Did you know you can change the text of your alarm on your iPhone? Mine reads: “It’s going to be a good day.” I’m not sure that I believe in manifestation, per se, but I put heavy stock in pointing my rudder in the right direction. I have found that being precious with the way I color my day with language — even the first words I’ve architected to read each morning — makes a world of difference. Note the posture shift in these recastings:
“I’m bad at this” >> “I’m learning to do this”
“I failed” >> “That way didn’t work, what’s next?”
“I’m injured” >> “I’m healing”
The power of the present participle! The way it gives us space to become. The way it does not force us into a corner, a fixed end, a noun. I am healing, I am learning! (I am a fluid, I am change!) I am the image of Persephone — goddess of my favorite myth, the story of a maiden taken from her mother to the underworld and forced to split her time between the two realms. I have read and re-read her story in Edith Hamilton so many times I’ve lost count; I love this passage:
“Persephone was the radiant maiden of the spring and the summertime, whose light step upon the dry, brown hillside was enough to make it fresh and blooming, as Sappho writes, I heard the footfall of the flower spring… — Persephone’s footfall. But all the while Persephone knew how brief that beauty was; fruits, flowers, leaves, all the fair growth of earth, must end with the coming of the cold and pass like herself into the power of death.”
Persephone is, of course, an alt title for Mother Nature — that queen of accepting change with grace. I recently discovered another queen of this sort when I stumbled upon her gorgeous reflection about nurturing ourselves through life’s transitions. She beautifully exemplifies the semantic difference between “how do I get to the other side?” and “how do I ease my way across?” while also make space for the grief and joy and everything in between:
“My days [used to be] gentle and spacious and I loved them. But life changed. Now I’m in the middle of a book launch, I have a wonderful teenager here most days that I’m homeschooling, and someone I love needs more hands on-care from me. All good things, meaningful things, and also very different things. I don’t have whole afternoons for small beautiful rituals anymore. Now I find joy in five minutes or one cup of coffee or a quiet breath in the hallway. It’s ok to grieve a version of your life while still loving the one you’re in. We don’t always get to keep the rhythm we loved but we can keep the heart. Contentment isn’t about having perfect conditions. It’s about adapting your expectations with tenderness. Joy is still here, waiting patiently for me to call her out. She always answers and when she does, oh my, what a time we have.”
Words I think we all need to hear: “It’s OK to grieve a version of your life while still loving the one you’re in.” How close this hits to the tenderest part of my heart. How I miss my early days with Landon, full of romance and “I just had to see you,” and the loose and limber “befores,” and equally the warm, nest-like haze of the baby days — those newborn snuggles and pudgy toddler kisses. I find it hard to face the fact that my daughter will be nine in a few days. (Have I paid enough attention?!). I miss even our New York life, the thrill and promise of it. The Tilly years, too. But it’s OK to grieve those versions of ourselves and our lives! (Permission didn’t know I needed to hear today.) I am thinking also of my mother, who has slowly ceded various parts of the holidays, and I know this has been a process for her. She used to be at the center of it all, with a big house and several of her five children and their spouses and grandchildren cycling in and out, staying in the guest rooms, puttering around in the fridge for seltzer and leftovers. Now my parents have downsized and out-of-town family stay in my home or my other local sister’s, and most gatherings have slowly migrated to other spaces. I know that must feel like a loss to her. She has been the hub — and we the spokes — for decades. And now it is a new model. I have been watching her “adapt her expectations with tenderness,” quietly making room for the new. I hope she is also giving herself room to grieve what used to be. This is, I think, self-care of the first order.
Sending love to anyone in a transition right now —
Post-Scripts.
+Our lives become mosaics of the people we love.
+Slowly, even painful things can change in beautiful ways.
Shopping Break.
+Obsessed with this faux-suede jacket. The collar! (Upgrade picks: BA&SH, Blaze Milano — drool — Sezane, J. Crew.). Any and all of these will look so good with white jeans during transition to spring!
+We’re closing in on warmer weather (I can feel it!), but these liner vests are SUCH A GOOD INVESTMENT and currently on sale for $29! They’re like an invisible layer of warmth to put beneath a jacket in the cold months. Also good for right now, over a sweater, in one of the lighter colors. While you’re there, snag one of their iconic u-neck tees. The best tee $20 will get you. A heavy weight with a fashion-forward wide rib on the collar. I take my true size – XS.
+Great alt to a white tee for everyday wear.
+Love the color, collar, and colorblocking on this dress!
+Gorgeous white linen pants for spring.
+Hill House’s new arrivals are gloriously springlike: this top, this jacket, this lace maxi, this floral midi! I don’t know what I’d use this lace duster for but I feel like it’s VERY ME.
+FUN under-$100 necklace for this spring season. You may have noticed I get a ton of wear out of this Roxanne Assoulin beaded necklace; this delivers a similar look at a lower price point. I absolutely love to layer mine with my usual stack for a little pop of joy and color.
+Another fun under-$100 necklace. So cute!
+Love the colors in this striped skirt.
+Reminder: Gap has great La-Ligne-esque cotton rollnecks in stripes and solids for under $100!
+Fab upgrade to your athleisure half-zip, just restocked in spring stripes! These are so beautiful/high-quality IRL — silkiest cotton, heavy gold hardware, perfect longline fit.
+Gorgeous new spring jackets from Julia Amory.
+Pretty athletic jackets for spring: this colorblocked style and this floral.
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Oh, and I do the same thing – adding a label to my alarm! Mine is “Thank you God for another day.”
Also, does anyone remember this line from the movie Marley and Me (Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson)…Owen Wilson’s character was getting ready for a job interview, and Jen Aniston’s character (his wife in the movie) said, “You’re John-freakin-Grogan”. I loved this line so much that my best friend and I adopted it and say it to each other when we need motivation. So the label I have on my second alarm (because I always hit snooze) is “Go get em, Mia-freakin-G!” Makes me smile in the morning!
I LOVE that! “Jen-freakin-S!” xx
YESSSS! Of course, it lands much better if you use your full last name and not an abbreviation — I just used my last initial in my example but I actually spell it out on my alarm label. More oomph!
I love Diane Shiffer’s words so much. We need more of these voices on the internet! I especially love this one (from another video of hers): “Tending to your spirit is not a distraction from the world, it’s part of how we keep showing up for it.”
LOVE!
Thank you for this, It was just what I needed this morning. My father is currently very ill and the end appears much closer than we thought it would be even a month ago. The ground beneath our family is shifting and we are facing a new chapter- one without him. Thank you for the inspiration to keep my feet under me and keep riding the wave towards this new uncertain future.
Oh Anna – I am so deeply sorry to hear and sending you so much love during this difficult time. We are all here for you, a soft landing when you need it. Sending love and feelings of calm, peace, faith.
xx
When I was in my final semester Junior year of college my friend and I ran for President and VP (me). Our motto was embracing change while maintaining tradition or something like that. A nod to embody the Jesuit traditions which molded us and shapped us…how we both keep coming back to how ought we to live as we attended a Jesuit university for both undergraduate and graduate school. But also the way each of us are in different seasons. My 30-something self knowing it took 10 years in my career to land where I am. It didn’t just happen. Just like your book. A work in progress over the course of your life and blog. Good things happen but alsp it takes hard work and patience which is something I struggle with. Jen what is your Lenton journey calling you to do?
I love that motto you ran on in college! Beautiful!! And such a mature concept for when we were so young!
xx