: “I guess I have a high degree of fault tolerance.” As if it were the easiest lesson to have learned. As if it were simple addition, the abcs. I’d never thought of it that way; I’d never considered that even when some of the parts fail, the system can carry on. I realize all of the sudden, running my fingers through your now-silver hair, that you took stock of the critical parts a long time ago and have been tending to those most carefully since. Quietly, dutifully: just the way you are in your garden, with painter’s tape on the seedling pots and the last frost date circled on the calendar. Unfussy, but alert. Isn’t it a miracle in the end, how far we can make it with simple ingredients and a willing steward? Sun and water and soil. Or love and love and love. You’ve made sure those elements are in good supply, with all those tender ministrations across the past twenty two years we’ve been together: “let me take care of that for you,” and “I see you,” and “you are what I’ve always wanted.” The way you still try to (and often succeed at) taking the wind right out of me. The speech in the hotel room. The letters. Your feet on mine in the bed every night. You sitting in the auditorium while I spoke on the dais, invisibly belonging to one another, only I couldn’t have made it through that talk were it not for your presence. How could no one see this? The lines between us. I was talking to you only; we were maybe alone in that auditorium after all. Everything dims to the finest points when we are together: your hand at my waist, my heart in my throat.
You turn then, drifting into easy sleep. I see you are the same as you were at twenty: even then, even young, I fretted over the filigree while you’d sit in my chair and wait for me, a non-stick temperament fixing the settings on my modem or repairing my tv. Or you’d stand by the Weber kettle grill, take in the morning, take your time. Even then you must have known it, this business about the fault tolerance. Even in the leanest times, the losing places. We continue to live, you’ve shown me. We continue, we continue because all the parts that matter are in good order.
Post-Scripts.
+It still feels that there is no space between us.
+Remember when we used to take our time?
+Image above via.
Shopping Break.
+These suede boots are so high-end looking despite a price tag currently under $200. Very Veronica Beard to me. I added them to my pre-fall edit. Will look so good with fall floral dresses, dark wash denim, etc. If you’re looking for something with a lower heel and more of a Western aesthetic, this pair is fantastic too. I have really good luck with this brand; I have this pair in like a gray-olive color that I wore a lot last season.
+Our favorite inexpensive tee is currently under $10. I find this runs TTS. A tad thicker and boxier than your run of the mill tee. More notes on great basic tees here.
+Last minute swimsuit to add to your rotation for any end-of-summer travel. Love the color and stripes! (Bonus: style with the matching pareo.) I am really into this brand. I have their Clovelly style already and love the fit. (More of my favorite swimsuits for the summer here.)
SWIMSUIT // PAREO // SUNGLASSES // CIAO TOTE // NECKLACE // JELLY FLIP FLOPS
+I’ve written about this recently, but I love these Biom wipes. Sleek enough to leave out on a counter, gentle enough for skin, effective on counter spills/messes. And I love the refill model!
+Bold everyday shorts: these and these. I’d pair either with a simple white tank and strappy leather sandals.
+Lemongrass and geranium hand wash. Would make such gorgeous presentation for a hostess gift!
+One of our favorite beauty brands just released an eye cream with niacinamide in it — I’ve slowly become a huge fan of this particular ingredient. I typically use these niacinamide pads or these glow drops and apply after vitamin c. I’m also drawn to the new eye cream because I think the rollerball applicator is clever and likely means I won’t waste as much!
+Fun seashell earrings to wear with everything right now. Love the size – not too big and not too small. Similar to a pair I own and wear constantly. I also think this seashell-themed necklace (under $50) would be fun to layer with.
+Alice Walk restocked their iconic cashmere wraps! Great gift.
+Another great summer top layer: La Ligne’s Mallory cardigan. I wore last season’s version all weekend in Bermuda – great for chilly interiors, but still reads summery.
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As always, beautifully written! Your love with L is an inspiration.