I am in a hazy, heavy-on-the-vine season of life.
Life feels full and overgrown and wild and lush in the best and most trying of ways, like a tree that desperately needs pruning but looks rather pretty in its verdant spillage anyhow.
Earlier this week, I wrote a meandering piece spilling (that word is ultra-handy right now) some of the biggest things happening in my life at the moment and when I sat back to re-read it, I felt two ways about it:
“This is frightfully boring for everyone else.“
“This is an accurate and honest reflection of my state of mind and heart right now.”
I was therefore entirely humbled — to the point of tears — by your prolific, encouraging commentary upon the various and sundry musings therein–especially on the subject of my son’s sleep patterns and my resulting sleeplessness.
New moms, and even second- or third-time moms like myself: you would do well to read the comments. Not only is it chock-full of helpful suggestions for and approaches to infant sleep, but it is a reminder that you are not alone. There are many smart and thoughtful and successful mothers that have sat where you sit now, bleary-eyed and soaking through your nursing nightgown and wondering when you will ever, ever sleep more than two or three hours in a row again (who cares about a full eight? I’ll take five strung together and call it a night) and occasionally, in your very worst moments, hurling a pacifier against a wall in a moment of complete and utter frustration and exhaustion after stubbing your toe on the bassinet in the pitch black of your room. As I did three nights ago. Comme il faut. (I’m sorry, Tilly, for the middle-of-the-night missile that woke you so abruptly.)
There were a handful of comments that spoke to my heart and that I have been carrying around with me, from the tip of my tongue to the deepest reaches of my heart, since. While I desperately appreciated all of the specific tips on sleep training and have already put a few into place, these more general words of encouragement left me both weepy with gratitude and empowered with new-found confidence:
“Humans have been to the moon and understand quantum physics. If there was one ‘foolproof’ way to get all babies to sleep we would know about it and it would work.“ – Jessica
“I feel very similar to you about the scheduled baby books. With my oldest I really did try, however sleep training was not for me and as he got older I let it all go and trusted he would sleep and he did.” – Brooke
“Hoping you can find some moments to be gentle with yourself.” – Kate
“Be kind to yourself. You’re doing a great job, mama.” – Heidi
“Take each day as it comes. Power through with love. You’ve got this!” – Cynthia
Thank you, Magpies, for your advice and encouragement and for offering me the space to speak openly about my many mistakes and occasional successes as I try my damnedest to mother this little babe the best I can. I hope fellow Magpies — mothers and not — give all of these words a home in their hearts.
To Cynthia in particular: I will be praying for the grace to power through with love for a long time to come. Thank you for this directive I so desperately needed to hear during this time of growth and spillage and shapeliness in my life.
+Pepa & Co is running a sale and I’m in love with these Liberty London floral collar tops for little ones!
+Have heard really good things about this $10 undereye primer/brightener.
+Literally my dream shoe. What’s not to love?! PERFECT for an over the top bride-to-be.
+Also dying over this white bow-front shoe for a more casual wedding-related affair.
+A fun and inexpensive dress for fall. I’d pair with black tights and black pumps or booties. (Works with a bump, too!)
+Sweet gingham crib sheets on sale!
+Also lots of good comments on this post!
+3 a.m. party — not what you think it means.