A hand-written note
Not rushing for the check after a meal
A piece of jewelry from a relative — “this watch was my grandfather’s”
A signature lip or nail color
Offering a seat to someone else
Knowing the names of the people you interact with regularly — doormen, baristas, dry cleaners
Carrying a book
A gin martini in a thin-stemmed, thin-lipped glass
Generous tipping
Candlelight versus lamplight
Self-possession
What else would you add to the list?
*I few I would add that are specific to men: Unbuttoning suit jackets with one hand before sitting, and re-buttoning when standing; bare ankles with well-cut suits (a la Stanley Tucci); ironed shirts; devotion to their mothers; pocket squares; going “all in” on something typically considered feminine (e.g., enjoying Linklater movies, commitment to skincare routines). On that last note, one of my favorite recent memories: while in Aspen, my sister-in-law brought out face masks after dinner, and my brother and husband both unflinchingly opted in. I thought it was one of the chicest, sweetest gestures of openness.
Post-Scripts.
+On interruptions.
+When was the last time you felt truly happy?
+Female friendships and the things that matter.
+And a musing on the special, specific friendships of girlhood.
Shopping Break.
The following content may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+This scoopneck waist coat from J. Crew is also seriously chic (and seriously on sale). Pair with trousers (I own these — look for less with these) or wide-leg jeans. A specific styling suggestion below!
J. CREW WAISTCOAT // VERONICA BEARD JEANS // AMAZON BAG // DORSEY EARRINGS // AMAZON HEELS
+Those H&M trousers are just mentioned would be so chic in the burgundy hue with a sweater like this for Thanksgiving / fall events — entire look is under $70.
+I mentioned this recently, but with all the wide-leg and barrel pant silhouettes this season, I’ve been hunting for slimmer fit tops to achieve the right proportions. This layering tee from Stripe & Stare is incredible — a gorgeous, silky, stretchy material that is nearly opaque (I still wear nude undergarments). I love the fit – it doesn’t ride up or untuck. Perfection. I also picked up one of their bodysuits and will report back. Love the sweet lace detailing! The material is divine!
+Cute cardigan — love the neutral palette. While we’re talking great knits, this Toteme is haunting me.
+The aforementioned martini glasses — these are the ones we have. There is just something about them.
+Just ordered myself this book. I’ve listened to a few interviews with him and find him fascinating. More of a workbook, but in a similar creativity vein, I know several fellow writers/creatives who are disciples of this book.
+People love these sweatpants.
+Drooling over this Altuzarra cardigan. Pricey but still less than Celine while delivering major Celine vibes. Also, this jacket costs an arm and a leg, but WOW, WOW, WOW.
+This jet lag mist is in my cart for upcoming travel. I absolutely love their jet lag mask for heavy hydration after a flight (along with these eye patches).
+Two other travel things I ordered for my trip: these Ursa Major face wipes I’ve heard SO many good things about and these Manta eye masks (discovered via many Reddit threads and Magpie recs).
+A gorgeous wedge for the holiday season.
I hope you enjoy the Rick Rubin book. I thought it was inspiring and thoughtful. His podcast, Tetragrammaton is one of my favorites. He is a terrific interviewer. Have a great vacation!!
Thank you!! Cannot wait to dive in!
xx
What type of garment bag to you recommend for traveling for packing dresses or tops? I always struggle with packing these!
Thanks!
Ahh! I am probably a beast but I just fold them gently into a standard suitcase — no garment bags! Sometimes for weddings/special events I’ll bring a travel steamer with me, and you can also usually accomplish this using a standard hotel iron set to the steaming function. Sorry, no better tricks!! xx
Hi Claire! I have a travel garment bag from Longchamp that I like — it’s black ballistic nylon with leather trim. It doesn’t have a huge capacity but it worked just fine for my wedding needs (I had to fly, and took it as my carry-on with no issues) — although I need to caveat that I wore a somewhat non-traditional and lightweight wedding gown with no major layers or train!
For car or train trips, I actually usually just use one of two or three garment bags I’ve received from The Outnet over the years (!) – they can easily fit about 5-6 dresses and suits and have handy carrying loops. I have amassed my collection via purchasing a few dresses on their site. The one downside is that they’re a bit sheer and definitely not something I would trust for air travel, but they’re GREAT for all other trips!
A well-executed introduction! For some reasons these feel few and far between these days. I was actually at a friend’s 5 year old’s birthday party last year and when I approached him to say happy birthday, he promptly introduced me to the friend he was playing with, then introduced me to her as “Anna, my mom’s friend.” I was so floored by it and thought it was a better intro than I encounter with many adults lately!
Related: Some of the most confident and chic women I know never hesitate to widen the circle. A gracious and authentic invitation into the conversation of other moms made all the difference for me when entering the social scene at our kids’ school. I love studying how other women encourage, make space, or gently pull others inside without the awkward pauses or weird silence that comes from (well-intended) forcing someone to come talk and then introduce herself to a group who is already friends. And I really love to catch women in the act and follow-up with a compliment after – most of us want to be a woman who invites others in, so I always think it’s nice to hear from someone who noticed.
OO this is so true, and so good. I am always in awe when people handle this with grace, tact, fluidity!
Yes! Totally agree with this!!
Chic: Having your own nice pen with you, writing in cursive, wearing something un-chic with confidence (wrong shoe theory again, or the jorts thing, a bit normcore), cloth napkins, putting out a nice dish of something whenever you have company, having a cobbler and a tailor and wearing older pieces in your closet, monochrome dressing especially in an unexpected color, remembering your friends’ coffee orders, being able to cook at least one comfort food meal and one dinner party meal, linen spray. A very close shave and nice cologne will always do it for me, and I love high waisted pants on men, it always feels old Hollywood or European. A crisp button down on anyone!
Wonderful list! I’m also a fan of Julia Cameron, morning pages are such a helpful and creative exercise. A request for the next “what you are shopping for.” A great sweatshirt that is under $60. I’m shocked that sweatshirts can at times sell for $100 or even $200! Thanks so much as always, love this blog. : )
Thank you so much, Leah! I really like the Vintage Soft sweatshirts from Gap. Logoless, great colors, and the perfect weight/silhouette:
https://go.shopmy.us/p-8671098
xx
Ooo these are SO good. I love the cursive call-out, and remembering your friends’ coffee orders! I’m always touched (generally) when friends remember these little things about you — “Jen, I picked up some red for you” (I’m a red wine drinker) or “I know you’re not crazy about X ingredient so I left it out.” Wow!
xx