My Celine phone sling arrived and she is so delightful. I received a number of questions about what it can fit, and it easily fits my iPhone 15 Pro, plus has a deep slot for a few credit cards/ID and a shallower slot where you could tuck a house key (probably not a car key though). I have been wearing it in addition to a tote bag when out with the kids, but when I’m with Mr. Magpie and knows he’ll have the keys, it’s all I need to take.
I’m wearing above with my SLVRLAKE London Crops, which I basically haven’t taken off. They’re so flattering and comfortable and just fit so beautifully. I still need to get them hemmed but I’ve loved wearing them too much to part ways with them for even a few days. Take your true size! More details on these and a few other jeans I tested recently here. The nubby little cardigan is Talbots (sold out), but you can find similar here and here.
Other new arrivals I’m jazzed about: this T3 airebrush (very impressed), these pants, Prequel’s face wash (full review pending), Roz’s root spray, and this pajama set Lunya generously sent my way, which makes me feel like a very fashionable city dweller who, like, eats raw almonds for breakfast and does pilates regularly.
I thought this poem was spectacular. It made me think differently about the function of things in my life, and how good design is often achingly simple, and also about myself, and how I was given these two arms to hold the people in my life, to receive them.
+Cutest scalloped baskets for a little girl’s room.
+Sorry to be dipping into spring finds, but these sandals are SO good. They remind me of the pair from Gabriela Hearst I was eyeing the past two years.
By: Jen Shoop
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Many of these photos are from our four days in Tulum, hence the resortwear!
One of Mary Oliver’s most-quoted lines hails from “Humpbacks,” a gorgeous poem I’ve written about elsewhere, without focusing on these particular words:
“I know several lives worth living.”
There is much to nibble on here. For one thing: free agency in the lives we choose to live (a concept with which I remain in a perennial intellectual foxtrot) — but also ampersand thinking, and reverence for possibility, and the agaric notion that there are multiple, equally valid ways to approach just about anything in life, including life itself.
The words came to mind as I was responding to a Magpie who had asked me how I approach playing with my children when there are so many household tasks to attend to, and if and how I counter the feeling that I am saying “no / in a minute” too often. I sat down and wrote roundly about the matter, as if this had been the sole question on my mind for years now, which reminded me of how much we carry as parents on a daily basis. There is a lot happening in the bokeh. These thoughts flocked out banshee-like, as though they’d been waiting months to be put to the sky:
First, I share in this struggle. You are not alone! I am positively haunted by a quote I once read that said: “When your children are asking you to play, they’re really asking you to love them.” Oy! I find phrases like that unhelpful and guilt-inducing, but it remains lodged in my soul, imperturbable. I do think that when my children are asking for my attention with particular tenacity — “will you play with me,” “can I sit with you,” “mama mama mama” ad nauseum — there is an obvious call to action. But I cannot accept that telling my daughter I will not play a round of Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza means I am rejecting an opportunity or need for affection. I also believe that there are many modalities in which we can show and share love, both inside and outside of the realm of play. Which brings me to —
I have learned over time that I’m better with certain types of play. I think it’s important to know which activities will enable you to be the most present, and full-hearted, version of yourself. For example, I have tried for years to play with Legos, Duplos, MagnaTiles with my children, and I run out of steam and interest within a matter of minutes. But coloring, Barbies, stickers, card and board games, crafting, sensory play, baking, beading, nature walks — I enjoy these pastimes with my children and I find they draw out the most playful part of myself. I’ve made peace with that. Mr. Magpie excels in the sports, Legos, running-around-throwing-pillows-at-each-other type of play, and I’m thrilled he evens the two of us out. In short: certain types of play are easier to say yes to, and to be fully present in, so I choose to focus on those, often to the exclusion of others.
Third, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to say “no” to play when I am taking care of my home, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the countertops, etc. This is making the often invisible labor of running a household visible — and I think that’s important, too. We talk a lot with our children about respecting our home, and one highly legible modality in which to live out this value is by modeling the upkeep and care that goes into a well-run household. I am mindful of naming what I’m doing, e.g., “No, I can’t play right now, because I’m unpacking the groceries / folding the laundry / sorting the kitchen papers.” (The damned kitchen papers!) I also don’t think it’s a bad thing to say “no” to playing when I am spending intentional time with Mr. Magpie. We enjoy playing various board games together, strategizing about meals, sitting on the back patio, and I always think to myself: “I will not regret modeling this happy companionship with my husband in front of them.”
Fourth, my incredible mother was always present and available to me, but I cannot recall her playing with me much in my childhood. She was a mother of five, running a busy and complicated household! And yet I always felt held, and listened-to. There are so many ways to show love. (Ahem.) When my daughter was born, my mother told me that I should not feel I need to entertain my baby all day long. It took me a few weeks to understand what she meant, as I frantically tried to pack in reading sessions, singing sessions, black and white image cards, various age-appropriate toys, etc during her limited waking hours. I’m not saying not to do those things, but — I also think I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to trot out a big song and dance each day, when often “doing the small thing” as a Magpie reader once put it is just fine. Eventually I eased into a balance. I do try to play with my children, especially on the weekends, but I also remind myself that I am showing them love by snuggling with them, packing their lunches with care, sitting next to them on the couch while they watch a movie, engaging in idle chatter in the car, asking after their days at dinner, singing them songs in bed, laughing at their knock-knock jokes. These are all permutations of the same beautiful sentiment: you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.
Fifth, I tell my children to play by themselves a lot, and intentionally. I believe it is good for them to be bored and to learn how to play by themselves, or together, just as siblings. They are constructing tiny worlds beyond my ken without my manipulating presence. They are also developing a relationship with themselves and their own imaginations — learning what they like, and don’t, etc. This past year, we’ve begun to have “quiet play time” pockets — usually after lunch, and before some kind of family activity in the later afternoon. Yes, they groan and resist, but then they retreat to their rooms and I hear them happily tinkering around with Legos, puzzles, Barbies, Tonies. Is there anything more satisfying than poking your head in to see your daughter tangled up with a pile of books? I want to designate time for her self-directed enjoyment.
Finally, and this might trump everything I’ve written beforehand: it is all a balancing act. If I have a sense I’ve been saying “in a minute” or “not right now” too much lately, then I stop what I’m doing and play. If I see my child is having a rough day, or needing more attention, then I bend around that need. Vice versa, too. Sometimes, I simply cannot get down on my knees — I’m in the middle of a personal matter, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and it’s time to tap out, and that’s OK. Or maybe they’re thriving, playing some strange, slightly violent game in the basement by themselves. Time to be hands-off, even if a stray “mama will you play with us?” comes floating up the steps.
I am not perfect at any of this. Sometimes I am in fact wildly out of balance. There are absolutely nights where I pour myself into bed and tick through the day’s accounting and think: “I should have said yes more.” But I try, and I remake myself every day —
Anyhow: as I pecked these thoughts out, I found myself thinking of how convoluted and multivalent this one aspect of parenthood is (and there are actual thousands of other topics that we could be discussing), and how many different and equally valid approaches there might be. I am sure I am missing entire inputs and philosophies that might be helpful. But that’s life, right? I can think of several answers worth trying — I can think of several types of mothers worth being — I can think of several lives worth living —
And so here I land, at Mary Oliver’s feet, reflecting on barnacles and joy instead. And, as happens on nearly a daily basis, Gretel and her breadcrumb trail being my avatar and all, after thinking all of this, I opened my inbox and saw Michael Ruhlman’s latest Substack waiting for me, and out sprang a newsletter about the diversity of routines that can support exceptional creativity. In it, Ruhlman asks several talented writers how and when they get their words down — “Set hours or random? Daily word count or page count? Music or silence?” — and it will probably come as no surprise that the spread of answers are poles apart, to the point of chalk and cheese. Some approach their work as a 9-5; others squeeze it in every which way.
Which is to say, whenever prompted with a “how might I approach x?”, the best jumping off point:
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+J. Crew new arrivals are lovely. I’m obsessed with this tiered shirtdress, these balconette swimsuits (more of that great mid/cobalt/denim blue popping up, as we discussed here), and this knit midi.
+Cute short-sleeved striped throw-and-go dress. Would look cute with sneakers.
+Cute, reasonably priced fruit bowl / would also look great styled on a shelf or coffee table.
+Speaking of sneaks: a great, less-expensive alternative to the popular Chloe Nama sneaker (on sale here and here): Dolce Vita’s Dolen.
+Speaking of Dolce Vita, I love some of their sandal options. These dad sandal-lites are so chic and come in really fun, punchy patterns/colors, and I also love these. Great price point, too!
+Love this belt bag from Clare Vivier’s collab with Mother Denim. They always do such fun, unexpected colors/patterns. I got so many compliments on my “liberez les sardines” hat I wore in Tulum, which achieved the exact intended result: per the site, “Liberez les sardines is a great conversation starter because no one knows what it means.”
+Another great bag: this is the exact Pam Munson bag I’ve carried for years and years (at least five?), and they’ve now brought it back with the leather straps. It is SO good and looks in remarkably good shape given use, age, etc.
+T3 sent me their Airebrush and I’m very impressed. It’s like a higher-powered Revlon 1-Step, with more settings. However, while in Tulum, several of my girlfriends agreed that the Dyson AirWrap is unparalleled. It is now at the very top of my wishlist.
+Have heard this little tray can be a clever way to incentivize picky eaters. Caveat: we’re currently undoing a little bit of the unintentional side effects of using these segmented plates while my children were toddlers, and trying to serve everything on one plate, with various components (GASP!) touching each other.
+I still think Replay make the best, heaviest duty children plates out there. Great colors, last forever, micro and dishwasher safe, etc. But maybe mix in some of the non-segmented plates from time to time.
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One of the Ask Magpie questions I received was: “Suggestions for new outfits for work?” This splintered off into more in-depth research, and I thought I’d share my findings in a separate, dedicated post here.
I always feel the need to caveat that I’ve not worked in a traditional office environment for years now. Still, here are some finds that I would consider:
01. White button-down in a great, interesting shape.
02. Navy collarless blazer (or this more sweater-type blazer). So smart with navy pants, dark wash denim, a skirt.
10. Gorgeous under-$50 tan striped button down. I’m so drawn to this! Upgrade pick: the Rag & Bone Maxine. So silky and beautiful — the colors are so rich.
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Q: Did you share a personalized little girls gift from Etsy a few weeks ago? I can’t find it!
A: Yes, it was this bead kit! If you, like me this past week, are shorter on time, another cute option: this initial pouch and some cute activity books, like this and this.
Q: Birthday dress at a BBQ restaurant. Looking for a cute springtime outfit in Charleston.
A: Happy brithday! Marea has fun, bright dresses that feel Charleston-appropriate. I packed this for my recent trip to Tulum and it was celebratory but not too fancy.
I wore this dress in a different pattern down in Charleston when I visited last spring — love the new pattern. This one shows a bit more skin but SO cute too. Also feels festive but not too dressy.
The Juliet Dunn dresses are so lightweight and happy — and a bunch are on sale at Tuckernuck. Love this and this.
A bit spendier, but since I know this particular Magpie loves orange — this or this!
Q: Decided to treat myself because of an end of year bonus. Which Dorsey piece would you pick?
A: Congrats! I shared thoughts on my favorite pieces in this post, but my top two recs would be this personalized heart necklace or the Clemence necklace (recently restocked). I find both of them easy to style and wear daily — I think you’ll get the most wear out of one of these! Clemence is more versatile (could be dressed up for cocktail/formal or dressed down for daily wear), but I do wear the heart one day in and day out.
Q: Sunhat for beach trip.
A: My two favorites are this Sarah Bray and this Sunshine Tienda, but those Lorna Murray ones have been trending for the past year if you want something with a bit more pizzazz. I also just noticed that Janessa Leone is running a big sale, and I love this (packable!!!), this, and this.
Q: Great travel umbrella. [Ed. note: I plucked this from a recent Magpie comment on a post, and wanted to include it here because I am passionate about this!]
A: You must check out the Davek Mini. These are the best — ultra-tiny and lightweight but mighty. These will not invert on you! Small enough to toss into your work bag. We keep one in our car, too. They also have and honor a lifetime warranty that I’ve used and they repair the umbrella and send it back.
Q: What were the inexpensive sheets you shared recently?
A: I think you’re talking about these Target ones! Inexpensive but surprisingly high quality. I originally bought these as “back ups” for our primary bedroom but we now have two sets that we rotate in and out equally with more expensive brands. If you’re looking for something for a child’s room, you might be remembering the Petite Plume ones my daughter has on her bed!
Q: Shoe recommendations in line with the loafer trend but slightly more feminine.
A: I do not. I use my Free Runs for running (still my favorite) and the Metcons for gym sessions. My first training session, I wore running shoes, and my trainer pointed out that they were designed for forward motion and that I needed a pair that would offer more support and stability when I’m jumping / doing side steps / etc.
Q: Black tie wedding, April, NYC.
A: Three gorgeous dresses that stopped me in my tracks recently that are $$: this Alexis, this Anna October, and this Simkhai. More reasonable: I love the options from Reformation, especially the printed ones, like this. And this is so unexpected! Finally, if you’re a black dress girl, this $220 va va voom. And a budget buy: how spectacular is this?! Such a fun color!
Q: Woven neutral flat.
A: Ooh lots of good options for this. I was just eyeing these Ancient Greeks! These $130 Sam Edelmans remind me a lot of Mansur Gavriels and could be worn with anything. I own and adore these — the most comfortable ballet flat right out of the box, and I feel like they look fab with everything from jeans to dresses to skirts, at varying degrees of formality, too. Also love the look of these! For a splurge: these Pradas.
A: It’s OSFA, so very oversized on me (I’m petite, 5’0), but I still adore it. I like to layer it with a very thin base layer so you can still make out a silhouette. It’s a tad itchy so you really need to layer it over a long-sleeved shirt.
Q: Would like to hear any dress ideas for a black tie/country club wedding in Santa Barbara in May. Not strapless or one-shouldered. Under $400.
A: Love this for the occasion! You might also check out the Zimmermann options at Outnet for some beautiful spring appropriate dresses at a discount.
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Two favorite middle-of-the-night pastimes, when I’m in worry mode, are checking out Shopbop’s new arrivals and prowling TRR for hidden gems (latest acquisition: this Celine phone sling, which just arrived and is so delightful! It has two sections where you can stow credit cards/ID and possibly a key if it’s just one key — not big enough to accommodate a big key fob). Anyhow, a curation of some of my latest Shopbop hearts below. I surprised myself with a high density of neutrals in my latest selection! I’m normally a big color girl but — the heart wants what it wants. I was also tickled when I pulled together this collage and noticed that the major accent color was a kind of off-periwinkle-off-cobalt-denim-ish blue and then read that Leandra Medine has also been into this color lately (“which seems like a response to (as in, good companion color to) the season’s surge of red”). Medine calls it “Bottega-ish” blue. I’ll take it!
I did order these pants and these sneakers to try! The pants I’ve heard are a great alternative to Nili Lotan’s wildly popular Shon pants for us petite ladies. Will do a try-on when they arrive! Also, a quick note that the APC Grace bag below is beyond spectacular. I own this in brown (noisette) in the small (versus mini) size and it is such a stunner in real life — it’s not inexpensive, but it looks like it should cost 3x its price (Celine caliber). Seriously gorgeous investment and fabulous in the blue, which I think will surprise you with its wearability, and is, of course, on the verge of being very trendy (I trust Medine).
Oh – final notes! 1) I included this cute puffy heart necklace below because I think it’s slightly more wearable but if you’re down for a trend, the more dramatic puffy heart earrings from By Adina Eden are worth a look! They’re a lot like Jennifer Fisher’s $450 pair that have been trendy the past year or so. A cute little statement for Valentine’s Day. Just pair with your favorite white blouse! 2) I know many of you are on the same best-sweats journey with me — what do we think of these Sweaty Bettys? Have also been hearing lots of good things about these Varleys but I think they’d overwhelm me as a petite.
P.S. All my Shopbop hearts here, and a recent denim try-on from their collection here.
P.P.S. There’s still time to order some goodies for Valentine’s Day, but we’re coming down to the wire. You can still order some cute Lake jammies in time for heart’s day!
To the women out there who are weighed down by more than their own burdens,
who carry the weight of others,
who listen to their loved ones and drink in their sorrows, and find themselves sunken in the center because of it,
or who experience unkindnesses and question themselves, and feel drawn down by criticism or dismissal,
one expression that I have been returning to:
observe, not absorb.
It feels at first like putting up an unfeeling wall, or like handling precious matter with gloved hands, but I am convinced that it is an essential ingredient in living fully.
While in observing mode, you can still wrap your arms around a loved one, and say all the right things, and listen with your full heart, and you can still feel temporarily put off or hurt by others — you are not desensitized or denuded of your full range of empathy — but you begin to learn to deal with darkness rather than letting it in.
+One thing I didn’t mention in my Tulum packing list was a plain white gauze cover-up that I bought from Michael Stars two years ago. It is my absolute favorite thing ever — goes with everything and so, so soft. They no longer sell it in my length but they do have these gauze pant and shirt sets and I have the flamingo pink color set in my cart. If you are looking for a cover-up similar to mine, Alice Walk has one VERY similar. I also own the Alice Walk longer-length gauze dress and it’s a dream. I love it so much that I wore it the day after we got back from Tulum around the house, even though it was 35 degrees outside.
+Final note on gauze: I also own and LOVE this white gauze top from Xirena. I’m telling you, you will want to wear it every single day. It’s SO soft (like a brushed t-shirt) but looks a little dressier than a tee. A fantastic wardrobe investment. Does run a tad short so avoid if you’re on the taller side.
+Love these slightly exaggerated shoulder tees from Target, especially in black, tan, white. Tuck into high-waisted denim for a different look. While we’re talking Target, they just launched their own denim midi! You know I was big on this trend last summer. The darker denim wash is selling fast but I kind of love the colored denim option? Imagine with a simple white tee and leather sandals, or a denim button down?
+If you have been eyeing the $850 HighSport kick flares with envy but no intention of ever pulling the trigger, you might be interested in this less expensive ribbed style from Donni that gets rave reviews. I like the idea of pairing these kinds of pants with a striped button down and great ballet flats.
+Four GREAT button-down options for this look: this Rag & Bone (silky and so chic and I love the saturated blue color); Sezane’s Tomboy (the green and white stripe is in my cart); Alex Mill’s Jo; and J. Crew’s new Etienne shirt.
+Now that we know Taylor Swift will be in the stands at the Super Bowl…who else is more interested in tuning in? Ha. These plates would be cute for a Super Bowl party.
+A great voluminous dress for padding around the house. Pair with gold hoops and bare feet for effortless-chic cocktails at home with friends. Would be great while pregnant, too!
+Obsessed with these silver-striped Sambas (sold out everywhere, but you can find on StockX). J. Crew also has some cool silver sneaks on offer! More fun casual sneaks here.
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I somehow overpacked for four days Tulum and yet still — miracle of miracles — fit it all in a carry-on roll-a-board. I’ll share a few of the photos I snapped of myself in some of these outfits later this week once I get around to editing them, but my full packing list below…
GUCCI DAD SANDALS — ACTUALLY ENDED UP REMOVING THESE FROM THE SUITCASE AT THE LAST MINUTE IN FAVOR OF MY SILVER BIRKS, WHICH I THOUGHT MIGHT BE MORE VERSATILE FOR LONGER WALKS / ADVENTURES
This probably sounds like a lot of dresses and outfit changes, but this was a celebratory birthday trip for my best friend’s 40th, so we’d be out and about during the day, then go home to shower and change and get dolled up for dinner, sometimes with different trips to the pool in between. I actually wore nearly all of the dresses I packed!
I am so bummed because Minnow generously sent me this suit but it arrived the day after we left! I would have excitedly worn it…
My two big oversights: 1) I wish I’d packed a larger beachy daytime tote for some of our excursions. I went the practical route by traveling with my enormous MZ Wallace Medium Metro tote, which I needed to do because my suitcase was JAMMED to the brim and I therefore needed a shoulder bag that could carry a shipping ton, but I wish I’d been able to sneak my Naghedi tote in there, laid flat on top, or at least this inexpensive Amazon one, which definitely would have fit with minimal adjustments, but I didn’t think about it. The MZ Wallace is too cavernous / feels like luggage and therefore didn’t feel right for daytime wear. I managed to make do with my small crossbody but it was not ideal. In a dream world, I would have been able to carry my favorite seagrass Birkin bag from Dans La Main — that would have been my preference for daytime wear. 2) I wish I’d traveled wearing a straw hat! I regretted not having one for beach while we were there. My ball cap was fine, but it would have been better with a sunhat — I own and love both this Sarah Bray Bermuda and this Sunshine Tienda.
For traveling there, I wore this enormous sweater, white jeans, my Margo tee, and my Sambas. For traveling back, I wore the jeans, another Margo tee, my VB Ferazia blazer (on super sale!), and Birks. I ended up swapping out the blazer for my sweatshirt and wishing I’d worn my Sambas because I was freezing on board. I didn’t do the best job at layering for this trip! I broke several of my own rules…
I do think I will upgrade my suitcase game for my next trip. I am planning on buying one of these from Paravel. I also saw a chic pea carrying one of these Dagne Dover totes (and another wearing the Dagne Dover backpack) and they just seem like the greatest and most thoughtfully designed travel day pieces.
Finally, mentioned earlier today, but I loved this plastic cosmetics case! I used this for liquids (which I’ve since learned you no longer need to keep in a separate clear bag…?) along with my medium Julia Amory toiletry bag for all else, and a separate pouch with medicines/bandaids/etc. I used this big Stoney Clover bag (truly enormous) for swimsuits, socks, underwear.
P.S. All the Magpie reader travel recs here. Such great intel.
P.P.S. I followed a hodge podge of your advice on how to handle skincare/beauty while traveling. (Thank you again!) I specifically leaned on your suggestions to stick with my regular skincare routine by just buying products in travel sizes or decanting into these; using a contact lens case to meter out small portions of my favorite serums (truly genius – these will not leak!); and scaling down my beauty routine to just the basics.
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A little list of launches and finds on my radar this week:
01. I recently learned that the scarf-coat popularized by Toteme has an official name — “a scoat” — and that the trend is not going anywhere fast. You can find lots of looks for less — see Amazon, Quince (sold out still, but sign up for a restock!), Zara, Splendid, and Boden! The Boden coat doesn’t have the scarf but definitely gives us Toteme vibes with the whipstitch trim, and was a top Magpie seller a few months ago that was recently restocked.
02. Another trend from last year that has had legs: menswear-adjacent vests / waistcoats, which peaked in popularity thanks to Sofia Richie Grainge wearing this linen vest and skirt combo from Posse. I’m eyeing a few myself for the season ahead. Top of my wishlist is the Veronica Beard I shared yesterday, but a few others at a range of price points: this Faithfull, this Rag and Bone, this J. Crew, and this Aligne (20% off with code JEN-20).
03. If you like Naghedi but are feeling they’re a bit too ubiquitous these days*, you might consider one of these woven Dragon Diffusion totes. I’ve been seeing them pop up a bit more recently and I love them! The blue is fun! *For the record, I still have and love mine. They’re the perfect shape and size and material for toting lots of kid stuff / gym stuff / beach stuff / pool stuff. I would suggest getting one in an unusual color — I have a bright yellow one I adore. Target has a woven tote whose shape feels very Dragon Diffusion, too, if you’re looking for something similar at a lower price point.
04. Speaking of the ol’ bullseye, Target launched a striped shirt dress that is sure to sell out by week’s end.
05. Is gingham having a micro-moment? For awhile, gingham has felt like a pattern from my ultra-prep college days, but now I’m rethinking the association with Veronica Beard’s latest collection. This vest and these pants look so fab and fresh. I also saw a look for less option at Aligne (additional 20% off with code JEN-20).
06. I’m sorry to my fellow millennial stalwarts, but it looks like the horseshoe jean (look for less with these) is going nowhere fast. They seem to be popping up all over the place, and I’m growing more curious by the moment. Some horseshoe-adjacent styles to consider if you’re, like me, uncertain: these Mother half-pipes, these Velvets, these Citizens, and of course Nili Lotan Shons. You can see me wearing the Citizens in the photos at top a few months ago. They run really big and I ended up returning this pair because I felt they were too loose, but they did not have the size down in stock anywhere at the time. Contemplating repurchasing now that they’ve been restocked. The color is SO good. I might need to have them hemmed a scoch. (I was wearing above with my Leset Kelly tee, La Ligne sweater (10% off with code MAGPIE10), Longchamp bag, and Schutz Arissas.
07. Has anyone used Ogee makeup? They have my number on Instagram — I basically cannot open my app without being marketed to, and it’s working. Apparently Halle Berry uses this makeup…? I don’t even know how to contour but I’m convinced I need to try this contouring set. The Instagram ads are so compelling!
08. Not a new launch, but I used this travel makeup case while out of town last weekend and it far exceeded my expectations. Surprisingly sturdy, good quality for $20. Reminded me a lot of the Anya Hindmarch ones I’ve been wanting forever, but much less $$. BTW, I used a blend of your suggestions in response to my post asking how you travel with cosmetics/beauty products — will share all my thoughts soon, but the comments on that post are a gold mine!
09. I predict khaki and ecru twill/denim are going to be a trending as everyday pants this spring and summer. I like these Velvets (mentioned earlier in the horseshoe-adjacent category), these VB kick flares, these Gap wide-legs, these straight legs (look for less with these), and these wildly popular Madewells (I own in black!)
10. As you might have noticed with these pants (look for less with these) in the prior bullet point: I have to let you know that cargo seems to be having a little comeback?! If you are cringing remembering yourself in 1999, just know you’re not alone, but the newer styles have tapered legs or wide legs that feel refreshingly new. The turning point for me was discovering this pair of dark-wash, cuffed jeans from VB with a slightly cargo styling on the side.
11. One of my favorite smaller bag labels, Pam Munson, just launched some new designs. Love these! She always finds the most elegant ways to update a straw bag.
12. Wait: this is so fascinating to me! This Substack uses various data sources to rank brands, and this week, Eileen Fisher beat out The Row. I definitely spent a little portion of my Sunday reviewing Eileen Fisher for hidden gems. These pants are definitely on-trend (the interesting leg shape, the color, the utility/cargo-adjacentness) and this boxy sweater is a steal!
13. Combining a few of the aforementioned trends: how good are these ecru jeans with this matching vest from Pistola?! I’d pair with leather Hermes sandals.
P.P.S. I enjoyed reading your comments on my post on first rejections in life. So many of us felt so alone in those first brushes with failure, and yet it’s a universal human experience.
I see you, February! I hate wishing away any of my precious time in this life, but January has been a bit of a slog, hasn’t it? Above, I’m wearing new jeans* and a ribbed knit from a recent Sezane order (<<everything I picked linked there), and thought I’d share a few other items I’m seriously considering this upcoming month…
*Re: fit. I took a 2 in these and they’re still snug. I’m usually an 0 but I find Sezane pants run really slim and small. I would go up at least one, maybe two sizes. I have the tag on below because I was trying to decide whether to exchange for a 4 — but I ended up keeping the 2 because I thought the 4 would be too big. The wash and silhouette are SO good. I don’t own anything like them! The shirt is really cute with the feminine details. I took an XXS.
Other items on my radar for the month ahead:
01. Veronica Beard vest. I have nothing like this in my closet and I saw it and swooned. I love it styled as shown (especially with the white jeans) but also imagine over a long-sleeved tee or turtleneck to wear right now? Summery vibe for less with this.
02. These chunky gold earrings. These look heavy/vintage but are apparently very lightweight.
05. Roz root-lifting hair spray. This product is getting a lot of buzz and the one thing I always ask when I have my hair blown out: can you get a little volume at the crown?! Thinking this might be handy. I just got my hair trimmed last week and my excellent stylist added some more layers so my hair has more movement / doesn’t look as weighed down at the ends while I’m growing it out!
06. Can’t stop thinking about these pant / shell sets from Julia Amory. They are spendy (and selling quickly) and I’ll need to have the pants hemmed…but they look so elegant!
07. New weight set for at-home workouts, with heavier weight options.
08. Still on the hunt for a really nice pair of sweats. Current front-runners: Spanx’s AirEssentials pants and half-zip or crewneck (I own and love one of the AirEssentials half-zips already — the material is phenomenal! — and how amazing is this striped crewneck version?!); sweatpants and sweatshirt from Perfectwhitetee; or one of these sets from Frank & Eileen.
09. These flared leggings — have heard they are a great fit for petites.
10. Will I regret surprising mini with these nail stickers?! I know she’ll love them. After a manicure hiatus owing to very thin nails, I got a fresh manicure with OPI’s white-pink color, Lisbon Wants Moor. It feels fresh.
In graduate school, I took a course on 18th Century literature whose reading list included dry, tedious fustian like Waverly and Daniel Deronda. But the professor was renowned and students spoke about him with reverence, and so I, 23 and already academically humiliated by multiple rejections in the collegiate and graduate admissions processes, decided I had little to lose by way of curiosity and enrolled in the course. The professor was serious, and unforgiving. In our first convening, we went around the room introducing ourselves (“Jen, born in D.C., attended UVA, interested in high modernism”) and one of my classmates, a bit of an odd bird, introduced herself as “Mary, born in Ireland. I like jumping in puddles.”* A strange silence pooled in the room. I squirmed in my seat, anxious to paper over the awkwardness, but he offered nothing to her. Not a gentle laugh, or a cleared throat, or a “next, please.” Only a coldness, eventually thawed by a neighbor chiming in to introduce himself.
The professor was a textualist, and I would learn a lot from his ruthless redirection of any conversation steered by an alternative critical lens. When classmates proposed feminist readings, or new historical readings, he would spurn their insights and press their faces against the words on the page: but what about the choice of chapter break? And the narrative repetition in the exchange of gifts here? I found him easy to decode as a student in that I knew exactly what to give him on a page but I began to think carefully about how many ways there were to skin a cat. And how close-minded he seemed to all but one.
Because I knew how to play to his expectations, I became his pet student. He had me read one of my papers to the entire class, nodding his head metronomically in pleased agreement. I could not reconcile the twin sensations of embarrassment and pride as I haltingly read my own words. I knew my classmates must have been eye-rolling behind my back, but I wallowed in the recognition. And I began to think critically about myself as a people-pleaser, and a rule-follower, and whether those were necessarily good things.
My classmates complained about him in the student lounge. “Everyone’s getting Ds,” Mark said, and I busied myself with the printer, knowing I was averaging an A-. And I thought, again with focus, about the tradeoffs between pragmatism and purism.
Mainly, though, I thought about how to perform a strenuous close reading. I learned to look for patterns, how to think about texts with near-mathematic precision, and I discovered, however reluctantly, that I enjoyed Daniel Deronda, and the section titled “Maiden’s Choosing,” and the novel’s grappling with fate versus free agency. And I wondered whether things had changed so much for women since the 18th century anyway?
The following year, I caught wind that the professor was unwell. He’d always seemed frail to me, but you never know with us English types: could be illness; could be too-long-in-the-stacks. Still, after strategizing with my mentor, a brilliant female professor who permitted me to write a final paper on country music and constructions of the masculine identity (!), I worked up the courage to ask whether he would write a letter of recommendation in support of my applications to doctorate programs.
He responded quickly in the negative. I was crushed, and confused.
I went back to my mentor: “I don’t understand,” I confessed. “I was his pet student…?”
“That’s ridiculous,” she agreed. “He should write for you, and he will.” She commandingly pecked out an email to him and sent me home.
He refused again, and, after my mentor pushed him once more, a third time.
I was mortified. I worried my mentor would view me in a different light — would suddenly see me as the irritating imposter I probably was — and I quietly backed down and never spoke about it again, instead seeking out a letter from another professor with whom I had only a loose connection that seemed more likely to “play the game.”
In my darkest moments of self-doubt, the midnight hours when the ugliest versions of my catastrophic thinking stood at the foot of my bed in my little garden apartment on R Street, I would ask myself why that professor wouldn’t write that damned letter. How much time could it really have cost him? Did he think so little of me that he couldn’t associate himself with my name? Was his whole “read the paper aloud” routine a lampooning charade? I thought, too, of my mentor muttering: “If he doesn’t have time to write letters for his students, he’s in the wrong position.” But her words would tide me over for only the briefest reprieve, and I would instead think: “I’m a fraud, and he knows it.”
Maybe a year later, after I had graduated and decided not to pursue a Ph.D., I learned that he had passed away.
I had known nothing of the solitary and stony offices of his illness,
Of the grief he must have been facing,
Of how impossibly short his time must have felt,
Of how ridiculous it would have been to spend even a minute of his last year on earth writing a pro forma letter for a pro forma student.
Not everything happens to you, personally.
By some grotesque and twisting irony, I was instead at that time enveloped in the disbelieving ante-stages of my own grief. Around the time I heard of his death, I was lying up and down about my friend Elizabeth’s future. She was very sick, and had grown unrecognizably gaunt, and still I would not discuss any possible eventualities in her company or outside of it. What good would it do to speak in endings? She knew anyway — didn’t she? The ethics blurred, then dripped.
Today, I see this, and crisply: I wish I had visited her more. Held her hand. Told her all the things I now forget.
A few years earlier, the day Elizabeth went in, the beginning of the end, she’d had difficulty breathing. My friend T. had called me in a panic: “something malignant pressing on her lungs; she’s in the hospital; her parents are there, too.” T. had held it together until this detail: when Elizabeth’s parents had arrived at the hospital and seen the floor number — I think it was seven, or maybe nine — they had known their daughter was in the cancer ward, and they of great faith had collapsed and cried out. T. and I wept muffled tears across the phone line for a long time, shaky breaths rattling with static and fear, terrified for Elizabeth but also at the glimpse of such open grief.
Still, I could not imagine a world free of agency, or the vigor of Elizabeth’s youth:
life would not happen to me and death would not happen to her,
And yet the texts — the Daniel Deronda, or my professor’s reading of it — did not lie:
our eventualities laid out like stars, crystalline and eternal, designing the path forward.
When Elizabeth died, I thought many broken things, but one of them was that we were not after all so unlike the maidens in Deronda, making choices, yes, but in snow globes, stirred stupidly by forces beyond our ken.
So is it any wonder,
if still I cannot think clearly about Daniel Deronda, about the professor’s refused letter and obscured illness, about Elizabeth’s death,
and instead I have written dozens of chapters of a book I will never finish called Maiden’s Choosing
where I can only draw in alternatingly obtuse and oblique ways
+Pink City Prints has such cute patterns — and I especially love the scalloped edging on this style!
+Are you into the horseshoe jeans trend? I know people find them polarizing. I think they can look fab on women, but I don’t think they’d work on me because I’m so short and hemming them doesn’t feel like an option.
+I’ve been testing Motif’s facial cleanser and serum the past few months. They’re both absolutely excellent. The cleanser has exfoliating beads but at a low density — there aren’t a ton — and has a great, creamy, moisturizing texture. It washes off really nicely, too, leaving only the smoothest skin. The serum is phenomenal when I’m in a rush and don’t have time to do vitamin c, plus a second serum, plus moisturizer. I just pat it on and go. You can get 15% off at Motif with code MAGPIE.
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This week, we celebrated Mr. Magpie’s birthday by going out with friends for drinks at Death & Co (if you’ve read Magpie for awhile, you know we consider their cocktail book Gospel, but we’d never been to one of their watering holes! — really fun program, but the lighting was distressingly dim), dining just the two of us at recently reopened Chez Billy Sud (delightful, with great service, beautiful food, and a cozy ambiance), and enjoying a special meal at home.
I cook so infrequently these days that I felt rusty — not so much at the stovetop, but when conceptualizing the menu and coordinating my trips to the groceries (yes, plural on both fronts). I normally enjoy baking, but this year, I purchased him a cake at Bread Furst so I could focus more of my efforts on the meal itself. We’d just had a red-meat-forward dinner at Chez Billy Sud (steak frites for him; tavern burger for me, preceded by a green salad and Coquilles St. Jacques gratin), so I wanted something a bit lighter. I made Missy Robbins’ seafood stew from this cookbook, which proved excellent and was convenient from a preparation standpoint, in the sense that I was able to make the stew base (a spicy and garlicky arrabiata sauce) Sunday afternoon, and was then able to pull off compiling the dish the next night (his birthday, a work day!) in under an hour. I was nervous because I hadn’t been able to find clams, so I doubled up on mussels, and marjoram (the star herb in the dish) was nowhere to be found in all of Bethesda, so I swapped in parsley (technically, oregano is closer to marjoram, but that was also out of stock at Whole Foods and Safeway alike!), and we all know how absurd it is to swap out lots of ingredients and then expect a stellar result.
But!
I pulled it off! I focused on cooking with my senses, taking care to wait until each mussel was fully opened before plucking it out of the broth; reducing the amount of chili flakes in the broth (she is a daredevil, calling for 2T of it! I halved it and it was plenty spicy — I’d had advanced warning on this front because Mr. Magpie prepared her arrabiata sauce a year ago to serve with meatballs, and it was very fiery then); adjusting seasonings. I even parroted Mr. Magpie’s pro-level moves by filling our shallow stew dishes with boiling water a few minutes before serving — this means the dishes will keep the food warm a bit longer (!). I served the stew with a sourdough bread from Bread Furst and a salad with Missy Robbins’ house dressing (also from the aforementioned cookbook), which is a fancy riff on the Wishbone classic. You more or less confit garlic and shallot in olive oil, cool, and then mix in herbs and vinegar. It was delicious. Another pro tip: we like to shave fresh parm over our greens for most simple green salads. The parm adds great texture and salinity.
Before the main event, we enjoyed some champagne and caviar! The caviar was a happy accident: the butcher (we are loyalists to / evangelists for The Organic Butcher) had felt badly that he was out of the clams I was requesting (and he became very involved in the entire meal plan, suggesting blood orange citrus and helping me estimate how many mussels to include) as he knew I was preparing a birthday meal for a very tenured cook. He threw a jar of paddlefish roe into my bag free of charge (!) and suggested I either dot it on the top of the fish stew or serve with potatoes and creme fresh. I went the latter route, accessorizing with fancy potato chips (this brand, which work well since they’re fairly thick) and was finally able to make use of the caviar service dish and marble spoons we’ve used all of…once in our lives. It was so thoughtful and generous! P.S. – I always receive questions about my coupes. They’re from Zafferano and easily one of my favorite possessions!
After dinner, Mr. Magpie opened his gifts, which included fancy thermals and socks from French brand Hemen; new ski goggles; Aesop incense (we’ve both been so obsessed with incense thanks to this little incense smoker we used over the holidays); this beautiful handmade Japanese mortar and pestle; tickets to a concert; and this card game a few Magpies have recommended. He was completely shocked by the goggles — had no idea I’d been listening to him complain about the way his ancient ones were basically disintegrating. Mr. Magpie so rarely treats himself to anything, so I love showering him with gifts, especially ones that are well-researched and connected to current interests. (One current obsession of his is buying an outdoor, propane-fueled wok — I was too scared to dabble in that arena. Next-level cooking ambition!). P.S. The gift wrap below is from Dear Annabelle — SO cute. I think they’re sold out of this exact pattern but they have other great prints, too. (More gift closet must-haves here.)
What else? I wrote about this yesterday, but I really leaned on my “just move the dirt” mantra this week. I’ve been devoted to my fitness regimen this month, but it felt much easier at the top of January. Now I’ve grown bored of indoor cycling and mat exercises, and it’s been too cold and snowy to run outdoors. (I am perhaps over-skittish about slipping on black ice? I do not want a busted knee.) I have my personal training sessions once a week, which provides a nice change of pace and scenery, but besides that, it was a lot of “just get ‘er done” type self-coaxing. My new Nike duds helped in this department, too — happy and hot pink and more functional than all of my running-oriented gear. The shoes make such a huge difference! I had been doing side stepping drills and lifts on one leg and my ankles had been wobbling all over the place in my running shoes! The Metcons provide a lot more stability.
Honestly, is there anything more January than the last photo above?! Like, the gray ice and slush and the desperate need to override that insipidness with hot pink?
Looking ahead to February: Mini’s Valentines arrived! We’re bundling them with these little disco ball keychains.
And, Patchology sent me a little gift box with these lip gels and this lip sleep mask (which is delightful, and which I’ve toted around with me all week), and I immediately conceived of a cute Galentine’s card to send out with these little cards from Shop Surcie. They appear to be sold out of the xo cards, but you can find similar here. Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day or Galentine’s Day? I always make February 14th special for my children (some thoughts here), but Mr. Magpie and I have a nice meal and call it a day. Might be fun to do a Galentine’s gathering one year. I know this is probably going to disgust some of you, but apparently there’s this TikTok trend of “candy salads“? I heard about it from Katie, who is making her own for a Galentine’s gathering. I used to absolutely love gummy/sour candy, and when I lived in Lyon, I would go to the bulk candy shop a few blocks away at least once a week for a little bag of goodies — it was, perhaps distressingly, a core food group of mine at the time, along with Coca Light, baguettes and brioches from the local boulangerie, emmentaler cheese, and apples. (How did I live?) Over the past five years, though, I have found myself much more interested in salty snacks, and frequently turned off, full stop, by candy. What is this?! Do our taste buds change? Is it hormonal? Still — when I saw Katie brandishing her pile of sour candies, I have to say, my mouth watered, and I was tempted to order one of these Dylan’s Candy Bar tackleboxes so I wouldn’t have to go through the ordeal of assembling an assortment myself. So, Mr. Magpie, if you’re reading this…!
Last but not least: ah, the familiar emotional whiplash of parenting young children. My children wore my patience thin last week when they were unexpectedly at home thanks to snow, but then I missed them horribly the minute the door closed behind them on Monday morning. I thought back, with heartburn, to my son sitting at my feet, not-so-quietly working on his sticker puzzles, while I pecked out some thoughts on my computer. He chattered for hours. It was deeply disruptive, but footnoted by our hugging intermissions, where he’d pause in his prattling, and climb into my lap. Four is maybe the best age? So sweet and curious. Of course, my study felt empty without him at my feet on Monday, and yet I was happy to clip back into a routine, and so I sat there, half-full and half-empty, and wondered if this is, simply, the baseline condition of parenthood. Once your baby enters the world, you toggle between sensations of over-fullness and incompleteness on a routine basis. I miss him / it’s too much / I’m so tired / I’ve never been so happy before / I’m not good enough / etc.
Well, as we say — onward —
P.S. Veronica Beard has my number these days. I absolutely love everything they’re releasing — elegant, chic basics with a twist. Currently obsessing over this vest and these sneakers. (More chic sneaks here.) The vest though…!!! AHHH!
