One of the questions that came up several times on my book tour: “You wrote, ‘Strive to be the lowest heart rate in the room.’ But how?!” (This is a quote from my piece, “You Are Not a NASA Project,” on page 55 of Small Wonders, excerpted below).
A couple of possibly obvious and very specific things I do in pursuit of this north star:
01. A compassionate, 30-second body scan. Multiple times a day, I check in with myself physically. Can I lower my shoulders from my ears? Can I relax my tongue from the roof of my mouth? Can I stretch, find limberness? Can I release tension from anywhere in my body? I drew this from a slightly longer (60-second) guided body scan I discovered a few years ago. I now no longer refer to the video but simply start at the crown of my head and move down to the tips of toes, checking in for places I’m storing tense energy.
02. Keep mantras close at hand. I keep a catalog of mantras in an iPhone note — little footholds for when I need them — but my most-used is: “you’re where you’re meant to be.” I carry this under my tongue like a prayer. I’ve written about this so many times, including in yesterday’s diary, but it feels like slowly letting the air out of an over-inflated balloon, in the best way. It also grounds me, immediately, in the hyper-present and hyper-local. I was thinking of this just yesterday when I took my son to a birthday party 20 minutes away. I had about 34 dozen tasks on my list — a pile-up from the past two weeks of travel and book promotion — and yet I got into my car, told myself “you’re where you need to be,” and made the car ride the main event. I was doing what I needed to do. I was where I needed to be. So why fight it or override it or be preoccupied the entire time? We rolled down the windows and talked the entire way there. That particular chorus gives me a deep sense of peace and purpose.
03. Invoke your role models (in technicolor). I have several “big sister figures” I call upon constantly — the women of substance I aspire to be like, the ladies who stand still in their centers no matter what life throws their way. When I’m feeling flustered, I think about them, and in specificity — how might they react to this sudden challenge or change in plans or laundry list of to-dos? Invariably: with steadiness, with perspective. Sometimes with a shrug or a distant smile. I reach for their avatars and imagine myself an extension of their gestures in the narrowest way. For example, what would my big sister figure friend Tiffany do if she lost her keys and was already running late? I can imagine what — she would laugh to herself at her own folly, and say something like, “Oh well, the world’s not going to fall apart if I’m five minutes late to pilates,” and arrive wearing the same serenity she always does.
04. Remember my own smallness. The fastest way: get outside. Look at what’s busy and blooming. Be a watchful witness to the enormous rhythms that don’t worry themselves at all with you or your pocket-sized problems. Remember the vastness of the universe, how inconsequential you really are — and I mean that in the best way possible. Watch your ego fizz and then dissolve, a temporary tablet to an everlasting stream.
I look at the photo above and feel a sense of profound calm. The ocean has no beginning and no end, and I am just one grain of sand! Mary Oliver casts after this theme throughout her poetry; in the most recent book of poetry I purchased of hers (Felicity), she writes: “Wild roses,” I said to them one morning. “Do you have answers? And if you do, would you tell me?” The roses laughed softly. “Forgive us,” they said, “But as you can see, we are just now entirely busy being roses.” Notice those busy roses!
What other super-specific ways do you quiet yourself?
Shopping Break.
+These eyelet scalloped pull-on shorts are FAB. Pair with a white tee or button down. A bit more bold: these under-$100 ones; they bring to mind Zimmermann?
+My best find the past few days: a perfect striped dress to wear all summer long.
+New arrivals I love at Tuckernuck: these striped shorts (worn as a set or just with a simple tank/tee tucked in) and this throw-on brown dress. Brown is so deeply underrated! Imagine with a chic leather-trim bag like this.
+A GREAT beauty sale: Credo is offering 20% sitewide. This is about as steep a discount as you can find year-round on prestige beauty like Westman Atelier (<< get these bronzing drops for summer! I use shade 1! This is NOT a tanner — it is a cosmetic you blend into your foundation for the best and most believable tan. I’m really not a tanner girl — I’ve tried and tried but my user error knows no bounds. I find it much easier to apply drops like these exactly where the sun hits your face and then blend. I apply to my cheeks, nose, forehead and blend outward.)
+Other Credo sale standouts: this tinted SPF for when you’re running out the door and want sunscreen, a hint of coverage, and glow (you can just squeeze into your hand and apply over your face and it looks wonderful), the best $20 mascara ($16 with code!), and the lip liner that converted me into a daily lip liner person (shade DESERT ROSE is made for my coloring – OMG).
+OMG – Freda released their square-toe ballet flat in two limited edition canvas stripes! I love love LOVE. The yellow, the cobalt! So good!
+$20 100% cotton blockprint pareos for the pool circuit.
+Fab and well-priced raffia tote. Love the shape!
+Saw a very chic gal wearing this wrap skirt last weekend. It’s in my cart. Look for a little less here.
+Love this linen stripe skirt in either colorway — the olive/white feels Euro-chic; the colorful feels like a trip to the Mediterranean.
+Drawn to this longline linen vest (under $60) in the flax/neutral color. Chic!
+Fun addition to your home office or bedroom — pop of pattern/color!
+One of my favorite statement accessories in my closet: this fringed scarf. I always get compliments!
+D. Porthault bedding vibes for less.
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