Trigger warning: This post touches on pregnancy loss.
Anyone who has lived in New York knows that some days, the city really kicks you in the ass. When we were on the Upper West Side, Landon and I grew so accustomed to these throttlings that we’d celebrate any bit of good luck by saying to one another, “Woah! The Shoops are back!”, as though we were in a long-running boxing match, and the commentators were impressed with our eleventh-hour, underdog rebound. Food was delivered on time? “Shoops are back!” Empty elevator opened just as we approached it? “Shoops are back!” Narrowly dodged a rat running across the sidewalk? “SHOOPS ARE BACK, BABY!” (Sadly, the rats more often than not ran across our feet.) But what started as a defensive kind of humor — loosely tented over our underlying stress — slouched into something different over time. Sometimes we’d catch really big windfalls, and we’d look at one another in wonderment and say, “No really! The Shoops are back!” And other times we’d witness a sweet moment with our children and murmur, “Shoops are back.” In other words, the phrase turned genuine at some point, shedding all of its acidity. And it must have happened around the time that we started lowering our shoulders from our cheekbones and feeling as though life was beginning to make some sense. Listen, we’ve been so lucky our entire our lives. By this I mean that we’ve been privileged by wild love: the full-body, full-heart kind. There is nothing I’d do differently in my life, except for maybe I would have gotten up to speak at my brother’s wedding. (There are so few occasions in life to publicly let the people you love know how much they mean to you.) But really, we’ve led a charmed life. We want for nothing. At the same time — we wandered far and wide in our 20s and 30s, and worried a lot, and cried together over losses of all kinds, and often felt like we had no idea what we were doing. We raised two young children together in New York City during a pandemic. We built and buried a business. We grieved for and with loved ones. We took enormous risks. We bought and sold a house. Which is probably the same thing as saying: we lived a normal life with two hearts wide open, just like all of you.
But somewhere in our 30s, we started to see how good life can feel if you look for the smallest bonuses it has to offer. I’ve noticed that this insight tends to coincide with muscling through the hard stuff in life. I mean, have you ever noticed that when you’ve had a rough emotional day, or someone’s been cruel to you, the smallest gesture of generosity can feel like an unbearable kindness? In Chicago, a few weeks after I lost a pregnancy, I was sitting in the chair at the nail salon, treating myself to a pedicure, and the nail technician was massaging my feet so gently that I started to weep. Big, hot tears. The tenderness of that stranger at that moment when I needed to be taken care of so badly — ! I was overwhelmed by her outsized goodness. She looked up at me, noticing the tears dripping down my chin, and made a quiet sound of empathy, and then squeezed the tips of my toes. It felt like she was hugging my soul. Life can be like that if you let it, you know? You can find it tucking a $20 bill in your pocket when you really need it. But you have to meet it halfway; you have to leave it little openings. And you have to willingly rejoice in its goodness. You have to say, “Geez, that was nice of the universe to leave that sunset there,” and “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the perfect parking spot waiting just for me to take it.”
What I mean is — make a big deal out of the little things. The perfect last bite of a sandwich. Clearing out your fridge with one meal, right before a trip. The email that says: “Hold available for your requested book.” Noticing when something that used to bother you no longer does. Freshly laundered sheets. A break in the rain just before an outdoor event. Being close enough to someone that you can say: “Let’s have the usual.” Realizing you’ve changed for the better. A parking spot right out front. Catching yourself before you make a mistake. The bonus afternoon coffee. Seeing something ordinary with new eyes. Arriving at the platform just as the train pulls up. Remembering you’ve survived every single one of your bad days.
All of it: just life slipping you a twenty.
Post-Scripts.
+On looking for the blue heron and finding the duck instead.
+Letting out the seams a little bit.
Shopping Break.
+Many of the Labor Day Weekend sales (all of them?) I shared here and here are still going strong! The top three sellers across these sales the past few days: my favorite bras, this crossbody (discounted in gorgeous olive green), and this perfect button-down (extra 20% off with JEN20).
+The bows on this mini dress!
+OMG, Ann Taylor?! I ordered this caped sweater immediately. I have been noticing a trend of caped silhouettes, especially on outerwear: how much do we love this SEA jacket and this Ulla J? One possible styling below:
CAPED KNIT // TORTOISE CLIP // RDV TOTE // TB JEANS // MANSUR GAVRIEL FLATS
+Also fab at AT: these foulard-print pants. I think I’m going to order them, too. They come in a petite inseam. I’m imagining with suede mules and this belted cardigan. (If you want an upgrade pick on the pants: these TBs are incroyable.)
+Another great F+E sale buy: this Effie sweatshirt. Love the length. Very limited stock in the sale colors!
+UGH she’s gorgeous. I actually just placed a big order at Shopbop over the weekend to try on a few items for fall events; everything I ordered to try here. And I spent a lot of time poring over the new arrivals; hearts updated here with the BEST of fall. Shopbop just sent me a note: new customers can use code NEW20 for 20% off sitewide.
+A few of you commented that Marea’s pointelle is better than Leset’s and I have to agree. It’s a bit longer/less boxy and more form-fitting. Maybe more stretch in it? Adore it!
+A FAB statement mule for fall from Loewe.
+I just did a big order from Mango kids for my daughter — everything is 30% off if you spend over $190. This was my exact order, minus the blockprint jacket, which she sadly informed me she would NOT wear. Lol. I have to run everything by her! I’ve learned over time that the best approach is to buy full outfits — shirt and top, skirt and sweater, etc, and usually from the same retailer. It just makes getting her dressed so much easier. I find that she will always wear “the shirt that goes with the overalls” and it’s a complete, matched outfit, no fuss or muss. So I ordered this shirt with these overalls; this striped tee with this skirt; etc. I also ordered her (not on sale) the Ugg slippers she’s been asking for as a surprise for the end of her first week at her new school! More recent kids finds here.
+Fun cord vest to layer over everything this fall.
+Just like Doen’s Henri top, but under $100.
+Pam Munson’s new Birkin basket bags are SO CUTE.
+This fringed La Double J scarf…!!!
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