A few weeks ago, I wrote about questions we’d ask our seventy-year-old selves, and solicited volunteers from our septuagenarian set to answer a couple of questions we’d love to pose future versions of us. Sharing some of the moving questions and beautiful responses the Magpie community served up…
Q: Is it possible to change into a braver, or more creative, or more serious, or just a different version of yourself after a certain age? Is it easier as we age or does it become ever harder?
Advice from our Magpie older sister figures:
“Yes, and science backs this up! If we have a growth mindset — not a fixed mindset — change is possible. Our brains have neuroplasticity and welcome new things. I took up knitting when I moved back to the Midwest. I never thought of myself as creative but I love it.”
“One insight when you are working to change or try something new: it is helpful to have a beginner’s mind. It won’t be perfect; there will be mistakes–but those are good learnings and you keep moving forward.”
“You can always improve yourself as you age. Sometimes, it is a matter of stepping out of your comfort zone. Once you have ventured, you will know if it is the right fit. Friendships are even more important the older we get! Reach out to a friend with whom you have lost touch or with whom you have had a disagreement. Then the ball is in their court, and you can decide to renew the relationship, or understand it is really over, and move on. Remember it takes two to have the friendship, and if the other party is not willing then the slate is clean. Take a new class, and see what possibilities there are for learning opportunities or friendships.”
02. What advice do you have to grow strong relationships with teen sons and adult sons? I would love to hear if you have any traditions that have helped you stay close, too. I remember seeing a designer on Instagram share how she picks out a vintage nutcracker each year with her son (who was maybe college aged at the time). I love my relationships with my little boys, and I know these will change over time… I want to feel confident that they see me as their soft landing (to use magpie term) they can come home to as their worlds expand.
Advice from our Magpie older sister figures:
“I only have daughters but I heard wise advice from two son-mom friends for school-age sons. One said that she read books assigned in her sons’ English/literature classes because that always gave her a topic for conversation. The other said she always made sure there was food immediately available when they came in from school and that she only asked 3 questions–and how are you? counted as a question! I think these are helpful suggestions for prickly teenage daughters, too.”
“I am incredibly fortunate to have an excellent relationship with my son, even if he lives far away! I think I started this kind of relationship with all of my children when I made sure we had “special days” several times a year, where I would take each one out alone, to do something they wanted to do. A trip to the toy store, the library, to lunch. Even more importantly: listen, just listen. You will learn so much.”
“Always volunteer to be the driver to their events and gatherings. You learn so much when they’re with their friends in the back seat, and you find easy ways to plug into their worlds.”
03. I’ve grown apart from a sibling I used to be close with. Nothing dramatic happened — we’ve just gone separate ways, live in separate cities, have different lifestyles and habits and priorities and parenting philosophies. I often feel judged when we’re together. What suggestions do you have? Will this eventually resolve itself, how would you approach? I’m grieving the loss of that relationship!
Advice from our Magpie older sister figures:
“Not sure if this is a sister or brother you are speaking about. Men seem to let things slide off their back, and perhaps if this is the situation to which you are referring, approach him, and tell him about your feelings of loss; he might not even be aware that it is causing distress, so talking it out might help. If it is a sister, then repair the relationship asap! Sisters are forever. I would take a similar approach to what I offered for a brother in that I would find some time alone, preferably in person or on Facetime, not just a call, or email. Just say you want to chat about something, and want her advice. Tell her how you are feeling, remembering to put this from your perspective, not blaming it on her. I am sure you have common ground to start the repair of the relationship, and again she might not be aware of your feelings. I hope this helps. Of course, not all relationships are easy, but I hope you can move forward on more solid ground.”
“There are no perfect families and sometimes one person must be the one to start the conversation. It sounds like your friend should be the one to approach her brother; perhaps he feels the strain, too. All we can do is try to approach any situation with care, compassion, and hope that the two will find a way to work out their differences, of which there might not be any! It could be something that she feels within; he might not even realize that this was an issue for her.”
“Someone once told me that when you have a difficult issue to discuss with someone, you should ask your guardian angel to talk to their guardian angel such that their heart will be opened. Worth a shot!”
04. Does socializing with parents at schools ever get easier? I’m tired of the smalltalk, the feeling of needing to be involved and connected. Do these relationships really matter? I feel a lot of pressure to be super involved with the other moms in the class but I don’t really have a lot in common with them.
Advice from our Magpie older sister figures:
“I don’t think it’s necessary to be super social at your children’s school. I think the main reason to be involved at school is to show your child that you are interested in their day and that you think school is important. I suspect there are multiple activities that would love to have your volunteer help, ranging from one-off to long-term commitment. Choose something that interests you and that fits the time you have available.”
“You do not need to be best friends with the parents of your kids’ friends! I find that just listening, and allowing them to open up, is helpful, but that does not mean you need to be part of every conversation or activity. Maybe pick one or two parents, or set of parents you like, and form a nice relationship with them. Be yourself!”
05. Going through perimenopause. I’ve gained weight, I don’t feel normal in my own body. Do you bounce back after you’re done with menopause? When does it end and what does it feel like to be out of the woods? Also any tips for keeping the weight off during this time.
Advice from our Magpie older sister figures:
“Perimenopause, menopause and post-menopause are hard. The good news is that there is so much more information available now. Did you know that there are Menopause Specialists who are certified by the Menopause Society? I was not aware of this option until I attended book club when we were reading “The New Menopause” by Dr. Mary Claire Haver. I learned that this option was available in my city.”
“Give yourself grace and strive to be in the best physical and mental health at this time in your life. I don’t know about “bouncing back” maybe look at it as how do I thrive in this phase of life? Personally, what sets me up for success is nutrition, sleep, and weight training versus the number on a scale.”
“I would suggest you find an exercise program that you enjoy and stick with it. Some prefer to do exercise alone, so walking, biking, weight training would be a solution. Or find a friend with whom to do the activity. If you like group activities, then join a zumba, pilates, or dance class. Commit to it, and you will feel better! I have fought with my weight ever since I had my first child! Would I like to be thinner? Absolutely! But I do try to find flattering clothes, so that I look nice, and therefore feel good about myself.”
Post-Scripts.
Image via.
+Reassuring thoughts for rainy days.
+Reflections on boxing up my kids’ favorite baby books.
Shopping Break.
+New style alert at AYR: the coolest sweatshirt. Pair with these jeans.
+A little luxury I love: this heart-shaped cosmetics case. Charms me every time I open my bag!
+This bakeware set in the lilac!!! OMG! In my cart…
+Everything Rag and Bone does is just so cool. Love these new wide leg pants.
+Hill House launched a resort collection and pieces are flying. I love this striped set and the pattern on this dress (also available in a swimsuit!). Their swim is really, really good. I own a few styles and love the material (not too compressive, doesn’t cut into you) and silhouettes.
+This lip exfoliant/mask arrived and I LOVE IT. So hydrating and I’m still so tickled by the name (“croissant au beurre”).
+These Nikes in this joyful pink color! FUN.
+Absolutely perfect black pants.
+Last minute Christmas eve/morning order. Clara vibes.
+My favorite mug is also available as a platter. How charming?! Those redbirds! A few other fun home finds from AllModern: this modern side table in fabulous colors (try something bold!), this vegan leather swivel chair for a study, this gorgeous bunk, and enamelware mugs so you can cosplay your fantasy of being a writer in a remote cottage by the lake in a forest.
+Adorable frame for a special 4×4 photo.
+These fabric garlands have captured my imagination. I think I’ll order as a gift for my future self (who will open the Christmas box next November and be delighted!)
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I love these thoughtful questions and shared words of wisdom. Thank you to Jen and everyone for sharing.
xx
I should add that the 1rst grade walks were less deep conversations and more him picking a topic or theme and I would make up stories. At that age, dinosaurs featured heavily..
So sweet!!
Thank you for including my question(question 1)! I will take their encouraging answers to heart! This post is timely because a friend of mine just asked me if I would be willing to take a philosophy class with her in 2026! I’ve taken all sorts of wonderful art classes with friends over the past two decades, but this will be a first. After reading this post, I’m an enthusiastic yes! Also, I thought I might be able to chime in to question 2 since I now have a college aged son that I am close to. If you are looking for a more open conversation, try going for a walk together. I have noticed that we’ve had the best talks while walking side by side or while driving together. I live in a city so it’s been mostly walk and talks. It started with our long walk to his piano lessons in 1rst grade and has currently moved on to him calling me when he’s walking to class or walking to meet friends. It seems, after a quick google search, that this side by side thing is backed by research!
I second this — I find conversations flow much more naturally when we’re side by side in a car or on a walk around our neighborhood. I think it just puts everyone on an equal playing field in some way / neutralizes the gap between us. We’re just to souls, shoulder to shoulder.
Thanks for this reminder —
xx