Things I tell myself all the time as a mother…
Today is not the final draft.
Avoid baby talk. Use the real anatomical terms; tell the truth about death.
They are only this young today.
It’s OK that your home is messy; it’s OK that it looks like little children live here.
Sometimes (often times) the right decision will be unpopular with them, and that’s OK. You are not their best friend; you are their mother.
The most important question: did they feel loved today?
The meat of motherhood is not the epic trip or the over-the-top birthday party — it’s the thousand fibrous daily gestures of love you do almost without thinking: refilling the water cups, soothing minor aches and pains, “wow — you built that?!” (It’s OK to do the small thing.)
Hold them as long as they’ll let you.
What’s right for your friend’s daughter is not necessarily right for your daughter. (In fact, often is not.)
Listen when your children are telling you who they are.
Trust your instincts. No one is more of an expert in your children than you are.
Don’t pepper them with questions just after they get into the car. Give them time to decompress. Drive quietly and their observations will tumble out in good time.
You carry all your children’s ages inside; they are never gone.
It’s OK to go to the doctor with a random symptom. It’s OK to tiptoe into their bedroom to take their temperatures in the middle of the night. Peace of mind is valuable.
If you want to understand their worlds, ask a question and then shut up.
Exercise practicality — are they hungry, are they tired, are they uncomfortable? A lot of things can be resolved with a snack or a nap.
Change is hard on kids! Go easy during the transitions back to school, big life changes, etc. There may be tantrums, bed-wettings, nightmares, etc. Reassure them and know that things will eventually shake out.
Avoid empty threats. Follow through on discipline.
Put a fish in water! (When facing big moods, weird pent-up energy, boredem — drop them in a bath, blow up the backyard pool, let them play in the sink. Water is magic!)
One of the greatest gifts you can give them: the ability to happily spend time alone.
Let them see you fail, or make a mistake. Apologize. Model resilience.
Learn what your kids need when they are upset. Emory needs space and then physical touch and reassurance: “everything’s OK.” Hill needs to be held and talked to.
When you are going toe-to-toe with them over something, ask: “Is this the battlefield I want to die on?”
Structure is good. Routines are good. Expectations are good. Show them pictures, describe what rooms will look like, etc.
A lot of times, simple answers to tough questions are best.
Your children are not projects. Scaffold their movements as they become their own perfect selves.
You’re where you need to be. (The doctor’s appointment, the sick day, the last minute run to school to drop off a lunch — these may feel like inconveniences, but they are all part of motherhood. You’re doing what you need to do, being where you need to be.)
You are their soft landing. Put your hard-edged angst and worry aside and become the softest version of yourself when they need it.
What are some of the things you tell yourself as a mother?
Post-Scripts.
+It’s their day, too. (A quote borrowed from Katie Blackburn.)
+Sometimes motherhood feels like long division.
+Maintaining wonder in motherhood.
+Long days of parenting. (They will happen.)
Shopping Break.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+Majorly trending among Magpies the last few days: this spring blouse. I’m inclined to copycat and order, too! A lot of you also picked up these Target flats, which are a good look for less for my Staud Albas (I have them in the white netting color).
+LOVE gauze for summer — two favorites are Xirena’s blouses (so chic with jeans!) and Alice Walk’s gauze pants. Just saw Gap has a really cute gauze shorts and top set situation at a great price! Would be such a cute set for summer.
+Another chic set: this top and these matching shorts. Pair with a big straw tote and leather sandals.
+Two lace pieces I’m loving: these shorts, this top.
+Best inexpensive sleeping pillows. We use throughout the house!
+GORGEOUS new arrivals from Mestiza: this dress, this one.
+Perfect striped tee.
+Chic storage solution – love that it comes with a lid. One of my big gripes in NYC was that I couldn’t find attractive storage bins with lids, and having that extra visual “noise” drove me crazy…but these are my favorite attractive storage solution WITHOUT lids.
+Contemplating switching out our wicker outdoor set for this sleek one from S&L.
+You may remember I’m a huge fan of Sarah Creal’s face flex concealer — it is specifically designed for more mature skin and does not settle into fine lines, yet somehow provides excellent coverage. Just reordered after emptying a bottle. I also noticed they have this eye cream…inclined to test because I’m so impressed by the efficacy of their other products!
+Mr. Magpie just signed up for some tennis lessons – I ordered both him and my son these cute white shorts (kids’ size here)!
+Another cute little boy find: these seagull swim trunks (under $20). Also cute in the green/white stripe.
+Just stocked up on some new gift wrap for upcoming birthdays. How adorable is this pattern?
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