Over the weekend, I moderated a panel on secrets, character design, and fiction with three novelists. It was my first time doing anything like this, and I received virtually no guidance on what I was to ask or where I was to take the conversation. I suppose I should take this as a compliment. Or perhaps this is just how things are done in the book festival universe, and I’m learning the ropes. Or maybe it was a bit of good luck that someone didn’t thoroughly vet my professional history, or one of those ambiguous opportunities in life that falls into your lap, and you decide, inexplicably, despite having no experience or credential in the matter, to just say yes. Many good things in my life share that origin story: the just say yes.
When I arrived and checked in at the author table, the lady manning the desk asked: “Do you need your script?” I panicked. Script?! What on earth? The many hours of research and preparation I’d put into the little “preparatory grimoire” document nestled safely in my handbag (I’d checked 4x on it before leaving home with the same level of repeat-urgency I typically apply to confirming I have my passport when traveling abroad) careened through my mind as a potentially enormous waste. It turned out to be a misfire; I left the table with no script and the same plan I’d walked in with. As I wandered around the book festival, I openly wondered: “What am I doing here?” I am not a fiction writer (well, not a published one); I’d never moderated a panel before; and, more generally, I don’t yet know what this next chapter of my professional life should look like. I’ve just published a book, but I know that’s not the end, or the plateau, or whatever you want to call it. I know there is more coming. I don’t know what the shape is, though? And so I’ve been leaning into new things, and was this the right new thing to lean into?
My Dad’s mantra coursed through my mind: “You’re gonna love it.” On the eve of nearly any major decision I’ve made in my life, I’ve consulted with my Dad, and he’s invariably offered up the same encouragement: “Oh, it’s going to be great. No question. You’re going to love it.” I let myself hang out with that energy for a minute. I was going to love it. It was going to be fun. I was not in the hot seat (much harder to be the one fielding the question in real time!), and I’d done my homework. All I had to do was get up there and shine a spotlight on these women. What an honor! What a cool way to spend a Saturday morning! Let’s go!
The panel was fun. I learned a lot. I was reminded that there are a million ways to write — with careful plotting and spreadsheets, by the seat of your pants, with thorough research, in specific places (one of the authors took multiple Amtrak trips just to write on a train — fascinating to think about how the setting in which one writes works its way into the text). It was much, much easier to interview another author vs. be interviewed. I was amply-prepared, and had more than enough thoughtful questions to ask in the time alotted. (You know the famous line in “Glengarry Glen Ross,” “ABC — Always be closing”? I’m more of an ABP type. Always be prepared. I’d typed and re-typed my questions, researched and read the work of the panelists, and then rehearsed in my car and while sitting in a field watching my daughter at soccer practice.) And I actually used a handful of the ice breakers from this recent blog post, and those went over beautifully with both the novelists and the audience, especially the one about kissing/marrying/killing cheeses. (Go figure!) I was also able to apply a few learnings from my book tour: 1) wear a midi-length or longer dress (so awkward to sit in a director’s chair in something short!), 2) speak slowly, and 3) wear a watch. My big gaffe was that I completely forgot to introduce myself. Like, just walked on stage and got right into the conversation. But that’s OK. I learned something there, too. And maybe no one needed to know who I was anyway! They were there for the authors. Rightly so.
Ever my dutiful hype-man, Landon came with me, sat in the audience, and then permitted me to conduct an elaborate post-mortem of the experience on the hour-long return drive home. More learnings and insights tumbled out. For example: I’m not sure whether I’d do another panel exactly like this, but maybe something similar. Maybe something a little closer-in to my own body of work. Maybe something with writers in my own genre. Maybe maybe. Good field notes, though. At least some markings on the paper!
At home that night, my kids asked sweet questions about my earlier-day absence. “Had I been on a stage?” (Yes, a small one.) “Did I talk about my book?” (Nope, completely forgot who I was and neglected to mention why I was up there.) And, their favorite: “Are you famous?” (Decidedly not.) The conversation gave me a convenient opening to say: “You know what? I tried something new, for the first time, today. You’re never too old to try something new. And I felt a little nervous, but I was completely fine, and I learned a lot.” Who knows how much of this they absorbed; my son seemed distracted by the parsley mixed into the tomato salad on his plate. But I was pleased, as I lay in bed later that night, that I’d been able to extend my day’s escapade into my role as a mother. Come to think of it, being able to use the experience as a teachable moment only reified the experiment’s value. I thought in bed about how, when my kids were young, I was primarily focused on keeping them safe and loved and fed and rested. Now I think a lot more about the idea of preparing them for the world, for when I’m not around. How will they behave at a friend’s house? In a classroom? On the field? What words do I want rushing through their minds when they encounter a challenge, a failing, an opportunity, an unkindness, a windfall? Etc. I’m still very much a work in progress on this front, of course, but I am passionate about showing them in word and deed that they can try the new, start over again, stumble and get back up, pursue things that interest them that maybe don’t make sense on paper. Life can be an adventure, Emory and Hill — and we’re gonna love it! And if we can’t pony up that level of enthusiasm, well, at least let’s approach it with curiosity. Let’s permit ourselves to be open to the shape of things. Come what may.
Post-Scripts.
+Six helpful reframes.
Shopping Break.
+Reminder that Frame’s Friends + Family sale is ongoing! Don’t miss these perfect cords. I also just noticed that they have a longline denim vest that looks super similar to the one I have from a few seasons ago from VB. It looks EXCELLENT with Ruti pants!
+Tote at the top is the Alex Mill Weekday! So many great color options. And I got my cute file folders from here.
+This cashmere midi skirt!!! Today through Thursday, you can use code FAMILY for up to 20% off at Tuckernuck. I simultaneously published an edit on this today here!
+A good time to buy the bed / lighting fixture / set of dining chairs you’ve been eyeing — 25% off plus free ship. About as good a promo as it gets over there!
+Back in stock: my favorite clover necklace. A friend of mine ordered one with each of her children’s initials on the back! They also recently restocked this beautiful “LOVE” coin pendant. These are such special pieces.
+My favorite elevated terry sets. I have some car travel coming up and this is exactly what I like to wear! Try code CHEERS.
+While you’re there, consider this easy cord shirtdress!
+Donni teased the most gorgeous fall colors in their taffeta collection — these pieces drop today at 10 AM PST!!! Will be checking back then!
+Back to longline vests: how fun is this new JA top?! Love!
+New whipstitch-trim knit bandana scarves at Gap!
+My current running obsession. I love the way these fit my feet and gait — Nike just works so well for me.
+Fun look-for-less for on the The Great cardigans.
+Speaking of The Great, they launched a fun collab with Stetson. How cute is this argyle sweater (I’m telling you, argyle is popping up everywhere!)? Also think this skirt is insanely fun.
+Deeply chic new arrivals at Hunter Bell: this dress, this embellished navy blouse, and this pleated midi! (And of course this paisley number, which I shared yesterday!)
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