How do you move on from something hurtful? How do you well and truly let go — stop shadow-boxing, stop turning over the wounding words, stop seeking some alternate read or path-through?
I think of Pema Chodron: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” But why does it feel like wringing rosewater from rock? There is nothing there but hard, unyielding surface!
This week, I listened to an insightful interview with Chris Bennett, head of Nike’s Running program. (Stay with me here, I will return to the rosewater/rock formation.) In it, he says there are two types of runners-who-think-they-can’t-be-runners: 1) the kind who think running is too hard (and talk themselves out of it), and 2) the kind who think running must always be hard and therefore overexert themselves (and in turn come to hate the sport). You can guess the kind I am. I’m the kind with two speeds: not running and sprinting. There is no slow jog or middle pace. There is only ever the all-out, or it doesn’t “count” (anyone else improvise bizarrely stringent rules for herself?). Or, I should say, that was the kind of runner I used to be. Then a friend told me, while training for a marathon, that “there are all kinds of runs for different purposes” and a lightbulb went off. I’d not previously considered the fact that I could intentionally run slowly. That I could strategically run a shorter distance. That I could consider some runs “recovery runs,” that I did not have to be constantly throttling myself towards a faster pace or longer distance. I shed my Garmin watch and resisted the urge to take note of any and all statistics. It has been an unlearning. At first, I felt liberated. Then I felt adrift. Sometimes I still catch myself devising circuitous ways to track my movements, such as tallying up the length of each soundtrack on my playlist to estimate my total run time, and then dividing that loosely by my typical pace/mile. Slowly, though, I have come to think of exercise as binary rather than arithmetic. It’s just: did I run, did I not run? The rest is immaterial, as it has no bearing on my fitness goals, which are a) to improve my heart health through cardiovascular activity, b) to keep my bones strong (through strength-training), and c) to maintain my mobility into older age (through stretching and mobility exercises). The through-line goal is: I want to live a long and healthy and comfortable life. And I’m pretty sure running a mile a little faster than yesterday does not ladder up directly to that objective. So why torture myself?! It was all head games, and unnecessary ones. I’d rather expend mental energy elsewhere.
Still, I must say something: I did just order myself a new Apple Watch. I did this with forethought and a commitment to not returning to My Old Ways. I am not going to use it to punish myself by tracking miles and pace, but rather to keep tabs on exertion, heart health, etc across my Peloton and running regimen. Landon has found this incredibly informative in his own wellness. I like the idea of having a full record or picture of what I’ve done and when. I also really, really look forward to being able to control my music on the watch face. (A small frustration: unzipping my pouch and awkwardly running with my phone while switching/skipping music.)
Anyhow, I am reformed “type 2” runner in his formula. But he said something interesting about us type-twos. He said that the challenge for us is not to the running itself but the accommodation of the idea that we can and should run more easily and slowly. That running shouldn’t feel so hard all the time, that we must change our view of the sport and the notion of fitness more generally. I am sitting here thinking about how maybe I bring this kind of frictional energy to a lot of things. Example: I’m sitting here trying to wring water from rock. Maybe I don’t need to chisel away to get to some “hidden meaning.” Maybe it’s just a stone, dense and uncomprehending. Does sorrow need a purpose?
Post script: flipped open my favorite Mary Oliver volume (the name alone is 10/10) and she spoke right to the moment! Here she is, in September glory. Don’t you love when the poet speaks perfectly to the private moment?
Sunday Shopping.
+A new and perfect-looking barrel-leg pull-on pant has entered the chat. $158. In my cart…
+J. Crew just released their popular slim-wide jeans in the coolest olive color. Obsessed. These remind me in silhouette (and color story) of these ultra-cool SLVRLAKE Grace jeans.
+Magpies, re-sharing the link to the Rhoback Gameday Collection, which we are loving. Outfit yourself to cheer on the home team! They also just introduced a shorter-length half-zip that looks to be a great alt to the slouchier Bedford Mockneck we know and love. If it’s a first time order, try code NLU or WELCOME15. (I’m always prowling for and asking for new codes!!!)
+Excuse me but how beyond good is this cord dress?! Swoon. (Look for less at Boden.). And are we tired of hearing about triangle scarves? Sorry, but one last really good new release in this category.
+Just a quarterly reminder that this is the best bra ever. (Got a code here, too – JENSHOOP15)
+Chic purse organizer! Also love this slimmer pouch style situation if you have a narrower bag, and these less expensive ones I found on Etsy.
+Currently wearing these dreamy gingham pants (try code WELCOME10) with this dreamy oversized button-down (try code CHEERS). I might be entering my Ina era — I have worn an oversized button-down 4/5 of the last few days.
+Also, new colors in this silk stripe crop! The forest green is compelling.
+The laguiole tortoise cutlery I’ve been pining after is 30% off here! Ordering! (Also, in case you love the PB Beachcomber baskets but not the price, found similar on sale here. And: how chic is this as a laundry basket for towels in a bathroom?! Serene spa vibes.)
+Currently living in this cashmere polo. So good in the cherry red! SoldOut also just restocked their long-sleeves in great fall colors. The chocolate is perfection tucked into dark rinse denim! (And, new colors in their short-sleeved tees, too — that taupe-y brown is fab.) As always, use code jenshoop for a little discount.
+Speaking of discount codes: Goop just bumped up our promo from 15% off to 20% off — use code JENSHOOP20 (!!) on any Goop Beauty purchase. I love everything they make (except their shampoo / conditioner — really didn’t work for my fine hair, just a PSA), but especially this microderm exfoliator and their glow balms, which are my longtime favorite everyday blushes. Start with the afterglow color. It is SO GOOD, like flushed-from-within good. Like Emma Lion responding to Pierce’s first hand touch good. (Lol!). Meanwhile, SHOOP15 gets you 15% off anything Gwyn (Magpies love this it girl striped tee), including their discounted items!!!
+My beloved waffle bed blanket is on sale in select colors here. That sky blue is dreamy! Of course the new fall colors are inviting, too — oak, dusty rose, deep plum! And did you know they now make pet beds?!? How adorable?
+Currently hyperfixated on this “matcha” cleanser. The foam/lather is absolutely divine and I love the way my skin feels after! I asked Tatcha and they gave us a code — JEN15 — which works through 10/9!!! Hooked on it and this YISE glow serum, which — on mornings I am running out the door — is the only thing I wear on my skin after vitamin C, and then I finish with this tinted SPF. (You can use code JEN15 there, too — and you can also bundle those two products for a further discount!)
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