I was just emailing with a girlfriend about a particularly difficult kind of relationship we’ve both elbowed through in our adult years, and I found myself reflecting over the weekend on some of the advice I needed to hear when I was really in it. So many of these rang like a clarion notes for me, drawing me out of haze or heartache, or at least offering me some direction —
+Not everything weighing you down is yours to carry.
+A true apology asks for nothing in return. (The way I needed to hear this — ! It gave me permission I didn’t know I needed to politely but firmly decline any apology that came with conditions, qualifiers, etc.)
+Everything happens in its own perfect time.
+Experience is a cruel but effective teacher. (I find this reassuring when I’m doing something new or uncomfortable — it’s an equalizing thought, for me, as in “these are the days that must happen to you.” We all need time to learn. I also like thinking of this when I’ve made a mistake and am pawing for some kind of excuse but need to just own my wrongdoing. OK, I did that, and I feel badly about it, but I’ve also learned a valuable lesson; won’t be doing that again.)
+Everything feels chaotic right before you level up. It’s almost like things must break down first before you hit the new stride.
+Confidence is quiet; insecurities are loud. (Useful for self-auditing, but also as a way of understanding the inscrutable actions of others. Sometimes people are putting on huge performances because they’re grappling with something crippling inside.)
+This, too, shall pass. (Ur text of all reassurances.)
+Let people be wrong about you.
+Today is not the final draft.
+Rejection equals redirection. (The delays and detours are the directions!)
+Insults are often compliments delivered by people at odds with themselves. (!!!!)
+All judgment is confession. (This dovetails with the previous bullet point, but is also a really swift gut-check when I find myself reaching for judgment instead of grace. Like, what does this say about me? What am I revealing about my inner world in this negative, kneejerk reaction? Let me pause and dig.)
+Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes — including you. (Anne Lamott)
Sending love and calmer seas if you’re in it —
Post-Scripts.
+Forget your perfect offering — a good reminder for this busy tightrope walk of a season. (Let the light in!)
+Marriage is…! (What else would you add?)
Shopping Break.
+This $89 cashmere cableknit sweater arrived and is – sigh – perfect. I got it in the dusty blue color. Very RL. I love the shrunken fit – perfect for pairing with our favorite wide legs or half pipes.
+OMG! This $119 jacket is giving serious Marfa Stance vibes.
+A great pair of joggers at a great price. Fit is perfect. Petite inseam available!
+Current winter romance sidecar read. (Any other cozy romance recs?)
+Hotel Lobby just launched a really cute collab with Anthro that includes two limited-edition hobby-focused scents: one for mahjong and one for needlepoint! A really fun gift for a girlfriend into either of those activities. They gave us a one-day code: 15% off with JEN15.
+Just the most gorgeous statement cardigan. Pair with black trousers in velvet or satin.
+Given how much I live in my Rothy clogs…what would it be like to upgrade to these? UGH that shearling lining!
+AYR just knows whats up. Their clothes are so wearable and chic! We’ve already talked about their jeans (start with these and take your true size – a perfect classic fit), but I also love their High Hopes pants (have like a fleece lining but can be dressed up) and am currently obsessing over their wide leg cords.
+Fab new arrivals at The Outnet: lace Zimmermann, pink sequin Lapointe (!), deeply discounted Frame jeans! And if you’re going somewhere warm soon…
+LOVE this burgundy sequin skirt. One of my girlfriends just wore a very similar skirt to a holiday party and paired it with a slim-fit black turtleneck — she looked SO chic. (An even louder option: Le Superbe!)
+Cute faux-fur jacket for a little lady. ($30!)
+OMG these heels are SO fab! Candy striper vibes!
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This was just what I needed today ❤️ . Planning to bookmark for the future!
I’m so glad, Olivia!! 🙂 Sending love.
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Not everything weighing you down is yours to carry – THANK YOU! I needed to hear this today!
That’s a potent one for me, too. So glad it landed for you today, Claire! Onward –
I so needed this post this morning. It hit home the second I saw the title of this post. This morning was most challenging. Not only am I healing from a MCL tear and physical therapy. My car is in the shop then this am my dear friend drove me to deliver the gifts for the family our company adopted. Then my outlets don’t work in my living room or upstairs bedroom. I had to just breakdown a bit then saw Courtney that’s enough, and find some workarounds. Then I sat down with my laptop to work, a cup of tea, and little women in the background to re acclimate myself to getting work done. When I saw this post it was like you were having my morning. How conforming. Thanks for sharing. Loved Ann Lamont’s quote too
Oh Courtney! What a miserable start to the day. I’m so happy these words arrived at the right time — sending you love and “calmer seas.” I think you’re doing exactly the right thing: finding small ways to comfort yourself! Alcott is always close at hand for these days for me, too 🙂
xx
“Let people be wrong about you.” is the reminder I needed today ❤️
So glad the words arrived at the right time. xx