I came across an interesting prompt this week: who is the main character in your life right now without your permission? Does this resonate with anyone? What immediately, without judgment, leaps to mind?
Honestly, my first thought was perimenopause. Oy! Can she hush already? The exercise made me realize how much background noise various symptoms and worries related to this phase of life have generated. On the whole, I feel fine. I’m living my life as usual. I’m happy, I’m satisfied by my work, I’m doing new and routine things with continued curiosity and joy. But slowly, slowly she has begun to rattle and hiss a little too loudly for my taste, like a radiator clanging at the inopportune midnight hour. (Speaking from experience living in a pre-war apartment building on 86th Street: why does she always clang at 3 a.m.?) Oh, she interrupts me. I do not like this feeling of self-embattlement, this sparring with my own body; we’re old friends. But it is hard not to see this shift as a betrayal. Let me underline that thought. Because I think — as mature, 40-year-old women — we feel that we can handle this, that we can power through anything with the poise and strength we’ve cultivated over decades of enduring life’s batterings and bestowals. Oh, it’s just another health phase. (That’s what I anticipated — something like pregnancy, where you are changing but always with the thought that there will be a return to some sort of baseline. And what is the new baseline?) There is something profound and unsettling to even liminally thinking to yourself, “I don’t recognize how my body is acting or looking, and there may be no return.” Meconaissance. A weird moment of asymmetry and distrust after working for years to become experts in ourselves. It is worth observing this, pressing on this misrecognition. These are not “nothing” thoughts.
I think this means two things: first, continue to talk to my doctor (I’ve seen her a few times recently and feel that I’m in good hands), and second, routinely reassure myself that I am still the main character in my own life–not whatever symptom du jour is presenting itself. You know how we, as a culture, made the wonderfully empathetic shift away from terms that identify people with their ailments, differences, experiences and toward phrases like “people experiencing homelessness” or “people with different abilities”? That’s the mental shift I am aiming for internally. I’m a woman experiencing this phase of life. I’m still the main character in it all. Let me claw back to my center: I am still Jen.
I’m hoping my meandering thoughts on the subject, and the coda of a self-affirmation, will be a little hand squeeze for anyone experiencing this phase of life alongside me or enduring some other transition, challenge, relationship struggle, workplace intensity, etc. You are still you! You are still your beautiful central self. The rest is temporary.
Onward! There are chapters yet —
Post-Scripts.
+Today is not a dress rehearsal! (Re-reading this mid-COVID musing, I realize that I have been through much worse.)
+There is a time for starlight and a time for lamplight.
+On living care-ingly.
Shopping Break.
+Big Black Friday news: Rhoback is 20% off sitewide. Now is the time to snag that herringbone q-zip for your husband or that golf shirt for your father in law. (They have so many cute new designs, including dog breeds. Love this Maryland one! Note the Maryland flag on the back — which is, IMO, the best flag design in the US. If you can’t figure out which style/motif to get, the safest bet is their bestselling stripe Birdie in one of the blues. I can’t imagine a single man who wouldn’t wear this.). I also purchased my godsons their youth polos this year and they went over really well — with code, they’re around $50 right now.
+And, finally, treat yourself to one of those Bedford mocknecks I’ve been raving about while it’s 20% off! Or get an extra pair of the “cool mom shorts” (the Eras). Your future summer self will thank you. I lived in these all last summer! They’re super lightweight, flattering, water-resistant, have pockets, and I find them easy to style with daywear, too (i.e., a white tee or sweater, fun/dressy sneaks).
+Speaking of dressy sneaks: I’m obsessed with these low-profile Rivieras. Tempted by the funky blue/red but I got them in the ivory/clay combo. These are the kind of shoes to pair with jeans and one of those leopard coats I was yapping about yesterday.
+A bunch of us ordered this faux fur jacket (I got her in the sand color). I found a good look for less here in case you’re wanting something similar for a little less of an investment. And Alice Walk just launched a new faux fur jacket, too! It’s everywhere!
+I just ordered this magnolia/orange garland for our Thanksgiving-to-holiday table! I usually order the plain magnolia but switched it up this year. Both are 15% off right now and will arrive in time for turkey day!
+EEK this tassel skirt is FAB. I can’t decide if I prefer the black or wine-colored. Meanwhile, they stocked new colors in the Maxine skirt!
+Somehow missed this perfect tassel fringe sweater in my J. Crew roundup earlier this week! She’s currently on sale.
+Maria del Orden vibes for much less. So cool with everyday jeans.
+BTW, mentioned on Sunday that Paravel gave us 20% off with code JENSM20 — this brand, you might recall, shuttered abruptly in 2025 but was purchased by the same company that owns Antler Luggage and relaunched last month. I was so excited/surprised/delighted that they brought back their iconic aviator carry-on suitcase, which is my favorite to travel with. They’ve muted and limited the palette — it feels very New England — but I did get the trunk size that matches my smaller cases. The newport red is GORGE and so fun! Navy is classic. These make great husband gifts. The other suitcase brand I love is Roam, a newer brand founded by the previous CEO of Tumi, and they’re currently offering 30% off their pieces! I have their small carry-on case (much smaller than the Paravel — better for like a 1-2 night visit) and she’s amazing and gorgeous too.
+Nordie’s is offering 15% off most fragrances, including Byredo. I *love* Mojave Ghost and Blanche. I usually wear this Ex Nihilo scent (also 15% off) but I specifically keep those two scents in my beauty cabinet as well because sometimes I really want the crisp/cleanness of Blanche or the “worldliness” of Mojave Ghost. Just gorgeous scents. Of course not included in sale (sigh, my toxic trait rears its head again) but I cannot rave more about these hair perfumes, too. This is my secret for when you’ve been in a restaurant/coffee shop and you leave smelling like…a restaurant or coffee shop. Yes, it gets into your clothes but it really lingers in your hair! This hair scent neutralizes those gross smells. Also good for day-old hair or post-hat hair.
+Also! This little Prada lip balm and hand cream set is currently 25% off over there?! Would make a very luxe gift and dramatic presentation (who doesn’t love a Prada box!)
+I got my son one of these polo bear sweaters last holiday season and OMG. It’s the cutest thing. I deliberately got it a size too big so he can wear this season and then he’ll wear it a tad snug next season too – lol. Then we’ll pass down to cousins. I can’t tell you how many people complimented him on this! A perfect heirloom holiday piece. Meanwhile: a baby boy Christmas outfit for an actual prince. TOO CUTE. I know there’s some proud Magpie grandma out there itching to order this for her prince!
+New colors available in the Sarah Creal peptide lip gloss! I recently discovered many of you are obsessed with this product. As you know, I love so many of her products, but I wasn’t super familiar with this, so I rifled through my old beauty bin and found one. The colors are gorgeous against skin. I don’t like a super high contrast lip color on me so these are right up my alley. Soft, pretty. A friend of mine independently told me the other week that the color “shut.up” is the only thing she wears! I’d say it’s more like a true gloss than the Eadem Chouchous (which feel to me more like a treatment / balm). I find the wand applicator very appealing — makes it easier to place color.
+Home finds Magpies have been loving: this Nancy-Meyers-meets-Jenni-Kayne tree skirt (simple, classic, organic feel) and this myrtle topiary with a red velvet bow.
+Reminder: Tamagotchis are really popular this season and are selling out. Grab now! We got one for Emory. More holiday gift ideas for kids here.
+The way I gasped when I saw this jacket. Can Ulla just stop being so perfect?! I’m also loving their new winter skirts — this, this!
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