The past month, I’ve been doing a lot of things I’ve never done before — things that intimidated me, felt wildly out of my comfort zone, challenged me. I spoke in front of large groups of women; I went on live TV; I set up a special microphone and lighting situation for various podcasts and video interviews. I advocated for my book in countless contexts; I wrote guest essays. I emailed strangers asking them for favors. Honestly, the free-fall feeling is nothing new. Publishing daily (sometimes well, sometimes badly) and running two businesses over the past decade have primed me for this. And yet. I found myself reaching for footholds specific for this moment, looking for ways to settle my nerves and center myself. A few things I found helpful:
+Reminding myself “it’s only your first time once.” This has been such a mental unlock for me, and in two distinct (almost contradictory) ways. On the one hand, it’s a reminder that I will get better. That it’s scary the first time and then it’s done. That you aren’t born with accomplishments — you earn them. And on the other hand, the words are a clarion call to enjoy this first time. Enjoy the thrill and even the nerves. I may never get the chance to do any of this again! Or I may do it many times, and the charm and rush will slowly wear off. Wherever I land, I’ve been telling myself to be roundly present in these many first times. I mentioned this on Instagram a few days ago, and a small business owner, Jaimie Rafferty of Coastal Consign Kids (giving her a shout out because she deserves it!), said it motivated her to post videos to her Instagram stories for the first time. I love this! If the words “it’s only your first time once” inspire you, too, share about it in the comments so we can celebrate you.
+Ally Love’s “Boss” rides on Peloton. Full of energy, wisdom, and driving beats. These rides are intentionally hard, and you leave aware that you are capable of more than you think. I love when she tells you to ignore any of the voices telling you to stop — just lean into the rhythm, the moment. Keep going.
+A playlist with a little Megan Thee Stallion and Raye on it.
+Preparation. I spent a lot of time driving around in my car or showering while rehearsing what I might say if interviewers asked me specific questions. I practiced talking about the book, about Magpie, about the writing process. Most of the time, I wasn’t able to use the specific answers I’d rehearsed because the questions were different or I thought of something else on the spot, but just the feeling of getting myself into a headspace that was ready to talk about the book was helpful.
+Wearing whatever made me feel confident. Always having my hair blown out. For some reason, heels are a must for me in these settings. I’m so tiny already (5’0) that any inch of height I can get gives me a little boost.
+Reframing nerves as a sign your body is ready to go on the dais, the interview, etc. I received this tip from a public speaking coach years ago! Right before I go on a stage or record an interview, my body runs ice cold, sending me into shivers, and my throat goes completely dry. I now think of these as “signs I’m ready.” Ah, yes, you again. Ready to do this? Guess so!
+”Are you ready? Yes or yes?” This is an Ally love phrase and I love to repeat it to myself when I’m “in flight” on the way to an event or recording. There’s only one answer.
+Running (gentle) reviews afterward. I never listen to or watch my recorded self (I just can’t!) but I will spend a little time reflecting on what went well and why. I’ll think about moments where I felt I did a good job explaining something, or had a nice connection with the audience, or just felt at ease. I’ll think about why that was, and try to apply it to future events. If I misspoke or made an error, I’ll try my hardest to observe it and then let it slick off my back like water. Easier said than done.
+Related: seeing myself as a student. I’m learning how to do these things. I’m absorbing. I’m trying! I can’t expect myself to be a master from the get.
+“To achieve something that you have never achieved before, you must become someone that you have never been before.” This quote by Les Brown has been on my mind this month. I am so lucky to have had this experience, and to have been invited to these various engagements — it’s asked me to rise to a new level, to a new version of myself as an advocate for my writing. I can feel myself evolving, straining to meet the occasion.
What else helps when you’re doing something for the first time, whether that’s a responsibility at work, a new sport or hobby, something in your social life or motherhood?
Final proud plug related to all this: my final book event is taking place on May 21st at Politics and Prose (Union Market). I’ve mentioned this a few times but want to make sure I shout it from the rooftops. In an interview I did with Jake at About the Authors TV (<<super cool resource where writers talk about craft, the publishing journey; I enjoyed the Jo Piazza ones), he asked (paraphrasing): were there any moments in the publishing journey that stood out to you as especially rewarding or meaningful? I shared two: talking about the dedication to my Dad at the book’s launch event with my Dad in the audience (just such a peak life experience for me) and being invited to speak at Politics and Prose, the bookstore I grew up going to, and the one where I first started daydreaming about this possible future. Such a full circle moment, WOW.
Anyway, please come! We have special gifts for attendees, Landon’s pouring wine, and you can go out to eat at one of the incredible Union Market restaurants after. My friend who works for Union Market recommends Minetta Tavern, Shukran, Pastis, and Masseria.
On to some other fun shopping announcements —
Exclusive 20% Off at Anthro with Code JEN20.
HUNTER BELL DRESS // FARM RIO DRESS // ALEMAIS DRESS // PAIGE DRESS
Anthro gave us a 20% off code for this weekend only — use code JEN20! I actually used this code myself to get this Hunter Bell dress I’d been eyeing for awhile for an event this summer. The details are insane — those bows at the back straps, the embroidery, the sequins, the neckline!
Anthro carries so many fab brands we love — this is a great opportunity to score a special occasion dress from one of them at a discount! I also had this Farm Rio dress in my cart — swoon. Would be so good for a summer beach/tropical getaway. (Also comes in a sleeved variation if that’s more your speed.)
This striped number from Paige is a standout piece — I have it in my closet and the fit is divine. Simple, elegant, classic. Pair with Margaux sandals.
Also noteworthy: this striped dress, which is already under $200 but a dead ringer for my Staud dress, and this statement Alemais. This one is also super fun — the pattern!
Lastly: this iconic sailboat sweater from The Great! All 20% off!
15% Off La Bonne Brosse.
I was surprised by all the interest in these French girl brushes when I mentioned them earlier this week. I’m super impressed, too — I ended up getting the no. 1 and am loving it. I use it in the morning and at night to get that voluminous shine. I still love my Yves Durif for post-shower detangling and tidying my hair without removing the curl/style. Anyway, the French girl brushes are currently 15% off (a rare sale apparently). Make sure you take the quiz to find out which is the best fit for your hair.
Julia Amory Bell Pants Relaunch.
These patterned canvas pants always fly, season after season — already running low in certain sizes. I love this new white blouse she released to pair with it, too. Meanwhile, this white eyelet caftan from her summer collection continues to be very popular among Magpies this week. Use code JEN-15.
Hart Charms.
OK, I just had the best idea for a gift — I am actually giving one of these to Chesley, my interlocutor at the Politics and Prose event mentioned above as a thank you: Hart has the coolest assortment of charms! What a great gift as a special thank you, an end-of-year teacher gift, a college grad or high school grad gift, a “great lacrosse season” gift! You can do a special number (jersey number!), have something engraved (nickname, special mantra), etc! These range in price, but some are as low as $40. You can just give solo as a gift or add a necklace depending on how much you want to spend. Use code JEN10 for 10% off. (I was delighted to find I had this code myself!). I love the key one for someone buying a new home, or setting out for a new chapter in a new city!
Doen Mother’s Day Sale.
Ooo a lovely Mother’s Day treat for us — up to 50% off at Doen. This includes gorgeous knitwear (my sister, who is head of sustainability at Doen, raves about their knit collection), luxe shirting, and fab statement pants for evenings out (I own and adore these). I’m sad to have missed out on this sweet gingham dress in my size!
The Nat Note x Weezie.
I love Natalie of the Nat Note and her new terry cover-up with Weezie is so fun! If you like the navy Tuckernuck one that so many of us ordered but wanted a shorter length, this will be your jam. While you’re at Weezie, you might consider one of their punchy new beach towels (the sardine print one!), terrycloth totes for the pool, or monogrammable wet bags. I just got one of the wet bags for my daughter’s swim season.
BTW, Weezie is currently running a promo: free embroidery/personalization on orders over $50. Perfect time to upgrade the powder room towels with a great monogram. Or get that terry tote with a splashy personalization!
New Alice Walk!
They just launched another short sleeved knit! You know how much I love these — and now so many of you do, too. It fills a wardrobe hole I didn’t know I had. The perfect thing to wear over a sundress in the summer when you’re ping-ponging between A/C and the outdoors.
Nordstrom Beauty Sale.
If you missed the Credo sale — you can still get this tinted SPF for 20% off at Nordies. This was THE top seller from last week and it’s excellent on its own or as a primer.
And if you missed the Virtue sale — THE BEST shampoo is also included. Gives you glossy, straight locks.
The sale also includes Byredo perfumes — I find these very difficult (impossible) to find on sale. I like the Mojave Ghost and Blanche scents.
Last-Minute Mother’s Day Gift…
You can still order Small Wonders (for $13 right now on Amazon!) and have it arrive tomorrow or Sunday in most areas of the country…! The cover art features cosmos (a flower that symbolizes harmony and peace), and it will be like giving your mother a bouquet of flowers she can enjoy on her coffee table all year long. (Hopefully she’ll find the interior equally pleasing.)
Also, the interior pages are a gorgeous dusty blue color! It’s the most beautiful book, I have to say! Just looking at its pages brings me peace!
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