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+HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MORE WHIMSICAL: A friend of mine sent me this carousel of things women do to add whimsy to their lives, and I was deeply charmed. Basically — small ways to have fun with yourself, to make inside jokes with yourself. Time alone increases steadily as we age; it’s always a good idea to make friends with yourself.
+THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING ABOUT LOVE: I absolutely loved this post from Laura Fenucci. How achingly true! Another unromantic thing that is also deep proof of love: someone showing you patience when you’re at your worst. It also reminded me in general of our conversation about what marriage is — a lot of things, and at a wide variety of different volumes.
+SPEAKING OF…Inslee and I have done a few reprints of our Marriage Is print and are running low on our most recent one in case you’re interested in buying! This has been far and away our bestseller. We recently sold out of “Green Flags,” and the cardinal in that one has a special place in my heart. My Tilly girl hidden in plain sight.
+A BEAUTIFUL OBITUARY: Roxane Gay, one of my favorite social critics and writers, wrote the most beautiful tribute to her recently-deceased mother this past week. I loved every fine-tipped detail she included; I felt like I met her mother. It is so important to write down the details about your beloved lost while the memories are still fresh. I’ve written about this concept here —
“When someone passes away, sit down at your desk and capture in precise language a memory. It doesn’t have to be profound, or moving, or dramatic. It could be a joke that made your aunt double over in laughter, or your cousin’s favorite turn-of-phrase, or the narrow and undecorated details of a trip to the shoe store with your grandma, or a conversation in the backyard with your next door neighbor.
Send these memories by hand to the bereaved, as though releasing paper boats into the water:
something slight and hand-formed that still, against all odds, floats.”
+BESTSELLERS:The Tory Burch Romy bag! I’ve been wearing mine non-stop. She’s so easy to pick up and toss everything into, and the gray color is unusual but goes with everything. You’re gonna love her.
This past week, my friend Caroline Lunne wrote a beautiful musing on how fear can be a sign of big things coming — a precursor to “divinity,” in her words. It made me think of a quote about how success is often on the other side of fear — something I’ve found to be true in life. Some adjacent encouragement and reassurance if you’re navigating daunting moments of change or pressure yourself:
If it feels hard, it is hard. While I was on the stationery bike this week, the instructor said: “If it feels hard right now, it should.” Wow — a message I would do well to internalize in realms beyond just fitness. In parenting, in business, in writing, in family life: if it feels hard, it’s because it is hard. You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s not harder just for you. It’s because a lot of the worthwhile stuff in life requires elbow grease. I’m thinking of this one time I called my brother in tears about my daughter’s willfulness, and said, “God, what am I doing wrong?” and he said: “Nothing. This is is parenthood, and it’s hard.” I really needed to hear the message again this week. I am navigating a lot of different projects, plans, and inputs right now in my professional and personal life and have been feeling under the water. I’m doing what I love; it’s all good stuff — why do I feel like a drowning rat? It feels hard because it is hard. Related: I keep a post-it note on my desk that reads: “Good writing is hard work. A clear sentence is no accident.” This is true in so many realms. A great presentation is no accident. A pleasant customer experience is no accident. Etc.
Let positivity into the boat. On the spiritual side of Caroline’s post, one thing I think about when I experience fear in a particular situation comes from a parable whose details are honestly a little fuzzy to me, but whose message rings crystal-clear. In the story, Jesus tells a fisherman how and where to fish — but first He asks to be let in the boat. When I am worried about something, I lean on that visual: just let Him in the boat. You aren’t alone here. But you’ve got to open up to let faith aboard. I think this is true of positive thinking as well. Let positivity into the boat; let optimism into the boat.
Right before you level up, there is a moment where everything feels misaligned. One thing I have absolutely found to be true in moments of big transition: right before you make it to the next level of growth, there is always a moment where everything feels chaotic, alien, and out of sync. It’s unnerving. It makes you want to crawl back to comfort. But things have to fall apart in order to give way to the next phase. To give a narrow example: I have been writing a lot about how, in entrepreneurship, you should do everything yourself until you become the bottleneck, and then pass off the task. This is easier said than done. It is excruciating to give up control over something you’ve poured your heart and soul into. You may even be deluded into believing you are the only person capable of completing the task to your own high standards (I am guilty of this). And the process of finding and then training someone to do what you’ve been doing proficiently yourself for as long as you can remember requires a lot of energy, time, and patience. It doesn’t happen overnight; there is a learning curve, and there may always be a gap between your expectations and their delivery. During that baton-passing period, things feel chaotic and warped. You may be thinking, “This is a waste of time and effort; I can do this all more quickly and cheaply myself.” But once you’ve made it through that period of misalignment, you have a new pocket of time to dedicate to higher priority issues, tasks, etc. You’ve leveled up.
And while we’re talking reassurances, a Magpie reader left a comment on this post about the acute agony of setting boundaries in a fraught relationship, and navigating the painful aftermath. She wrote:
“Occasionally when feeling a deep emotion, I’ll search your site to see if you have written about it. Today I searched the word “mistake” and found this balm of an essay. I’ve been deep in a days-long anxiety attack where I am worrying over and over a decision I made to stand up for myself, and drowning in self-retribution and shame. This essay felt like a balm. There are no answers – just the comfort of knowing I’m not alone, at least.”
This is of course one of the top compliments I have ever received. It brings me a sense of profound purpose and comfort to know that there are other women navigating similar straits, and looking for someone else to squeeze their hand, and finding me somehow. Solidarity! In that vein, sharing a couple of posts I’ve written over the years to offer myself comfort in moments of strain in the hopes that they might be easier to find in list form here:
+If you are on the eve of making a big decision that you’re unsure about: You’re gonna love it.
+If you’ve made a mistake: In life, you will always make more tracks than necessary. (As Anais Nin put it: “In life, you will make mistakes, and those, too, are correct.) Remember that every good life includes mistakes, bad break ups, closed doors, and more unpleasantness; don’t return the groceries with the cart. Finally, give yourself a soft landing.
+I absolutely love the head to toe look they styled with the overshirt — these matching jeans. The hem detail is so fun. So chic, and the entire look is $110.
+You need to know about J. Crew’s new arrivals. This cutaway vest is a must. I absolutely love the look of this style of waistcoat/vest. (I have been getting so much wear out of my denim version from VB!)
+Also absolutely love this white skirt from their new arrivals. A more polished/less boho alternative to my Sebastiane skirt, and $128!
+Target just released adorable cabbage motif dishes in time for our spring/Easter tables! Love this mug and this plate.
+I just went to Vuori to buy another one of their featherweight Energy tees (truly the best — I always reach for it first when its clean) and suddenly filled my cart with like five other items: these shorts; this feather tee; this oversized hoodie; this sports bra. I want it all!
+My dear friend Inslee just launched a collection with Pink Chicken! The sweetest dresses, pajamas, and separates for children adorned with her whimsical art. I adore this dress.
+Constantly looking for ways to add hydration to my skin. Just discovered this rose cleansing oil that intrigued me from a new-to-me beauty brand.
+Goop just gave us a 15% off code for their house labels in beauty and fashion — SHOOP15. All my Goop beauty favorites here, and from the new fashion collection, I think I need this dress.
By: Jen Shoop
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I’ve never subscribed to the narrative of no-white-after-labor-day. I style white all year round and am currently eyeing a few new pairs. I’ve been getting a lot of wear out of these $49 wide leg crop jeans and am also contemplating this barrel pair from Everlane after seeing them on Shannon Pulsifer (a fellow petite; note that the jeans come in two inseam lengths). A little pricier, but I’m also eyeing these Ren High Rise Wide Leg Jeans by Agolde. The stark white is fun to style with a pop of color or basic black for a clean and modern look.
I should also mention that last season, these wide leg crops from SLVRLAKE were among my most worn, and this winter, I’ve been wearing these half pipes from Mother at least once a week (that curved seam down the leg is incredibly flattering). Both great options to consider as well.
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A few favorite spring finds from one of my favorite retailers, Tuckernuck. I just tested this, and the code YOUROCK still gets you 20% off sitewide. (Happy shopping!)
Above, I’m wearing the most gorgeous cashmere cardigan in the prettiest shell pink from their house collection. I’ve gotten a surprising amount of wear out of it already! I like it paired with pastels, white or lighter wash denim, black, gray, etc. Above, wearing it with this pretty pendant from Thatch Jewelry, a great pair of everyday jeans, and a pointelle tee.
Ed. note: This post originally had a different title, which unintentionally replicated a quote from a social activist. I apologize for this oversight and am grateful to Magpies for bringing this to my attention. Updating with a new title and fresh copy.
Over the weekend, I picked up a memoir written by one of my father-in-law’s best friends, Terrell Tannen. In it, Mr. Tannen explores the challenges and successes of his career as a highly-paid Hollywood screenwriter and specifically examines fame in all its corrosive and rewarding qualities. I am less than a quarter of the way in, but I love the nimble way he writes and find his crisp insights applicable even to someone far afield of his line of work.
One of his lines leapt out at me. He’s talking about a brief stint during which he wrote obituaries for celebrated scientists in a major scientific periodical, and how, as a part of his reconnaissance, he’d interview peers and partners of the deceased. He explains that it was often difficult to get off the phone because many of the interviewees were passionate about the field, and aware that the interview might earn them billing in an important publication. He ends with: “But it was good trouble.”
Welcome inconveniences!
Landon and I often talk about this concept in different terms. When we are complaining about interruptions and challenges, sometimes we’ll take a step back and realize that our “inconvniences” are in fact signals of growth, or wellness. Just a few weeks ago, I saw someone on Instagram (I think it was Caroline Chambers) write: “You know you’ve made it when the Instagram trolls come for you.” Ha!
But there it is — welcome inconveniences.
And then there is the other flavor of this concept — the irrational things you do for love. One college summer early into our relationship, Landon was waiting tables at a pizza restaurant in Arlington, VA, and he would finish his shift at 11 or 11:30 at night and then drive 20 minutes to my parents’ home in N.W. DC. We would spend maybe thirty drowsy minutes together before he’d drive home. I remember him saying, “it’s no trouble at all,” but of course it was. To be so in love you’d drive forty punishing minutes at the end of a long, physical shift of work for a kiss and conversation? A welcome inconvenience.
A few other examples of “welcome inconveniences”:
Having to replace running shoes because the treads are low (or any fitness gear worn out by heavy use)
Staying up until two a.m. because you can’t put your book down
Selling out of something you’ve made
Losing track of time while creating or talking to a good friend
Discovering you’re the bottleneck and that you need to hire someone to handle something instead
Being told to “keep it down” because you’re laughing too loudly
Internet trolls (you know you’ve made it when…)
Paying a late fee or cancellation fee because you prioritized something important over something scheduled
Feedback (always a gift)
A messy kitchen counter (evidence of a full, thriving household)
Inventing problems just to spend time with someone you like
Needing to upgrade your plan from “basic” to “pro”
Running late because you waited for your child to do something on his own
Releasing version 2.0
Anything you love that takes up more space than the world wants to make for it
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+I’m in love with Lake’s new spring arrivals. I can’t help it – I’m addicted – but the prints are so pretty and auspicious. I picked this pima set specifically because the pattern reminded me of one of my favorite “happy corners” of my home – seen below (I was wearing my new Doen skirt, look for less here, and Birks!). I also love the pattern on this robe (in the French blue color option) and might order it, too.
+Elemis gave us a 20% off code — use JEN20. Great way to save on our favorite nighttime ritual: this cleansing balm. I’m actually currently using the fig version of their cleansing balm and really enjoy it, too. When I was using it last night, I thought to myself: if I were to come up with a list of “little things that make life better,” this would be on it. It is truly such a relaxing, nourishing part of my unwind process at the end of the day.
+Love these under-$200 flats, which remind me a lot of styles from higher end brands like Le Monde Beryl.
+Always a classic. I have several of these in different sizes and use them constantly for toting packages, kids gear, books, etc! Get them personalized with a funny nickname, slogan, or initials.
+This top reminds me of the Zara ecru macrame jacket I bought last season and have already pulled out again this year, but much better-quality. You can style this as a jacket over a tank, or as a top in its own right. Super elegant and versatile.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.Outfit worn above can be found here.
As you know, I absolutely love that pointelle has been en vogue the past few seasons. Part cottage core, part nostalgia — I just love the soft, stretchy feel and the added texture/interest/daintiness. For most of this winter, I have been wearing pointelle as my base layer beneath knits. My most-worn piece is this Leset pointelle long-sleeve in white (I own in a few colors, but the white is my most-worn), but this J. Crew henley has been getting a lot of mileage. I slightly prefer the J. Crew henley to the Leset one (which I also own) because I like the slim/snug fit of the shirt at the wrists. The Leset lays a bit more boxy.
Wow — when I asked for new music recs, you seriously delivered. I’ve been listening to so many new artists since last Friday thanks to you. A few of my favorites: La Lom, Sarah Kinsley, Shakey Graves, and Sierra Ferrell.
I put together a new music “mix tape” playlist featuring almost all of the recs you submitted — you can listen on Apple here and Spotify here. Let me know which your favorites are! I want to mention that Sierra Ferrell came up a lot via comments and Instagram. Worth a listen!
I should caveat that the listening topography of this playlist is slightly jarring; we go from big ballads with main character energy vocalists to no-lyrics vibey guitar. But it’s fun for new music discovery, and of course you can star your favorites and eliminate the rest. Trimming the list to your own tastes is, in and of itself, a creative act — enjoy and feel free to share your own versions (with additions, alternative tracks from these artists, etc) in the comments.
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+Still obsessed with this under $175 straw tote (I believe released last season but brought back again this year) — looks like a high-end designer. Buy now to pair with jeans/trenches/etc (yes, you can wear straw in winter!) and ease into summer by pairing with your everyday shorts and skirts.
+CHIC, versatile dress (comes in several colors). Pair with heels and big jewelry for a gala / evening event or dress down with flat leather sandals and a straw tote for everyday.
+Had been eyeing one of these Hunza G suits for my daughter — price is super steep BUT this lasts for years since it is OSFA / super stretchy. So really you’re probably getting the equivalent of 4-5 years of wear out of it. But my daughter loves a bikini so I ended up getting her this J. Crew for now. Still wondering about the Hunza…
+While I was at J. Crew, I also picked up this cute athletic dress for her — at time of writing this post, it’s an extra 50% off, meaning like $12!
+This top with high-waisted white jeans or a white skirt!
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If you’ve been following my “What I Loved Wearing” series recently, I have been getting a ton of wear out of this practical and luxe Romy Pebble Leather Tote from Tory Burch. The soft gray is so elegant and unexpected, and the perfect transitional neutral; it plays beautifully with spring pastels but also works with a more wintry palette. I also find its forgiving size highly practical in my life, whether I’m running to a meeting or schlepping carpool snacks.
Below, some spring bag inspo via Pinterest —
And a round up of some great transitional bags that caught my eye below. You might recall I own the Mansur Gavriel Cabas in a dark atlantic green and she’s a perfect everyday bag — carries a lot and so luxe-looking. I’m personally eyeing this Dragon Diffusion or this cute Pam Munson style, but this under-$200 style from Madewell is a great option for less. (Quince has something similar for $149!)
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Today’s prompt can go a number of different ways — what crossed your mind first? The philosophical or the practical?
I’m mainly curious today about practical things that have “saved you” after reading an interesting comment from a Magpie on my “Beginning to Think about Disney” post. Kelly wrote: “And whatever they wear, I always take a picture of my kids before we go somewhere crowded in case we get separated.” (!!) This had never crossed my mind before, although I probably accidentally accomplish this anyway, as I take tons of pictures every day. But it made me think about the things you do “just in case” that end up saving the day. I know you Magpies will have great suggestions along these lines. What would you add?
A handful of things that we do:
01. Travel with photocopies of our passports, etc, and also scan them and save them in 1Password.
02. More generally, use 1Password — after the initial panic that you might lose the master password, it saves so much time and makes your online “stuff” much safer. I also love that you can share passwords with your spouse and access the passwords from anywhere.
03. Pack a light change of clothes in our carry-ons for longer trips.
04. Bring a full water bottle with me any time I get into the car. I’ve been doing this ever since I read about a terrible accident on 495 in which people were stranded in their cars for hours and hours. There have also been too many drives home in which someone is “dying of thirst!”
05. Related to the above: use the restroom before leaving home.
06. Take a lot of pictures. Of everything. Box arrives in the mail tattered or torn open? Take pictures before opening! Minor scratch appears on the car door? Take picture! (I also photograph things like license plates, receipts that might need to be called up, shipping labels, etc.)
07. Update new addresses in iPhone as soon as I receive notice! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received a “we’re moving!” card and then neglect to update it in my phone and have a Christmas card returned. Or, worse, I show up at the wrong address — this happened two years ago while I was traveling out of state and I vowed to be better about this!
08. Keep children’s medicine cabinet fully stocked. I always have a back-up bottle of Tylenol, Benadryl, etc, and the minute I tap into the back-up, I re-order another bottle on the spot. The same goes for tissues, toilet paper, paper towels, and wipes. (You’d think we’d be beyond our “wipes” years but we still find them handy for sticky fingers, travel/outings, etc, and ordering a new box as soon as the back up is done is the easiest way to stay on top of inventory.)
09. Keep emesis bags in the car. These pack up compactly/flat but the ring keeps the bag open and makes it easier for little kids to actually throw up in the bag. Gross but so helpful and has saved our car (and my brother’s car, relatively recently) on several occasions. Emory used to be prone to carsickness, so I would also keep big trashbags (for stowing soiled clothes) as well as a change of clothes and a towel just in case any time we were on the road.
10. Having a few important phone numbers committed to memory. You never know when you’ll lose your phone / be without service / run out of battery and need to call for help!
11. Have my children verbally rehearse their address and plan for what to do if there is a fire inside our house. Thankfully these haven’t been needed but I feel at peace knowing they know what to do if the horrible happens.
12. Label children’s clothes. I recently discovered I must also label their shoes when my daughter came home from a field trip with the wrong shoes on, and we couldn’t figure out who had swapped with her. (The shoes she wore home did not fit her — we had to buy a new pair immediately!)
+New Varley arrivals! I love how they are redrawing the lines between athleisure and everyday womenswear. Love this sleek set and this sweatshirt-material cardigan.
+While we’re talking kids activities — mine keep coming back to / rediscovering this magnetic story maker set. They mainly use it to string together silly stories but I like the way it’s teaching in its own way the parts of speech and art of sentence and story construction.
+A very chic suede sandal. I love brown suede — you can wear it any time of year! Transition to fall, transition to spring, even in summer!
+G Label just dropped a new collection and I’m swooning over this perfect shirtdress. They do elevated basics so well.
+The sweetest Mary Janes for a little lady for Easter, First Communion, etc! Emory decided these were too “frilly” for her taste but had to share. I thought these sneakers (also J. Crew Factory) were also adorable.
+J. Crew has some cute athletic wear for little ladies — love these shorts, this ribbed tank, these ribbed shorts.
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation. Image above from my time in NYC! (More of my favorite photos of Central Park, all taken while running!, here.)
This week, I was deeply moved by this thoughtful reading of an iconic scene from Greta Gerwig’s 2019 film adaptation of Little Women* from the brand Bond and Grace. (If you’ve not heard of them before, Bond and Grace sells gorgeous “art books” that reimagine classic texts with spectacular illustrations as well as notes and other back matter from faculty at various institutions. I met the founder at a lunch last year, and though I barely know her, I was so bowled over by the Little Women post, I had to email her with praise!) Anyhow, in the analysis, they explore Jo March’s line: “I’m so sick of being told love is all a woman is good for.” They observe that Jo is expressing more than a feminist take on her gender identity. She is venting (their words): “The inarticulate rage of having so much more in you than what the world wants to see.”
Wow. I felt this especially in my younger years — when I was 20, I wrote about the vague “bigness” I felt inside that seemed to be constantly overlooked by the people around me. In fact, my 20s could best be described as a decade of shape-shifting and shrinking to fit whatever mold I felt I was meant to be in. But sometimes I have experienced this in more recent years, too. A few years ago, some women I barely knew mocked my blog in front of me. It stung, but I reached for my old self-coaching — “let people be wrong about you” — and I reckoned: “hurt people hurt people.” I strained to find grace instead of anger. I only got halfway there; if I am honest with you, I still avoid these women when I see them. I’ve done enough soul-searching on the incident that I recognize my primary emotion was embarrassment. They saw fluff — which, to be fair, some of my shopping posts are! — but I work hard at every aspect of this blog, whether curating fashion finds or letting my heart bleed out on paper about my own matrescence. I adhere to the philosophy of making everything the most important thing. More importantly, I absolutely love what I do. I am the happiest clam in the sea. It hurt me to have this tremendous joy trivialized.
Anyhow, there’s enough distance in the rear view mirror for me to have mainly let go of this, and mainly realize I still need to work on developing a thicker skin. Because, like, why do I care what those women think?! I know next to nothing about them, and vice versa. Why would I ask people for directions when they have no idea where I’m going?! And — frankly — people will always invent ways to trivialize what you do. (I am thinking of that incident I wrote about recently in which an interviewer had the gumption to tell Ann Patchett that she wasn’t a real writer because she didn’t use a descriptionary.) In short: you might as well do as you please. Be your own weird self! Write about shoes. Take up birding. Lean into some fringe sub-genre of fan fiction. Make your own starter. I like people who aren’t afraid of being “cringe.” I had a mentor back in my start-up days who made the point that “being a pessimist is always easier and cooler”; it’s harder, more vulnerable, to be the optimist. No need to “play it cool” — chase what makes you lean forward and the people that matter will stick around, and probably love you for it.
Magpies, you have so much more in you than the world wants to see! But it is not your job to show everyone what’s inside. Or, rather, it would be impossible to do this. So in the words of Mary Oliver —
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
*****
*Little Women continues to echo throughout my life in the most interesting ways. I wrote a little bit about this multivalent text here. It continues to give me new sky.
**Also, the music from this movie is incredible. It’s made its way onto our secret work playlist.
