Jen Shoop, Author at Magpie by Jen Shoop

By: Jen Shoop

For some reason, I always feel compelled to assert that I’m “not big into self-help stuff.”

And yet.

I loved and deeply internalized a lot from the Brene Brown special (if that’s not self-help, I don’t know what is), have been known to mull over things I hear in Goop podcasts for weeks on end, and often bookmark inspirational quotes for later use. The other day, I skeptically decided to pair a run with one of Nike Run Club’s coaching sessions (you can download the app and they have a bunch of different “runs” you can take where a coach will tell you when to pick up the pace, slow down, etc.) and rolled my eyes as the coach in my earbuds insisted that I was “stronger today than yesterday” and all kinds of feel-good nonsense.

But then something he said pierced me.

“It’s all about small improvements, doing something just a little bit better today than you did it yesterday.”

Aha.

I clung to that message with something like desperation and carried it with me for my 22-minute run (in the spirit of incremental improvements, it was two minutes longer than my previous run!), the wobbly-legged walk across CPW, up the elevator into my apartment, and straight into the weekend. There is a lot going on in my life — all good and happy and forward-moving things, but the magnitude of detail and coordination involved is knee-buckling to a planner like myself. (In fact, I put myself to bed early last night, at 8:52 p.m., and then laid awake for a full two hours, stiff as an ironing board, fretting over all the details for today: doing complicated math to estimate when micro might need to be breastfed throughout the day to accommodate an apartment viewing and an appointment, pondering whether I should offer mini’s teachers coffee and a treat during their visit to the apartment or whether that was overkill, worrying about the phrasing of an email I’d just sent to a broker, wondering whether Gap would still be running it’s Labor Day promotion as I’d forgotten to order socks for mini for school, etc.)

But. Two things left me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning, and I can tell you that neither of them had anything to do with getting a full night of sleep. The first was saying a few prayers yesterday asking God for grace and patience (these were prayers that felt more like conversation — beseeching conversation, mind you — though I have been known to more formally lean on words from the Bible in trying times and the Hail Mary is never far from my tongue). Lord do I need them with my stubborn and wonderful toddler and my awake-all-hours-of-the-night baby and the impending chaos of a move and a new routine as mini eases into life as a school-goer.

And when I woke today, though I was bone tired, I felt a warm kind of zen permeating my outlook.

One step at a time, Jennie. We’ll get there. Patience and grace. (Thanks to all the readers for the encouragement yesterday. I read and re-read every single one of them.)

The second, though, was this concept of small and incremental improvements. Though I appreciated the message from a fitness perspective (encouragement that it’s OK to take things good and slow as I get back in shape post-baby), I immediately appropriated it for my purposes as a mother and wife.

The truth is: I will never be able to do everything well in a single day — or, maybe I will, but those days will be rare and blessed things. Instead, I pledged to focus on the itty bitty improvements each day, the tiny victories that make me feel good about myself as a member of my family. So I took out a little notebook and started jotting down one thing, sometimes two, I am proud of every single day. It takes only a few minutes at the end of the day, and it immediately puts me in a better state of mind, one oriented around progress and accomplishment. A few of mine from the past few days:

+Read a lot of books to mini and micro today. Enjoyed every minute of it.

+ Took mini to Church and she was an actual angel. Came well-prepared with activities (this is still the MVP) and snacks, and I must be doing something right, because she understood that she was supposed to be quiet and actually put her finger to her lips (“shhh”) a few times. I was able to fully listen to and internalize the Gospel today for the first time in what feels like weeks.

+Ran two minutes longer than the previous jog.

+Put both kids down by myself and actually felt like I was owning the process versus the other way around.

+Ate dinner at the table after both babies were asleep like proper adults rather than sitting on the couch in front of the TV.

When I look back across these “small improvements,” they’re nothing big or particularly noteworthy, but they give me the impression of achievement– sort of the same strategy that undergirds my commitment to listing every single little thing I intend to do in a given day, from remembering to do tummy time with the baby to taking Tilly for her midday stroll.

But this kind of journaling has done something else, too. Per usual, I write to know what I think. And this practice has made me think, hard, about the things that matter to me as a mother. What makes me feel that I am doing a good job? How do I measure myself as a mom? What does “success” look like? I’d never actually paused to think about this, critically. Looking back across my list, I reckon it has something to do with feeling prepared and mindful and present when it comes to the rearing of my children.

I’m wondering if any of my magpies are up to the challenge of doing the same thing: writing down one small improvement or achievement you’ve made every single day, whether in the realm of career, fitness, marriage, friendship, family, motherhood, health.

I’m confident it will make you feel good about yourself (or better about yourself, if good is too far afield) and think carefully about how you are measuring your own success, important and eye-opening exercises both.

Post Scripts.

+Can we talk about these shoes for an unconventional bridal lewk?

+I don’t know how, but this dress is only $34.

+Are you reading this month’s book club pick? It’s a good one. A bit academic in part, but worth it for the gems of life wisdom. (I’m also side-car-ing with this lighter mystery/thriller book and I LOVE IT so far.)

+This blouse gives me D&G vibes, is on sale for only $45, and would look so cute with dark-wash denim as we ease into fall.

+Get the Philip Starck ghost chair look for less.

+Darling childrens’ arm chair. (More nursery finds.)

+Fun and forgiving navy mini dress. (Could work if you are expecting or post-partem!)

+The most loved items on my blog so far this year.

+This might be the perfect size and shape for a diaper bag, but seeing how much I’ve destroyed my Goyard using it as a diaper bag (which is half the price!), I can’t justify it…

+I’m intrigued by the avant garde shapes of this new-to-me designer. This is kind of amazing?

+Fun dress — I like the idea of wearing this as an expecting mom to my own baby shower!

+Cute keepsake hanger for a special garment for a child.

+Good price on a super cute traditional outfit for a little boy.

+Is it absurd I want this for micro, who will outgrow it in like 2 weeks? (He is growing like a weed and VERY tall.)

+Still into chintz.

By: Jen Shoop

A lot happening in these parts. Back to school night tomorrow, then mini starts her twos program next week. As a first-time mom, I have been mildly overwhelmed by all the preparations for school, including several parent education nights (and coordinating sitters for them), a home visit from her teachers (!), an extended “phase-in” period that means I need to be available to bring mini to school for an hour or two at a time for several days — unless she snaps right in, in which case I can leave her for increasingly long increments (all of which in turn means quite a bit of maneuvering and contingency planning with micro’s breastfeeding schedule), and all of the paperwork and coordination that goes into her first week (including a “stroller parking application” so that we can leave her umbrella stroller at school when Mr. Magpie drops her off in the morning and either I or our nanny can pick her up with it in the afternoons — and is that not the most New York thing you’ve ever heard?)

Meanwhile, we’ve been doing our best to mentally prepare mini for school. I have been favoring my usual crutch: books that explain and depict transitions (mini loved this and this for toileting and this for adjusting to life with a little sibling). We have been reading a lot of Amelia Bedelia’s First Day of School, Splat the Cat, and The Kissing Hand. I also really appreciate this What to Expect at Preschool book. It’s overly text-dense, but I always abridge and add my own language (i.e., swapping “preschool” for just “school” and “teachers” for “guides,” the lingua franca at Montessori) and it provides a lot of great prompts for conversation about school (i.e., “what is a teacher?” “will my parents come with me?” “what’s a classroom?” “what if I need to use the toilet?” etc.) We also printed out a “school countdown” page and taped it to her bedroom door. Every morning, we cross off an extra day (she does it with a crayon and loves this task) and talk excitedly about how many days are left until she goes to school. The key thing I took away from the parent education night on “separating” at mini’s school was that it’s important to talk frequently about what’s coming down the pike to mentally prepare them and set expectations. This jives with some of our observations about mini’s behavior, in that we noticed that she hates transitions, even just moving from one activity to the next or going from dinner to the bedtime routine. We have been doing a lot of “Emory, you have five minutes until it’s time to brush our teeth. You can play or finish your dinner, but you have five minutes.” And then we set the timer using Siri, and when the alarm goes off, it’s go time. It’s not foolproof but it’s helped with preventing colossal meltdowns.

Anyway. Thought I’d share all of the items I ended up buying for mini for the school year:

STATE BAGS MINI LORIMER IN TOILE

SADDLE STITCHES LUNCHBOX (SHE DOES THE BEST MONOGRAMS!)

YUMBOX SNACKBOX

SISTEMA TUPPERWARE AND BEABA TUPPERWARE

STASHER BAGS IN A FEW SIZES AND COLORS

MONOGRAMMED WET/DRY BAG FOR SOILED CLOTHES

REGATTA BLUE NATIVE SHOES (HER SCHOOL REQUIRES THEM — ALL KIDS WEAR THEM IN THIS EXACT COLOR WHILE AT SCHOOL)

STUCK ON YOU IRON-ON LABELS FOR CLOTHING

PREPPY PRODIGY LABELS FOR HER TUPPERWARE/LUNCH STUFF

CAMELBAK WATER BOTTLE

THIS CHALKBOARD AND THESE LIQUID CHALK MARKERS FOR HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL PICTURE (THIS IS WHAT SHE’LL WEAR)

A few other cute finds that you might like: these personalized reusable sandwich bags (I’m already stocked up on stashers), these personalized medicine bags for kids with allergies/medical needs, and this airplane backpack for a little boy.

OK. So, that’s what’s happening on that front. At the same time, we are hunting for apartments and have at the time of this post seen six candidates. The good news is that all of them could, technically, work and are substantially larger than our current apartment. The bad news is that somehow even though we are only a month out from our desired move-in date (October 1st — our current lease ends October 15th, and we’re comfortable with that overlap, as it would make the moving process a lot simpler), a lot of the units are looking for tenants who want to move in immediately. We may need to pay double rent for longer than we’d like. It simply boggles my mind that the NY market moves this quickly. In college, I remember signing a lease for a unit in, like, April that wouldn’t start until September. Even Chicago was more spaced out. Here, you need to find a unit and somehow magically coordinate a move within days?! How do people with children do this?! Anyway, I digress. I’ve had two quotes from moving companies for full packs of our apartment (best money we ever spent in our move to NY and totally essential this go around) and feel prepared on that front. Incidentally, I re-read my post on the move to NYC and — wow. I still have PTSD from the experience. It in part explains why we have decided (at the moment) not to engage a broker. This means we spend a lot more time scouring Streeteasy (NYC-specific platform for rentals and sales) for listings and coordinating for viewings, but — it saves us a ton of money and frustration. And, frankly, we’re doing just fine without one, especially having been through the rental process here in the past and knowing what to ask and where we can push to negotiate. It would be nice to have someone coordinating all of this for us (“just show up here at 11 am”), but last time, the broker’s ineptitude caused us substantial duress and money (like, thousands and thousands of dollars in hotel bills and temporary storage) and we are highly skeptical that even a skilled broker would be worth the fee (typically one month’s rent).

One thing we’ve decided as we’ve looked is that we are going to be flexible on neighborhood. We’re looking all up and down the West side and have seen apartments on the UWS, Chelsea, West Village, and TriBeCa. As each day ticks by, I’m growing increasingly impatient, but I know we have time in this crazy New York market and I trust we will sort this out.

All the while, I am horribly sleep-deprived. I try my best to avoid whining about this because it’s a part of motherhood, it’s a temporary season of life, and I am in some ways in control of my destiny. I *could* carve out time to nap during the day while the nanny is here. I *could* hire a night nurse. I *could* let him “cry it out.” I *could* go to bed at 7:30 P.M., when micro typically gets his longest stretch of sleep. But I choose not to do any of these things and therefore feel unjustified complaining in any measure. But, this is the fact of the matter: I am exhausted. I am going on three months of waking at least once, and often thrice, each night. In the morning, I find myself doing the depressing math as to how many hours of sleep I gained the night prior — and it’s usually around five, broken up into 1.5-2 hour segments. This does not a healthy or happy mom make. My doctor has assured me that he can go for longer segments without eating and that he does not need to be fed more than once at night. (In fact, some say they can go a full twelve hours at this age.) I know this, I know this, I know this. I am in a peculiar bind because I feel like I might have more of the emotional stamina to let him cry it out (I could not bear it at this age with mini!), but until we move to a three bedroom, it’s rather challenging to accomplish when he is screaming literally a foot from my face in his bassinet.

At one point, though, I felt so run-down that I decided to re-read “Moms on Call,” as about half of my mom friends swear by its schedule/approach and have babies happily sleeping through the night by three or four months of age. One friend said, matter-of-factly, over drinks the other day: “It just works. It’s foolproof.”

OK. Foolproof?! I’ll give it a try.

I re-read it and remembered all the reasons why it wasn’t for me with mini. I feel as though it doesn’t live in the real world — or at least the reality of my world. For one thing, we don’t have a separate bedroom (or, for that matter, crib) for micro that will be consistently quiet and dark. For another, I have a second child and I work from home and sometimes sticking to their schedule is insanity-inducing. I attempted to adopt her schedule for a few days and drove myself mad. For example, I found myself attempting to put micro down for naps at the suggested times rather than following his cues for sleepiness as I normally do, and then would find myself either continuously returning to his bassinet to shush and soothe him or walking around with him in my arms for thirty minutes at a stretch. If I had just waited for his telltale “I’m ready to sleep” signals — red eyebrows, squirms, fussiness — he would be out in a matter of minutes and down for a nice stretch of sleep. For another thing, bedtime is insane with two kids if I’m trying to stick to their program. I was literally racing through mini’s regimen, speed-reciting her prayer, in order to get to him for his bedtime bath before his nighttime feed — and OH. For what, Jennie?! Suddenly I was not only sleep-deprived but stressed and constantly checking my watch and my day — which already belongs entirely to my children and especially to my breastfeeding son — was doubly not my own, as I was not only beholden to my children, but to the schedule of the book.

I’m glad the book has worked for other moms. I love the idea of a consistent routine. I applaud and celebrate any tool that empowers any woman to be successful in her motherhood. I am happy for (and envious of) my friends with babies who sleep through the night. But I could not bend myself around it and it only worsened things for me temporarily. I should have known better: I tend to feel best, and most successful as a mother, when I am following my instincts rather than a rulebook. On the upside, it did make me realize that my instincts are not far afield from the ones espoused by the book, which made me feel good. I was already intuitively following the eat-play-sleep cycle, just on a more flexible rotation, i.e., sometimes he went four hours between feeds, sometimes only two and a half. On lucky days, almost five. He does sleep at least a little bit during each “cycle,” though a number of his naps are in the stroller or carrier out of necessity, and sometimes they are 20 minutes and other times, two hours. We tend to be feeding around the same times they suggested in the book. And “bedtime” follows a lot of the patterns in the book, though sometimes I only bathe him every other night, and usually I feed him an hour before I put him down, waiting for him to show me he is tired before I swaddle him.

Is this too detailed? Ha. Catharsis via the pen.

Anyhow, I am still struggling with the sleep issue. I am thinking that I will persist with the status quo until we move and micro has a proper bedroom and crib and can then pursue a more stringent “close the door and do not go in” policy to drop one of the nighttime feeds.

My other thought is — maybe he is going through a growth spurt? For a few weeks, he was sleeping consistently from 8 PM – 2 AM or sometimes 3 AM and that felt doable. Now we’re waking at 12 PM, 3 AM, and 5 AM and then he’s fussy until around 7. Maybe he is just hungry? Could he be teething already (he’s drooling a LOT)?

Such are the cyclical musings of moms around the world, I know. I am tired with you, my friends.

And so concludes my rambling update on life lately.

How are things with you? Anyone muscling through the experience of sending her little one off to school, or struggling with sleep with a baby, or moving in Manhattan? Or something else?

Post Scripts.

+You know that Ulla sweater I’ve been drooling over? Check out this similar style for under $100!

+This would also be a super cute gift for a daughter going off to school — you could wear one and she could wear the other.

+I wouldn’t say I belong to any one “school of thought” when it comes to parenting, in part because I don’t do well reading books on the topic, as noted above. They cloud my thinking and stress me out! I do borrow elements from slow parenting and have mused over “free-range” parenting. Mainly, I love this parenting advice.

+This octopus costume!!!

+Love this white blouse. I can never have enough little white tops!

+A girl can dream…

+In love with this nightgown and this robe.

+Do you agree with this advice for young women?

+A chic shower curtain for a preppy bathroom (<<on sale!).

By: Jen Shoop

After my bath, when I normally prepared for bed, I put on a green and white striped dress with a big sash that our housekeeper, Rosio, had pressed and hung on the knob of my closet door, party socks, and black patent leather Mary Janes. My mother tied my hair back in “half-up, half-down” (did everyone call it this?) and permitted me to wear a bracelet of green clover-shaped beads I’d made at school. She even let me dab a little bit of her perfume on my wrists.

“Ooh la la,” said my father, as I descended the steps, something he’d only once said to me before, on an evening similar to this one, when he’d taken me to the symphony at the Kennedy Center. I’d been baffled by the lack of performance on the stage (“but when do the actors or dancers come out?”), but was too floored by the novelty of staying up late and spending time with just my father and having him buy me a shirley temple and Junior Mints at the concession stand to care.

I was five and about to go on my first date. My mother smiled archly when she used that word, date, and so I scowled at its mention though I couldn’t make out its meaning. All the same, at 6:45 p.m., a silver Volvo station wagon pulled up the drive and my classmate Daniel came to the door in a miniature blue blazer and red bow tie.

His father escorted us to a performance of “The Reluctant Dragon” at the Kennedy Center. He even sat a row behind us — something I found bizarre and inconvenient but that seemed to tickle the adults around us, who looked on with bemusement.

Afterward, though the play of shadow and streetlight and the peculiarly rhythmic thuh-thump, thuh-thump of the car driving on Whitehurst Freeway could have lulled me to sleep, Daniel’s father took us to Swenson’s on Wisconsin Avenue, a restaurant long-since shuttered, for ice cream sundaes. The waiters smiled at each other and Daniel’s father knowingly. I ordered a scoop of bubblegum ice cream they served flat on a plate with a cone inverted on the top and fluffy whipped cream used to transform the dish into the shape of a clown wearing a birthday hat. “For the little princess,” said the waiter, and winked at me. I’ll never forget that, because it was the first of many times in my life where I have thought — in so many words, because I could not articulate why the gesture was so uncomfortable at the age of five — “I could do without the wink, sir.”

The evening felt special and yet illegible, the shape of its events portentous to adults but inaccessible to me. I had the sense that everyone was looking at the top deck and I was stuck down below. In short, I was ready to be returned to the comfort of my bedroom, to the familiar figure of my sister Elizabeth in her twin bed next to me, to the glow of the seashell-shaped nightlight by my closet, to the occasional static of my nightgown — quick, zappy lightning sparks — when I ducked my head under my covers and shifted around quickly. I laid there in the quiet, happy to be alone, happy to be a kid.

A few days ago, mini asked for “wipstick,” observing me primping myself in the bathroom mirror before heading out to dinner with her father. How many times I watched my mother doing the same thing. How deeply I longed for my own perfume bottle and my own mascara and my own curling iron, emblems all — to my prying eyes — of the elegant and enigmatic routines of womanhood.

In front of my own daughter, though, I cringed, momentarily. How did she even know what lipstick was? How had she absorbed this level of vocabular granularity? My two-and-a-half year old, already occasionally guilty of sassing me with her hand on her hip and capable of understanding when to repeat a joke for belly laughs from her parents even though she does not understand why she has made us laugh in the first place — asking for lipstick.

Oh my.

I am not ready for this.

Am not ready for the wink-wink-nudge-nudge of first dates, which feel like a hop, skip, and a job from the eventual purchase of a training bra, easily one of the most mortifying rituals of preadolescence and a milestone I am already dreading as a mother on her behalf. I am not ready to even conjure such concepts in relation to my baby girl.

I handed her a balm in the shape of a lipstick, and she giddily raced around the apartment, pausing to apply thick, smeary layers every few minutes, her cornsilk hair shellacked to her cheeks.

But then — “Dada needs wipstick,” she said, and Mr. Magpie gamely crouched and puckered.

I was thankful to him for this unthinking gesture, for not making the lipstick about anything other than a balm one occasionally applies to his lips. We have time yet before we need to introduce her via arch repartee or knowing glance to the shadowy import of beauty rituals and womanhood and date nights.

A few days later, I received a parcel from The Beaufort Bonnet Company (containing the sale items scored here) with a card that read: “let them be little.”

Yes. The response to my fumbling uneasiness with her request for lipstick. Let her be little for now. Let her enjoy the world unfettered by nuance, uncluttered by import.

If that means baby brother wears lipstick for a spell, so be it.

Post Scripts.

+In addition to the amazing deals here, I forgot to add that Maisonette is running an extra 25% off their sale prices! I have purchased so many darling pieces and discovered so many incredible brands from their site. I have especially loved CPC Kids thanks to them — this dress (now on sale, plus extra 25% off) was one of mini’s favorites this summer and micro has been wearing this a lot the last few weeks.

+As you may have gathered, I’m into snakeskin for fall. Love this puff-sleeved tee.

+10 maternity must-haves.

+Love this floaty, tiered floral number for an Indian summer wedding.

+A great fall blouse for under $60.

+This knit dress gives me major Missoni vibes. I like the idea of pairing it with a Chanel ballet flat or pointed toe loafer.

+This dress in the houndstooth print is so chic for work.

+Love this sleek little table.

+Stocked up on these for mini in multiple colors thanks to the Labor Day promo code.

+Into this smocked floral top.

+Children’s bedtime books I love. (Read the comments, too! And share your own, please!)

+Love this ripstop tote in the army green as a back-up bag for micro’s gear. Would be great for travel!

+Just put down the baby.

+Updated find: these vintage car prints would be an incredible and affordable addition to consider for micro’s nursery.

By: Jen Shoop

Magpies! I hope your Labor Day looks something like the snap above, preferably with a good book and a well-charged iPhone to take advantage of all of the great sales going. A few pieces not to miss:

EXTRA 30% OFF SAKS SALE ITEMS — LIKE THIS BANJANAN AND THESE AQUAZZURAS!

EXTRA 50% OFF J. CREW SALE — THIS CLASSIC SHIRTDRESS COMES OUT TO $30 (?!) AND THIS TEE DRESS (CUTE WITH GGs FOR RUNNING AFTER LITTLE ONES) IS ONLY $10 (?!?!?!)

30% OFF SERENA + LILY’S ICONIC RIVIERA DINING CHAIRS AND STOOLS

USING PROMOS TO STOCK UP ON LEGGINGS FOR MINI

I AM A HUGE PROPONENT OF JOVERALLS — WOULD PAIR THESE WITH A SLIM-FIT THERMAL AND SOME SNEAKS OR LOAFERS (LIKE THEY’RE STYLED ON THE SITE!)

EXTRA 20% OFF SALE PRICES AT TBBC — I SNAGGED THIS CORDUROY JON JON AND THIS PLAYSET FOR MICRO

ALL 30% OFF AT INTERMIX: SERIOUSLY COVETING THESE LINEN PANTS, THESE TEXTURED CLARITAS, AND THIS SALONI

EXTRA 40% OFF RT SALE — LOVE THIS SWEATER FOR FALL, THIS BLAZER WITH JEANS, AND THIS ELEGANT BLOUSE; IF IT STILL WORKED A TRADITIONAL JOB, LOVE THIS FOR A BIG PRESENTATION

ALL MINNOW SWIM 20% OFF! — LOVE THESE FOR MICRO NEXT SUMMER AND THIS FOR MINI

ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BRANDS, BUSY BEES KIDS, HAS AN INCREDIBLE SAMPLE SALE SELECTION OF PIECES UNDER $15!

UP TO 30% OFF AT POTTERY BARN — WE WILL BE BUYING A NEW SLEEPER SOFA FOR OUR NEW APARTMENT, AND I’M EYEING THIS ONE

THIS VEST FOR YOUR MINI

P.S. More of my favorite finds for fall, several on sale this weekend…and this dress, which has been one of the most popular items on my blog for months, is 40% off!

P.P.S. My favorite beauty buy this season.

P.P.P.S. Every lady needs some no-show socks in her life.

By: Jen Shoop

My Latest Snag: Mini’s Back to School Outfit.

After spending entirely too much time debating what mini should wear on her first day of school, I landed on a plaid jumper with a ruffle collar blouse, a big red bow, and navy cientas. Mr. Magpie attended a parent education night at her school where they shared some tips on “separation,” which seems like it will be much more difficult for me than for mini. I’ll share some of their thoughts in a future post, but one special treat I came up with on my own is gifting her this special little bracelet. I had her name etched on one side and a nickname we use for her etched on the other and I’ll use it to remind her we love her and are thinking of her always.

You’re Sooooo Popular: Levi’s.

The most popular items on the blog this week:

+Chic high rise denim (under $100).

+My dream heels.

+Tiered popover dress.

+My favorite long-sleeved tee.

+Vintage Chanel.

+Lee Radziwill bag.

+My favorite facial cleanser.

+A stunning dress for fall.

#Turbothot: We Were Together.

There is a stretch of poetry from Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass” that is often misquoted —

“Day by day and night by night we were together,—All else has long been forgotten by me.”

These lines are often abbreviated to: “We were together. I forget the rest.”

Incidentally, I prefer the laconic revision.

Regardless of which version you read, the sentiment stands and — is it shockingly morbid to say this? — feels like what I’d like written about Mr. Magpie and I long after we are gone.

Sometimes I need to stop and remind myself of this: much of life is bric-a-brac, transitory, forgettable–so drink up the people that matter and let the rest drift out of focus.

P.S. These words reminded me of this post on Mr. Magpie and this post on female friendships.

P.P.S. They also reminded me of my family’s Thanksgiving prayer. At this point, I have had a couple dozen readers email me to say they’ve adopted the prayer as their own–and often tear up while reciting it.

Post-Scripts: The Marble Cookbook Stand.

+OK, this cookbook stand is gorgeous.

+Sweet decor for a little girl’s birthday party.

+Stocked up on a ton of inexpensive, cute leggings for mini (her school requires three “extra” pairs of clothes on hand for accidents — something that sounds reasonable but took me time to figure out what to send in because I am so selective with her clothing and don’t want a lovely outfit to just sit in a cubby all fall!)

+Absolutely dying over these earrings.

+Eyeing this rain jacket in that perfect pink color.

+This dress has my name written all over it.

+These kiddo jammies!!!

+Now contemplating this classic (and inexpensive) crib (very well-reviewed) along side a more expensive dresser/changer. More inspiration for micro’s room here.

+A cute cooking set for a bachelorette. (Also, maybe, a generous gift for a recent college grad?)

+Great dress for a postpartum figure. (Nursing-friendly!)

+Love these cheery pink shades.

+This mushroom basket is darling.

+A perfect fall boot.

+A fun statement sweater.

By: Jen Shoop

A couple of items on my radar for fall:

A MARGE SHERWOOD BAG (SEEN ABOVE!)

THIS BALLOON-SLEEVED CARDIGAN

THIS SNAKESKIN DRESS (LOOK FOR LESS WITH THIS)

THIS CHUNKY SWEATER

THESE SUEDE BOOTS

PUFFED-SLEEVE SWEATSHIRT

POINTELLE TEE

ARTEMIS KILIM LOAFERS (MORE ON THE FOUNDER OF THIS WOMEN-OWNED BUSINESS HERE!)

RIBBED TANK FOR LAYERING

THESE WIDE-LEG TROUSERS (PERFECT WITH ABOVE TANK AND A CHUNKY CARDIGAN)

THIS CASHMERE TEE

AGOLDE HIGH RISE DENIM

THIS RUFFLED COTTON BLOUSE

THIS DENIM MINI

THIS FALL FLORAL DRESS

P.S. For an expecting mom, love this or this.

P.P.S. More pieces I’m currently coveting, loved all the comments/reviews on this post, and musings on dreams.

P.P.P.S. My favorite source for mini’s hairbows has put a bunch of items on sale, including this darling velvet set (perfect for holiday pigtails) and a classic oversized white bow.

By: Jen Shoop

I wrote awhile ago that I have been taking things “good and slow” with regards to working out post-baby, but the pace has been slower than molasses around here. It’s been chelonian or worse. I was in a good groove for a few weeks, but then life happened — I toilet-trained mini, micro got sick with a horrible cold, and I was preoccupied with a trillion and ten things. I am giving myself grace through the remainder of this week, but micro turns three months on Saturday, and it.is.time. I lost a lot of the pregnancy weight through breast-feeding, but my body does not feel the same and there are a stubborn five extra pounds that will just not leave me alone. (Shoo, you!) I have worked hard not to agonize over this (and thank God for that caftan life), but I’m getting to a phase where I can no longer say: “Well, I just had a baby.” So, I am ordering some new workout clothes and committing to an outdoor run three days a week. I enjoy running, it’s beautiful outside these days, and — running is free and takes the least amount of time when it comes to exercise regimen (i.e., I don’t need to pack up and head to a studio — I just walk out the door and the session starts). I would also like to hire a personal trainer at some point this fall, but am waterlogged with the impending move and don’t have the will or energy to investigate anything new at this point, so I’ll stick to what I know.

To aid me in this pursuit, I’m sharing a couple of fitness finds I’m eyeing for myself:

STARS YOGA PANTS (SEEN ABOVE)

LOGO-FREE RUNNING CAP (I LIKE THE ARMY GREEN OR BLACK)

LOVE TANK (I LOVE THE LOOSE, AIRY FIT OF THIS STYLE PAIRED WITH SPANDEX)

TIE-DYE LEGGINGS (ON SALE)

NIKE FREE TR8S (I USUALLY GO WITH THEIR FREE RNS, WHICH ARE SUPER LIGHTWEIGHT, BUT THESE ARE GETTING GOOD REVIEWS)

MY FAVORITE INEXPENSIVE SPORTS BRAS IN A FEW NEW COLORS

RIDICULOUSLY DISCOUNTED SWEATS (MINI CAN MATCH!)

P.E. NATION LEGGINGS AND THESE SIMILAR ONES FROM NIKE

NIKE TANK

MY FAVORITE RUNNING SHORTS

WE/ME LEGGINGS*

DISCOUNTED CHAMPION HOODIE OR THIS ON-TREND TIE-DYE ONE

CRZ YOGA PANTS AND TANKS (<<SUCH A GOOD VALUE)

NO-SHOW SOCKS

*These look a lot like Outdoor Voices and — well — I have a hot take on that brand. I know everyone loves them and I did, too, for awhile — I bought two pairs of their leggings last year and loved their aesthetic — but I don’t care for the fabric that they are made of. I don’t think they have enough stretch in them and I always felt relieved when it was time to take them off. I even sized up in one pair to see if they just ran small but then they had a weird loose and baggy fit and STILL felt like they didn’t have enough stretch? I much prefer Lululemon in general (their Align leggings are like butter), but want to try a few new brands this season. We/Me has some really great styles that look like OV.

**Space will not permit us such an indulgence, but I do wish I could own a running stroller these days. I would buy the BOB Blaze, which is a “fixed wheel” jogger, as I would not need it for anything BUT running since we have other everyday, full-feature strollers. (If you intend to use yours as both an everyday stroller and a jogger, look at the “swivel wheel” styles.) BOBs are the best of the best (so I am told / so research has informed me) for runners. I also kind of like that bumble bee yellow and black situation!

***My dad has used this running journal for decades. Maybe I’ll follow suit.

…And off we go!

P.S. Will also be making heavy use of some of the items in my roundup of products that help with a “hands-free” lifestyle.

P.P.S. A couple of great Amazon finds lately: this foldable straw visor (actually very chic), this leak-proof snack box for mini, and this marble run, which we gave to my nephew for his fourth birthday. Also, mini adores Toy Story and this set of Little People kept her very, very busy on a recent five hour car trip.

P.P.P.S. Such a fun sweater for fall.

By: Jen Shoop

A few weeks ago, a girlfriend of mine — who is expecting her second any day now! — mentioned that she would be using her third bedroom as the baby’s nursery, and that she planned to install a bassinet and changing table in there, but keep it otherwise untouched. “You know — so it would principally be a guest bedroom,” she explained, and I nodded. She and I both share the intention of having our children sleep in the same room once their sleeping schedules even out, and her approach seemed practical to me.

“But then — around six months, I went into crazy nesting mode and decided to redo the entire room and make it a proper nursery for him. I felt badly I wasn’t going to give him all of the fun stuff I gave my first. Did that happen to you, too?”

While I did go into the most intense nesting mode in the weeks leading up to Hill’s birth (I could not go to sleep without leaving the house virtually impeccable, fearing, every night, I’d go into labor), I’d missed out on this particular preparatory ritual. I had spent weeks and weeks planning and designing and decorating mini’s nursery back in our home in Chicago, but with micro, all we had to do was place his bassinet in our bedroom and that was that.

Because we are in the midst of preparing to move to a larger apartment, I am excited about the opportunity to properly decorate micro’s nursery. It’s kind of fun to undertake this activity now that he’s here. It will feel like a decompression in many ways, after living in such tight quarters and with such taut anticipation for so many months. I thought I’d share a few items I’m eyeing for his room, below.

I should start by saying that I have always adored Katie Ridder’s beetlecat print (seen above), and would love to somehow incorporate it into his room. Since we will be renting, wallpaper is not practical, so I am thinking of exploring whether we could have valences/roman shades made out of it for the windows, or possibly an ottoman upholstered, or simply pillows?

Beyond that — you’ll notice below that not everything “goes together”; I’m sharing a bunch of items that have caught my eye as possibilities. You can see I’m debating between color palettes — red, navy, pale blue?

LESLEE MITCHELL TRUCK/PLANE PRINTS

REGENCY CHANGER

GENTILLY CRIB

VILAC METAL CAR

A SLEEPER ARMCHAIR SEEMS LIKE A BRILLIANT IDEA TO MAXIMIZE THE ROOM’S UTILITY

IF NOT THAT, MAYBE “A CHAIR AND A HALF“?

DOWN THE ROAD, LOVE THESE BUNKBEDS IN THEIR FUN COLORS

ALSO LOVE THESE UPHOLSTERED FOUR POSTER BEDS (ESP IN THAT BLUE STRIPE!)

TUFTED OTTOMAN

DEBUCI BABY CRIB SHEET

NAVY GRASSCLOTH WALLPAPER – PROBABLY NOT ON THE WALLS (RENTING!), BUT MAYBE IN THE BACK OF A BOOK SHELF OR SOMETHING

BALBOA SHELF

NOAH’S ARK SHAPESHORTER

CANE ARMOIRE

ANTIQUE FEDERALIST MIRRORED SCONCES

WHITE BAMBOO DRESSER

TOILE STORAGE BENCH

CAR COIN BANK

REVERSIBLE INITIAL THROW PILLOW (ON INSANE SALE)

GINGHAM CRIB SHEET

ACRYLIC AND METALLIC DIAPER STORAGE

P.S. A true dream nursery.

P.P.S. Don’t you grow up in a hurry, back to school shopping for little ones, and first and lasts (<<seriously relating to this one as micro grows).

P.P.P.S. The best organizational gear.

By: Jen Shoop

Today I thought I’d share the 10 most popular items on this blog this entire year. Together, they give us a sense for our shared interests, n’est-ce pas?

THIS NAUTICAL LAMP

THE LEE RADZIWILL BAG (<<ON SALE OMG OMG OMG + SEEN ABOVE; YOU CAN SCORE THE CROC STYLE AT FULL PRICE HERE)

CHIC THROW PILLOW COVERS (<<ON SERIOUS SALE AS WELL)

SZ BLOCKPRINTS KITTY DRESS (AND BASICALLY EVERYTHING FROM THEIR COLLAB WITH J. CREW)

MY FAVORITE LONG-SLEEVED TEE

THESE MELISSA & DOUG STICKER SETS (LOTS OF TODDLER MOM READERS — I SEE YOU!)

THE $29 CAFTAN EVERYONE ON EARTH NOW OWNS (#AMAZONNIGHTGOWN)

THIS TIERED POPOVER DRESS

THESE MAJOR STATEMENT EARRINGS

DISCOUNTED TBBC JAMMIES

P.S. I shared some of my personal favorite recent purchases here. To this I would add my beloved Banjanan dress, which I am re-wearing tomorrow when I attend a lobster fest with my girlfriend and her husband.

P.P.S. Currently coveting.

P.P.P.S. In case you need these words today. And while we’re at it: what to say when you don’t know what to say.

By: Jen Shoop

Mr. Magpie has been reading Circe for the first time and I am pathetically envious. I keep checking in on his progress, voyeuristically awaiting his reactions to my favorite segments and peppering him with questions along the way. What did he make of Scylla? Did he like Circe? He had a hot take on Helios, asserting that he felt Helios might be justified in his actions, whereas I recalled him, angstily and dismissively, as a cold and cruel and absent father.

These conversations elicit the deepest joy in me.

Mr. Magpie’s decision to read Circe was in part prompted by my comment that it was easily one of the best books (maybe the best book) I have read in the past decade. (A full review here.) The craftsmanship is impeccable, the character sketching delicious. There is something curiously modern and timeless about it. It is easy — but hefty — reading, meaning that it is a pleasure to read but there is much to ponder in it.

It is, I said, the stuff of canon.

When I made that comment — gesturing towards Circe‘s “canonical” status — I had to pause and think for a moment. The last time I seriously thought about “the canon” was as a wide-eyed undergraduate at UVA, when my professor dedicated an entire lecture hall session to the notion of the canon and the desperate need to expand and diversify it so that it would no longer be a roster of “dead white men.” His suggestions included Derek Walcott and Junot Diaz.

I’ve come to realize that I need multiple canons, and that their contents might change as I age. And that maybe a canon is a personal thing anyhow, a chorus of voices that speak powerfully to you and through whom you better understand and navigate the world. And that maybe there is even a place for “lowbrow” lit in that canon, too? If it serves a purpose and makes you think? Like — can Agatha Christie belong? What about Carolyn Keene, whose Nancy Drew series permanently endeared me to reading as a young thing and kindled my first fictional romance? (Ned Nickerson, anyone?)

If you asked me today who might live in my canon, it would be peculiarly and predominantly female and heavily skewed towards a rubric that centers upon craftsmanship. In other words, you would find my personal Mount Helicon:

Jhumpa Lahiri, for her metier as a master of short fiction in particular; I always feel as though I am in good hands when I am reading her work (“she is taking me somewhere, and that somewhere is good“);

Nora Ephron, for her quick and cutting wit, her self-deprecation, her knack for the poignant, her keen observational abilities;

Joan Didion, for overall brilliance (her intellect is always twelve paces ahead of mine) and the gristle and strength and grace of her prose;

Arundhati Roy, for her simultaneous playfulness with and reverence for language;

Seamus Heaney, for teaching me that language has texture and, for lack of a better word, “mouth feel” that is worth considering. In other words: good writing is a physical thing, a sensorial thing, and I’d never thought of it in this way before him;

Mary Oliver, for her quiet and sharp curiosity in investigating our world and capturing it in pitch-perfect prose;

Ernest Hemingway, for standing as a spectre on my shoulder, reminding me that if I can catch an adjective, I should kill it, even if I rarely, if ever, follow his advice. It’s good to have guideposts, salubrious to write under constraint.

I might add to this list Madeline Miller on the merits of Circe alone, for her power with words, for the art of her accelerating prose.

Who lives in yours?

Post Scripts.

+10 books that will change your life.

+Love this traditional baby boy outfit (heavily, heavily discounted).

+This dress just arrived in the mail and I love it. (You can get the look for a lot less with this $60 steal!)

+There are many ways to read.

+So obsessed with this cheek tint, I bought it for my mom for her birthday. (Quick — snap it up while the Sephora sale is running!)

+This Chanel tho. (Also love this. Were I nota touch rational, I’d nominate it as a contender for my diaper bag upgrade hunt, but at $3500, that’s borderline insane.)

+Vanina pearl bags have been all over the place — I love a good Etsy lookalike.

+And this looks like a Mark Cross!

+How precious is this hair bow holder?

+I’m a fan of lowbrow lit.

+Pretty little thang.

By: Jen Shoop

My Latest Snag: Tubby Todd.

I wrote about this ointment in a roundup of my favorite new baby discoveries, but I am so pot-committed (ha!) to this wunderproduct that I just ordered the bigger 8 oz size. Seriously — if your baby is struggling with any kind of skin issue, whether it be cradle cap or dry skin or diaper rash or chafing or acne, give this a try. This totally transformed micro’s dry skin (the pediatrician remarked on it!) and has also cleared up a couple of cases of acne.

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Popover Dress.

The most popular items on the blog this week:

+This tiered popover dress (now comes in the cutest colors!)

+A lot of upvotes for my purchase of these Chanel flats…

+Golden Goose sneaks, on super sale.

+A pretty floral linen number for under $60.

+My favorite wedding guest dress.

+A hand-painted pouch at a great price.

+Fancy ironing water.

#Turbothot: Setting Expectations.

I feel like I’ve written about designing my day and daily goal-setting fifty nine times in the last few weeks, but its recurrence as a topic of interest should underscore the extent to which I am grappling with these issues. Since micro was born (heck, since mini was born), I’ve struggled with setting appropriate expectations for what I can accomplish in a day. There are still days where I look at my to-dos for the day at 7 P.M. and feel like a failure. Oh shoot, I meant to schedule mini’s haircut…I guess I’ll finish reading that parent guidebook tomorrow…I need to take out cash for the sitter tomorrow, on the way to my doctor appointment! Etc.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have had to take a deep breath and remind myself that I am caring for a newborn, that babies don’t keep, and that one day I will look back and regret doing anything but laying in bed with micro. Come to think of it, one day soon, I will also regret doing anything but sitting on the floor with mini, coloring or playing with her Little People or “making food,” as she will soon be off to school for most of the week and I will miss her chirping voice and prying fingers and inquisitive eyes with a fierceness I am already tasting. A well-intentioned friend told me I should give myself a break and let the nontrivial things fall by the wayside, like cleaning the apartment and ironing my sheets, and that maybe I should take a proper maternity break anyhow, even if only for a week or two, even if it’s been weeks since micro was born, especially as I am barreling into transitioning mini to school and moving our family to a larger apartment. On the surface of it, reasonable suggestions, and yet — I live in the real world, I write for a living, I run a busy household, I am horrifically type A, and things need to get done.

In short: I bristled. And I realized that I am having the hardest time letting go of or reprioritizing anything on my list. I did hire a cleaning service to help, but a cleaning service will not assist with the routine, Sisyphean, multiple-times-a-day cycles of tidying toys, breaking down the activity mat to make space in the living room, emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, wiping down the play table and dinner table, organizing bottles, folding laundry, etc. These are tasks that simply must get done because we live in such a small parcel of space and, for me at least, a cluttered home is a cluttered mind. I cannot sit down to write without tidying the entire living area, and since I write daily–well, you do the math.

There was a funny little bit Bill Burr did in a comedy special a few years ago in which he pokes fun at mothers for claiming that they have “the most difficult job in the whole planet.” (Don’t watch if you’re feeling testy, mamas. And incidentally, in all seriousness, I still believe that being a stay-at-home mother — which I am not — is one of the tippy top most difficult jobs on the planet.) Watching this was a good reminder that even though motherhood can be exhausting and overwhelming in all of its minutaie, and even though I am entitled to make space for the occasional frustration and fatigue it engenders in me, that at the end of the day, I am doing little, lightweight things for people I love and that many of my tasks are blessedly “low-stakes.” After all, there is slack in my day; I have set the parameters I would like to live up to, but no one is fired or injured if they don’t get done. And though their volume and redundancy are staggering, none of my tasks are individually difficult or intellectually demanding or physically perilous. It was helpful to re-center myself around these truths, to put my daily load in perspective. (Especially since my other “job” — writing this blog! — is such a source of joy and release for me, almost like a reward after my household chores are complete.) Though I am big on the notion that the comparison game is not a particularly helpful mental exercise — i.e., you are still entitled to feel the way you feel, even if you acknowledge that there are others who have things rougher than you do — Burr helped me take a step back and say, “OK, Jen. Nothing is that dire here. You’re bordering on the solipsistic here. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees. Take the long view.”

Still, I am finding it difficult. I loathe the sensations of failure and disorderliness, and even if I am confronting them in ultimately trivial venues, they do not sit well with me.

I’ll close here by saying that one thing that I continue to find helpful as I navigate these busy days of motherhood is writing down literally every single thing I want to do at the outset of the day, even tasks as minute as “water the plant,” “tummy time for micro,” “vitamin D drop,” “order pull-ups,” “walk Tilly.” In short, even the daily things that always need doing. Because then I can pause mid-morning and tick off a whole mess of things that have been on my mind and feel as though I’ve made progress. This way, too, even if I end up reassigning tasks to the next day’s to do list, I feel some measure of success.

Any other tips, Magpies, whether you have children or not?!

P.S. After writing the above bit on Burr, I went out to pick up wrapping paper for a nephew’s birthday gift and drop off the dry cleaning and the entire time, I was positively agonizing over whether or not to include that reference after all, because I find the routine problematic and potentially offensive to some. It’s a risky business, his little bit, as he has no children and cannot possibly imagine what goes into a day of motherhood. And while he made me laugh, I will admit that I couldn’t help but linger over his underlying assumption that the physical labor of disaster repair — i.e., a job outside the home that is almost always filled by men — is intrinsically “greater than” the emotional labor of caring for a child, i.e., a job inside the home that is almost always filled by women. The “emotional quotient” of the latter is, on further inspection, why motherhood seems to feel as all-consuming as it does. If it were just the chores and tasks and routines, it would be one thing, but they are always shot through with concern and love and guilt and oh, the wild tangle of emotions elicited by your child. I could dive deeper into this problem of gendered spheres but I’ll let it go and appreciate Burr for affording me a sense of perspective.

Post-Scripts: A Postpartum Dress.

+This is a great snag for an expecting mom — ideal for those early days post-partum when nothing fits, you’re nursing, and the name of the game is loose and easy-to-not-show stains.

+Had to order this in the pink!

+What do you want to do with your one wild and precious life?

+This is such a sweet gift for a little girl! Contemplating buying one for mini, who loves emulating me in all things — including accessorizing.

+Love the idea of tying my hair back with this chic accessory, especially now that it’s long enough to wear regularly in a low, chic pony!

+Interesting color palette in this floral, tiered dress from a new-to-me label.

+This reminds me of my beloved Innika Choo dress — but without the pricetag!

+Things that surprised me about having a c-section.

+Speaking of black gingham: THIS. IS. MAJOR.

+Contemplating enrolling mini in an afterschool or weekend activity like soccer or ballet. How darling is this doll if we go with the latter?

+This might just be the perfect heel.

+And these are so badass for fall with black skinnies and a black blouse.

By: Jen Shoop

I’ve had a couple of requests to share outfit ideas for Baptisms/Christenings, as micro’s is scheduled for the end of September. Micro will be wearing a Christening gown that has been in our family for over 100 years (!) that my maternal grandfather first wore and that dozens of children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren have worn since. One of my aunts has had it refurbished (re-matted?) and carefully kept for decades. But — as we will be taking family photos before and then enjoying brunch after, micro will of course need something a little less precious to wear beneath it. (Note: if you do not have a family christening gown, consider investing in one by Feltman Brothers for your own! They are incredibly well-made and stand up to the test of time.)

Below, I thought I’d share a couple of beautiful pieces I am considering for baby and myself:

FOR BABY

THIS PAZ RODRIGUEZ SET

COTTON ONE-PIECE

THESE T-STRAPS (ON SALE) OR THESE BOOTIES

THIS NANOS BUBBLE

COQUETA CEREMONY OUTFIT

ISABEL GARRETON CHRISTENING BUBBLE

LULI & ME ROMPER

FOR ME

THIS ELEGANT TWEED SHIFT

THIS JEWELLED COLLAR DRESS (ON SALE)

THIS PUFF-SLEEVED DRESS IN IVORY

THIS SILK SHIRTDRESS

THESE PEARL SLINGBACKS

THIS PEPLUM BLOUSE WITH WHITE TROUSERS

THIS EMBELLISHED TWEED TORY BURCH (ON SUPER SALE, AND LOTS OF OTHER AMAZING TB SALE FINDS HERE — BUT I LIKE THIS ONE WITH THESE HEELS)

MY BELOVED PEARL HEADBAND

THIS BELTED BEAUTY

THIS LINEN NICHOLAS (THOUGH I’M WORRIED IT MIGHT BE OUT OF SEASON AT THE END OF SEPTEMBER DEPENDING ON TEMP)

FOR MINI/SIBLING SISTERS

Mini will be wearing a Coqueta Kids smocked dress with crosses on it that I bought last year (!), thinking ahead. (Once a planner, always a planner…) You might find some good picks in this roundup of flower girl dresses if you’re going super traditional, but here are some absolute beauties:

THIS SMOCKED DRESS (SIMILAR TO MINI’S)

FELTMAN BROTHERS DRESS

PROPER PEONY CROSS DRESS

LULI & ME FLORAL TULLE DRESS (ON SALE!)

ELEPHANTITO MARY JANES

PARTY SOCKS

IF YOU’RE NOT INTO WHITE/IVORY FOR THE LITTLE ONE — HOW GORGEOUS ARE THIS (ON SALE) AND THIS?

CHRISTENING GIFT IDEAS

PERSONALIZED DISH (<<I BOUGHT THIS FOR ONE OF MY GODSONS!)

GORGEOUS CERAMIC CROSS

PERSONALIZED FLAT CROSS BRACELET

CHRISTENING COOKIES