On a walk this week, a friend was confiding in me about her agita around whether to stay in the city or uproot her kids to a suburb. She said, “We just keep staying put. I guess no decision is a kind of decision.” I thought back to our stint in Manhattan, how Landon and I would make an ellipsis around Jackie O. reservoir, saying “could we…?” and “would we…?” in peripatetic conversation, over and over again, until we tumbled out on 81st Street one morning carrying a different and definitive tune. The hemming and hawing was the decision-making process. It takes a long time, unless your hand is forced, to make a change like that.
What were we doing in those years of “should we / shouldn’t we”? I tried to remember, sifting through my pockets for something helpful to offer my friend, turning out lint instead. I suppose we were collecting information, imagining what life would look like in a different place, comparing that vision to our own reality. We were shuttling between universes — the lived and real one versus the one we glimpsed through the photos of friends living out our alternity in their suburban homes. We were liquid with daydream, and moody, too: sometimes the suburbs felt like an escape hatch. Other times it seemed provincial. Seesaw, seesaw, until something invisible tipped us both ever so slightly into the “pro” column. And then we leapt, and we kept talking about how so much of adult life is tradeoff. Shedding the freedom and self-exploration of DINK life for the wonder and fullness of parenthood. Leaving the bustle and excitement of the city for the ease and sprawl of suburbia. I remember telling everyone who would listen: “We didn’t leave New York on bad terms.” I suppose I didn’t want anyone to think we’d wimped out, given up? But it was also true. We still miss New York, and we still miss Chicago, too, even as we love our lives here. Multiple things can be true at once. Mainly, I think, we are more adaptable than we think. We imagine we could never live without the neighborhood bodega, the buzz of the city. We imagine we could never live with it. In reality, we can not only make do but make magic and meaning wherever we live.
I wanted to say something about this, but I couldn’t summarize it, especially as I found it bobbing up against the broader and less heartwarming insight that life as an adult often feels unclear. Mainly feels unclear? When to move, when to try for a baby, when to switch jobs. When to start a new habit, a new business. When and how to set boundaries around relationships. There are no manuals for any of this. It’s just heart and hiccupy breaths and how about we try it this way then?
But as I walked alongside her, I thought to myself: she’s already on the right path, she just can’t see it yet. Just by walking on this perfectly hot and still August morning, giving round shape to her worries and wishes in conversation. Just by treading this asphalt, one foot in front of the other, and still stopping to notice the butterfly, the crepe myrtle, the undulation of sun and shade. Life can so easily become a suspension from itself. Appealing, really, to behave as though in the green room, waiting for the show to go on. But we are very much living the main attraction right now, even while undecided, even while wandering the circumference of the reservoir in search of answers. We cannot permit ourselves the delusion that life somehow postpones itself until the right circumstances materialize. We must take today in whatever shape it arrives. Onward, onward —
Shopping Break.
+New colors in the wildly popular Luna pants (glory be, come in a petite inseam). I feel like khaki pants are IT for fall, btw. Try the”worn teak” ones!
+Big ME+EM sale that can take care of any and every occasion and void on your shopping list, but a few standouts:
1) I’ve been mentioning that short sleeved blazers are trending as we head into fall; this Chanel-coded style will be a perfect addition to your wardrobe. Pair with Ruti pants, a full skirt, smart denim, high-waisted trousers!
2) I wore this dress all over London. She is so polished. The cut is 10/10. Perfect for back-to-school night, school orientation, etc! (Also love this similar jumpsuit style.)
3) This pattern is a great pick because you can wear now and then easily transition to fall with a brown leather or suede jacket and boots.
4) Trust me when I say a short-sleeved cardigan is a wardrobe staple you never knew you needed! Ideal in summer over sundresses (for when you head into chilly A/C) but also looks fab as we enter fall, a little light layer on top that doesn’t interrupt the flow of the look. This one reminds me of my Alice Walk. Or go with this chic little cashmere option.
+Sold out at Donni, but still in stock at Shopbop: THE gingham pants of summer.
+Great sleeveless button down to pair with everything.
+Restock on these popular Cadets pants I finally got my hands on!
+Hoping for a restock of this cardigan jacket in the ice blue. Sold out in most colors in my size…grab one if you can while you can!
+Ultra chic fall blouse.
+My favorite summertime bralette. Pretty, airy, not a wire in sight.
+A GREAT collarless denim blazer that reminds me of my VB one I bought years ago and still wear constantly! And it’s on sale, too, as is this great look-for-less for an RDV tote.
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