This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
A roundup of delightful beach reads on my radar for upcoming travel —
+Elin Hilderbrand’s Swan Song. This is, in fact, Hilderbrand’s swan song! She has retired from writing her Nantucket-centric novels — a summer beach house staple for years now. The plot sounds suspiciously similar to many of its precursors, but sometimes, all you need is an easy, formulaic read that will hit all the right summer notes: “when rich strangers move to the island, social mayhem—and a possible murder follow. Can Nantucket’s best locals save the day, and their way of life?”
+Ruth Ware’s One Perfect Couple. A new thriller from my favorite author of the genre. Basic premise: “Harkening to Agatha Christie’s classic And Then There Were None, this high-tension thriller follows five couples trapped on a storm-swept island as a killer stalks among them.” Currently reading this! If you’re new to Ware, you must try The Turn of the Key, One by One, and The Death of Mrs. Westaway. Ware is the queen of throwback-style crime: Daphne DuMaurier-meets-Agatha-Christie.
+Emily Henry’s Funny Story. Basic premise: Daphne moves to a small town to follow her fiance, who then breaks up with her to date his best friend from childhood. With no where to turn on such short notice, she moves in with the ex-fiance of her own ex-fiance’s girlfriend. Fake dating ensues — my favorite romance trope! I didn’t enjoy this one as much as Book Lovers, but it was still an easy, bright, transportive read with Henry’s characteristic sharp and funny banter. One of my girlfriends finished it in one day flat and wrote me: “It was delightful and warm and fuzzy and made me tear up a little,” but she did add [SPOILER ALERT – SKIP SENTENCE IF YOU’VE NOT YET READ] “there was a tiny bit too much rehashing over and over, and I didn’t love the third act breakup. Like, just talk to each other! But otherwise loved it all.” I felt that was a solid, on-point assessment.
+Carley Fortune’s This Summer Will Be Different. Basic premise:” Lucy is the tourist vacationing at a beach house on Prince Edward Island. Felix is the local who shows her a very good time. The only problem: Lucy doesn’t know he’s her best friend’s younger brother. Lucy and Felix’s chemistry is unreal, but the list of reasons why they need to stay away from each other is long, and they vow to never repeat that electric night again. It’s easier said than done.” The descriptions of the PEI setting and ambiance are worth a read on their own — deliciously evocative. (This book may have launched me into my #lakehousecore obsession!). The plot runs thin and ragged in parts (there are sections worth skimming), but I found the love interest fetching and the book overall charming.
+Tana French’s The Hunter. I’ve seen this multiple times at the pool this summer already! “It’s a blazing summer when two men arrive in a small village in the West of Ireland. One of them is coming home. Both of them are coming to get rich. One of them is coming to die.”
+Plum Syke’s Wives Like Us. Basic premise: “Take a grand English country house, one (heartbroken) American divorcee, three rich wives, two tycoons, a pair of miniature sausage dogs and one (bereaved) butler; put them all into the blender and out comes the impossibly funny Wives Like Us, the new novel from the best-selling author of Bergdorf Blondes and Party Girls Die In Pearls, Plum Sykes.” I feel like every woman on the UES is tucking this into her Hamptons beach bag this summer.
+Yulin Kuang’s How to End a Love Story. This book turned my head because it’s Kuang’s first published novel — she is also a screenwriter who has been adapting two of Emily Henry’s novels for film! In other words: she knows her way around a funny romance. Basic premise: “Two writers with a complicated history end up working on the same TV show… Can they write themselves a new ending? A sexy and emotional enemies-to-lovers romance guaranteed to pull on your heartstrings.”
+Lucy Foley’s The Midnight Feast. Another top-rated and top-selling thriller author — I thought her previous book, The Guest List, was fun. Not as good as Ruth Ware, but fun — this will definitely make its way into my reading list. Basic premise: “It’s the opening night of The Manor, and no expense, small or large, has been spared…But under the burning midsummer sun, darkness stirs. Old friends and enemies circulate among the guests. Just outside the Manor’s immaculately kept grounds, an ancient forest bristles with secrets. And the Sunday morning of opening weekend, the local police are called. Something’s not right with the guests. There’s been a fire. A body’s been discovered.”
+Liv Constantine’s The Next Mrs. Parrish. I absolutely loved Constantine’s previous book, The Last Mrs. Parrish. The book shocked me — the twist was fantastic! — and it remains one of my thriller beach reads of all time. And here comes the sequel! Basic premise: “Daphne and Amber Parrish are thrust back into each other’s lives upon the resurgence of a long-forgotten threat, forcing a vicious game of cat and mouse where everything is on the line.”
+Jo Piazza’s The Sicilian Inheritance. A mystery-meets-beach-read! Premise: “A disputed inheritance and a family secret that some will kill to protect.”
+Now this is a cute serving options for picnics. I was just hunting for a solution — we have a few outdoor music concerts this summer, and I love to serve up snacks and charcuterie, but wanted a more attractive presentation option than just opening a bunch of bags on a picnic blanket. I also thought this was good looking for a true charcuterie board.
+Found my favorite summer cardigan restocked here! (More great top layers for summer here.)
When I was young, I loved Harriet the Spy, the Cam Jansen series, and Nancy Drew. It thrilled me that just by paying attention, by taking careful note of the happenings in my world, I might “solve” something. None of these characters had supernatural powers (well, Cam Jansen has a photographic memory, but that felt reasonably close to the ground), but they were heroines in their own right, using the power of observation and intellect to get to the bottom of things. Now that I look back, I see the childhood mystery genre as a warm, empowering on-ramp into the world of literary analysis, and, by extension, the pursuit of a reflective life. As with the heuristics of mystery, reading itself — across any genre — often feels like hunting for clues, tracing patterns. Which, as it turns out, are sound techniques for deep self-knowledge, too. I was reflecting on this the other day when I was sitting outside on our back patio, idly jotting down some of the sights and sounds of summer as a kind of diving board bounce before writing. I found myself contemplating them as ciphers in their own right, and then reflecting on the way I was reading my own agendas into the season. Hunting for green lights amidst the green leaves. Here are a few:
Cicadas — there is a time for fervor and a time for torpor;
Fireflies — look up, and don’t blink or you’ll miss it;
Hot chair / wet suit — life finds a way to receive and assuage your discomforts;
Late dusk — forget the schedule;
Tomatoes heavy on the vine — everything in its time;
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+If you loved the Doen Marianne in red but didn’t want to spend as much, check out this $118 look for less. A Magpie reader wrote me about it after ordering and insisted it’s just as good as the Doen!
+Goop has a new mascara! Of course I’m dying to try. I love so many Goop products — they just work. All my favorite Goop products here.
+I wore this one-piece to the pool last weekend and loved her. Full coverage and comfortable but in such a fun print — if you look closely, you’ll notice the cutest details: a ladybug, a little conch shell, etc! I recieved a number of compliments on it. I also have received so many compliments on my pool sandals. One woman swam over to ask me about them over the weekend!
+Speaking of the pool, I’ve been noticing a lot of ladies at the pool wearing hats like this this summer. I’m intrigued! Look for less here.
+And this has been my favorite pareo of summer. It literally goes with every single suit in my closet!
+Keep hearing good things about these white jeans. Apparently they sell out fast!
+Back to Goop for a second: their latest house label clothing collection is full of timeless pieces, like this spectacular and versatile LWD and this shrunken striped cardi. I find their knitwear exceptional. Beautifully-made, classic styles/shapes, with perfect, add-just-enough-interest details.
+Just bought Mr. Magpie these mesh lounge / athletic shorts for more casual wardrobe out in Colorado. Lots of handsome gear for men here, too. He absolutely loves this belt.
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
One treat of living abroad was having access to the exceptional yet generally well-priced skincare and haircare products that you could score at the local pharmacy, which, at least in Lyon, had the air of a sophisticated department store and was occasionally and unapologetically closed at what I perceived to be odd hours. I specifically recall a handwritten note on the glass door of the pharmacy on Rue Victor Hugo in Lyon: “Fermeture exceptionelle,” with no explanation following, at 2 p.m. on a Saturday. I immediately conjured a maudlin tale of familial illness or bereavement but was at the same time baffled by this seeming lack of professionalism. It was, after all, unthinkable that a CVS would be closed at 2 p.m. on a Saturday in America. I came to appreciate this slender cultural difference, as it reminded me, in its various permutations, that people make the world go around. And so though I would often writhe against the inconvenient reality that certain shops would be closed for the lunch hour, or certain bureaucratic offices would be open only on the obscure third Thursday and second Tuesday of the month, I was also never more aware of a shared humanity: we all fall ill, we all eat, we all sleep, amen. At any rate, lucky for us, many of the items I discovered back then and in the years following are now available for purchase online, often with free shipping. Sharing a few of my favorites and some items with proper cult-followings that I have yet to try…
KLORANE SHAMPOO (THEY HAVE FORMULAS FOR ALL DIFFERENT HAIR CONCERNS)
EMBRYOLISSE (PEOPLE *DIE* OVER THIS MOISTURIZER/PRIMER — I FOUND IT A BIT THICK FOR MY NEEDS, BUT DEF WORTH A SHOT GIVEN ITS CULT FOLLOWING STATUS AND AFFORDABLE PRICE)
CAUDALIE ELIXIR (TRULY ADDICTIVE – GREAT FOR SETTING MAKEUP, REFRESHING SKIN, ETC)
NUXE DRY OIL — SO MANY FRENCH WOMEN SWEAR BY THIS MULTI-PURPOSE OIL (FOR FACE, BODY, HAIR)
NUXE LIP BALM — LOL AT THE DESCRIPTION: “A PARISIAN WOMAN NEEDS PERFECTLY SMOOTHED LIPS TO ASSUME HER KISS REPUTATION”; BUT SERIOUSLY, THIS GETS INCREDIBLE REVIEWS AND DOUBLES AS A CUTICLE CREAM
HOMEOPLASMINE — FOR EXTRA DRY SKIN/ULTRA-CHAPPED LIPS (APPARENTLY IN EVERY FRENCH MAKEUP ARTIST’S ARSENAL)
VICHY VITAMIN C SERUM — CURRENTLY USING MYSELF; I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO APPLY BUT SEEMS TO BE ACHIEVING THE INTENDED RESULT OF BRIGHTENING SKIN JUST AS WELL AS OTHERS I’VE TESTED!
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Part of my everyday dressing formula rests on the shoulders of great wardrobe basics that I know I will enjoy wearing whether on their own or mixed in with trendier pieces: great white jeans, a perfect button-down, classic leather sandals. Sometimes it really does feel good to just wear the basics together, though, no trends in sight. You just can’t go wrong with a classic white tee and jeans! These ladies show us how it’s done…
Below, sharing some of my favorite classic style pieces at different price points.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Last week, a Magpie commented: “Shorts! I love the version of me in shorts. They feel playful, childlike. And go perfectly with bare feet.” I was delighted (!) by this comment.
What version of me do I like best? In what spaces does she tend to appear?
I like the me I am when…
+I’ve just exercised and am sitting in my still-sweaty clothes outside on the back patio, in the sun. I am near-euphoric: grateful to be at rest, grateful to have the exertion behind me, grateful to be able to move my body. I feel settled-in and wrung out in the best way.
+I am in the midst of heartfelt conversation with a friend. I consider myself a good listener and I feel whole, called-upon, helpful when I am able to give my attention, my heart to someone else who needs it.
+I am in a playful mode with my children, which is not permanent, let me tell you! But when I am dancing, singing, joking, swinging them around, I feel buoyant.
+I’m wearing a new dress in a fun print — instant mood elevator and reminder to not take myself too seriously. I feel loose and vibrant.
+I have ticked off my to-dos or reassigned them to another day, and can “close down shop” for the day — it’s like releasing the hundred balloons I’d been clutching and batting all day long. I feel both accomplished and relieved. I can step into the day’s wind-down without the ping-pong-ing sensation of trying to stay on top of it all.
+I am holding one of my children in my arms. I feel charged with responsibility, full and heavy with love.
+I pause to think: “Remember when this was everything you wanted but didn’t know you’d be able to have?” For some reason, this happens a lot when I am running errands in my car — when I’ve just picked up groceries for my family, or just dropped off the children in the morning, or just dashed out to pick up an ice cream cake for a birthday. There is something about catching myself mid-swing, in the most pedestrian of motherly activities, that makes me think: “And here I am. Raising the children I dreamed of. Running the house I always wanted. Zipping around in my home town again.”
+I am walking out the door on my way to dinner with Mr. Magpie or friends. I love that sensation of approach: here comes a happy time. I lean into the perky feeling of wearing something that makes me feel good, and anticipate the fun of ordering cocktails and shared plates over laughter and connection.
+Strangely enough, when I have just left a doctor’s appointment that has been stressing me out. I become the most generous version of myself to everyone around me — at the butcher counter, in the carpool line, waiting to check out at Safeway. I find myself approaching others with the tenderness I’d like to be approached. I like seeing myself that way.
+When I have just tapped out a great last sentence to an essay. It’s always the last sentence. So much pressure on those final words! But when I manage to divine and bend the language so that it holds the rest of the paragraphs together in one intact embrace, I feel like — well, maybe like what an athlete feels when she’s beat her time or scored a point. A small thrill: I did that!
+I am with my husband on the back patio in the morning or at the kitchen counter in the evening, enjoying a smoothie or a sparkling water or a glass of wine and running through the day and our observations. I feel that I’m only half-living when I’m apart from him: the other half is suspended in anticipatory conversation, waiting for the moment when I can fill him in. No space between. I feel at ease, seen and held, loved and safe. I feel interesting, too — he wants to know what I think, and how I’m feeling.
In typing this out, I realize this is not so much about versions of me I love, but scenarios in which I feel my absolute best — most comfortable, most loved, most relaxed, most generous. It all comes back to the goal of a body and mind at ease, stretched out and at peace, laying in a hammock somewhere.
What are the versions of you that you love?
Also this week…
A lot of pick-ups and drop-offs at school! Their last week! We’re barreling right into summer camp tomorrow, so we’ll be back to the drill, but their camps are even closer than their school (like 5 minutes from our home, I don’t know how we got so lucky!) and camp drop-off just feels looser and lighter anyway.
Provisions for a friend’s birthday party! Some of our favorite happy hour snacks here.
Last day of school! I even remembered to pose them with the flag I’ve used for the past four years running. My exact one no longer seems available, but this is a similar concept. Brilliant because you don’t need a separate / new one for each school year and both kids can use the same! Also, mini is all of the sudden very into “space buns,” and has particular specs about hair strands being out in the front, not having them be too “high,” etc. I spent some time YouTubing…thank God for YouTube!
After school, I took them straight to the pool for lunch and a long swim. It was just what the doctor ordered because my daughter was weeping when I picked her up — endings are so hard! Her teacher is moving back to Ohio, so I think she felt the finality of it more acutely. We talked a lot about this as she sniffled in the backseat of the car: it’s OK to feel sad. Changes are hard. Endings are hard. That’s OK, I really understand how you feel. And also: things must end to begin again. And this just shows how good a time you had in first grade. She gave me lots of hugs all afternoon long — just needing the reassurance. (“Life’s happening, you will feel things, and you’re OK, you know?“). Interestingly, my son gently asked her over lunch “You don’t feel sad anymore, Emory?” and she said: “Just because I’m not crying doesn’t mean I’m not sad. You can be sad in different ways.” Woof! From the mouth of babes.
Two really happy moments this week: 1) starting Emily Henry’s latest (I finished it in a few days — it’s funny and distracting and romantic, but overall just OK. I found the story sloppier than her previous. I prefer Book Lovers, but how about you?) at the pool, wearing a Julia Amory pareo (really good looks for less here); 2) at the Kennedy Center with my mom to see the NYC Ballet perform “Jewels” (absolutely fabulous — the costumes, the music, the dancing, and my mom is a huge fan of Tiler Peck, who performed when we went!). On my lap, two beloved accessories: this $10 seashell hair clip and Merit lip oil.
Gifting season! One gift to myself is trying to wrap a bunch of gifts at once versus doing them piecemeal as needed. In this case, I knew the kids had a few birthday parties coming up and that the teachers had gifts, so I wrapped them all in one fell swoop. Joy Creative Shop makes it easy breezy. I love their Gwrap bags (cute patterns, just fold down the top and seal with a sticker), their personalized gift stickers with “The Shoops” on the tag so they work for any of the kids / any combo of our family, and of course these vinyl alphabet stickers, which I affix to lots of things, including Stanley water bottles (my current go-to gift for 7 year old girls — I have a few in my closet just waiting for future parties!). Also below: I love to gift Linnea candles in their seasonal scents, and I think I might order a few of the Hotel Lobby Hamptons candle to give as gifts this summer, too. One is en route to me for testing now!
Pool day must-haves: I’m obsessed with the cut of this Marysia one-piece (exact pattern sold out, more here), Minnow toiletry bag for essentials (hair ties, lip gloss, concealer, etc), and have we talked about the Supergoop glow stick?! It’s fabulous. It glides on so easily but provides serious coverage. I use it on myself and my kids for our faces specifically.
Delicious moments this week: this insanely good gelato (my mouth is watering — it’s tangy and the berry jam is unctuous…omg) with a side of folded laundry; morning coffee and drafting by hand outside.
When I came home from the ballet this week, Mr. Magpie was making friendship bracelets with the kids on the back patio. The absolute sweetest, and redolent of the summers of my own youth. He used this Klutz book (which I believe I also owned at age nine?!) and then ordered a ton of different colored threads. He organized this all on his own! A good moment to mention, given that it’s Father’s Day, how grateful I am for his care and ingenuity and presence as a father. The children have been proudly wearing their little stacks of bracelets all week long. Peak summer vibes! (Minus the afternoon where Hill insisted I make his best friend multiple friendship bracelets and had a melt down when I said I realistically only had time to make one and then spent nearly an hour making good on that deal. He’s a little too young to manipulate the threads himself, so there I was, making a friendship bracelet for a little five year old boy all afternoon. Ha!)
Final note: this hair perfume is my secret weapon this summer. I can’t stand the smell of tired hair, and it happens a lot more quickly in the sweaty summer months. Total splurge but the scents are divine (there are others available). And, yes, I’m wearing THE SHIRT OF SUMMER below. I know we all own it!
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
What Inspired Me This Week…
+ON REPEAT: Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please” from her new album. I love the 80s synth and her voice takes on a Dolly Parton quality in the chorus. You must also check out the music video — mob wife vibes with the actor from “Saltburn” in it. Incredible production value!
+SIX LUXURIES IN LIFE: I loved this post on Instagram, with the caption: “If you woke up with even half of these, you’re rich.” Well-timed reminder. Slow mornings are the hallmark of summer, and I’m going to curl up into them!
+FROZEN APEROL SPRITZ: Absolutely going to be trying this recipe ASAP. Heading to the grocery for oranges now…! While we’re talking spirits, some thoughts on making excellent cocktails at home here, and two great summer bevs: margaritas (the only recipe you’ll ever need for them) and mai tais. If you’re not a spirit drinker, I did just discover this incredible online retailer that has loads of zero-proof pre-mixed cocktails, spritzes, bitter drinks, NA beer, etc! How good does this jalapeno-orange sparkling drink sound? At the Sezane store opening in Georgetown, they had these non-alcoholic spritzes — love the packaging and nice to have an alternative for non-drinkers when hosting this summer.
+BOXERS WITH BUTTON DOWNS TREND: Can’t get enough of this look (image below via Lucy Williams)! To recreate the look below, try these under-$40 shorts from Anthro (or these viral Frankie Shop ones) and this Gap button-down! One of my favorite brands for wardrobe basics, Sold Out NYC, just launched sets in this vein and I scrambled to snag the red (top / bottom). I’m obsessed with the idea of this outfit, my Hermes Orans, and my Altuzarra Watermill (now available in fun new colors – how good is the blue and white?).
+RESTOCKS: I wore this past-season dress in lavender a few weeks ago and had so many questions about it — Madewell just brought it back in the chicest navy stripe. Run! (A great alternative if you missed out on the striped Cosima.). Lake also just restocked their can’t-keep-in-stock Relax Set in dusty blue. I own this set in several colors! Dreamy, and such a great gift.
+LETTING IT GO: I received a small flood of emails and DMs about this post on letting things go. Made me think how much we carry, quietly, in our hearts! Sending love.
+APPOINTMENT STACKING: I realized this week that I have unintentionally grouped all of my yearly doctors appointments in late May / early June – dentist, OBGYN, derm, etc. I actually think this is a helpful clustering, now that I reflect on it: I’d rather enjoy eleven months of not thinking about it and one succinct month of dread than a sprinkling of appointments throughout the year. I do think I’m going to punt them back to September next year, though — the end of the school year and start of summer are always chaotic enough; why am I layering in extra hurdles? September sounds promising because the kids will be ensconced in a school routine and it will be like giving myself a fresh start. I mentioned these thoughts on Instagram and many of you chimed in to say that appointment stacking is the best way to get it all done. Rip off the bandaid, then treat yourself to something — a massage, a great meal, a day off, some retail therapy…
+THE STRIPED TOP FOR SUMMER: Wow, this top continues to fly! You can see my wearing mine here — it’s such a great shape and a silky but structured material. Love. I think I’d pair next time with my white Agolde jean shorts.
J. CREW DRESS (OLD, SIMILAR HERE, HERE, HERE); FRP COLLECTION BAG (10% OFF WITH MAGPIE10); J. MCLAUGHLIN BELT (LOOK FOR LESS HERE) // MARGAUX SANDALS (FINAL DAY TO USE CODE MAGPIE35 FOR $35 OFF A FIRST ORDER) // LA LIGNE CARDIGAN // RDR EARRINGS (OLD, SIMILAR FOR LESS HERE)
This morning, I’m republishing an essay from the archives that has been heavy on my mind since we parted (amicable) ways with our nanny two weeks ago. She was seeking full-time work, and we scarcely need two or three hours of support on weekdays. I tried, with no luck, to find a part-time replacement, before contemplating whether Landon and I could manage on our own, at least for summer, when routines are slack, and travel lays ahead. The children will be in camp for about half the summer…? The arrangement has been an adjustment, but I have been finding satisfaction in the way it feels to be at home, just the four of us. I find myself integrated in my children’s lives in a way I simply wasn’t before. I have tried to phrase that line seven different ways so as to diffuse the knot of guilt that collects each time I write it — cutting room floor evidence of my mixed emotions about its meaning. What do I do with the round happiness I feel doing it on our own? (Our being the operative word – Landon handles at least half of the afternoons each week!) Some of this must be conditioned by my admiration for my mother, a dutiful and wonderful stay-at-home mom. I realize this situation is privileged and nuanced — choosing to have a nanny, then choosing to go without. I know that many women don’t have these options. And so I find myself grappling with the very saltings I discussed below. Because I have the choice, have I made the right one for the past few years? Am I making the right choice now? Will my writing suffer? Will my patience wane? As with much of life, I will never know until I try. Onward.
*****
A week or two ago, I picked my son up from school, which is something I almost never do. He saw me through the transom window as he was descending from the upstairs classroom, and I heard his voice — almost a shriek — “Mama!” — followed by quick footwork down the stairs (TIP-tip-TIP-tip-TIP-tip). He flew through the doors, right into my arms.
“He was so happy when he saw you,” whispered his teacher knowingly, her eyes soft. She squeezed my arm.
Later that evening, we went over to dinner at my parents’ home with my sister and her family.
“Mama picked me up today. Not my nanny,” he announced loudly, and smugly, to no one and in response to nothing. He smirked and hugged his arms around himself in satisfaction.
Two mornings later, still in the miserable wake of daylight savings time, I went into his room to rouse him for school. Unlike adults, who need time to hatch and grumble about the imposition of light, children can go from dead asleep to wide awake in less than a second. His head popped up, and he smiled at me through morning eyes, and he said: “Remember when you picked me up at school?”
That night, I laid in my bed, unable to sleep, and I cried about this. What did it mean? It is not feasible for me to pick him up every day, at least in my current work flow. But could I change that? Would I one day regret all the 3 P.M. pick-ups I missed in favor of a more steady unfolding of creative time? Was it fair (to myself, to women in general) to say I “missed” those pick-ups in the first place? After all, I am working while he is being ferried home from school. I am providing for my family, and fulfilling my own vocation. I am present for so much of his life — almost every weekday breakfast, dinner, and bedtime, and we spend a lot of time together, just the four of us, on the weekends, in pursuit of our “not busy” lifestyle.
I scrambled for grounding elsewhere, plumbing my own childhood, in which my Dad dropped us off in the mornings and my Mom scooped us up in the afternoons. I don’t recall harboring or expressing any sentiment about the arrangement. But perhaps it is different when it is a parent versus a nanny.
I continued to strain for context. I reasoned: I drop him off every other morning; if I forewent that cockcrow commute regularly, would he say the same thing on the odd occasion I slipped into the driver’s seat? “Mama dropped me off today”? Perhaps he was simply expressing excitement about the un-ordinariness of my surprise pick-up, and if I were to retrieve him daily, he’d never make such proclamations–might, in fact, beg for someone else to get him.
A few weeks ago, I had drinks with two girlfriends, one of whom is a hard-working lawyer with intense hours and the other of whom is a hard-working stay at home mom with also-intense hours. The latter commented that she sometimes looks at her life and has no idea how she got here. “I went from finance to this, and sometimes I wonder about going back,” she mused. She expressed worry that she wasn’t fully living up to her potential, that she’d had a promising professional career and felt ambivalent about what it meant that she was now working in the home. My lawyer friend sighed. “The grass is always greener,” she offered. She went on to explain that her daughter had been tasked with ascribing a descriptive word to each member of her family, and that her daughter had described her as “work.”
We have reached the saltings. The sticky, swampy parts that nearly all of us footslog into and out of over the course of our motherhoods, unsure of footing, prey to unknown tides. There are no patterns here. No formulas; no bright lines. The inputs for each family are complex, individualized, and mutative. Particularly maddening: sometimes I feel I’ve struck a good, or workable balance, and then my son tells me, in twenty-two different ways, that all he wants is for me to pick him up from school once in awhile, and I feel like I’ve been yammering into a phone with a cut cord.
What then?
Deep breaths. A reminder that parenthood is a process, not a place, or a condition.
I let myself cry for a few minutes. Then I wondered about other ways to make myself available to him that would not be as challenging to accommodate in my current workweek. One such: in the afternoons, my children like to come into my studio bearing drawings, fistfuls of snacks, news of their worlds. The rule is (generally): one visitation after they arrive home, and then they need to respect my closed door. This has been a difficult boundary for both of my children, and a nearly impossible one for me. Sometimes I sit in my study wavering between furious impatience and heart-wracked agony when they are calling for me, and they know they are not to come in, and I long to retreat from my own rules, both to quiet the fracas and to give into their needs. But I am working, I remind myself — and them, when they are open to hearing it. And it is difficult (for me) to lay brushstrokes separated by small conversations. Beyond that, it is important to me to model discipline and seriousness about my craft. When my door is closed, it should be perceived no differently than when my husband is on a work call and his door is closed. And, of course, there is the bigger issue of remaining firm with boundaries.
But.
As it turns out, there is some give in the leather.
I have started to really shut my work off when my children skitter into my room in the afternoons. I fully turn myself away from the computer, remove my hands from the keys, pull him into my lap — or sometimes walk out into the liminal space between my studio and their rooms, get down onto his eye level, and focus myself such that I lean into that conversation. My goal, when I hear the door crack open, is to give 100% of my attention to him for those five minutes in which he must tell me about the scrape on his knee, or the cookie his teacher gave him at lunch, or the various meannesses of his sibling. If I can’t be there at pick-up, then I can be here, fully, waiting for him with anticipation and warmth, when he returns to me.
So onward we go. Looking for ways to show him that he is, and always has been, at the very center of my day, no matter who picks him up from school.
Oh, Magpies. If you are standing in the saltings today: I’m right there with you, feet half-sunk in the quick-moving sand.
+It’s the summer of the drop-waist dress! Consider this $40 steal!
+Our Margaux code for $35 off first time orders (use MAGPIE35) expires 6/16. I have been wearing these ankle wrap sandals constantly on the weekend. Also love this newer style they just released!
+Obsessed with Staud bags right now: this snail (!!!), this Celine-esque moon bag, this “tackle box.”
+I own this oversized denim maxi dress and LOVE it. Would be great with bump — runs very oversized, but in a stiff, heavy denim that makes it feel substantial and fashion-y. On sale in several colors right now!
A roundup of this week’s launches, sales, and discoveries…
01. Doen’s second summer collection is live and, per usual, exactly what we want to wear this summer. The slightly out-of-left-field sailor dress is sure to be a favorite (will go fast, I’d expect, especially since Courtney Grow spotlighted it on her Instastories yesterday), but wearable ginghams and airy white cottons abound, too. I’m still figuring out my order, because I already had this red drop-waist and these eyelet shorts in my cart…! All my Doen summer favorites here.
03. Back to J. Crew for a second: several Magpies messaged me about this new arrival. The buttons! The butter yellow color! The scallop trim! Reminds me a lot of the expensive styles from Lisa Marie Fernandez (another good brand to stalk on TRR). But I’m really loving J. Crew’s Doen-esque lace trim top and Ibiza-cool-girl crochet shorts.
04. On the crochet shorts: major trend incoming with boxer-style (<<ordered this $15 pair in the red gingham, seen above and below, and might go back for the green!; I took a small) or crochet shorts and a classic menswear button-down. If you want to go full-trend, pair with jellies, or a pair of high-vamp flats.
05. In a similar vein: Donni released a pair of poplin striped pants that have been flying off the shelves. Probably a better buy for taller Magpies based on the photos!
06. We all love Negative underwear, but have you explored their whipped loungewear, too? I just got my paws on a pair of these and they are divine. I already had their henley, which is beyond soft and sexy, too. And while you’re there, check out their new whipped bralette – also ordered to try! Great for layering beneath loose-fit / caftan-style dresses.
07. On the more buttoned-up side of the house: Veronica Beard’s new Baylee dress promises to be the ideal dress for a country club, workplace, or more formal/conservative outfit venue. Can you even?! Also swooning over this striped blazer and matching shorts situation from their latest drop. Like a dressed-up version of La Ligne’s uber-popular and now-sold-out Leo short. (If you’re now dreaming about a pair of striped knit shorts, a few other chic options: Kule, Frame, Rails. And if its striped knit pants you’re after: La Ligne and Mango might do the trick.
08. The Internet’s big sister, Tinx, launched a collab with UBeauty, releasing their fabulous lip plasma in the perfect shade of summer pink, fetchingly called “Rom Com.” I’ve been wearing and loving.
09. New-to-me jewelry label By Pariah has some highly chic earrings on offer, like these sophisticated and on-trend Luna earrings I swear I’ve seen on dozens of chic European women on Instagram.
10. Hotel Lobby released a suite of summer destination-oriented candles: the Hamptons, Capri, Poolside, and Positano. A great way to set the tone and mood for summer at home, and also a fabulous houseguest gift.
11. RMS Beauty launched a new hydra-setting powder yesterday, and I’m intrigued. I’m a big fan of this cosmetics brand — their stuff just really works and is often at the bleeding edge of skincare/beauty technology. They were clean before clean was a thing’ they’ve created lots of first-of-its-kind products that blur the line between skincare and cosmetics. A makeup artist was just telling me that you should really avoid powders with talc in them if you can, and RMS’ is talc-free. As a reminder, they offer us 20% off sitewide with code JEN20. My favorite, can’t-live-without RMS product: their super-serum, which is like a luminizing primer with SPF and other great skincare ingredients in it. I love it as a base layer before makeup (helps makeup go on smoothly, and stick), or on its own while I’m exercising.
12. Lingua Franca is now offering custom sweatshirts! You may remember this brand from their punny and clever sweaters. They reached out and invited me to design one, and I had one embroidered with “onward” over the heart. The Magpie refrain! They also offered us 10% off with code LFJEN10.
