*Image via Aurelia Demark.
I did not know how much I craved
the door closed, the final word, the circle back.
Was it intactness I sought? Some staged, even ersatz, gesture of closure? The fruition to which every good narrative appeared to progress: “the end” in droopy script letters?
Was this why I never understood Borges? Could not bear the asymmetrical, the dangling? (There are rules to follow — didn’t he know?)
But there are no straight lines in nature,
And real life bends and refracts according to its own temperaments.
I think a part of the wisdom earned by age is accepting that not everything resolves to a fine point. We may never get the the resolution, the explanation, the apology (or forgiveness, as the case may be). We may not find the caesura.
And yet —
“Everything is OK,” is what I tell my daughter when she is flailing and upset, whether she has been the culprit of the drama or its unsuspecting victim. This is my way of saying that feelings are not facts, that this, too, shall pass, that beneath the piercing intensity of the moment is the soft landing of her everyday life, in which her stuffed animals lay on her bed, and her shoes sit by the door, and her parents will read her a bedtime story each night before she drifts off into that hard slumber of childhood. Everything is OK — the reassurance to which I so often cling myself when I am upset, too. Not to erase the emotions, but to remind myself that I will make it through. To re-center. To draw all the good bits of my life about me, ramparts for the wounded. A girlfriend of mine wrote me a note when I was going through a tough situation in which she said: “I feel like objects of devotion are important in these times — like something you can wear around your neck or keep in your pocket to touch as a reminder that life is happening, you will feel things, and you will survive, you know?”
So, two strategies for this Wednesday, and I apologize for the heaviness of this post during this season of merriment, but perhaps you need it, too? First, to remind yourself that everything is OK, even when you are lost in irresolution; and second, to find a talisman to remind yourself “that life is happening, you will feel things, and you will survive.”
Onward, Magpies!
Post-Scripts.
+On apologies.
+It’s never the cream, is it?
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Shopping Break.
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+My large Paravel tote is on sale for 50% off. It is SO good. It’s not waterproof but I do use it for pool days (also great for travel, picnics, park days) because it carries so much, is lined inside, and has pockets that you can use to zip up wallet / phone / etc. Really good for any situation you’re schlepping a bunch of gear.
+I know a lot of you bought this cult-following tee last week after I mentioned it (now only available for pre-order — keeps selling out!) — I have this turtleneck from the same brand on its way to me. You know I live in a turtleneck in the winter months.
+I have still not found my ideal Christmas Eve dress! I had been eyeing this Damaris Bailey but it sold out in my size, and now I think I’m drawn to this patterned velvet? Or maybe do something a bit different and go with this black dress (the bows!)?
+I wore this sequin skirt to a holiday party last weekend and got so many compliments on it. Two people separately referred to my outfit as “fabulous” and someone came up to me and said, “You must be in fashion.” HA! I was so flattered! The skirt is a winner. I paired with this J. Crew turtleneck and burgundy heels similar to these.
+Another good under-the-tree pick for kids: a wall calendar. My children love them and they are great for helping them visualize/conceptualize how far we are from certain dates (start of school, play dates, birthdays). My children like to x out each day just before bedtime. A lovely kind of ritual. This year, I bought this one for my daughter and this one for my son. One of my favorites from a year or two ago was this Snoopy one — comes with really cute stickers my daughter loved to affix to the appropriate date.
+I need some upgraded loungewear. This past few days of illness has made clear I’m set in the pajama department (though I do really want to add these to the lineup), but I am very light on winter loungewear (specifically bottoms) outside of true performance gear for running. Eyeing these from Vuori, and these from Mate the Label. Also loving these sweatshirts from Left on Friday?
+Love these puffy gold heart earrings.
+I wildly underestimated how incredible these acne patches are from Rael. Not only do they help minimize and get rid of acne very quickly, but the waterproof cover means you aren’t constantly touching the area and exacerbating the problem. A must-have.
+My favorite, most-worn half-zip is now available in the chicest blue color. The material is crazy soft.
+An easy formula for NYE: this $28 top and black jeans.
+This ring of hair clips is sparking joy.