I went for my first outdoor run in nearly five months this past Sunday. I’ve become a seasonal runner, preferring indoor Peloton in the winter and outdoor runs in the warmer months. But despite intensive, committed cross-training on the bike, the run was slow and inelegant. My knees were confused by the impact; I felt nearly-nauseous on the hard hill at the end of my run (we all have dreaded stretches, don’t we?) And I’d forgotten how wrung-out you feel after a good run — for me, it’s unlike any other form of exercise with the exception of, maybe, mountain climbers or bear crawls in the gym, which deliver a similar kind of full-body cardio exhaustion. I had to remind myself that it takes time to clip back into running, and that a slow start is better than no start at all. This mindset would have been untenable for me just a few years ago. For most of my life, I’ve had two modes (and this relates to both exercise and life): full-speed or off. I was very much raised in the all-girls-school-intensely-competitive mindset of: What’s the point of doing something if not all-out? Then, a few years ago, a friend of mine was training for a marathon and she told me — almost tossing it out like an afterthought — “There are all kinds of runs for all different purposes. Sometimes I go intentionally slow.” My mind was blown. I’d actually never conceived of the idea of taking an intentionally slow or short or long run. I was just going as fast as I could for the proscribed amount of time I had, hoping to outperform my last circuit. These are the kinds of unlearnings that I am interested in during this season of my life: how can I give myself a little more grace, a little longer leash? How can I avoid the mentalities that are destined to burn me out?
My first step in this “unlearning process” as it related to running was getting rid of my tracking tools. I no longer run with a watch or app. I have only the loosest idea of pace or distance. This ran against my religion at the time. I used to be so focused on self-measurement, on optimization. And — look — you can’t improve on what you can’t measure, you know? So there are areas that are worth tracking. But, for me, running was not one of them, and decoupling the activity from my stenographic instincts was an important final mile step in recovering from a history of disordered eating. (I found this out only later. It was like the final clip in the seam.) I took some time to really think — philosophically — about my goals for exercise. I determined I was no longer interested in the calories burned, or the mile time. I wanted cardio for health of heart and mind, and weight-lifting to protect my aging bones (something my doctor continually insists on as a key for perimenopausal health and beyond). I was after that mental flush that exercise gives you, the way it rewards you with a good-all-over feeling, and the promise of a strong body as I head into this middle life phase. The watch, the app: they were giving me data that was ultimately irrelevant to my underlying goals, and in fact distracting me from my purpose and making me feel like I was failing. So I said goodbye to all that. I now run “free” and use a binary system for tracking: did I work out or not? I check a box that says “yes” and it feels wonderful. It doesn’t matter how long I ran, or whether or not I outdid my past “total output” on the Peloton. I moved my body, and that met my goal.
One of the surprising outcomes of this mind shift: I actually find joy in exercise. Not always, to be clear. There are mornings where I’d rather be undergoing dental care than getting on the bike or lifting weights. On those mornings, I remind myself: sometimes you just have to move the dirt. But more often than not, I have a neutral-to-positive outlook on it, and there are certain Peloton rides that have felt nothing short of gleeful. Good music, challenging sprints, the social element of completing the rides (virtually) with my sisters and Dad! I have found myself singing and smiling in the saddle. And in the warm months, on a beautiful early summer morning, when the crepe myrtles are in bloom and the sun lays on the moss-covered stone wall that lines the final ascent on my regular running circuit, I feel almost ecstatic. How good to move my body in this perfect spring morning, I think. For so long, running felt like a necessary evil, a punishment, a way of erasing calories. Now it feels like a giving practice.
I will add one slightly nuanced input: I listened to this podcast a year ago with a perimenopause expert who said that “what worked for maintaining your fitness and your weight in your 20s and 30s will probably no longer work in your 40s.” I have found this to be (maddeningly) true. I have noticed such a change in my physique the last two years in particular, and even if I am doing the exact same circuits and eating the exact same diet, my body is reacting to and tolerating things differently. For example, alcohol is much harder for me to process these days; now, Landon and I try to avoid it most weeknights. We always talk about how incredible we feel during the week for this reason — we sleep better, our bodies feel better. But we love wine, and we will go the extra mile for an excellent cocktail (all of our secrets and notes for the best at-home cocktails here), and we believe that there is a time and place for everything in moderation — so we permit ourselves this joy over the weekend. Delicious to pair with meals, fun to mix up with friends, a component of our 6 p.m. wind-down rituals. I’ve noticed something similar with exercise — I am doing more cardio and more intensive strength training than I’ve ever done in my life (!) and it feels like I need that extra work just to maintain my “normal” physique. Even as I write that, I think to myself: but what is normal? Maybe “normal” in my 40s is not “normal” in my 30s and that’s OK, you know? (How do I age with grace, tolerance, acceptance?) Anyhow, I am feeling my way through (one reframe I lean on, in this area and others: “it’s not how do I get to the other side? but how do I ease my way across?” The visual does something wonderfully relaxing to me), but I have observed that this phase requires a lot more care and time just to maintain. And I spend a lot of time thinking about how to honor my health without being punishing or restrictive and, on the other hand, too lenient.
How are you approaching fitness and exercise in your 40s? Have you observed any of these phenomena? Do you still run with a watch, etc?
Post-Scripts.
+Other weird things I’ve noticed in my 40s.
+Advice from big sister figures.
+What would my 70-year-old-self say?
My Favorite Spring Fitness Finds.
A propos of this post, a few of my absolute favorite fitness pieces:
LULULEMON LONG-SLEEVED TEE // RHONE SHORTS // RHONE ANORAK
These Rhone shorts…! Maybe the best running shorts I’ve ever worn, which is saying a lot because I’ve tried a lot of the styles from “serious runner” brands like Tracksmith. I love the loose, breathable fit; the length (not too short); the wide but not constricting waistband! These seem to sell out quickly but are available in a few colors. I’ve written about the anorak a bunch but it’s such a great top layer for throwing on pre or post workout, and I love the wide hem cut — sort of skirts the body without hugging it. So flattering.
This long-sleeved tee is a performance material so you can wear on a run / while on bike but it’s also super chic/cute as a top layer. Love the slightly long length. How often do we see stripes in athletic wear?! Love. Vote for more of this.
A few other fitness items I love:
THE ONLY BIKE SHORTS THAT I FIND FLATTERING (DON’T CUT IN ANYWHERE)
MY FAVORITE LIGHTWEIGHT (SUPER SOFT) TANKS
BEST BASE LAYER FOR COLDER RUNS
GREAT ALL AROUND FITNESS SHORT
BEST GYM SHOES (STABILIZE ANKLE, PROVIDE SUPPORT)
More Shopping (Not Just Fitness).
+Spring sweatshirt upgrades: love this reverse fleece in the cherry blossom pink; this just-launched “rugby” sweatshirt from Alice Walk in the green; and of course my personal favorite “Locker.” The details on the latter are next level. LOVE the silhouette, the drop shoulder seam, the cropped but not body-hugging hem…perfection.
+Chicest striped tunic to throw on with jeans or shorts.
+Handsome spring golf shirt pour les hommes. (My husband just treated himself to these new golf shoes, in the snow/dune colorway, too. He always checks with me on style and these got my approval — ha.)
+These shoes are in my cart! I just love everything about them.
+My mom just ordered this spectacular lace caftan. I might have to copy.
+Did you see Hill House did a cute collab with Wetbrush?! I ordered a few of them and the matching hair clip sets to give as birthday gifts this year (nestled in a little pouch!) for 9-to-10-year-olds. They also have a mini size perfect for backpacks, and these “GRWM” clips for older gals. I ordered all of these from Ulta because the shipping is quicker and less expensive, but you can also buy at HHH if you’re ordering something else from there. (May I remind you of how much I LOVE the cut and feel of this swimsuit?!)
+More pretty spring bedding, this time from a new-to-me brand. Has anyone tried Coyuchi before? Love these patterns.
+Speaking of pretty spring home patterns: just discovered this gorgeous line of wallpapers from interior designer Kathryn Hunt. These patterned grasscloth ones are…!!!!
+For your mini-me: cutest jellies and barn coat (the pink or the green!!).
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