I probably own north of a dozen white blouses, and will not bat an eye adding more to the wardrobe. When I have no idea what to wear, I can always lean into a white blouse in an on-trend or fashion-forward cut paired with white jeans or my favorite dark-wash skinnies. I also happen to think that buying any top in stark white is a great bet, regardless of price tag — white tends to look more expensive than a lot of other colors for some reason. At any rate: right now, it’s all about volume — big sleeves, dramatic wrist detailing, a cropped or cinched silhouette to offset it all. And no one does a white, frothy volume quite like Cecilie Bahnsen (seen above and below), whose pieces are at the tippy top of my lust list. I would love to own this or this.
Below, a range of white statement blouses (at all pricepoints), taking cues from these street style stunners:
Does anyone remember that country song by Craig Morgan, “That’s What I Love About Sunday”? I actually love it, with the exception of one section that, even when I first heard the song in college, has always made me cringe:
“…I stroll to the end of the drive Pick up the Sunday times, grab a coffee cup Looks like sally and rob finally tied the knot Well, it’s about time It’s thirty-five cents off a ground round Baby, cut that coupon out…”
It’s just…the words “ground round” and “baby cut that coupon out” should just not be in the lyrics of any song in my opinion. HA.
But. Speaking of Sundays and saving money — have you seen the Moda Operandi sale?! AHHHHH. There are so many incredible finds — and right now I’m in a major dress-buying mode, so the prices are irristible. Below, my favorite sale finds:
P.S. I’ve had multiple friends rave over the surprisingly flattering fit of this Marysia one-piece and it’s now on sale in a chic gray color…OR get the look for less with this $100 dupe.
Normally, icebreakers are cringe-worthy affairs. But there was one powerful one I participated in while enrolled in an executive program in social entrepreneurship a few years back (…was that another life?). The professor specialized in the role of storytelling in business, and so it made sense that she prompted us to introduce ourselves by sharing our own stories. But there was a catch: I had to share my entire life story in three words.
On the surface of it, an impossible task.
But think of Ernest Hemingway’s possibly apocryphal six-word short story:
“Baby shoes.
For sale.
Never used.“
(Is that a shot to the heart or what?)
I focused principally on telling the story of my career: I’d jagged from aspirations to earn a Ph.D. in literature to many years in the educational non-profit space, and I summed myself up with: “Teaching, building, still learning.”
I remember being riveted by the word choices of those around me — some who played it safe, like I had, by sticking to career choices and roles; others who shared their tenderest vulnerabilities with words like “widow,” “survivor,” “dreamer.”
I occasionally play this icebreaker with myself, checking in to see how far I’ve come from my pre-motherhood, pre-writing-dense days, when I was ensconced in a profession I found equal parts challenging, humbling, and satisfying.
Nowadays, when I zoom way out and look back at myself, I see first and foremost my attachment to my loved ones, how it has become clearer with age that the only thing that really matters, in the end, are my interactions with and devotions to them. I think also of my evolution as a woman: I have more grit and stamina now, even though I am currently flagging under the emotionally crowded conditions of being over thirty-nine weeks pregnant. And I think finally of my commitment to writing, curating, communicating with and to all of you. How it has filled a void, how it has made me feel as though I am in flight — seeing, experiencing things from a different perspective, and also constantly in motion. How to corral these sideways tugs and pulls into three words, I wonder?
Devoted // creative // in ascent.
Or
Blooming // rooted // loved.
Or or or.
How would you describe your own story in three words?
“…On rare occasions, my father would have a hankering for cinnamon toast — usually around nine p.m., when “the kitchen was closed,” as my mother put it, and such extravagances felt illicit. He’d toast white bread (does white bread even exist anymore?) and douse it with cinnamon sugar he kept in a small tupperware for just such occasions and then cut it, hastily, on the diagonal. He’d usually make a big stack of four or five pieces of toast and we’d inhale them together, often on the floor by the fireplace in our sunroom…
It was rainy and cool the other morning — not cold, exactly, but damp in a way that settled into my bones. I’d recently come across James Blake’s arresting version of “Vincent,” a song my father loved when we were growing up. (I believe the original song was by Don McLean, but I could be wrong.) I listened to it three times in a row, like a weirdo, as I walked through 15 blocks of driving rain. (It was just far enough to be a nuisance, but taking the subway one stop felt wrong.) There’s something breathtakingly artful about the word choice in the lyrics: “the snowy linen land”? “weathered faces lined in pain”? And then the real kicker: “with eyes that know the darkness of my soul”?!?! Holy cow.
And I thought about my Dad, about the recent email he’d sent all of my siblings and siblings-in-law urging us to re-read The Great Gatsby as he had, just a week earlier, concluding the short email with: “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” I thought about my father’s love of language (Fitzgerald is, in my opinion, the ultimate in artful writing and I often worry that he will be written off as a thin aesthete in years to come, underrated for a time to come). I thought about how moved my father can be by the mot juste — how he has repeated back to me on many occasions one of the captions of an Instagram I posted when minimagpie was just a few weeks old: “I can’t believe she’s mine.” He’ll say this to me and put his hand over his heart, as if to say: “Oh, my heart.” And I thought about how capable a writer he is himself. How often he says the right thing at the right time — as when he told me, without preamble: “Motherhood suits you.” Just casually, tucked into an otherwise unremarkable Saturday afternoon. How those words have never left me. How I sometimes look in the mirror and say those words to myself, turning my face to the left and to the right, analyzing my angles: “Motherhood suits you.” How sometimes I doubt myself in my new role as a mother and then, his voice arrives — “Motherhood suits you.” My own chorus. My own Mount Helicon, too.
So when I walked through the door, feet wet and heart aching, I knew exactly what I needed: cinnamon toast.”
+I absolutely love this tiered fruit basket. We always — *always* — have at least three or four bowls of produce on our counter: citrus, bananas, allium, and miscellaneous fruit that’s better left to ripen on countertop (i.e., mango, kiwi, stone fruit). This would make the kitchen so much tidier. (And also, did you know you’re supposed to keep certain fruits/vegetables separate? Like putting potatoes alongside onions is a no-no — they’ll spoil more quickly! — and the same goes for bananas and tomatoes?
+Literally devastated this gorgeous Brock Collection blouse is sold out in my size — it’s 75% off! May have to console myself with this Brock-like frock (under $100 — incidentally, a great pick for a summer wedding, and so many of you have written requesting wedding guest attire recently!).
+Ordered this botanical-print button-down dress (on sale for under $100) — OBSESSED with the print, and I own virtually nothing green. Will look perfect with straw accessories, and it’s nursing friendly!
My girlfriend Alison will often send me a note in the mail instead of dropping me an email or shooting me a text to thank me for a cup of coffee or invite me to tea with girlfriends. Is there anything more elegant or rewarding? The vision of her sitting quietly at her beautifully appointed home, dashing off a quick word or two on her beautiful stationery, makes me feel loved and also reminds me that not everything needs to be done today, in five second stretches of attention. Sometimes we can afford to wait a day for a thought to reach a friend, or for a gathering to come together. Her notes remind me of the elasticity and gift of time — and encourage me to sit down, on occasion, without any intention of doing anything but staring out the window and having a think, as someone might have done “in the old days.”
At any rate, one lovely Magpie wrote in to request a roundup of some of my favorite affordable stationery sources, and it was oddly prescient, as I’d already been teeing this post up for some time, in a kind of loving homage to my friend Alison. May we all take a page out of her book, sit down, and write a little love note to a girlfriend, or an invitation to coffee, or a “thank you for that time you let me unravel on the phone because nothing and everything was wrong and I am nine months pregnant and over-wrought with nerves,” a card that, incidentally, I owe my sister today.
Affordable Stationery Sources for Adults.
+Haute Papier. You’ll be hard pressed to find more affordable personalized letterpress stationery. I love the range of monograms and colors they offer, and am especially drawn to the shadow-drop bold initials of the M39 style of monogram. (Also love their monogrammed cups for a special birthday weekend or festivity.)
+Dinglewood Design — another well-priced letterpress shop. I used them to make mini’s birth announcements (a custom variation on this) and they turned out beautifully. I especially love this style for personal stationery.
+Personalized notepads! As a perennial list-maker and note-leaver, I have these in practically every drawer of my house.
+Kate Spade’s boxed initial sets are a great and affordable way to get the monogram look without the price tag. The quality of her paper is insane, too. (Also love the clever expressions on a lot of her box sets — I mean, how a propos is this set in relation to Alison’s ethos?!)
+No matter what, I always have a set of staid stationery from Crane or Boatman Geller with our family name on it (“The Shoops”) and the return address on the back of the envelope. I can’t tell you how often I’ve needed stationery that reads elegant and serious — grown-up stationery, if you will — for condolences, professional interactions, notes to neighbors, etc. Neiman’s almost always has Boatman Geller pieces on sale and I usually snag them on promotion in big boxes once a year. Most recently, I bought this set.
+Preppy Prodigy — I am constantly reordering from here. They ship quickly (and for free) and have affordable, clean styles that are neither too baby-ish or too grown-up. I’ve ordered a bunch of their fruit-print styles and I love their book plates (great gift to send along with a book or two as a gift for a kiddo) and stickers, too.
P.S. For fellow letter-writers: you need these pens. They are my all-time favorite — I have tiny, precise handwriting and they make my life very happy. I also love this Caran D’Ache pen Mr. Magpie gave me for Christmas. I carry it in my handbag daily and it brings me such joy.
Q: I am looking for a special college graduation gift of jewelry for a girl (ideas include something like the Tiffany Elsa Peretti gold diamond necklace) between $500-$1000… is this an impossible feat? I feel like you would know or have good advice 🙂
A: Ooh la la, what a lovely gift for a gal. I have a few thoughts.
+On the trendier side (if she’s a fashionista), I absolutely adore the Hermes clic clac bracelet my husband bought me nearly a decade ago. I wear it constantly. Very stylish!
+On the “heirloom” side, I am smitten with a new-to-me label based here in NYC called Aurelia Demark. The founder is lovely (used to design for Tory Burch) and has exquisite pieces. Some of their small pendants would fit your budget, and you can get them engraved on the back with date (you could do her graduation date!) and/or initials. Super special!
+On the high-end side, a bit over your budget, but I have been lusting after a Van Cleef & Arpel bracelet like this forever.
+My husband gave me a Mikimoto pearl pendant necklace similar to this one (but with a diamond embellishment) on our wedding day and I cherish it. Mikimoto is THE brand for pearls, but not every gal is a pearl girl.
I also think just about anything from Tiffany is appropriate for a graduation gift, so you’re on the right track already. Who doesn’t love seeing that little Tiffany box on a big occasion?!
P.S. A couple of other thoughts on gift ideas for gals at a lower price point.
Q: I have little storage at home and have a few bulky winter blankets to store. Any tips?
A: Oh, I so feel you on this one. The best solution for us has been to stow out of season clothes and bulkier items in these Ziploc Space Bags. They aren’t a perfect solution — I find that they don’t stay “sucked up” permanently and eventually air gets in — but they are as good a solution as I could find for stowing bulkier items in as small a space as possible.
P.S. I shared a lot of my other favorite gear for small apartments here.
Q: What toy did you end up having mini buy for micro?
A: I ended up buying one of the gorgeous DeBuci Baby bears with my son’s name embroidered on it. I thought it would be special to have her present something to him that specifically has his name on it, and that is sort of heirloom-worthy. My hope is that my son will have that bear forever and understand it as a gift from his big sister! On the flipside, my son will give mini this Bullseye toy from Toy Story. Mini LOVES the Toy Story series and especially loves her Woody doll. I thought it was cute that he’d be giving her Woody’s trusty sidekick/buddy.
Q: Will you continue to live in your current apartment or move to a larger place?
A: We will be moving this fall! We are busting at the seams already, and micro hasn’t even arrived. We are looking at three-bedroom apartments in Manhattan right now — if we can swing it, possibly one with a small fourth bedroom/den/second living area that I can convert into an office for writing, ideally with a Murphy bed or daybed to accommodate guests. Our biggest dilemma is whether to buy or rent. We simply cannot make up our minds on whether we imagine ourselves raising our children here for the longer-term or moving somewhere with more space. Could we be suburban people? It’s funny how my perspective on this subject has changed. I used to be a ringleader for urban living: “I’d rather live in a shoebox in the city than a big house in the suburbs!” Now, though, with a large dog, two children, and some of the fleeting concerns I’ve shared about my children’s exposure to “normal” childhood pastimes, I’m not so sure. Selfishly, too, I work from home and crave the space to sprawl out and write and think — one that isn’t cluttered with toys, city sounds, foot traffic, etc. I dream of having a backyard to grill in, watching my babies run around in bare feet, letting Tilly roam around, unfettered. On the flipside, I can feel Manhattan extending its tentacles around us with every passing month, as our friendships grow stronger, as mini heads off to school this fall, as we become more engrained in the flow of life here.
Long story short: we will be moving, but TBD on whether this will be a move to own or rent.
Q: I’ve just been invited to a wedding in Maine in July for which the rehearsal dinner dress code reads “summer party casual” and the dress code for the wedding which is in a rustic barn venue reads “barn cocktail” Any thoughts?
A: For the rehearsal dinner — my first thought was a chic and on-trend jumpsuit like this or this. If a jumpsuit isn’t in your wheelhouse, a simple sundress like this, this, this, or this dressed down with some easy slides. Alternately, I’m DYING over the idea of some elegant linen trousers with a smocked top like this.
For the wedding, I like something romantic and boho, like this, this, or this. Or anything from LoveShackFancy, which feels synonymous with “barn cocktail.”
Q: What are your favorite shows on Netflix?
A: I saw a meme once that said something like “I pay my monthly Netflix bill so that I have permanent access to Parks & Rec and The Office.” That pretty much captures it for me — I almost always fall asleep with reruns of one of these two shows on. I also love The Great British Baking Show. I think that it captures the American obsession with all things British so well — so civilized, so mannered, so mild. I feel like an American version of the show would be riddled with drama and verbal warfare.
More generally on the TV show front, we have been making our way through Billions on HBO, which we watch while vacillating between eye-widened fascination and eye-rolling (a lot of the characters feel so improbable and ridiculously sketched) and we just consumed Pen15 in one long drink — it is so cringe-worthy and truthful and weird and hilarious. I loved VEEP (just finished) and we’re sticking with Game of Thrones because everyone else is, but it’s a pretty crappy final season.
Basically, we’re boring. Many nights recently, I’ve been preferring to read while Mr. Magpie watches Nats games on his MLB sports package…
Q: My husband and I are going to a black tie party in early June at the MFA in Boston – and the dress code is “creative black tie.” I’m totally at a loss and have looked at so many dresses that I can hardly tell what I like anymore. What would you suggest? I’m pear shaped so a defined waist is a must for me and ideally I’d like to keep it under $500.
A: Wow — lots of creative dress codes floating around these days, eh?
I would interpret this to mean “formal, but with flair” — i.e., don’t be afraid of color or dramatic shapes. It sounds like they want a stylish crowd rather than a see of prim black dresses. A few dresses I’m loving:
+This playful maxi in the chartreuse green. Sure to turn heads — super chic paired with black accessories. (And you can get 15% off by signing up for emails, which brings the price point down.)
A: PoppyBows on Etsy! I usually get mini the 4″ or 5″ styles, but note that I prefer an oversized look in general. When I’m in a bind and need something immediately for an outfit (which has happened…#BOWCRISIS), I also like Wee Ones bows, which you can find via Amazon Prime. They deliver the next day.
Q: Is it weird to have stationery with your child’s initials to send thank you notes on their behalf? Is that a faux pas? Also, recommendations for favorite stationery — bargain buys, too, please!
A: Not at all. I send all of mini’s (and micro’s) thank you notes on stationery with their names on it! I’m actually doing a roundup of some of my favorite sources for stationery next week, but my favorite childrens’ stationery comes from Preppy Prodigy (sweet designs, inexpensive, free shipping). I also love their personalized stickers, which I used to demarcate mini’s playground toys — I kept finding that other parents would accidentally pick mini’s stuff up! (Incidentally, also a cute add-on gift for a kiddo about to head off to nursery school. Kids love their names on everything!) More to come soon on the stationery front!
Like everyone else, I was voyeuristically awaiting the birth announcement of Meghan and Harry’s royal baby last week — and how sweet!
Meanwhile, I feel as though everyone is giving birth right now and I’m sitting here, swelling larger and larger. Despite the fact that I was convinced my son would arrive early, I’ve now decided I must resign myself to the fact that I’ll be waiting until the end of the month for baby boy to arrive on the date of his scheduled c-section.
At any rate, Archie’s arrival left me inspired to source gifts, clothing, and other baby gear finds fit for a royal baby:
Hurry! Beaufort Bonnet Company is running one of its incredible “pink sale” parties, where everything in their sale section is an additional 50% off — and on offer with free shipping! Just use code PINKPRICEPARTY. I snagged a bunch of goodies this morning. My favorites:
Every few months, I come back to home decor inspiration in wicker, rattan, raffia, and other natural materials. I love the island vibe, the suggestion of vacation–especially when paired with fairly refined prints and shapes elsewhere in the space.
I’ve fielded the question of how to look stylish while nursing countless times over the past few weeks, and I’m so glad — it gave me the occasion to get my own ducks in a row on this topic.
The first thing I’ll say is that I underestimated what I would need the first go around. It somehow did not compute that I’d need breastfeeding gear and nursing-friendly clothing for, like, a year (duh), and so I bought the minimum (slash ignored nursing-friendliness) and was frustrated by the fact that I could wear approximately 1/50th of my planned wardrobe.
At any rate: my first recommendation is to invest in some good nursing bras that fit well and hold up in the wash — and to buy in multiples. During the first few weeks, I really liked this pull-down style from Majamas — so comfortable and unfussy. This time around, I also added some Coobies to my lingerie drawer (similar to Majamas, though a different, more sports-bra-like fabric) after multiple Magpies recommended this label. During those first few bleary days/weeks, I was barely making it out of loungewear — let alone into public — and these felt easy and comfortable. Once I got my feet under me, I tried a bunch of different brands and ended up loving the Bravado Seamless Nursing bra. Read the reviews: people are obsessed with this bra, and for good reason. It is super comfortable and made of a material that creates a nice silhouette while also…absorbing messes. (Even with nursing pads, things happen.) At night, I liked a bunch of soft cotton styles I found from Belabumbum, including this one.
So, that’s my number one tip: buy a couple different brands and styles of nursing bras and really figure out what you like, and then double down on that style. I’d strongly recommend trying at least one pull-down style in the early weeks and testing the Bravado, which, in my opinion, is the best on the market. (Because otherwise you end up doing a TON of laundry. Not that you aren’t already, but — ya know. One less thing to keep track of.)
Also, stock up on nursing pads. I’m intrigued by these reusable ones — I’d forgotten that they existed until after I ordered the Lansinohs (which are, in my opinion, the softest disposable ones out there), and think I might try these after I get through my first box. I’m curious whether they are as absorbent as the disposable ones…
I also picked up this Haakaa manual breast pump because I found that I was “wasting” a lot of precious milk while mini would start nursing on one side. This was not only frustrating because I had an undersupply and wanted to save every last drop — but because I often soaked through my nursing bra/pad/etc. I’m curious to see how this works. My sister said it was annoying to have to get one into place at every feed (she was using a different brand — I have higher hopes for the Haakaa) and she eventually gave up on it, but we shall see. WTTW: I’ve heard you need to buy a stopper to go with this because the Haakaa tips over easily. I ordered this one even though it’s a different brand — the reviewers say it works with the Haakaa — because it was less expensive and less visually offensive than the Haakaa brand one (what is with that cheesy flower?). OK, enough on that topic.
OK, nursing bra: done. Next: buy a nursing cover. I was pretty uncomfortable about breastfeeding in front of anyone outside of the immediate family, and using a swaddle or burp cloth just didn’t cut it. I hated wearing a nursing cover so much — it feels suffocating and uncomfortable — that I apparently threw away the one I used with mini, because it’s nowhere to be found in our apartment. But it’s a necessary evil. This go around, I bought this Bebe Au Lait cover in blue gingham because it’s cute. I’m also contemplating one of these styles for when I’m at home with guests over because — even though it offers less coverage all the way around — it looks like it will make me feel less suffocated. (But — the prints are all hideous. Yuck.) My message here is that I was somewhat spartan with myself the first go around — “I’ll just buy two nursing bras” and “I’ll just use a blanket to shield myself,” I told myself. But nursing is something you do SO FREQUENTLY and for SO MANY MONTHS (if it’s in your plan, of course): why wouldn’t you take the time to figure out what will make you the most comfortable and effective at this daily activity?
So, two nursing cover styles it is for this mama. Just convinced myself.
OK, next up. What to actually wear. I really hate most designated “nursing” styles. There are so many frumpy cotton pieces in ugly colors with obviously-placed layers that scream: “I’M A MILKMAID! EASY ACCESS HERE!” Not for me.
In the very early days, my favorite thing was to wear a comfortable cotton nursing tank with a cardigan and leggings. I’d make myself feel more put-together by adding big earrings, statement shoes, or — this go around — a fantastic headband. I really loved this Gap sleep cami, which I’d wear sans bra and just put nursing pads into the cups of the tank and I already know I’ll get a ton of wear out of this long-line cardigan this go around. There are tons of nursing camis out there — I found I didn’t love the ones that were super compression-oriented because they made me feel uncomfortable as I recovered from my c-section. I preferred the Gap sleep style because it was so loose and comfortable. I did order this in white to test out this go around. I figure it might be a good companion for some loose-fitting jogger-style pants like these or these for dressed-down mornings at home or runs to the coffee shop. For cardigans: I also love this for a fun statement, this for comfort, and this because it looks easy-to-wash and comfortable, and the 90s ribbed look is in.
My go-to during the early months was loose-fit tops and button-downs, especially in tunic styles because they tended to be more comfortable for maneuvering the baby around and more flattering to a post-partem figure. I’d pair them with maternity jeans or leggings during the first few weeks of recovery. Here are my favorites right now, many of which I’ve already ordered:
Finally: sleepwear! I absolutely loved these maternity nightgowns from Gap and this one from Belabumbum. They are almost identical to one another — soft, stretchy cotton with drop cups and I’ve been wearing them a lot towards the end of this pregnancy, too, when even my maternity leggings irk me. They were heaven, especially when I didn’t want anything near my c-section incision. I also wore my beloved Cosabellas quite a bit, and plan to do the same this go around. (I now have a few pairs.)
I just picked up these loud earrings in the tan color and intend to wear them all summer long. I love that the style is so dramatic — and yet the fabric and color are so muted. Perfect with an LWD.
+Vintage Hermes scarf. I keep linking to variations on this and people always go crazy over them. One of my friends just snagged one and had it framed! Such a clever way to create a piece of statement art.
Has anyone else watched the Brene Brown special on Netflix? I will admit that I was highly skeptical when I sat down to watch it last weekend — “A motivational speaker? On a Friday night? What is happening…?” — but Mackenzie recommended it and my reservations quickly evaporated as I tuned into her compelling research and often poignant anecdotes on the subject of vulnerability and its relationship to courage. There is much to comment on, but one bit that left me swiping tears from my eyes touched on the fact that people who have suffered loss or are enduring tragedy say that they miss “the everyday,” the little normalcies that pass by unremarked but weave the fabric of our daily existence. One family who had lost their four-year-old son to cancer mentioned that their boy used to slam the screen door multiple times a day — and it drove them crazy. Now, in the wake of his absence, they will occasionally stand by the back door and slam it closed just to remember the sound.
I mean.
I can hardly write that without weeping.
Though there is much to unpack in her talk, I clung to this: what are the little nothings that mark my days right now that I will one day miss? I have been looking for these petits riens over the past week, marking them, burnishing them.
From mini’s crib most mornings, when she is waiting for me to lift her out: “Mommeeeee, where ahhh you?”
The explosion of noise when mini dumps her toys or crayons on the ground for the fifteenth, or fiftieth, time in a given day. Cringe-inducing to this tired and very pregnant mom, but also the lintel frame to her indulging in some quiet play by herself–and so, a happy sound.
The whistle of the tea kettle and the buzz of the burr grinder as Mr. Magpie prepares my morning pourover and measures — to the sixteenth of an ounce — the appropriate amount of sugar for my coffee. These are the sounds of his devotion to me.
The thump of mini’s feet and her inevitable cry: “come on, mommy! come on, daddy!” as she skips up and down our foyer, dancing to the Frozen soundtrack for the twenty-ninth time today, begging us to drop what we are doing and join her.
The jingle of Tilly’s collar as she trots around the apartment, looking to get into trouble. She is a handful but she colors our days and keeps us on our toes.
The eternal rumble of the dryer — a reminder of messy and happy afternoons spent in Central Park, spilled yogurt and smears of peanut butter from the good fortune of an earlier meal, dirty kitchen towels from all of the happy cooking that takes place in our kitchen. And also: of our incredible luck in finding an apartment with a washer/dryer in-unit. (Not a given in Manhattan.)
The jarring PING of the doorbell, and the inevitable follow-up of Tilly’s shrill and furious bark, as packages, groceries, dry cleaning, wine are delivered by our building’s porters–reminding me of the convenience of living in New York, where anything can be delivered within a few hours.
The occasional blare of a horn, the rise and fall of voices in conversation, the sporadic yell, the vroom of engines outside my window as I drift off to sleep at night–all markers of the fact that we live in MANHATTAN and I still pinch myself thinking about it.
What are the everyday normalcies that you will one day miss?
Blast from the Past: On a Split-Second Parenting Decision.
A propos of the previous blurb: I have never felt so “rooted for” as I did when I shared this story:
“…I knew I shouldn’t have done it: I can hardly lift her while in her stroller when I’m not six months pregnant and not wearing a backpack, but there I was, shakily teetering down the two steps.
As I ordered our treats, an elderly gentleman stopped me.
“Please don’t do that again,” he said, gesturing to the stairs. “I watched you, and was horrified. That woman on the news…!”
I felt a range of emotions that ran from righteous rage to lip-biting embarrassment. A part of me wanted to snap back at him: “Well, why didn’t you help then?” And another part of me recoiled at his patronizing tone. But the biggest part of me wanted to wail: “I know, I know. I know I shouldn’t have done it, and I did it. And I could have injured myself — or, worse — my baby, or the unborn baby I’m carrying. And for what?! A coffee? Saving a few minutes? Pre-empting a tantrum?” And so I just said:
“You’re right. Thank you.” He looked back at me and said:
“You remind me of my daughter-in-law. I would say the same thing to her. Please take care.”
Ugh.
I’m awash in gratitude and heartburn…”
Read the comments! So much more than I anticipated to unpack in this split-second parenting decision to carry mini in her stroller down a few steps…
+In anticipation of needing a more complete nursing-friendly wardrobe, I’ve started stocking up on button-down pieces like this. I especially love this one because it looks friendly to a post-partem paunch.
+Love the racer stripes/monograms on these darling pouches! I am a pouch hoarder. I use them constantly in all of my bags to keep things organized.
+This hat reminds me of a style by the far more expensive Gigi Burris!
+I’ve written about this in the past, but I love giving these collapsible tote bags as gifts to fellow moms. They are THE BEST for travel — pack easily in a suitcase and can be used to tote groceries, stow laundry, stand in as a beach bag, keep toys off the ground, etc, etc. I find infinite uses for them any time I travel. I just sent one to my sister, who celebrated her birthday this week.
+I’ve purchased and inherited a few traditional pieces by Feltman Brothers, a childrenswear brand that has been around for a century (!), and was astounded to find that Dillard’s carries the label — and that many pieces are on sale, like this sweet score for mini! This would be a perfect christening gown and I seriously cannot believe the price.
By: Jen Shoop
“Oh baby don’t you know that the Time will do the talking Years will do the walking I’ll just find a comfy spot and wait it out.”
-Patty Griffin
One of my girlfriends recently suggested I listen to Patti Griffin’s debut 1996 album “Living with Ghosts.” I’d never heard of her and fell hard — she’s a less twang-y, more lyrical Dixie Chick, or a more country Sheryle Crow, and I love the heartbreak in her voice. (Thank you, W.!)
I especially loved her song “Time Will Do the Talking,” and though I sense she’s writing about achieving some kind of comeuppance or clarity in a strained relationship, I found myself thinking about the breadth of perspective she’s espousing more generally and wishing I’d heard it in my 20s, when I was in an incessant rush to “get to the next thing.”
Because I wish, in my 20s, I had spent less time worrying about getting married and more time drinking Mr. Magpie up in the lighthearted, boyish content of his youth. Had agonized less about calories and worn a bikini more often–because damn! I’ll never look better than I did then. Had embraced the meanderings of my early career instead of fretting over where I was headed and what people might think of me. Had worried less about the imagined howl of the wolves. Had called my friend E. more often, had driven out to see her more regularly when she still lived thirty minutes from me in Vienna, Virginia. Had trusted myself to put one foot in front of the other, make the best decisions I could, and let time do the talking.
The song also reminded me of Sally Rooney’s “Normal People,” my May Magpie book club pick, which I loved and would award 4.5 stars. The novel charts the relationship between Marianne and Connell over the course of many years: we meet them as high school classmates, when Connell’s mother cleans the house of Marianne’s much wealthier family, and follow them through the caprices of their teens and twenties. The book is about modern love and its (mis-)communications. I am principally drawn to her books (also loved Conversations with Friends) because of the gorgeous craft of her character portraiture. I have never met such round, complex characters in my life: they feel real, beyond fiction, as if they exist somewhere in the world and Rooney has only happened to eavesdrop upon them and afford us glimpses into their heartbreaks and hopefulnesses. There is something unforced, natural about the way she captures them. Whereas I find myself steeling against the all-too-common experience of a plot line or character that feels overly convenient or trite in much contemporary literature, Rooney seems to let her characters breathe, be. I love the way she shows us how characters feel rather than telling us. For example: “They couldn’t look at each other when they were laughing, they had to look into corners of the room, or at their feet.” Is there any better way to capture the feeling of flushed attraction and self-awareness at the dawn of a romantic relationship?!
I had the honor of hearing Rooney speak a few weeks ago in Brooklyn and she said that she is always drawn to “relationships in disequilibrium.” In the case of Normal People, Marianne and Connell have a distinctive class divide at the outset of the novel, and there are many interesting negotiations between popularity, social status, and financial well-being that color the book and are worth unpacking. But there are darker vulnerabilities here, too: Marianne’s abusive past prevents her from fully accepting Connell’s purer intentions, and, later, Connell’s grappling with the untimely death of a friend of his send him spiraling into depression. Both struggle with their mental health in ways that impede the promise of their romantic attachment to one another. In many ways, too, I feel as though Rooney’s novel is another evocation of Patti Griffin’s “Time Will Do the Talking” sentiment: we follow these two wounded birds as they navigate their early adulthoods and, given the stretch of time we follow them, have a sense that they will likely continue to fall away from another and reunite over time, and that only the march of years will give us the full picture of their meaning to one another.
Oh, it is aching and truthful writing, and I love its understated elegance.
Book Club Questions.
+Marianne often draws attention to the fact that she sees herself as an outsider, admitting things like, “She knew these were the kind of thoughts that made her different from other people in school, and weirder.” How did you read her and her self-ostracism?
+Related: what did you make of the title? Do you think the title is meant to be ironic?
+What did you make of the ending? How are we to interpret her relationship with Connell at the very ending?
+The book is explicit in its treatment of the sexuality of her characters. What did you make of this? Was it necessary, gratuitous, etc?
+There is a point in the book where we get a very academic take on literature: “It was culture as class performance, literature fetishized for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterward feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they like to read about…” This jumped out to me. It’s written as an observation by Connell but seems to have broader implications for Rooney and her perspective on reading/writing. What did you think?
+Did you like the characters in this book? Why or why not?
+What did you make of the class divide between Connell and Marianne? Does it persist throughout the novel or is it more important at certain points in the story?
June Book Club Pick: Joan Didion’s South and West.
I have half a mind to suggest we discuss Educated because I found it one of the more confounding and upsetting books I’ve read in recent memory–not only because its subject matter is deeply disturbing but because I grappled deeply with its intent and the context for its publication. But. I already shared my core reactions to the novel here (please share your thoughts either in the comments on my Insta or below this post — dying to hear more about your reactions; I received so many polarizing responses via DM!) and am more inclined to just keep moving.
I’m instead going to suggest we read Joan Didion’s South and West, “two extended excerpts from her never-before-seen notebooks–writings that offer an illuminating glimpse into the mind and process of a legendary writer.” After sharing a favorite quote of hers in a recent #weekendvibes post, I realized I’ve only ever read her two memoirs and need to own a fuller repertoire of her masterful work. South and West is Didion’s most recent publication and so I thought we’d start there.
If you’re looking for something lighter, I’m currently reading and deeply enjoying Liane Moriarty’s What Alice Forgot, which everyone else read and raved about like five years ago. It has a creative premise and the writing is more substantive than you might expect. Next up for me: this thriller, which came out just a few days ago, from “Liv Constantine,” the pen name for the two sisters who wrote one of my all-time favorite beach reads. I’m also a huge fan of Ruth Reichl (have read a few of her books), and her recently-published food memoir has gotten solid reviews, like much of her writing.
+Speaking of gym/athleisure wear, a girlfriend of mine was wearing this puff-sleeved Goop sweatshirt with these and I want it SO BADLY, but it is sold out in my size. Considering this or this as alternatives.
If you’re leery of the proportions (I will say Lele headbands and many of the other styles featured above are a bit on the oversized/dramatic side), try this floral style I gifted my mom for mother’s day. Though the print is spiffy, the size is not as dramatic as many of the ones I own. And if you like the padded look, consider this $12 find, which also bears a lower profile!
