I purchased a few mid-winter pieces for my daughter in the past few days, many of them on incredible sale. Seen above: La Coqueta Aranda Dress (on sale plus extra 10% off with code EXTRA10), Patachou floral dress (on super sale and perfect for Valentine’s Day), La Coqueta Vivana Dress (also on sale plus extra 10% off with code EXTRA10), rainbow stripe sweater. Slippers in the back are from Amazon! Too cute!
About half of my Magpies have asked for a Citizens of Humanity Charlotte jeans review, and the other half own and love them, so I finally ordered a pair of the Charlotte cropped jeans to review for myself. I took my true size (25) and went with the cropped length because I am short (5’0) — but they do also have a style with a longer inseam. They were very flattering on, especially the pocket placement in the rear and the way they sort of skim but do not cling to the leg. They boast a great straight-leg, high-rise cut. I love the particular wash of my cropped pair, too — ideal for daytime. Many of you have raved about them because they are somehow both contemporary and classic — not skinny, which seems to be unpopular at the moment — but not one of the looser/wider-leg fits that is dominating the street style scene. A perfect compromise.
However, I am still on the fence as to whether to keep them because they have a button fly (which I do not love) and absolutely no stretch. Maybe they give with a few wears? Maybe people like no-stretch because it really holds you in? But I think I’m used to something with a little more give and wasn’t sure if I’d be walking around like a tin man? I’ll tell you that my Agoldes 90s Pinch Waists also have very little give and I love the silhouette but I wouldn’t, like, choose to wear them while sitting at my desk all day. So I’m stuck! Are these jeans to wear when you want to look cute while hanging out with friends for a few hours? Will they “give”? I polled some of my fellow Citizens Charlotte owners, and a few suggested it’s worth sizing up one size — apparently, you still get the straight-leg look (they don’t look baggy) but they fit more comfortably for everyday life.
P.S. This is an expanded version of a review of the Citizens of Humanity Charlotte jeans that I shared in a try-on session of fun Shopbop finds — lots of other detailed reviews of chic fashion discoveries there.
I was recently talking about running with a girlfriend and we were comparing notes on how long it takes to “hit our stride” on an every day run. I observed that the first half mile is all adrenaline, and then I hit the valley of my run from miles 0.5-1.5, hating nearly every step. Closing in on two miles, everything starts clicking and I feel good, solid, gaited. She commented, “Well, yeah. You’re basically forcing your body to go from not-running to running, and it takes awhile to warm up.”
I promise I won’t turn Magpie into a running blog, but it is remarkable how doing anything intensively offers new metaphors for other areas of life. I’ve learned a lot from writing, baking, managing teams, and running businesses that percolates into every lane in which I swim.
I was reflecting, after that conversation with my girlfriend, on how many of these lessons hover around the complexity of beginnings.
Beginning a business is absurdly challenging, and in ways I did not anticipate. It was hard to tell family and friends what I was doing. You go from living a normal, quantifiable 9-5 job at an extant company to — “So, I think I’m going to, like, try to solve this problem in the HR space. Using technology. No, I don’t code.” Ditto explaining that I would be focusing full-time on Magpie. “No, I’m actually not going back to the workforce. I’m going to be writing on my blog. Um, a blog is…” I’m still gasping for air remembering these conversations. They are painful because they are your first “pitches” but you don’t realize it — you only see your reputation teetering across a thin tether.
Starting to write presents a different set of hurdles. Sometimes I feel blank and uninspired. Sometimes I have a directional sense as to what I want to write, but all of the first swags are off-balance, not-right. Sometimes I find myself writing around a subject, and the entirety of the first three paragraphs ends up in the garbage bin by the end. It is a loose and free-wheeling sensation that feels, I would imagine, something like throwing clay for a pot. For a good while, you are manipulating a spinning, featureless mass. Then, suddenly, a shape: a form designed over time by careful, focused movements.
The challenging with baking is its pre-work. You must read the recipe thoroughly in advance, which I hate doing. I swear that I get to the second step and the instructions blur. “Yadda, yadda, OK, OK,” I mumble, skimming. But I have ruined too many dishes by not reading carefully enough. “Oh, oops – I need to let this sit 3 hours.” Then there is the retrieving and measuring of ingredients. Bringing some items up to room temperature. Preheating ovens. It is a lot of focused prep. It took me awhile to realize that the “pre-work” is actually baking, too. I remember one time watching a professional baker prep his pans. Everything was done with such care, such precision! I specifically recall the way he spritzed each of the four corners of his baking sheet with cooking spray (with flourish!) such that a perfectly-cut rectangle of parchment paper would stick to the sheet rather than curl up or shift around. Meanwhile, I have been known to tear parchment paper from the roll such that the ends curl over the sheet, or such that the lower right half of the sheet is actually uncovered by parchment because I ripped the paper too quickly. Watching this master prepare his tins with care awakened something in me.
A few through-lines across beginnings in these disparate realms:
+Begin as you mean to continue. Like the master baker prepping his tins. I’m still learning this in the running realm, where I much prefer to shoot off like a bat out of hell to get through things as quickly as possible, knowing full well I will putter out within a few miles. But in work, in baking, in life: bring a consistent energy that you can realistically maintain over time. Take care in every step. I will admit that I am still uneasy with the sense of shifting into a low gear in any realm of life (running or otherwise), so I have made peace with the idea of “a mid-plus” energy in running that I sometimes also find myself bringing to my writing. Most days, I write with joy. Other days, I sit and see what unfurls with a metered willingness. Mid-plus feels like a comfortable focal point for me: a pace, an expectation, that is just north of comfortable.
+Live where your feet are planted. It is easy to get ahead of yourself, to worry about what you might encounter next week, next year. To fret about the enormous hill that’s meeting you in about a half mile. The most important mile is the one you’re running right now.
+Make everything the most important thing. I wrote about this quote from Mads Mikkelsen in some depth a few weeks ago, and it still sits with me. It blends the previous two concepts: focus on what you’re doing right now and bring your best to it. Blot out everything else. Treat your work with respect and intensity.
+Trust that you will hit your stride. It make take adjustments, but you will get there. The first days at any new job are a unique kind of cringe. You are asked to read a lot of documents. Your boss wildly overestimates how much time it will take you to fill out forms and get organized at your desk and you just sit there wondering what you’re meant to be doing. You don’t know whether to pack a lunch or plan to buy out. Who will you sit with? Where is the bathroom? All of these tiny details make for a bumpy first couple of days, but you know you will soon have your routine check-ins with your office friend at 10 A.M., your salad spot around the corner, your favorite security guard in the lobby. It just takes time. There is a quote I came across awhile ago — “Monet had to grow his gardens before he painted them.”
+Smell the prodigal biscuits. Rita Dove said it best. Andale! The whole sky is yours! What are you waiting for?! Onward, onward —
What else would you add to this list? How else do you think about beginnings?
+Still unpacking this post. A Magpie reader wrote to say it was her favorite post I’d ever written, which just reminded me that sometimes you really need to hear something.
+Still cannot live without this concealer. It is a must for tired mama eyes — erases all signs of dark circles. I take color 02. The secret is hydrating your face really well, dabbing on undereye area and sides of nose, and then blending with an Artis oval 06 brush.
+Love this chartreuse sweater — a friend of mine said she was surprised by the quality relative to price!
+Hokas in fun new colors for spring. Cute with these Beyond Yoga leggings – 50% off!
+Just picked up this Lug Von Siga top on sale for around $100 (originally over $400)! It is SO me. Bridgerton meets drape-clothing-from-Sound-of-Music yessss.
+These under-$10 peelers are the best on the market. The shape makes it so easy to peel!
+A friend of mine recently raved about this LSpace bikini — she said it is highly flattering AND supportive for larger busts (plus, she has nursed four babies!). I found it on sale for 50% off. Love the hot pink!
+Hill House’s new launch has some really pretty finds…I’m kind of swooning over this new nap dress silhouette?
+ChappyWrap launched its Warehouse Sale, and you can get an extra 10% off with code EXTRA10. Love this herringbone neutral.
+This Mango jumpsuit reminds me of something by Alexis. So fun for a warm weather vacation!
+I’ve been hearing good things about these Skout bars for kids. (“Plant-based ingredients so simple you can count them on your fingers. None of that artificial stuff, and no gluten, dairy, or soy either.”) I’m always looking for new, healthier on-the-go snacks for them.
+A pretty spring dress. Some of you are already thinking ahead to Easter — this is a good option!
This WYSF is taking a slightly different tack. I received a number of questions about everyday dresses for work and daily life and thought I’d do a deeper dive into this subject. For me, the markers of a good everyday dress are as follows:
Does not require adjustment/fidgeting/tugging throughout the day
Is modest — by this I mean I mean I do not want to be worrying about flashing too much of yourself, bearing too much cleavage, pulling up a collar, tugging at a hemline while chasing children, in an interview or at a meeting, chatting with their teachers/friends’ parents, catching up with neighbors, etc.
Is comfortable — both in material and fit
Works well with bras
Makes me feel pulled-together
Has a little extra pizzazz that makes me excited to wear the piece
Is flattering — I need definition at the waist and prefer a midi length
Is versatile — personally, I love pattern mixing and matching so I will treat some patterns (especially stripes/ginghams) as “solids” but the safest bet is to find a solid colored dress in a classic fit that you can re-style a million ways with different layers, footwear, scarves, etc.
Below, a few great buys for everyday style. Most of these will work whether you are in an office or working from home or caring for children (so, also working from home). One note re: versatility — literally any of these dresses could be paired with any of the shoes/bags featured, with the possible exception of the samba sneakers (which I personally wouldn’t pair with the peter pan collar dress, for example). But basically, they are all neutral classics that play nicely together.
01. CO SHIRTDRESS — This is the most expensive piece in the set, but I’ve eyed it for years now. Just a classic, timeless piece that you can lean on for decades to come. Pair with pearls for an important meeting or with Sambas for the farmer’s market.
07. EMERSON FRY DRESS — Longtime readers will recognize this dress, which I own and adore. It is so flattering (long, lean lines, with a self-cinch waist).
09. CAPTOE SLINGBACKS — Chanel vibes. Have it on good authority from Nan Philip that these are a good buy — surprisingly well-made for the price.
10. SAVETTE POCHETTE — I have been loving these long, flat bags coming out this season. This one is ultra-elegant with the gold clasp.
11. J. MCLAUGHLIN MAKENNA DRESS — I love everything about it. The belt, the drop-waist, the collar, the color. It is currently somehow on sale for under $70.
12. TODS TOTE — A timeless thing of beauty. You can get the look for much less with this style.
As mentioned above, I love patterns, so I would also elect this Thierry Colson (Tuckernuck has a similar style for a fraction of the price), this Neve and Noor, and any of the Julia Amory shirtdresses as contenders as well.
I am also going to do a handful of really quick hit single answers for other inquiries —
Q: Easter dress. This skirt and this matching top.
By: Jen Shoop
*Image above featuring Alice Pilate. I have wanted to try On’s sportswear since seeing this post — especially the bra, and maybe, when I am feeling really fit, the sprinter shorts. She paired with these On running shoes.
A roundup of some other ultra-chic new fitness finds to inspire our exercise regimens…
I have been sorting through the house in small bursts of energy, clearing out board books and toddler-sized shoes my children have long since outgrown; donating mounds of clothing no longer worn; weeding dried-up markers and scribbled-through coloring books; surreptitiously depositing cheap and broken toys into the waste bin when small eyes are not around. (A friend of mine recently said: “Little did I know how much time I’d spend hiding things in the trash as a mother.” It rang deeply true.) January is auspicious in that way: it invites a kind of discipline that evaporates by mid-March.
In the corner of my office, I’ve been collecting infant and baby gear that have emerged as a part of this clearing-out for our housekeeper, who gave birth to a little girl last year. I have accumulated two bags full of board books, one of pastel crib sheets and blankets which I’ve been hanging onto for God knows what purpose (as we moved mini to a big girl bed months ago), and one of assorted stuffed animals and baby toys. Every few days, my eyes settle on these bags and I find myself, almost without restraint, plucking out the red Elmo, or the wind-up giraffe stuffy, or some other toy or book, and placing it instead on my chair in the office.
“I can’t give this away,” I say, as I remember my son rolling around in the crib with that Elmo in his pudgy fingers, or my daughter rocking back and forth on unsteady baby legs, listening to the tinny music of the giraffe.
“No,” I tell myself, firmly, returning them to the bags. “These will be more loved by someone else.”
These are not heirlooms. These are, frankly, items barely loved by my own children. (Trust me, I kept all their favorites.) But oh my God —
isn’t this the way of motherhood?
The way a triviality can pinch?
The way, when faced in some material way with the distance between now and the mornings you laid in your bed with our couple-day-old infant in your arms, it feels as though you might collapse beneath the weight of your love for your own child?
In those moments, I compulsively re-watch a string of videos of my daughter doing and saying funny things in a lispy, balloonish baby voice — each viewing part pleasure, part punishment — and I marvel at everything about her. There is one in which I have caught her after she’s stripped our entire just-made bed of its linens.
“Why did you take the sheets off of our bed?” I ask her. I sound stern.
“Because I don’t like it like that,” she says, her tiny hand running absent-mindedly over the bedding piled on the floor. She looks up at me, and it is clear she’s uncertain whether she is in trouble. Her eyes are wide and expectant. I must have smiled off-camera at this point, because she then smirks and repeats, with smugness, “I don’t like it like that” again, and rolls around in the discarded linens.
I hungrily absorb everything about her in these videos, and I see that she is much the same today. Each clip feels like a piece of a blueprint for the little lady she’s become and becoming. She is funny, but concerned with getting in trouble. She is loquacious, but all eyes — highly, sharply observant with a tongue to match. Her hair is nearly always askew, but she is tidy beyond that: she’s always been gentle on her clothes, far less likely to stain or rip them than her brother. A Magpie reader once told me that mothers hang onto all the versions of their children. It’s all there, inside. I chew on this for a minute, wanting to reject it because I am consumed with a sense of loss. Did I adequately cherish every first and last? Did I drink them up in all their baby glory? Was I too busy cleaning the kitchen to notice the last time she said “yogrette” instead of “yogurt”? Too exhausted to mark the final night my son would whisper (as he did for weeks): “God bless you and God bless you and good night” as I’d close the door? It’s been ages since I rocked him to sleep. One random night I no longer remember, my arms were aching under his weight, and I was semi-numb to the embrace given its routineness — and I had no idea he’d never need me to do that again. It is gutting, the way these tendernesses can disappear in the setting of a single sun.
But I know this is no way to think. Equally, I know there is nothing to mourn. My babies are still my babies. Mini remains funny and precocious and curious and quick to laugh and all those things she was at two. Still, I sit there feeling it all. Missing her baby cheeks, but loving the cheeky nearly-six-year-old humor she brings home each day. Sitting with the Elmo in my lap, and then wondering what to pack them for lunch tomorrow. Feeling the pinch, and then soothing myself back to life —
+”Early motherhood — at least for me — demanded a withdrawal, and I was not always at peace with that change. Still, looking back, I am struck by the extraordinary acts of metamorphosis I performed to make my way through. Because during that time, I was becoming. I was spinning myself into the loving mother I have become.” More of this essay here.
+I just ordered two new pairs of jeans to try: these Khaites I’ve been eyeing forever and these Citizens everyone seems to love. This pair from Gap also turned my head.
+This Zara reminds me a LOT of my Toteme cardigan.
+20% off sitewide at Serena and Lily. You can see my favorite finds here. I especially love these embroidered shams, which we’ve used on our primary bed for years now. They add lovely texture and depth to the bed. I put them in front of both plain white european shams and sleeping pillows.
+This tiered khaki colored blouse is SO chic (and under $100)! OMG. Perfect for work or imagine paired with white jeans?
+I’ll be needing this $50 dress in both colors, yes indeedy. So cute with sneakers or leather slides!
+Speaking of summer dresses, this Faherty dress is on sale for only $50! I love throwing dresses like this on over swimsuits, or to run after the children. So chic!
+This knit pouch would be cute in a diaper bag for baby items — it reminds me of Louis Vuitton!
+I have a weakness for white blouses. Just love pairing with denim for an easy everyday look.
+Just added this little clip lamp to my cart for mini. She loves to read in bed.
+Cutest colorblocked sneaks for a little lady. I just bought mini this pair of Nikes for basketball. (The rest of her basketball/athletic wardrobe here!)
+Really cute patterned blouses from a new-to-me brand.
Below, a selection of swimwear and other warm weather vacation gear for littles.
1. SILICONE BEACH TOY SET IN A RANGE OF PASTEL COLORS…COMES WITH A TRAVEL-FRIENDLY CARRYING TOTE
2. WHITE FLOPPY SUNHAT WITH ADJUSTABLE NECK STRAP MADE FROM UV RESISTANT FABRIC FOR SOME EXTRA SUN PROTECTION
3. BUBBLEGUM PINK CLASSIC ONE PIECE SWIMSUIT IN A WAVY TEXTURED NYLON FABRIC
4. COTTON SEERSUCKER SHORTS WITH AN ELASTIC WAISTBAND IN A CUTE LIGHT BLUE PINSTRIPE PATTERN
5. MINT GREEN BANDANA PRINTED BOYS’ SWIM TRUNKS WITH INNER MESH BRIEFS FOR COMFORT AND ELASTIC WAISTBAND
6. WHITE FLOWER-SHAPED ROUND SUNGLASSES WITH BLUE LENSES AND UV PROTECTION
7. WHITE LONG SLEEVE RUFFLED PEPLUM-STYLE CREWNECK RASHGUARD WITH SPF 50 SUN PROTECTION
8. LIGHTWEIGHT HYPOALLERGENIC SHEER MINERAL SUNSCREEN IN SPF 50 — PERFECT FOR LITTLES OR ANYONE WITH SENSITIVE SKIN
9. INTRICATE BLUE FLORAL PRINTED QUILTED COZY BACKPACK WITH WHITE ACCENTS AND OUTER ZIP POCKET…PLUS THIS PIECE CAN BE MONOGRAMMED AS WELL!
10. LITTLE GIRLS’ SLEEVELESS BUBBLE ROMPER WITH A CUTE PETER PAN COLLAR IN A PINK SEA LEAF PRINT
11. LINEN-COTTON BLEND NAUTICAL-INSPIRED DROP WAIST MINI DRESS IN AN ADORABLE PINK PINSTRIPE PATTERN
12. LIGHTWEIGHT AND EASY SLIP-ON JELLY SANDALS WITH ADJUSTABLE BUCKLE IN A CUTE MATTE BLUSH COLOR…THESE ARE WATERPROOF AND INCREDIBLY LOW-FUSS TO CLEAN, SO THEY ARE GREAT FOR BEACH TRIPS
13. SAGE GREEN RIBBED LONG SLEEVE ONE-PIECE ZIP-FRONT RASHGUARD WITH ADORABLE RUFFLE HEM DETAILS
14. MULTICOLOR FLORAL SWIMWEAR SET WITH LONG SLEEVE RASHGUARD AND MATCHING BRIEFS…THE BOLD RUFFLES ON THE TOP IS SUCH A CUTE TOUCH!
15. DAINTY PASTEL FLORAL PATTERNED HIGH-COVERAGE ONE PIECE SWIMSUIT WITH RUFFLED HEM DETAILS IN UPF 50
16. LONG-SLEEVE ONE-PIECE RASHGUARD WITH AN ADORABLE KEYHOLE CUT-OUT IN THE BACK WITH A GROSGRAIN RIBBON BOW IN A MULTICOLOR CLOISTER BOTANICAL PRINT
17. WHITE LEATHER WATER-FRIENDLY SANDAL WITH SCALLOPED EDGING AND HEART CUT OUTS FOR A LOW FUSS OPTION ON LAND AND OFF
18. SEA LEAF PRINTED BOYS’ BOARD SHORTS WITH CONTRASTING NAVY ACCENTS AND SINGLE BACK POCKET
I love how many of us are shopping for special occasions — weddings, parties, bachelorettes, milestone birthdays! I have a couple of fun occasions coming up and I’m itching to add something bold to my dress repertoire. Below, my top picks for making a showstopping entrance.
I’ve been getting a surprising amount of wear out of my sneakers this winter. Today, sharing a roundup of my favorite stylish, yet easy-to-wear trainers — many of them very reasonably priced.
1. ONITSUKA TIGER BLACK AND GREY TRAINERS THAT PAIR EFFORTLESSLY WITH ANYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET
2. WHITE LEATHER SNEAKERS WITH SUEDE TOE OVERLAY AND THE SIGNATURE THREE BLACK ADIDAS STRIPES…I THINK THE LOOK OF THE DARK BROWN GUM SOLE IS SO CHIC
3. WEDGE SILHOUETTE NEW BALANCE LOGO SNEAKER WITH MESH AND SUEDE UPPER AND A ’TRAIL-INSPIRED’ BLACK RUBBER SOLE FOR A CONTEMPORARY TWIST ON THE CLASSIC NEW BALANCE 327 STYLE
4. LOEWE’S MODERN TAKE ON THE 70S RUNNING SHOE…A CHIC NEUTRAL COLORBLOCKED SUEDE AND NYLON LOGO APPLIQUÉ SNEAKERS
5. IVORY COTTON-CANVAS DURABLE HIGH TOP SNEAKERS WITH CELINE MONOGRAM EMBOSSED LEATHER APPLIQUE
6. RETRO-INSPIRED PALE GREY SUEDE NIKE BLAZER HIGH TOP SHOES WITH THE ICONIC SWOOSH
7. STARK WHITE CLASSIC CHUCK TAYLOR ALL STAR LOW-TOP SNEAKERS WITH SUBTLE RED AND BLUE ACCENTS
8. LIGHTWEIGHT TAN AND WHITE VINTAGE-INSPIRED SNEAKER MADE OF LIGHTWEIGHT NYLON, SUEDE, AND LEATHER
9. CREAMY CAPPUCCINO-COLORED SOFT LEATHER CASUAL SNEAKERS WITH MATCHING LACES AND A DOUBLE-THICK SOLE
10. NEUTRAL LEATHER COLORBLOCKED TRAINERS WITH A MAGICALLY COMFORTABLE INSOLE MADE FROM PRIMARILY RECYCLED MATERIAL FOR A CUTE—AND SUSTAINABLE—PICK
11. MULTI-TONE BEIGE SUEDE SNEAKERS WITH A TRIO OF VELCRO STRAPS AND ZIGZAG EDGE DETAILING ALL OVER
12. LOW-TOP CAMEL-COLORED COTTON TWILL WORKWEAR SNEAKERS WITH WHITE RUBBER TOE CAP FOR EXTRA DURABILITY
This morning at 7 AM PST / 10 AM EST (in about 15 minutes, giving you a few minutes to plan your cart), Oso + Me is launching its only sale of the entire year. You can get 30% off sitewide. This promotion merited its own post because I absolutely love (!) their shorts and pants for boys. I actually slightly prefer them to both Minnow and Cadets (though I also love both of those brands) because they wash better — Minnow and Cadets tend to require ironing, but Oso emerges from the dryer ready to wear. (It’s the little things!). I also love that they do patterns for boys, which is pretty rare — Hill owns both these and these fun patterns. But my favorite are these yellow shorts (seen above and below), which looked so adorable with navy, white, pale blue, pale green, sage, dark green all last summer. Above, you can see him wearing his shorts with a green Lacoste polo — my favorite polo brand for him, and select colors/sizes are on sale for $26 here — and Floafers, which are kind of like dressy Natives? They are so cute on and micro loves them, too, as they are waterproof (puddle-friendly). I saw that Macy’s house brand has a very similar style for a lot less in a fun yellow color for summer.
(Above, micro wears a navy Lacoste long-sleeved polo, Oso + Me shorts, and Cat + Jack sandals. Those Cat + Jacks are always fantastic — $10, waterproof, with a velcro in the BACK so you don’t need to mess with the buckles. You can get the pennant here on Etsy in a ton of different colorways. I love it because one side says “First Day” and the other “Last Day” and so we just use and re-use for both children on every first and last day of the school year.)
I also love Oso + Me’s dresses — the patterns and details are so incredibly thoughtful and gorgeous. All of them are cleverly designed to fit for multiple seasons. Mini is wearing one of their dresses below from last season that I adored on her.
In my cart at the moment, waiting for the stroke of 10 A.M.: these shorts in the blue and khaki colorways, these pants in the seafoam green, this tee in the dusty blue. I am also itching to buy this sweet dress for mini, possibly for her sixth birthday?
P.P.P.S. Still time to order Valentine cards and jammies — lots of ideas here.
By: Jen Shoop
Instagram has been glitchy the past two weeks. About half of you have been unable to access the links I’ve posted there, despite going through all the steps (recommended phlegmatically by Instagram staff) of uninstalling the app, downloading the latest version of the app, logging out and in, etc. In the midst of this, a reader (and fellow business owner) messaged me to say:
“I try to remember that the whole internet is a miracle. I am old enough to vividly remember the before times. I’ll take a few glitches.”
A few weeks prior to that, Caroline Weaver (who has an excellent shopping newsletter hunting down unique, well-designed objects and items for everyday life), wrote: “Some things just can’t be found. And sometimes a suitable replacement is equally impossible. Channel some pre-internet energy and accept that maybe we won’t always be access to everything.”
Pre-internet energy. I’ve sat with the concept a handful of times since encountering it, and it continues to roll away from me like yarn. I can barely (if at all) remember what it was like not to be tethered to the web my entire day.
Is that a bad thing, I wonder?
Personally, I am neither philistine nor luddite when it comes to technology. Though I do fastidiously avoid holding my phone in certain contexts (will not bring to the dining room table; will keep on the table behind me while watching TV; am fairly strict about not looking at it while in bed at night), I try not to exercise too much guilt around my phone usage. I am, after all, the happy beneficiary of a web-enabled world, and most of my creative energy flows through and onto a screen. My livelihood would not be possible were it not for the modes of instant, digital communication made available to me over the past few decades.
I have friends who — by contrast — exercise a kind of asceticism when it comes to cell phones. One of them literally never uses her phone in front of her children. And I mean never. Many of us (I will include myself in this count) fret about the impression we are making on our children, who see us staring at a small plastic square for much of the day, while the activities we are performing on that square are completely invisible to them. We might be responding to a work crisis, or grocery shopping online, or reading a novel, or pulling up a recipe, or checking medical results in a portal, but all of those “healthful” and “necessary” activities are obscured to them. This alarms even me (a declared tech proponent!), as I not only feel that my “labor” is imperceptible to them, and that I am therefore unable to model the action and follow-through I would like them to witness, but that I am inadvertently bestowing importance on the widget in front of me rather than the activities it is enabling. I do not want them to mistake equipment for prowess. On this point, I am reminded of a clever anecdote a read a few years ago: A celebrated photographer attended a dinner party, at which the host commented: “You take such fabulous photographs; you must have fantastic cameras.” At the end of the dinner, the photographer approached the host and said: “You made such a fabulous meal; you must have a fantastic stove.”
There is something sticky about that concept as it pertains to phone use in front of children. I haven’t made much headway with it, but it clings like a burr. The only narrow solution I’ve devised is announcing, audibly, what I am doing on my phone when in their presence and — if appropriate — sharing my screen. “I’m ordering laundry detergent!” or “I’m placing our lunch order!” or “I’m answering a text from your teacher!” These often feel like over-performed disclaimers, but that’s where I’ve landed, with some ungainliness.
Setting that issue aside, though, I am interested by the — what shall we call them? — perceived morals of cell phone use. I have the impression that people find themselves “better than” — cleansed — if they use their phones less than their peers. And, look. I can’t help but admit I feel the same from time to time. Is there anything more off-putting than walking into a room or onto a subway car in which everyone is dialed into his or her screen? Especially on public transit, it can feel slightly garish, slightly post-apocalyptic: we are automatons, programmed to stare into screens. The crotchety old woman inside wants to rattle the cage: “Put down the phone! Interact with people! All romance is gone!” Then again, my phone was a God-send on the daily commute to and from Flatiron to drop off my daughter at school up in Manhattan. I listened to podcasts; I read books; I responded to reader comments; I kept tabs on my son by way of texts from my husband; I jotted down the flotsam and jetsam that might eventually find their way into essays. The phone enabled me to fill my own cup and take care of business during a 40 minute period that would have otherwise entailed staring blankly at the filthy Subway floor while the car light fritzed on and off overhead.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m loathe to draw a hard line. There is a lot of nuance here. And it is OK to admit that “the Internet is a miracle” and also strive to channel “pre-Internet energy.” It has been said that the sign of genius is being able to hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time. I think technology asks this of us. We must embrace it and keep it at arm’s length. We must appreciate its facilities and also cling to the useful habits of “the befores.” I agree, for example, that the Internet has taught us that anything is findable, that anything can be delivered immediately, but much of the actual living of life runs against that grain: in real life, we lose things permanently, and we spend a lot of time waiting. And so we must be circumspect about the habits it is instilling.
+Have you used cocofloss before? Trust me when I say you will never go back to the drugstore variety. We just ran out and were appalled that we ever used Glide! We instantly reordered.
+Just ordered this jute rug for in front of our stove in the kitchen.
+This Sleeper dress is 50% off and I own it in two patterns/colors already — it was one of my favorite styles while pregnant and then nursing thanks to the self-tie waist and button-front.
+Cute scalloped toy bins. (And some thoughts on toy organization here.)
+Speaking of: a round-up of slow-burn toys that have stood the test of time in our home.
+OK, this LWD is perfect. Liesel from Sound of Music vibes.
+I have a few new beauty products from Merit on their way to me: this bronzer stick (which I’ve seen used as more of a contouring stick by beauty pros — intrigued to test?), this award-winning blender brush, and this “complexion stick” which promises to replace both foundation and concealer in your cosmsetic bag?
+I accidentally bought my son boxer-briefs instead of briefs and — he LOVES them. I can’t tell you how excited they made him? And they are kind of the cutest thing ever.
