“You will never be able to experience everything, so do poetical justice to yourself and simply experience yourself.” -Albert Camus
Over lunch this week, I told a friend that earlier this summer, I had felt distant from myself. I observed that I had been so busy during the months of May and June that I hadn’t had enough time to properly process the phenomena of my own living. That was assuredly an exaggeration — I was still writing, and daily, and therefore confronting myself on the page, but I did have the sensation I’ve elsewhere described as “rapid movement with little depth.” I was doggy-paddling through early summer, barely keeping my head above water, and certainly not experiencing any fluidity or round movement. The depth gauge readings were askew.
Since the middle of this month, things have returned to the baseline. I’ve gotten back into a routine. I’m in my studio most of the day. I have found myself in a more consistently generative headspace. I joked to Landon that it felt like May and June wore non-stretch denim; July has felt more like sweatpants. We let the air into the room, or out of it.
As I was reflecting on all of this, I also saw that I an becoming more of an expert in myself — aware of my own moods and reactions, cycles and triggers. This self-knowledge has helped me move through the past few months with — if not grace — understanding. I have had adjacent conversations with several friends over the past few years as we navigate the onset of perimenopause together: we’ve observed (and sometimes bemoaned) the fact that these huge physical and hormonal shifts have demanded that we pay attention to our bodies, to its rhythms, and most importantly, to the way those are changing. Everything is in flux! I resented this at first — the indignity of being told to rediscover your body at 40! — but in fact the invitation to notice and in turn remind myself “this is OK; this is just your body changing; this is normal; this is all part of the process” has been a kind of answer, or a lifeline.
Anyhow: how do we measure the degree to which we know ourselves, I wonder? A few things that spring to mind for me, and I am a work in progress on many of these:
+You understand your own rhythms and do things to honor them (i.e., get up early because you work best in the morning; say “no” to dinners that start too late for your sleep routine);
+You’re less worried about what other people are doing and how they’re doing them;
+You accurately anticipate what you might need (not only physically but emotionally — I have found myself consciously preparing for emotionally straining interactions, better able to brace for impact);
+You seek internal satisfaction rather than external validation;
+You avoid situations that will drain you or send you into a bad headspace;
+You’ve decided to trim things from your diet (not just what you eat – what you read, watch, and talk about) that bother you even if it means you can’t participate in activities, conversations, and places that you used to;
+You can confidently say – “actually, I feel the opposite”;
+You have a routine that feels comfortable, and that you’ve arrived at slowly through trial and error;
+You can list your triggers and can get out of a reactive head space relatively quickly by identifying them;
+When you have a strong emotional reaction to something, you take the time to investigate your response and develop hypotheses as to what might be going on;
+You audit yourself regularly;
+You’re aware when you are in the act of defining yourself — you ask “what meaning am I making about myself right now?” — and in turn whether or not it’s true.
How else have you learned to become an expert in yourself? How do you measure that expertise?
Post-Scripts.
+On the point of trimming things from your diet: one of the best changes I’ve made this summer is keeping my phone in a separate bedroom at night. I typically don’t check my phone between the hours of 9 pm and 8:30 am (when I’ve sent my kids off to camp). I’ve been able to do this (wholly) through the Hatch Restore. I can’t stop singing its praises! (I wrote more about it here.)
+A therapy of the slow and silent.
+Let people be wrong about you!
Shopping Break.
+Currently wearing this skirt with the matching top — a set for summer is SO fun (and easy — no coordinating or planning required). I love this Zara set (top, bottom) as a fun set for less.
+SWOONING over this dress.
+A perfect tailored denim jacket to wear into fall. Currently on sale plus extra 20% off! (All my picks from this sale here; it includes two items in my closet: this pink linen vest and this gorgeous patterned mini.)
+Update: these leggings from the Rhone Green Smoke collection are incredible. I’d never tried their leggings before but now I am in love. Very high-rise, very flattering. Not too compressive. I wore with the matching crop top and loved the silhouette. (Use code SHOOP20 for 20% off sitewide.)
+Mosquito season is nigh. We love the Thermacell and a good old fashioned fan, but I just ordered some more natural repellents to try too: Murphy’s spray and incense sticks. Other gentler mosquito combatants to try: Diptyque’s Citronelle candle and Kate McLeod’s Bug Balm. Do you have any other recs?
+I wrote last week about the nano-trend I’ve been noticing of big, gumball bead necklaces and just found a great option for less at BaubleBar! I ordered the red jasper.
+Ordered a couple of these insulated tumblers for my kids in fun summer colors. I think they’ve finally outgrown the kid cups!
+Can’t stop thinking about this lace mini, styled with the matching pants and simple brown leather or suede accessories.
+I think my code for my LED mask goes away at the end of this month! (Code: JEN10). Next to the Hatch, one of my favorite discoveries this year. Both are major “regrettably worth it” items for me, right up next to the Dyson AirWrap and Lake Pajamas.
+I’ve also been using the Ziip Halo for the past month. I’m going to write a full review maybe in August, but thoughts a few weeks into use: I was very reluctant to add another gadget to my regimen, but actually the Ziip has been a breeze to integrate into my daily routine (easier than the LED mask). It only takes 4 minutes and I do it right after I get up and wash my face in the morning. This gives a noticeable lift to skin (I can absolutely tell before and after) and is seriously helping me combat hyperpigmentation (along with niacinamide, which I raved about last week). The Ziip and LED mask do different things. I find the LED mask makes my skin look brighter, more lucent and clear, and skin recovers more quickly (i.e., abrasions disappear overnight). The Ziip helps with muscle tone and hyperpigmentation. Both report to have an anti-aging element – less wrinkles, or fewer noticeable ones. I started using the LED mask first and I do feel like it addressed the area around my eyes in particular, but it’s hard for me to tell whether the Ziip is doing anything new on top of that? More to come!
+My entire A.M. skincare routine here. It’s lengthy, I know, but every single item is carefully researched, and I have tried multiple versions of each before landing on the product I’m currently using. My vision with this regimen is taking really good care of my skin so I can wear less makeup and feel more comfortable with not a lick of it on!
+Special shoutout to Chantecaille rosewater spray — I’ve been using this off and on since a girlfriend introduced me to it as a holy grail product back in 2015. (I still remember going straight to Blue Mercury in its pursuit after she raved about it!). I absolutely love this. It softens and hydrates skin and I find it the perfect way to go from washing my face to applying all my tinctures and tonics. I also use it in the afternoon to refresh makeup, and to soften the overall look of makeup after application. My husband uses it every night before bed! It’s 25% off (as is the entire Chantecaille site) through 7/31 with code JEN25.
+All my favorite Chantecaille products here, in case you want to take advantage of the 25% off. The other item I’d really plug is this jasmine and lily mask. I use it as a deep hydrating cream in the winter months — I sleep with it on most nights!
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Image via Hans Isaacson.
