A: I’m lusting after this Damaris Bailey (velvet peplum puffed sleeved heaven — and the neckline is saucy as all get out). Also love this textured Baum und Pferdgarten, this lace mockneck, this under-$100 tulle statement (imagine with high-waisted trousers!), these feathers (slightly toned down version here), this sequin, and this velvet. Finally, this under-$100 steal looks like something by Brock Collection. Love the idea of pairing it with lighter wash denim for a dressed-up-dressed-down situation.
Q: Good hoop earrings – not super chunky.
A: These look perfect for every day. I don’t wear hoops often but I do have a super inexpensive, unfussy pair that I wear when the mood strikes — startlingly good quality for the price. I shared more chic hoops here!
Q: You had written a post after moving back to DC asking readers for kitchen mat recommendations. I am in need of a new one and am curious which you went with/if you still like it now. I had recommended House of Noa at the time and love them but need something long (80-90 inches) and budget friendly as I am not sure if it will work once we buy a house in the next couple of years. Thank you in advance!
A: PSA that House of NOA is currently running a Black Friday promo and all mats are 20% off with code BFCM20. This might make the mat a bit more palatable from a price standpoint. They have some great patterns — I especially like this simple coastal stripe and this floral. Another option would be Ruggable’s runners — they are all machine-washable and a little less expensive than House of Noa in the size you’re after. For a similar price, this jute one would be durable for a high-traffic area like a kitchen.
Q: Can you advise what to consider for the very best mother in law who does not need anything, can get herself whatever she wishes, is extremely down to earth and solid. She’s not very frilly. She cares about her skin and cooking. She is the absolute best there is.
A: What a lovely portrait you’ve painted. A few ideas: on the skincare front, a gift card for a hydrofacial at a local spa, Clarins Double Serum (she may already have this but if not — a holy grail product for me), or a Dr. Barbara Sturm gift set. On the cooking front: a bundle of pantry essentials from Gustiamo or Eataly (various shapes of bronze-cut pasta, really good canned tomatoes, tinned fish, premium olive oil), a few new cookbooks for her shelves, a set of Material Kitchen cutting boards (i.e., the full size and the mini) and a Misono petty knife, a Hedley and Bennett apron (the brand a lot of serious, respected chefs use — Mr. Magpie has one and loves it), or a Spice House gift box (I would personally elect for more utility spices like cinnamon, peppercorns, bay leaves, etc — things cooks use in loads of recipes — instead of the spice blends you use only on chicken/steak/etc).
Q: A cardigan to wear with everything – nap dresses, jeans, etc.
A: Splurge: Jenni Kayne’s cashmere cocoon cardigan. Save: this perfect J. Crew cableknit. A few others I love that are somewhere in the middle: this La Ligne, this Alex Mill, this Everlane, this Kilte.
Q: A pair of flat statement boots. Flexible on style but I like the lug-sole ones that are trendy this season.
A: So fun! I kind of regret not doing this — so dramatic to run out to the car (and honeymoon!) in a glitzy mini. I would pick this Saloni or this Alexis.
Q: I couldn’t believe it when I saw the Annisa dress on your blog — I bought it a few weeks ago at a similar price from Revolve. It’s so pretty. My daughter’s widowed MIL is getting remarried just before Christmas and I was thinking of wearing this to her wedding. Do you think it would be appropriate? If so, what kind of shoes would you wear with it? Or would you go with something more holiday-ish?
A: I do think it’s dressy enough, unless they’ve designated that the event is formal / evening / black tie / black tie optional. If nothing is listed, I would proceed with a cocktail attire choice like the Annisa. I would pair with black suede or velvet pumps (or these really fun and affordable mary janes from AT!), an evening bag, and big earrings.
Q: HELP! Last minute burgundy velvet Thanksgiving dress that can arrive in time.
A: I wore this one last year and it is now on sale for under $100 (!!!). Very comfortable. Wore with big glitzy earrings and velvet heels. Another option: this SEA. Confident you can get both/either shipped in time!
A: Sweaters for little girls.
A: I just bought two great ones from J. Crew on sale for my daughter: this fair isle cardi and this sheep patterned one. Zara is also a trove of reasonably-priced statement knits, like this snow flake fair isle, this exaggerated collar sweater, and this cardigan, which looks like it could be from Doen or something. I also love this classic style from Minnow in both stripe and solid — runs a bit small, I would size up. I swoon over the pricy ones from Bonton, too — heirloom quality! And how cute is this bobble knit cardigan?
Black Friday came early! A couple of fabulous deals happening now, starting with —
HILL HOUSE. 30% off sitewide with code 30FORYOU. They haven’t (to my memory) run a sitewide promo like this! Snag a holiday tartan for Christmas morning or a cute pair of Christmas jammies for your little one.
TATCHA. 25% off sitewide with code EARLY22. It’s pretty rare you see beauty/cosmetics on sale for over 20% off off. If you read my post this morning, you know I LOVE their dewy skin cream — the best new beauty product I’ve tried this year I think. I also just heard from a reader that QVC is selling a full-sized cream along with a full-sized serum for $58 (!!!) — so basically the sale price of the cream at Tatcha plus a free full-sized serum.
+AYR. Today (11/15) only, Ayr is offering 20% off sitewide with code EXTRA20. Use it to try one of the French Fry tees! (Full review here, but the TL;DR is that I love them.). But, PSST. Word on the street is that these $12 lookalike tees from Target are just as good?!
J. CREW. I think they often do a 50% or 60% off sitewide promo on Black Friday / Cyber Monday, but they are currently already running some great promos so I did buy a few things for my daughter including this sweater, this one, and a few tissue turtlenecks. I am also tempted by this fleece and this sweater for myself, and this tartan turtleneck is a done deal. And everyone’s favorite feather bag is 40% off!
MIRTH. 30% off most of their site (knits excluded) — promo appears in cart. So many pretty dresses to buy now and enjoy next spring/summer, like this. A lot of their styles boast an easy, loose fit that would work with a bump. They also have some seriously fun tops, like this one I’ve been wearing this season.
PROPER TABLE. 25% off with code PROPERTHANKS. I love their round acrylic mats for everyday use (suits the entire family – even toddlers) and their coasters would make a great hostess gift / holiday gift.
I’m back, after a long hiatus, with more honest reviews of heavily hyped beauty products. (You can see past posts here, here, here…even more in archives!). And P.S. – the background above is actually one of St. Frank’s new gift wrapping sheets! I am IN LOVE with the pattern and am almost too stingy to use as gift wrap. It is gorgeous!
WESTMAN ATELIER VITAL SKINCARE DEWY FOUNDATION DROPS. I’ve never received more requests for a beauty review than I did for this. Many of us are obsessed with everything Westman — I own and love most of her products. So let me share a controversial take: I am mixed on the drops. First of all, they are expensive and the package is tiny — much smaller than anticipated. Her foundation stick is, I think, generous in portion and lasts a long time. The drops, by contrast, feel like a mini size, which is troubling because of the required application. I tried to apply this many different ways — directly onto skin, on a sponge, etc, but the only effective way to apply (IMO) is to place a few drops into your palm and then massage across the face. It feels like you need at least four, maybe more, drops to get this done, and that stresses me out because I feel like I’m tearing through the bottle too quickly relative to what I paid for it. I have the impression I’m going to run out in, like, two weeks! This could all be a package design flaw, and if they’d packaged it in a larger bottle with a different applicator, it wouldn’t feel this way? The bottle does have 1 oz, which is about 2/3rds of what is in a tube of SuperGoop Glowscreen (what I’d been using previously on a daily basis), and glowscreen lasts me a couple months at least. But just sharing my honest and strange stress over how little appears to come in this fancy bottle. The other critique I have is that it smells strange — like wet concrete? or some kind of plastic? — which undermines the luxury aspect of the brand I’ve come to expect. It’s not so stinky that I won’t use it, but it does hit me every morning as slightly off-putting. On the pro side: this really does make you look like you’re walking around wearing the Paris filter on Instagram. It has a considerable amount of coverage (more than I was expecting) but wears like a tinted moisturizer — it just lays beautifully on the skin, and does not (ever!) cake. The critique I’ve heard of her foundation stick is that your skin must be heavily moisturized before, or it will kind of cake / dry out. I would say the tint does not operate that way — it really has a liquid texture that glides on and absorbs more like a moisturizer. It leaves your skin radiant, even, and disguises any discolorations/blemishes. Westman has marketed this product as “a next-generation, hydrating skin tint packed with serum-strength actives,” and I can’t really comment on the skincare/serum element. My process is to apply eye cream first, then serum, then moisturizer — THEN I apply the cosmetics — so I can’t say I’ve noticed much of a difference in terms of my skincare w/r/t this new product. Personally, I would prefer that the tint be just a tint (no serum) and a little less expensive since I already have a skincare regimen I like. But, I guess not a bad thing to add an extra layer of serum?
All in, I will absolutely use this until it’s finished because I think the coverage / effect is quite good. However, I would personally recommend her foundation stick over her drops if you’re choosing just one foundation item. The foundation stick is just beyond fabulous. Best of breed, IMO. If you are looking for something more like a tinted moisturizer, I would say this has more of a full coverage effect than most moisturizers, and so you may be happier with something like Laura Mercier or Trish McEvoy. (Both really, really good — less coverage, more natural effect than W.A.’s tint.) If you are looking to eliminate a separate serum and just want one product to throw on and go about your day without need for a makeup brush, concealer, powder, etc — the Westman drops might be perfect for you, though.
MERIT GREAT SKIN SERUM. I wrote about this a bit two weekends ago, but Merit reached out to gift me their new serum and I was eager to try. This serum is, in my opinion, a great “entry-level” serum. It is affordable (under $40), clean, gentle (!), and leaves skin bright and happy. It has a very liquid consistency — almost like broth? — that does not leave any oiliness, residue, etc. It does not feel as viscous as most other serums I have used and liked and seems to absorb instantly. Your skin feels like a bright and glassy version of its former self after application — but I will say it does not deliver the same kind of deep penetration that some of my other favorite serums do, where it feels like your entire face is saturated. Merit’s formula feels less heavy-duty, like it lives at the surface a bit more. All in, the lightweightness / ease of absorption makes it a great candidate for expedited morning skincare/makeup, since you can apply it and then immediately apply makeup without having to wait for the formula to absorb. Finally, I liked that this product is ultra-gentle. It is made entirely of clean ingredients, and then Merit went back and eliminated 73 ingredients that are “clean” but potentially acne-triggering. I feel like that is such a fantastic selling point because some serums are so heavy that they can feel clogging.
CHANEL INIMITABLE MASCARA. This mascara is really good — lengthens, separates, curls, and does not flake. I would say it comes in just beneath my long-time favorite Armani mascara, and only because of personal preference — I like my lashes pretty bold and dark and Armani is just a tiny bit more dramatic. Chanel is better at lash separation and curling than Armani, though.
TATCHA DEWY SKIN MOISTURIZER. Currently 25% off with code EARLY22!!! The standout product this month. If you try one thing on this list, try this moisturizer. It is PERFECT for this season — deeply hydrated, plumping, firming. It is heavier duty than some of the other moisturizers I’ve used and liked in the past, but I appreciate that quality during these colder (dryer) months. I will say I feel like I need to apply it and then let it sink in / saturate for maybe 2-3 minutes before I apply makeup. That works out fine with my routine, but it did require an adjustment. It really (!) delivers good results though — my skin is so happy, moisturized, supple, dewy! LOVE this stuff.
MERIT FLUSH BALM CREAM BLUSH. A really nice cream blush. It blends into skin even more easily than Westman Atelier (has a slightly glossier finish). However, I prefer Westman’s cheek colors. I got Merit’s “cheeky” color and it is just slightly too brown for my taste? I prefer a brighter pink — Westman’s Dou Dou and Poppet colors are PERFECTION. Dou Dou makes me feel like Winona Ryder as Jo March running through the snow with flushed cheeks. A narrow reference, I know, but it is just the best color. Poppet is really fun for summer.
WESTMAN ATELIER SQUEAKY CLEAN LIQUID LIP. I can’t figure out if I like it or not. I’m not a gloss gal, but this one does not finish with that sticky feeling most glosses do — it really does blend in more like a balm — so that part doesn’t bother me. But I find it difficult to apply fully to my lips? Like, I feel like I never get just the right coverage. Sometimes it looks splotchy and other times it is all over the place. Maybe I just a newb at applying lip gloss? I guess the issue is that most glosses are kind of forgiving if you go outside the lip line, but this one deposits color? Help! The color is really pretty, though – very natural. I will continue to use to see if I can figure it out but, two weeks in, I’m still feeling like a bit of a rookie.
IT COSMETICS CONFIDENCE IN A CLEANSER. My mom gave me a barely-used tube of this because she’s now in a committed relationship with Biologique Recherche’s famous Lotion P50, so I started using this in the mornings in lieu of my longtime favorite oil cleanser. (In the evenings, I exclusively use Tata Harper’s exfoliating regenerating cleanser — it feels like it takes the day off. I love how it feels! I just saw they finally came out with a jumbo sized version that I will be buying the next time they run a promo.) Anyhow, I like the It Cosmetics formula. I don’t love that you need to wet your face first (weird I know, but I’m so used to oil-based cleanser or Tata’s “dry” cleanser — you begin with dry skin), as this feels like a strange way to jolt into the day, but I’m being finnicky there. It has a really nice lather, no scent, and leaves skin feeling pleasantly clean — not squeaky clean / tight-clean, but sort of conditioned in a pleasing way. I will continue to use this until finished and then switch back to my oil cleanser or maybe follow my mom’s suit and use the P50?! All in, I’d say a good cleanser, but nothing mind-blowing.
MURAD RETINOL EYE SERUM. Another eye product that does little beyond hydrate, IMO. I have yet to find anything that really blows my mind in this product category. I am intrigued by a Magpie’s rave reviews of Biossance’s Squalane + Marine Algae eye cream — I might give that a try next, as I am IN LOVE with another Biossance product, their Vitamin C Rose Oil, which makes me think they know a thing or two about effective skincare. Otherwise, I’ll just be sticking with my $28 grocery store eye balm, which continues to outperform or at least perform-at-the-same-tier-as products 3 and 4x its price.
What else are you using and liking in beauty these days? Anything you want reviewed?
*Image via Emily Romero, who sells gorgeous marbled gift wrap. Seeing those gorgeous parcels was a reminder that one element of making even a small gift feel special is wrapping it up dramatically! My MIL is a genius at this. She makes even store-bought cookies feel special because she knows how to plate them, or bundle them with a cute ribbon, or whatever!
Every year, I find myself with a handful of people for whom I’d like to spend around $20-$30 on a small holiday gift. It could be a teacher, a neighbor, a mom friend, a Secret Santa exchange, a colleague — but below, 20 fantastic gifts for under $30.
02. FOOTED BOWL — BIGGER/MORE SUBSTANTIAL THAN YOU THINK! WOULD BE CUTE AS A STAND-ALONE GIFT FOR SHOWCASING JEWELRY, HOUSING MATCHES/KEYS, OR JUST USING AS DECOR
09. IN KIND MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION — THE WOMEN WHO RUN THIS RECENTLY-LAUNCHED MAGAZINE ARE INCREDIBLE, BRIGHT, PASSIONATE, THOUGHTFUL! GORGEOUS + THOUGHT-PROVOKING ESSAYS ON MOTHERHOOD, CAREER, STYLE, ETC.
At one of the events leading up to my brother’s wedding, I arrived at cocktail hour dressed to the nines and one of the wives of my brother’s friends looked me up and down, squintingly, and said: “Why are you so dressed up?” Distaste dripped from her like honey. I laughed, or something. My sister squeezed my arm and whispered under her breath, “Why are you so dressed down?”
I pay regular visits to this memory, not because I would go back and change my response, and not because it was a particularly injurious barb, but because, for a split-second, I doubted myself. The world went wide and then thin. I found myself itching to adjust my collar, my hem, my hair. And then, just as quickly, I snapped back into myself with a kind of reassurance that insisted: “No response required.” (My sister’s firm grip on my arm — and the situation — helped.)
I think about that exchange when I need to galvanize myself. When I need to remember what is core and what is periphery. When I find myself adrift in my (inevitably skewed) interpretations of how other people perceive me. People will say things. Some of the time, they mean nothing by them. Most of the time, they are coping by way of projection. Very occasionally, they intend to hurt.
None of that is my business.
I am not for everyone; that is OK.
I can only answer for myself.
What does it mean, to answer for yourself? I write those words and find it impossible not to imagine a Judgment Day scene. I imagine a babel of voices, a commotion of hands and arms, each straining to be seen and heard. Regardless of the movements of the crowd, when my name is called, I will need to stand up and speak clearly. I will need to own myself, the parcel of thoughts and words and actions that have together defined me during these wild and precious days. There will be no diversions, no vaguenesses, no explanations, no do-overs. I will be lit up clear as day.
What do I want myself to look like?
These are big, scary provocations, edge-gilded in finality. But this is no thanatopsis*. I don’t write to alarm or menace. I write to remind myself that today is another opportunity to seek alignment between my movements, my choices, the way I structure my day and time and home, and the version of myself I want to be. I write them to remember to let everything else slide right off my back, right out of my home.
*******************
*Or, perhaps, this is it’s own kind of thanatopsis. W.C. Byrant:
“So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
+Oh my goodness — Doen’s holiday dresses are spectacular. I literally gasped at this dress and this one. Of course I LOVE the NYC backdrop in this campaign!!
+We need this plaid turtleneck, Magpies. Imagine with high-waisted velvet trousers. Yep.
+This is my favorite holiday candle. I burned it all last season!
+I just discovered the brand Material Kitchen and love the idea of these $25 mini cutting boards (dishwasher-safe, too). We have a few of these small cutting boards from Epicurean that we use multiple times a day, whether preparing a sandwich, dicing up a piece of fruit for the children, cutting lemons or limes, etc., but they aren’t dishwasher safe. Wondering if the boards would be a good stocking stuffer for Mr. Magpie!
+They also have sets of colored juice glasses that are reasonably priced — $50 for a set of 4. Fun for a holiday table!
+J. Crew has some really fun fair isle cardigans — of course I love this embellished one, but this long-line one is intriguing — the dimensions are interesting — and I feel like this navy one would be perfect over my plaid dresses.
+You all sold out those faux-diamond huggies I featured last week, but these are similar and around the same price!
JANE WIN JEWELRY. I’ve written a lot about this brand recently but I am in love with these meaningful, beautiful-quality pieces for everyday wear. I am especially smitten with this large “joy” coin, which I have been wearing nearly daily. In the photos above, I am also wearing the petite heart and their amazonite flower pendant. There are just so many fun pieces to layer, wear on their own, etc. These pieces would make such a great gift — specifically, I think, the coins. You can pick one that is relevant to a loved one’s interests / needs / stage in life / etc. The joy one I picked actually has a fertility narrative associated with it (this is outlined on a card that arrives with the pendant) that would be thoughtful for someone TTC. I wear mine to remind myself to seek out the small slices of joy throughout my day. I wore this to dinner the other night, and a gentleman friend complimented the necklace, actually! A fun conversation starter to boot. Thank you, Jane Win, for sending me these beautiful pieces. I absolutely treasure!
MIRTH VIENNA DRESS (30% off! — Add to cart and promotion will appear; no code needed.) Mirth is such a lovely brand and they sent me a few pieces earlier this season. I especially love this ultra-easy-to-wear drawstring-waist dress. My neighbor actually chased me down to ask me about it while I was walking Tilly last weekend. I love all of the unexpected details on my Mirth pieces. In the case of this dress, the sleeves are fabulous — you can push up the cuff for more of a “puffed sleeve” look or you can tug it down for a style that looks a bit more blouson (and fits better under coats). I will layer a turtleneck beneath this when temps get cooler, too. I also own this patchwork blouse of theirs (also 30% off), which is such a bold and unexpected statement. The ties on the shoulders are just so intricate and interesting, and the material is super thick — more like a shacket than a blouse. Their sweaters are spectacular, but not included in the promotion. I have been eyeing this gorgeous one.
SEA PATCHWORK COAT. My exact style has sold out, but I just adore the patchwork quilted coats (cropped style here) from SEA. Normally, I throw on over jeans and a white tee and feel like a million bucks, but I had fun pattern mixing with my Mirth dress. This darker patterned one is on sale and looks a touch more “wearable” if the style is intimidating because of the darker colors. Note: these styles run really, really big. I took an XXS and it is still cavernous.
ANNA CATE ARIE MIDI DRESS. The chic e-retailer Tuke Bazaar sent me this gorgeous dress and oh my LORD this is easily one of my favorite dresses I’ve worn this fall. The picture on the site does not even do it justice (nor do my casual selfies), but the sleeves are super dramatic, the neckline is wildly flattering, and the colors are so unexpected — a dark chocolate brown threaded through with blue and gold. I wore this out to dinner the other night and felt like a million bucks. The neckline, guys! It showcases the most delicate part of the collarbone. The fit of this dress is divine. I felt so comfortable and flattered in it. Wow! This feels like an Ulla Johnson dress, but for under $300. J’adore j’adore and am planning on taking it to NYC this week for a quick trip. It also comes in an ivory colorway. This would be a great contender if you’re still idling to buy a Thanksgiving dress — flattering but not constricting at all. (Can you tell how much I love this dress?) This dress runs a tad on the large size. I took my usual size (XS) and it is very roomy. I could probably stand to have it tailored at the waist but kind of like the floaty fit.
RAG & BONE HARROW BOOTIE. I can’t believe I hung onto these boots for so long — I think I’ve had them in my closet for five or six years? — but I’m so glad I did because they were the perfect Western-inspired match for my Anna Cate dress at dinner earlier this week. I remember seeing them on Jacey eons ago and buying them immediately. Funny what you hang on to versus what you let go — I’m so glad I kept these. They are currently 50% off here!
CANE DC. We tried this Caribbean street food restaurant down on H Street with some friends earlier this week and wow. One of our favorite spots we’ve tried since moving back to the DC area! (Other favorites — Maydan, Crane, Rooster & Owl.). The whole fish was the star of the show in my opinion, but we tried and loved about half of their menu, and the staff couldn’t have been nicer! The son of the owner was working as bartender the night we stopped in, and he was such a delight — gregarious, inviting, a joy to be around. And (!). He made me one of the best and most inventive cocktails I’ve enjoyed in recent memory, called the Cane Fever, a rum-based cocktail with a slightly vinegary pineapple-habanero shrub (!!! — I know some of us Magpies were just discussing how much we love all things vinegar and one asked about shrubs!). It was exquisitely balanced, with a little bit of everything: tartness, heat, acidity, sweetness, spice. Wow. It is a small spot and was a bit short-staffed the night we visited, but well worth a wait regardless. My only wish is that they had dimmed the lights a bit for more ambiance, but all in all, excellent food, great service, fabulous cocktails.
FEATHER-TRIM HEELS. I know a lot of you ordered these Sam Edelmans (so fun and come in a bunch of colors), but I hadn’t taken the plunge on a pair yet, and then I saw these St. Laurents and could not stop thinking about how chic a pair would look with semi-sheer tights and a black mini. And then I stumbled across this $99 pair from Zara, which look A LOT like the St. Laurents. AHHHH. So fun for winter festivities!
ULLA JOHNSON ANNISA DRESS. A lot of dresses in today’s post but — well, I’d wear a dress everyday of my life and twice on Tuesday. I recently snagged this puffed sleeved midi when it went on sale for 40% off. I love the pattern, the neckline, the detail. If you are lucky, there are a handful of them left at the same discount at Tuckernuck and you can get an extra 20% off with code YOURULE. Ulla’s popular solid army green dress is also on sale for 40% off!!!
LELE SADOUGHI BARDOT HEADBAND. I’ve been getting a lot of wear out of this adorable bow-topped headband lately. I feel like it paired with a dress like the Annisa, or with a simple black sweater and jeans. Cute!
BIOLOGIQUE RECHERCHE LOTION P50. My Mom came back from a spa trip to the Salamander Resort in VA recently and was raving about her esthetician and specifically her introduction to products from Biologique Recherche. I’m sure you’ve heard about this brand before — it has a cult following and has been around for ages now. I’ve been loosely aware of it but always shied away because in years past it has been difficult to purchase and I vaguely remember some controversy about one of the ingredients in the original 1970s version of the product. There are now a couple of different variations on the p50 theme, and I’m in the midst of researching which one I want to try. Will report back with my learnings / decision soon. But the TL;DR is that this is an exfoliating toner that transforms skin. My mom specifically said that she also had been loving my long-time favorite Tata Harper regenerating cleanser but that the scrub/exfoliating factor was rough on her delicate skin, and that this “lotion” toner is much gentler and far more effective. I’m very intrigued. I feel like I need a little skin pick-me-up and am going to swap out my morning cleanser for this one.
ERIN WALLACE HOLIDAY CARDS. Have you ordered holiday cards yet? If not, get thee to Erin Wallace! I love her modern designs this year, especially the fun and slightly vintage feel of this chartreuse fretwork ones and these scalloped ones. Erin Wallace is a dream to work with and has helped me customize a card for this year. Cannot wait to share!
By: Jen Shoop
My Latest Snag: Pajamas for the Children.
I’ve been on a pajama-buying tear lately. I just realized that both of my children have either outgrown or worn out most of their pajama drawers, and we were looking a little raggedy at bedtime. I was able to purchase a few pairs of TBBC pajamas for only $15 a pop — not sure how many are left as of now, but run! — as well as these football jams for my son and these nutcracker pajamas for my daughter and myself. I shared a lot of other adorable holiday pajamas for children earlier this week, and am planning to buy Petidoux ski print jammies for micro and skate print jammies for mini as well as these arctic train ones for both! I find that Petite Plume can usually be worn two and sometimes even three seasons — I size up a bit! My son was still wearing a size 2Y (!!!! — and he is 3.5) up until a few weeks ago — the pants were like flood pants on him, but I had a hard time giving them up, because both children had worn them!
This Week’s Most Popular: Winter and Holiday Finds.
When I was twelve, navigating the unwelcome changes of puberty and ill-at-ease in my own body, a baby-sitter told me I was pretty. I remember exactly where I was: filing out of the back of Annunciation Church, sun filtering through stained glass and onto my sweater. We must have been there for a pageant, or an awards ceremony, or some other school event at which my mom needed extra hands. “You look so pretty,” she said. “Those cheekbones.” And she pressed her hand to her heart and looked off longingly, as if to pantomime envy.
Superficial, yes, but I consider it one of the kindest compliments I’ve ever received, mainly because I hungered to hear it at that age. I think back and wonder if she knew this, if my evident need for reassurance spurred the comment, as I have never had particularly pronounced cheekbones, and certainly not at that pudgy age. For years (and years), I would turn my face this way and that in the mirror, straining to see what she had seen, wondering if others saw me that way, too. I have long since lost track of that sitter but I wish I could go to her, put my hands on her shoulders, and thank her. What might have been a throwaway comment for her became a touchstone for me.
You may have borne witness to this sentiment in the interaction between my fictional characters Lee and Frances in this short story. So much of me is baked into that story — not all in the same character, either.
What’s the kindest compliment you’ve ever received?
Shopping Break.
+This waffled sweatpants and sweatshirt set look like heaven. (Both pieces on sale for around $40 each!)
+25% off sitewide at Proper Table using code PROPERTHANKS. I’ve featured their acrylic coasters and placemats a lot recently (including in this edit) — easy-to-keep-clean tableware for busy families. Their coaster sets would be a great gift to give friends along with a bottle of wine. And trust me, you need their placemats!
+Just added a few of these $6 waffle layering tees to my cart for micro. I also added these star-print leggings to cart — good to have some backups to keep in my bag / in his backpack!
+A splurgier option, but these pima knit tees from 1212 are exceptionally soft and well-made.
+Love this cubby-style bookshelf for littles — we have a similar one in our playroom and it used to be in mini’s bedroom. SO good because it keeps everything at their eye level / accessible to them. Amazing how much more likely they are to play with toys, read books, etc when they can see them easily!
+For heirloom items / special books, use these floating shelves!
+Somehow these Supergas (in such a good color!) are on sale for under $40.
We interrupt these festive posts to bring you all things fringe, suede, and belted. I have been loving a lot of the Western-inspired styles out this season. Spacey Kacey must be pleased as punch.
Author Jedidiah Jenkins wrote, of memoir: “Sanitized writing is not worth reading. Unless the pain is looked at and shared, it is behind the barn and festering. Trust me: what is unsaid is not smothered. It is coming out sideways.”
I read those words and wondered.
Later the same afternoon, I came across a quote on the subject of speaking up when feelings are hurt that said something like: “Short term discomfort is better than long-term pain.”
I read those words and I wondered, too.
These provocations are difficult for me to accept. It is not in my nature to be combative, or even confrontational. I would much rather smooth things over; I prefer to kiss and make up. My parents always implored me to “be the bigger person” and “turn the other cheek.” My father in particular is prone to forgiveness by virtue of the phrase: “You never know what’s going on with the other person.” I remember one time recounting to him a very strange interaction at a funeral, and he said: “People grieve in all kinds of ways. You have to give people a lot of space.” I think of those words often. I had anticipated solidarity — could even imagine the screwy face he would make while exclaiming: “what a mean thing to say!” — but he returned my judgmental account of the situation with humbling grace.
Still. It is true, what Jenkins says. If serious hurt goes unbroached, the emotions do crawl out “sideways.” And it is possible to be so forgiving as to become a doormat. Grave offenses should be dealt with; insults need not be tolerated. We owe ourselves that.
How to reconcile all of this?
I think this is such a nuanced area that short Instagram excerpts and other quick rubrics do more bad than good. Because, in my experience, sometimes, it is the right thing to push back. Other times, it is the right thing to do the less emotionally-intensive thing by “voting with my feet” — e.g., opting not to spend time with people, avoiding certain contexts, etc. And still other times, it is the right thing to do nothing at all, to let the insult glide right off my back and plunge into the water behind.
And across nearly all of those cases, by the way, I would say an immediate (e.g., same-moment) reaction is not necessary. I say this because you may be like me, and I am not good on my feet. I do not like to be in the line of fire. I spent too much of my early-to-mid-30s on a dais, pitching, answering questions, and I know how much it requires of me, and how difficult it is to make peace with my own misfires and missteps. I still think back to a handful of questions lobbed at me in those days and wish I’d answered them differently. Outsized esprit de l’escalier. And those are interactions that for the most part took place outside of the realm of my heart. I guess what I am saying is that I have learned I am better with space to unpack things. Rarely in my experience has it harmed the situation to take some time — even just ten minutes! — to take a breath, take a lap. That space enables me to make a better assessment of the proper response. The one caveat in “taking a beat,” though, is that the further I get from the point of hurt, the likelier I am to shrug it off, and sometimes those feelings need air time. In most cases, I give myself an arbitrary deadline — almost always 24 hours or less, unless I know there will be a natural in-person time or place in which to follow up — to communicate my feelings.
Some of the inputs I try (do not always succeed) to call to mind while making this assessment:
What are some less-obvious reasons someone might have said/done this? (Sort of like the antidote to catastrophic thinking: surfacing many possible explanations prevents me from immediately assuming the worst and most injurious.)
Could I have misinterpreted what was said/done?
Did I do something out of line to precipitate this?
How serious of an offense is this? Am I blowing it out of proportion?
Is this part of a pattern?
How have I responded to similar situations with this person in the past? Did my response work or not?
Is this situation worth the energy of a response?
Is this person worth the energy of a response?
On this last point, I want to recall an Instagram quote that I did find illuminating: “Some people deserve an answer. Some people deserve a word. Some people deserve nothing at all.” This is harsh to hear, of course, but I do agree that there are situations where it is simply not worth my energy to “go there.”
How do you handle moments of hurt? How do you determine the “proper” response? What has worked?
+An adjacent framework for handling lighter-weight insults/omissions/unkind words: the five second rule. (I loved the comments on this post and specifically have rehearsed saying: “What do you mean by that?” Have not yet had the wherewithal to deliver it.)
+On apologies. Wow. This post — or, the podcast that preceded — represented a major healing turning point for me.
Shopping Break.
+This $200 dress sold out already this season but is back and available for order!
+Fully obsessed with these $110 printed velvet heels (called “ivory multi” on the site) — I own this exact pair of heels in a different velvet color and they are FAB.
+25% off virtually everything at Serena & Lily. They often offer 20% off but rarely 25% off — a good time to snag a table lamp or counter stools!
+If you liked those Ulla velvet trousers I featured last week, but not the price, found a great similar pair under $100 here! Pair with the Ulla turtleneck and a big tangle of gold necklaces and WOW. You get the Ulla vibe look for much less.
+Some of the La Ligne x Target knits are still available and now marked down to clearance prices!
+Asking for these silhouette charms for Christmas — would adore one for each of my children!
+Chic coated ankle jeans — $30 off with code NOVSAVE.
+1 of these left in my size and…DO I NEED IT. AHHH. It’s so me!
+An under-$20 turtleneck in a great mustard color.
+Cute fair isle sweater for a little. Also love this $23 knit.
+Great sporty sherpa coat. The kind of thing I’d love to thrown on over running gear post-workout!
+Love these cute glittery $3 ornaments — add depth and shimmer if you have a lot of ball ornaments!
Tights are never really “out” in my opinion, but they have been all over the place as a styling mainstay this season and last. I’ve been an opaque black tights girl forever, but I really liked Arielle Charnas’ entire Paris wardrobe from her recent trip there, and especially the nearly-sheer tights she wore close to daily — I’m pretty sure they were this pair from Wolford. I also love this “stardust” pair with the faintest hint of sparkle! I like the way J. Crew has styled similar looks on their site here, for example. SO chic with that velvet dress! I think I am going to give the trend a try with these semi-sheer tights from Spanx (see notes below on this brand).
You all already know that I also adore my Gucci logo tights — I own them in both black and cream, and they are the perfect way to elevate / add interest / texture to a basic LBD. I first treated myself to a pair when I was maybe five months pregnant with my son, and they have a great stretchy texture that actually works over a bump — at least well into third trimester. You can see me wearing them with my bump in the photo above! (Aside: If you are expecting, I saw that Swedish Stockings makes a great pair of maternity tights, but you can also snag a set on the cheap at Target!) Back to patterned tights, J. Crew has a bunch of great patterned options out this year, including a swiss dot, a crystal embellished pair, and this sparkly pair! SO fun. I think you all sold out the Gucci-inspired pair I featured last week from ASOS, but this pair from H&M achieves a similar effect.
On opaques: my staple pair for YEARS have been Spanx’s Tight End in very black. These are sort of a hybrid between shapewear and hosiery but I do not find them restrictive/uncomfortable at all. I like the slight compression and they cut a mean silhouette. I noticed they now have a pair of high-waisted ones, too, though even their standard cut runs pretty high (at my natural waist at least). Nellie Diamond (queen!) swears by Wolford, though — upgrade pick.
Q: Red Christmas dress (more formal) for a 2 YO. Not velvet.
A: This Bellabliss (coming soon) or this Cecil and Lou. If you are OK with a red pattern, I love the plaid options from Trotters this season — this one is darling. You might also consider this Magnolia Baby!
Q: A rugged gym bag that my husband won’t @ me for buying him.
A: HA! Pretty sure every guy loves Patagonia — this looks like a good option, especially since it can be reused for other things (hiking, camping, weekend trips, etc.) — but this Rains one is conveniently waterproof. If you think he’ll balk at the price of either of those, you can’t go wrong with rugged old Nike.
Q: A fun key ring to celebrate being a first-time homebuyer.
A: What a sweet gift to yourself! Neely and Chloe has some cute ones that can be personalized (also available in solid colors if that’s more your speed), Tiffany is timeless, and then these leather-stamped ones would be fun to get with the house’s nickname, number, etc embossed on it.
Q: Something elegant but fun to wear on NYE with these platforms I just bought.
A: Fun! Fully espouse the platform — so much more comfortable for dancing, etc! A few options:
+This velvet mini with patterned Gucci tights — amen!
+Obsessed and I mean OBSESSED with this dress by Damaris Bailey. Spectacular. I would make it a bit more festive by pairing with big dramatic earrings or a sparkly bag or headband.
+Can not go wrong with La Ligne. I have been gravitating towards this brand a lot this year, especially for events like the one you’re describing — they are somehow tailored but also youthful/fun/non-stodgy. I like this. Again, I’d go big on earrings so you’re not too macabre with the all black.
+If you’re open to separates, a look like this (head to toe) would be fab, or maybe this skirt with a chunky ivory knit or a black cashmere turtleneck.
Q: I love your Jane Win coin necklace rec but don’t look good in yellow gold. Will you help me find something similar in silver?
A: She does carry them in silver! These are SO chic! Love mine. I also like the rustic-looking ones from Lucy Williams’ collaboration with Missoma.
Q: Unicorn-size crossbody: can be diaper or professional bag but not overwhelm petite frame. $400 or less.
A: OK, don’t hate me, but this is $100 over budget and I think it might be what you’re looking for. They also have a smaller size that is under budget but I don’t think it’d fit everything you’d need in a diaper bag, and I don’t love the top — I feel like things would fall out.
Q: Closed toe velvet platform heels.
A: Splurge: Aquazzura. (The height of those is…incredible…and terrifying. I would have unblinkingly worn those at age 25, but now I’d probably be clutching the wall and spider-stepping around in them. SO CHIC THOUGH.) Dillards has a great similar pair for under $100 — fun in that dark blue color. Also love these more reasonable (and affordable) ones!
Q: Holidays but make it newly postpartum and nursing-friendly.
A: Congratulations! Nap dresses will be your best friend! Layer beneath cozy, chunky cardigans. I also liked pairing black leggings with oversized button-downs (layered over nursing tanks), ballet flats, and big black sunglasses. Simple, minimalist, chic. Finally, Doen has some gorgeous nightgowns that I think you could pass off for daytime wear (especially if you’ll just be at home) beneath a chunky cardigan and paired with flats and a headband.
Q: Work party dress for under $250.
A: I am assuming you mean holiday party? I like this, this, this, and this. I feel like all are politely festive. If we’re talking more generically, I like this, this (Audrey moment), this, or this. This lady jacket dress is super-versatile, too. And if you’re in a more lowkey office, this.
Q: A plaid bomber jacket like the Veronica Beard one but affordable.
A: I assume you mean this one? I agree – tres chic. Check out this Banana one — at the time of writing this, 40% off, bringing the price down to around $200. I also came across this one from — if you can believe it — Abercrombie!? But it is really cute.
Q: A pair of short boots that can do it all for casual wear.
A: I am really loving the look of these from Tod’s. Look for less with these, these, these. For a splurge, these Guccis are so fun. If you are OK with a low heel, these Isabel Marants would go with everything (dresses, jeans, leggings, etc). If you like something with a bit more polish, this pair from Rag & Bone is timeless (and on sale!). Finally, these waterproof Sam Edelmans have been popular this year and last, and you can get the look for even less with this pair from Target. Finally, I have to say, my No 6 clog boots are worn HEAVILY each week. So warm and so chic!
Q: Birthday gift for well-liked, elegant, and loving step-mother-in-law?
A: So sweet! I would consider an Alice Walk reversible shawl in a color that reminds you of her, a Herend figurine, a beautiful set of bow napkins from Mrs. Alice, or some gorgeous personalized stationery from Dear Elouise.
