*Image above via Doen. I ordered this dress myself! I usually order an XXS in their styles — I am a true XS, so would advise sizing down one size unless you’re between sizes. Still waiting for it to arrive but will share sizing info once it does.
The most-asked question I fielded from my last solicitation for “Ask Magpie” questions (you can always email or DM me, too!) was: what to wear for my fall family portrait? Below, some ideas on what I’d wear, though let me first share some general strategies/thoughts I’ve come to use when preparing for a shoot:
Wear what you love. The camera can tell when you feel your best — when you’re excited to wear something. Don’t give too much worry to whether something will be dated/out in a few years. Who cares? Photos are always post cards from a different time. Have you seen any photos of your parents in their 30s where you weren’t aware of the time gap? No! I’d rather wear something that excites me now than something staid and unremarkable!
Don’t be afraid of pattern-matching / color-mixing with your family. I usually keep the men in the simpler outfits (solid colors, simple stripes, etc) and let my daughter and I have fun with different patterns. I just keep to a general color palette so everything looks cohesive.
Generally, I prefer dresses with sleeves. It’s not that I have a hang-up on my arms, but I just generally find it’s one less thing to be aware of and I’m less likely to do the awkward “hand at hip” pose.
This is not the time to “try that style you’ve always wanted to make work.” I don’t love my knees (so weird, I know!) and so despite the fact that I love the idea of a mini (and included multiple below for my long-legged ladies!) I know I’ll be happier with a midi or maxi length dress in a photo that’s going out to all my nearest and dearest!
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By: Jen Shoop
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Q: A well-made, quality white crewneck tee since J. Crew’s quality went downhill.
A: Have you tried Uniqlo’s viral $15 tee yet? It’s excellent. The fit is slightly snug and a tad cropped — you can still tuck into jeans/pants, but it’s not long enough to get, like, a slouch going (and I’m short!). I took my true size (XS) and it fits perfectly. I know some of the reviews suggest sizing up but unless you’re between sizes, I’d stick with your true size. It’s a lovely, thick cotton, which I like with certain outfits and not with others — sometimes I prefer a thinner material so it’s easier to tuck / no added bulk. Anyhow, you can see me wearing mine with my SLVRLAKE jeans here — scroll down a few photos. When I’m after a thinner, more fitted look, I love this spendy Leset tee. You can see me in it with my Zimmermann skirt here. This has a 90s Jen Aniston vibe — it’s ribbed and ultra-fitted. I’d size up if in question. I took an XS (my true size) and it’s fitted.
If you’re looking for something between the two — thinner than Uniqlo, less fitted than Leset, I would try Leset’s Margo style. I’ve not yet tried it but I know it has a cult following and it’s a bit more versatile/low-key. I’ve also heard good things about the pieces from aptly-named Perfect White Tee.
P.S. I did a roundup of some of my favorite layering tees here, too — but most are striped.
Q: Everyday sweaters under $200.
A: This Jenni Kayne everyday sweater (seen above with my Grace jeans and Birks) is REALLY good, and available in four chic neutrals (but somehow $155 here, in the color I own it, versus $185 here). I love all the details — the neckline, the cuffs, the heather color, the side notches, the length, the slouchiness. It feels perfectly untailored. I took an XS and it has a great oversized fit. I also love my La Ligne “Mini Marina” ($195 — take your true size) and this Alex Mill cardigan is currently in my cart. Love a pop of color!
Q: Going to Palm Beach next weekend. Need outfit ideas for dinners and a yacht birthday party.
A: Oo, have the best time! The brands that immediately sprang to mind were La Double J (yes and yes), Alemais (I wore this to my son’s birthday party!), Rhode (mmmmhhhmmm), Sika, Zimmermann (oui et oui), and this knit Ulla J.
A: If you’re looking for pattern, I love this VB or this Doen. If we’re think boss-lady vibes, a striped button-down like this or this. For “quiet luxury,” pair with one of these slim-fit ribbed henley sweaters, and layer another knit around the shoulders. Also love with a slightly front-tucked chunkier sweater, like this or this. Or, pair with a polished white tee and a striped cardigan like this.
Q: Lightweight toddler snow boots, preferably that open wide for my thick-calved boys.
A: I got my children these ones from Kuling last year for that exact reason — I love the look of the Bean boots but they are so darned hard to get on my kids’ feet. They can just slide their feet right in. (You can see our colors here.). Hunter also makes a sherpa-lined rainboot that could be worth a look. I love rain boots for their pull-on ease!
Q: Ecru jeans under $200.
A: These remind me of my SLVERLAKE Grace ones but are $130! And don’t sleep on Madewell jeans — I own many pairs at this point and think they nail fit/silhouette really well. I love these and these.
Q: Fall shoes for work with a small heel, not clogs and not too dressy.
A: I’m obsessed with Manolo Maysales in a rich fall hue — you can get the look for less with these (I own and can vouch for the flat version of these from the same brand) or these. So classy but not too dressy.
Q: How would you style black suede Western boots?
A: I’m mostly excited about pairing with floaty/moody floral dresses, like this or this. Will also look amazing with straight-leg jeans tucked in and finished with a cropped blazer.
Q: Clogs that aren’t Birks — good for school drop-off.
A: One of my girlfriends swears by the ones from LR, and they’re on sale here and here! I always think she looks SO cute wearing them with floaty dresses and jeans alike. Swedish Hasbeens are iconic, too. If you’re after more of a mule style, I love the look of a suede style like this or this.
Q: Easy fall knit dresses — casual work, school dropoff. Wore the same Mango dress 100x last year.
A: I am probably the wrong person to consult with about knit dresses — I LOVE the look on other people but every time I order one, I feel like it just adds bulk / clings in weird places, and I’m constantly tugging/resituating? I guess I prefer something with more structure…although I do own and love this lightweight one from Doen. I think the mini length makes it easier for me to wear or something? Anyway, that side-rant aside, the ones I have been loving and contemplating are this 525, this Cara Cara (maybe the thinner knit is more my speed), this G. Label, this Staud, and this Doen.
Q: Some comfy fall outfits that are nursing friendly. On leave until January.
A: Congrats, mama! I would treat myself to some high-end athleisure to pair with nursing tanks/bras, and then invest in some fun longline cardigans that you can throw on over nursing tanks and leggings, too. I love this, this, this, and this.
Q: Outdoor school picture day looks for toddler girls under $100.
A: This with a big navy bow! Can’t get over that dress…Also love this, this, this, and this.
Q: Low profile / no show socks to go with the Sambas.
A: This is the only pair of no-show socks I’ve ever owned that actually stay put.
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I’ve found some excellent “inspired-by” looks for less for some of my favorite fall fashion finds — excellent ways to dip your toe into a trend without spending a fortune. Above, for example, Anouk Vye styles J. Crew’s popular Emilie jacket — an excellent sub for Celine’s structured striped cardigan.
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I’m suffering from acute book hangover at the moment, as I finished Ann Patchett’s Tom Lake last week and haven’t known what to do with myself since.
Let me first state that I am heavily predisposed to enjoy Patchett’s work, no matter the subject, because I love her way with words. Her prose is elegant but never overwrought. She puts things plainly, but in language illuminated by imagination, or abstraction, or reference. You know that phrase about people gifted with vocal talents — “she could sing the phone book”? It’s like that, applied to the written word: Patchett could make a phone book read interestingly, as though gilded by gold. And so, on style criteria alone, Tom Lake won my heart.
Thematically, I was drawn in by the novel’s gentle interrogations of selfhood. Who do we belong to? What belongs to us? What do we owe the people we love? These questions are particularly interesting within the contexts of the novel’s treatment of celebrity, land ownership, familial lore, marriage, and inter-generational relationships. As in: what are the things we actually own? Do we communicate those to others, keep them to ourselves, preserve them for reasons good and bad? I am thinking specifically of Lara’s relationship with her grandmother, and the way she never quite “belonged” to her own immediate family, but did feel at home with her grandmother, who taught her how to sew — an inherited skill she would rely on intermittently over the course of her life. When her career in acting proves short-lived, and even when an injury temporarily foists her out of a stage role, she turns to this handicraft as a trade, and returns to live with her grandmother. Celebrity and various professional roles may come and go, may not belong to Lara for the longterm, but pastimes and virtues born of family commitment will. There are similar mechanics at play in the role of the cherry farm, which Lara’s husband, Joe, seems determined to “keep in the family.” Joe briefly explores other career options before hunkering down to a lived-in, inherited lifestyle of rhythmic, seasonal labor–as does his daughter, Emily. Emily, though, shares that she does not plan to have children, an admission that complicates the matters of “belonging” and “inheritance” in meaningful ways. Does she “owe” her family progeny to carry on the farm? What does it mean to prioritize her politics over the family land? There is also the prominent inclusion of the play “Our Town” in the story, about which Ann Patchett has spoken at length and in adoration elsewhere. As far as I understand it, “Our Town” is a story of community, of the way people belong to one another. Lara performs this play multiple times in her life, each time feeling intensely connected to not only the main character (Emily) but the production’s cast and crew. She is close to none of those co-stars by the novel’s end, but she does pass along the name Emily to her firstborn. Interestingly, she names another daughter after her beloved seamstress grandmother, Nell. Patchett invites us to ask: what does it mean to bestow a name on someone, to “pass along” a history, whether fictional or not? What does it mean that we may drift away from certain people and experiences in our lives, and yet gravitate strongly towards others, as Lara does with her co-star and former lover Peter Duke? How much of who we are is shaped by the experiences of our caregivers? And how much belongs to us alone?
Patchett caresses these themes throughout Tom Lake, coaxing them out of every plot point and character. With her usual grace, she does not grind her message down to a fine point, but instead suggests that, mainly, we belong to ourselves. This is not delivered in a bleak, Hobbesian way, with the characters out, vying only for themselves, but rather in the sense that each of us possesses a deep font of memories, secrets, lost or obscured histories, truths that we alone can elect to share or not share with the people we love. We can love deeply, and still we can own ourselves and our own private choices. She underlines this point when she has Lara omit certain parts of her love affair with Peter Duke.
What did you think? If you read it, I’m dying to know…
Whether you preferred this book to Patchett’s other works?
Whether you read the book or listened on audiobook? (I toggled between my Kindle and audiobook — the latter is delightfully narrated by Meryl Streep, who adds so much to the book…!)
What you made of Peter Duke? He seems, ultimately, a strategically thin foil. He is preoccupied with himself, he is impulsive, he is mentally unwell, he is wildly famous, he dies a dramatic death — traits that enable us to view Lara and Joe in higher relief. I wish I’d had more Peter Duke though?
In a movie adaptation, who would play Peter Duke? What about Joe? And a young Lara? I love dream-casting!
+I mentioned a sweater from the brand Quince a few days ago and got SO many DMs and a couple comments on how great Quince is?! Where have I been living?! I am going to try their cashmere fisherman sweater, which looks a lot like Jenni Kayne but is only $89. I sized up from my true size (XS) to a Small in this, per user photos / comments. One Magpie said she loves this particular style but warned that it does pill — and to have a sweater shaver on hand. No problemo!
+This is sort of a fashion outlier for me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this cropped oxford, so I ordered to try.
+I saw these Gap jeans on a fellow petite creative, Chrissy Ward, and immediately added to cart. She ordered in the petite inseam and so did I!
+Want all of these beautiful, well-designed scrub brushes for my sink, but especially this palm one and this bottle one. (I actually just ordered one for Mr. Magpie’s stocking.)
+These green glasses are two for under $20 and SO chic.
+This hand cream is so beautifully packaged. What a beautiful little gift!
+Gorgeous woven basket for blankets, games, books, magazines, etc.
+I’ve had my wedding gown taking up major hanging closet space forever but just discovered this clever storage box. Think I might migrate the gown into it so I can put it up and away more easily!
+Inexpensive, reflective dog lead for those of us who walk their dogs at night!
+This heathered hoodie looks divine. Like the length!
By: Jen Shoop
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Five different clusters of children’s discoveries/finds —
01. Homework station. My daughter now has daily homework (!) and we decided that the best way to ensure she completes it is to designate a place and a time for it. She often has after-school activities/play-dates/library or playground pit-stops, so our plan is that whenever she gets home and changes out of her uniform, she goes straight to her homework station before doing anything else (playing, bath, etc — we still do bath before dinner as I find it is one less hurdle to worry about at bedtime). She’s a diligent little lady so I don’t anticipate running into any issues with this, but have already conceptualized a homework completion chart we can hang in her room if we do. She has a children’s desk and chair in her bedroom, but, for now, we’d prefer she do it downstairs in our kitchen, for a few reasons. First, she’ll be modeling homework completion for my son, and second, my husband’s office is right off the kitchen / I am often in the kitchen, so there’s a higher likelihood that we will be around to help, review, and generally stay on top of what she’s learning. I ordered her this acrylic mat, a new pen case, pencils, erasers (so cute — scented and in the shape of macarons!), and a sharpener so that we have all of the materials she needs in one place, on hand.
02. Interactive toys. A few things that have been big hits with my children lately: our Pipsticks sticker subscription (my children cannot wait for this to arrive each month! I usually open the package myself and parcel out a few sticker sets when needed, e.g., at restaurants, at Church, on a rainy Saturday, etc) and my daughter’s Botley robot. The robot is so clever — your child can “program” it to do certain things, maneuvers, etc, and some of them are really cheeky/funny. For example, there’s a “ghost” setting and my daughter loves to turn off the lights and have Botley jive back and forth, saying “ooooh” after she’s entered the proper sequence of commands. I also recently purchased this magnetic story-telling set and this Plus Plus “learn the flags” kit — I’ve stowed them away as potential Christmas gifts, but sometimes there are those wild weekend mornings where you need a distraction.
03. Halloween prep. I love to mark the seasons with themed books, toys, activities, sticker sets, decor, etc. I always bring out the mini pumpkin waffle maker and use Trader Joe’s pumpkin waffle mix a few times during September/October, and I have a few decorations we like to put out. This year, I’m eyeing a this fun ghost garland for our mantel or maybe my daughter’s bookshelf, a few new books for our library (this, this, this) and a few fun Halloween activity books (this, this, this). And though we watch the Charlie Brown Halloween movie and “Room on the Broom” ad nauseum in October, we don’t have the Charlie Brown book or the Room in the Broom Tonies figure, so think I’ll also buy those.
04. Everyday fall clothing. Still filling in some gaps in my son’s wardrobe (most of my daughter’s wardrobe here, and some cute ideas for boys here), and I wanted to share that these velcro sneakers from NB are SO cute and so easy for him to put on himself. He wears them daily to school. I think I’m going to order the next size up in green just so we have them. Also just added this faded sweatshirt to my cart in the taupe and blue colors for him!
05. H&M home finds. OMG — H&M has the most adorable children’s home decor! I love…
Not seen above, but I took my children to the bookstore last weekend as a special “buy some new books for the new school year” excursion, and they both made a bee-line for the Captain Underpants / Dogman series. Wah! I try not to betray any emotion about this, as I’m excited they are excited to read, no matter what the material. I’ve made an uncomfortable peace with those books because, as graphic novels, they are fantastic “on-ramps” to reading — children can use the images/context clues to help with reading before they can sound out all the words, and my daughter felt SO empowered by them, as they are big, long, hard-cover tomes, and she was maybe five when she first started borrowing them at the library. They also do have some interesting words — my daughter was asking what “thus” meant the other day after reading one. But (!) The themes are terrible, the characters are unkind to one another, and there are deliberate misspellings, instances of incorrect grammar, and occasional bad language. It’s enough to make you groan as a parent. Still, it has always been my philosophy to let my children read what they wish — I just want them to love reading! I read books of questionable substance all the time, so who am I to preclude them from finding joy on the page in their own lanes?! I was also chatting with a girlfriend over the weekend who said her mother banned “Baby-Sitter’s Club” in her home, and she’s long wondered whether those prohibitions prevented her from falling in love with reading, as she’s not a big reader to this day.
Anyhow, on this trip, I let them both select one Dogman / Capt Underpants book (“one graphic novel” was the rule), and then asked my daughter to pick two chapter books and my son to pick two picture books. My son chose, with some gentle guidance and one firm “no, not a Paw Patrol book,” Lyle, Lyle Crocodile (he loved the movie but we didn’t own the book — it is charming!) and The Serious Goose (he was fixated on the mirror page). My daughter chose The Princess in Black (recommended by a mom friend of mine, so I was able to steer her in this direction) and Stink: The Incredible Shrinking Kid. I shared a photo of the former on Instagram, mentioning how I was looking for alternative to Dogman, over the weekend and many Magpies had other recommendations that I wanted to pass along for young/early readers:
I shared more books for early readers here that we’ve loved in the past.
P.S. “There are so many moments of motherhood where I have felt I am bouncing nervously at the edge of a high diving board. How am I ever going to get two children to a birthday party on time by myself, and then extricate them without meltdowns when it’s time to go? How can I possibly make it through this day with my newly-crawling baby? Will the tantrums ever stop? I don’t know how to get my child to sleep! You can’t, you can’t, you can’t — and then you can.” Read the full essay here.
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The beauty products I’ve been reaching for daily for the past few weeks —
01. Merit Tinted Lip Oil in Les Deux. I am *not* a gloss gal. Even in my tween years, I hated the way it felt. But this lip oil is — wow. Something else. I’ll be damned if I don’t reach it for nearly every morning! It’s hydrating and delivers just the tiniest hint of color. I really like wearing this with simple/bare makeup because it feels like “a little something extra” — just animates the face/mouth so well!
02. Kevyn Aucoin SSE in 01. I do not mess around when it comes to concealer. This is full-coverage concealer that stays in place and hides everything, but somehow blends really easily. I dab three small dots in my undereyes, one dot on each side of my nose, and any other area that needs attention, and then I apply Slip Tint with my hands. Then I use my Merit brush to blend it all together / blend the concealer out.
03. RMS Beauty SuperNatural Radiance Serum in Light Aura. This is a one-of-its-kind product. There are primers, and there are serums, and this one replaces both AND offers SPF. It bridges the gap between skincare and cosmetics. I love the way it blurs/perfects the skin and creates a clean, smooth canvas for tinted moisturizer/foundation. On mornings where I’m short on time, I use this without any foundation/coverage, a slick of blush, and a slick of mascara. I use daily in the Light Aura color and will absolutely be re-ordering.
04. Merit Brush. O.M.G. you need this. Next to Kosas Airbrow, it’s my top rec of this entire list. It blends EVERYTHING so well. I use for blush, bronzer, concealer, tinted moisturizer, foundation. It’s THE best. I have two!
05. Saie Slip Tint in Color Two. My favorite everyday tinted moisturizer, and I’ve tried a lot. It’s less expensive than most counterparts but I love the amount of coverage and tint — just north of natural.
06. Merit Flush Balm in Stockholm. Have a hard time wearing any other color. It’s the happiest, prettiest shade of pink. It looks more intimidating than it is — it doesn’t show up as shockingly pink. It just looks like a pretty summer flush. I also love the consistency — it’s glossy and balmy and glides right on. Easy to layer with other products, too. I bought this along with Rare Beauty’s cheek tint and have barely used the Rare Beauty formula — it’s much more heavily pigmented and requires more precision, brush work, etc. By contrast, Merit is nearly foolproof in application. Just glide it on and go. I own this flush balm in two other colors but definitely try Stockholm first. It will spoil you for all others!
07. RMS Beauty Powder Blush in Crystal Slipper. This color is absolutely stunning. It’s like a luminous blend of bronzer and blush. I often wear it over/with my Merit for a really pretty sunkissed and flushed effect, but this can of course be used on its own for more of a bronzed moment. Just spectacular.
08. Kosas Airbrow in Soft Brown. I’ve already waxed poetic about this product but it’s absolutely vying for the title of my favorite beauty discovery in 2023. It is super easy to apply thanks to the small wand applicator, does not leave brows crispy, does a wonderful job filling in and shaping. I also bought the Westman Atelier brow stick but find it requires a lot more work/precision to apply, so I just stick with Kosas — it’s one and done. I get in the soft brown color.
09. Laura Mercier Loose Powder in Translucent. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my makeup’s staying power (especially during the hot summer) when I brush this on after applying tinted moisturizer (but before blush, bronzer, etc). Makeup really stays put / is sealed in, but the powder doesn’t leave skin cakey at all. Its invisible!
10. Nyx Eyeliner. I’ll never quit her. The absolute best and such a bargain. I buy this using Amazon’s subscribe and save feature.
11. Saie Glowy SuperGel in Starglow. I love this as a finishing highlighter — dab on cheeks, under brows, cupid’s bow — for a truly luminous effect.
12. Armani Eyes to Kill Mascara. My ride or die, forever-favorite. I keep coming back to her! Dramatic, glossy lashes. LOVE.
14. Wander Beauty Illuminator/Blush Stick. This is fantastic when you have a small purse and want to kill two birds (actually, three) with one stone — I use the blush for lips and cheeks and the illuminator for all over. I really like the illuminator for daily wear — not quite as glassy/dramatic as Saie.
15. RMS Beauty Eyelights Cream Shadow in Moondust. Really drawn to any eye product that can be applied with a finger. This is so pretty on — it brightens the eye and adds a subtle shimmer. I wear this mainly in the evening but it’s not so glimmery that you can’t pull it off during the day.
A few products I’m eyeing, both in the cosmetics and skincare realms:
+Kosas gel eye shadows. Given how much I love their either eye products — these look right up my alley. As mentioned before, love eye shadows that don’t require blush application and are more oriented towards evening out / brightening the lid vs. dramatic colors.
+RMS Beauty sponge. I would love to try this – have heard it’s incredible! Like a Beauty Blender but better.
+UBeauty Plasma Lip Compound. I keep hearing RAVE reviews about this product. It’s so pricey! I’m intrigued…has anyone tested?
Was it the day we met, swatting mosquitoes in the crepuscular weight of August in the Midatlantic, the fixed stars hidden in the swollen heat?
Or that time we crossed paths that night at Scott Stadium, the world a dim blur as I floated silently out into galaxies beyond?
I was too busy noticing you, and the way you rolled your oxfords up your forearms, and smiled at me as if in appreciation, and widened your stance when we’d talk, planting yourself for proper conversation, to see that you were also lighting up the universe —
Or maybe they’re the same thing: the details of you as luminous and giving as the stellar sum.
I know only this —
There was that night at the bonfire in the Appalachians, shivering in the October chill, and the Milky Way glittered so close I felt I could reach out and touch its stars. And yet next to you, they appeared the unremarkable beige of a waiting room, and, like everything else, dissolved into white noise and atmospheric clutter. Funny, how love can do that: put everything else on mute. “We were together — I forget the rest.” Etcetera.
That night, you were doing nothing at all. Just standing next to me, taking my hand, loaning me your sweatshirt, making smalltalk with my girlfriends. And I saw that you must have tacked up the moon some time in the months prior, as unassumingly as you now replace the lightbulbs and switch the air filters. Oh, no big deal, you’d have said. Just changing the constellations.
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Shopping Break.
+Another cute Western-style bootie less expensive than my Marants: this Schutz pair, under $220. A lot of you bought these J. Crew ones, which are a nice hybrid between a Western and a more classic silhouette. Just a touch of Yellowstone.
+One more boot option to consider, even less “Western” than the aforementioned: this classic pair from Madewell.
+Just your quarterly reminder to throw away your Williams-Sonoma oven mitts and replace with these. They are a zillion times better, never burn through / brown at the edges, and are much more insulating!
+A few of the ladies I follow on Instagram have been raving about this cleanser. Want to try next!
+This happiness magnetic poetry set would be a cute visual reminder of seeking joy every day — even while reaching for half and half for your coffee!
+Obsessing over this chunky sweater. It’s the perfect versatile shape. I am on the fence about whether to buy it or invest in one of the higher end ones from Lisa Yang (cashmere!).
+Speaking of knitwear, has anyone tried the styles from Quince? This looks like a dead ringer for La Ligne but the price is so low…!
+This is the cutest side table ever. Would be darling in a guest room or child’s room.
+I’ve been seeing vests and bustier vests all over the place this season. I especially love the houndstooth of this one, but have heard the tailoring of the vests from Attersee is next level. So chic!
+Has anyone tried Oak Essentials skincare? Really want to try their moisturizer. My skin has been a little dry recently and in the market for something new.
By: Jen Shoop
I have been writing intensively about female friendships the past few weeks. I think many women fret over them once they move out of shared living spaces, couple off and/or start families, find fewer pockets of time and less interest in staying up late and going out. How much time should I be dedicating to my friendships? Do other women call one another daily? How do they find the time? How many friendships can I realistically maintain on top of family life, work, and household admin? I wonder these same things. I worry there is not enough of me to share, especially since I also have four siblings and two loving parents and I never feel I give enough of myself to them, either. But I imagine these phantom female friendships, shaped by years of observing their simulacrum on television, in which friends stop by for a cup of coffee while running errands, or pick up one another’s children at carpool, or drop in to weigh in on cocktail dress options, or stand in front of the kitchen sink, phones cradled under their ears, gabbing about the latest. I do none of these things. My University of Virginia girls and I get together every few months for a dinner, and occasionally rope in our husbands and children for excursions to local breweries and pumpkin patches. My best friend and I do our best to see one another every few months despite the fact that she still lives in New York. We find ways — through work travel, via random excursions to Baltimore, and because her and her husband’s parents still live in the D.C. area. Best of all, we have a longstanding tradition of watching “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” on Thanksgiving Eve with our husbands. We did this over Zoom during the pandemic and now it has become the harbinger of the holiday season, and I am rarely happier. I have a couple of girlfriends who are excellent at picking up the phone and calling every few months for long, sprawling catch-ups that always end with “we need to do this more often.” And one who (until she moved last month!) took long, regular walks with me along the Crescent Trail.
I think geography plays a shockingly powerful role in the intensity of a friendship, and I continue to choose to ignore this observation and persist in the fantasy that one day, I will be seeing all of my girls on a weekly basis, able to drop by with lattes and advise them out of wearing black again. Even the ones who live across the bridge from me in Virginia — it is, simply, hard to foster the intimacy and spontaneity that comes so naturally when you are young and living in close proximity, without the demands of children and work. Back then, a twenty minute jaunt across Chain Bridge was nothing. Hell, I used to drive out to Vienna to see Elizabeth for a few hours on a week night — a full 45 minutes each way! — as if it were no bother at all. Time spooled out in front of us, untrammeled. Now, it requires weeks of planning (“no, Jake has soccer on Tuesdays, and my husband is traveling the next week”) and logistical trades (“can you meet after 8:30? My youngest has been impossible to put down lately”) to put something on the calendar.
I have no answers, but I will say that 1) having talked to many women about female friendships, we all have the same worries, and 2) everything is a phase, meaning who knows what possibilities for rekindling lay five or ten years down the road, when children are older? There is also an element of “be who you wish to seem” (Socrates) that continues to flick through my mind every time I wonder about how well I’m nurturing my friendships. Which is to say: if it matters to you, do something about it. Pick up the phone. Start a text thread. Make plans for a college girlfriend reunion. I have been trying to do all of these things lately because I am finally out of the fog of young children. Mine are four and six now, and the sleepless nights and babies on hips have drifted into my rear view. I find myself with more time and energy to spare (so, mothers to young babies, take note!). My husband and I observed, with no small wonder, that I will be attending two girls’ trips this year, and he one guys’ fishing excursion–these, after a five-year hiatus from all solo travel for leisure.
There is another dimension to these musings: I am haunted, in a way, by the loss of several female friendships in my life — losses that were more dramatic than your run-of-the-mill “we drifted apart” situation. I have tried to write my way through all of them, and they still nettle and sting, despite my best efforts. I lost one to cancer, another to an abrupt caesura I still cannot understand, another because I could not bear the weight of it. I miss all of those women, one of whom was so wickedly, glamorously fun to be around, I described her in my writing this week as “the kind of girl who has every last little light in the city glow for her.”
I find myself wondering: do all women carry these scars? Or am I problematic common denominator? I don’t necessarily want to know the answer to that. But I pluck at these threads knowing there is likely no through-line. Just — how can I do this better tomorrow? How can I show up in ways the matter?
Between these meanderings, some pretty snapshots —
I’ve typically been saving my outfit photos for my Friday WILW posts, but two moments I wanted to share here:
1 // Jacey Duprie’s brand, Wyeth, sent me the most perfect fall coat earlier this week, and I noticed some sizes have already sold out. I love a field jacket (have two Barbours!) and this one is perfection because it plays with masculine/feminine tension in all the right ways — a corduroy collar, quilted pockets, and a fit that is both slightly boxy and slightly tailored. It’s a dream. I took my true size (xs) in this. I know I’ll be throwing it on over everything this fall. I didn’t photograph the jeans and tee very well, but wanted to mention that if you like the Leset ribbed tee I’ve been wearing with EVERYTHING (runs small; the XS is super super snug on me), this Madewell tee is a great look for less. It’s also ribbed and slim-fit (very 90s-Jen-Aniston), but not as compressive and a bit more generously cut. I took an XXS in this. I’m also wearing Madewell’s new 90s straight jean — it is a chic and flattering fit! I would liken it to Citizens’ Charlotte jeans, but maybe a bit less tapered at the ankle (you can see me in those here). I’ll try to get a better photo of the fit of this later this week.
2 // I broke up my Zimmermann set for my second back to school night this week and paired just the skirt with the aforementioned Leset tee, Pam Munson tote (exact style sold out, similar here), and Hermes Orans.
3 // This was what I wore when it was beastly hot outside this week and I had my first back to school night but wanted to be comfortable. It’s from my girlfriend Mackenzie’s collab with Navy Bleu. (Mackenzie is another gal I try to see every time I’m in NYC / we occasionally exchange texts and emails, but it just never feels like enough!) Anyhow, it’s the kind of dress that looks like polished but wears like a nightgown / my husband’s shirt.
Below: my current daily stack: Dorsey’s Clemence (restocked! — I have the 16″ and think it’s the absolute best buy) and engraved mini heart necklace. I’ve been wearing these around the clock together.
While in Maine, I surreptitiously snapped this photo of the Mainer footwear situation at an absurdly good bakery in Bethel, Gemini Cafe. (Above: my dream breakfast, which consists of an oat milk latte and ham and gruyere croissant.) If you’re ever out that way, you must stop in — we visited twice in less than 36 hours. The Birks/kicks situation has probably been the Maine vibe for decades but it is so deeply trendy right now everywhere. The Patagonia socks with the Vans was so unexpected and chic.
A couple of recent beauty discoveries:
WOW — my Internet friend Mary was not wrong when she pointed me in the direction of Roz shampoo and conditioner. (You can also buy the set at a discount — PLUS get an extra 15% off with code MAGPIE15. It is EXCELLENT. The best lather (!) and a really elegant, Oribe-like scent. It’s super similar to some of Oribe’s formulas and does not weigh hair down (my primary concern since I have very fine hair). I am deeply enjoying it. (More of my shower favorites here and here.)
Jo Malone sent me the cutest sampler set of two of their pear-based perfumes this week and I’ve fallen hard for the pear & freesia. You can try a small sample size here if you’d like so you don’t need to commit to the entire bottle. My girlfriend Alison Kenworthy (of Homeworthy fame!) wears this perfume daily — I didn’t know this until she mentioned it to me over the phone this week. (She’s one of those good-at-calling-and-having-a-long-sprawling-catch-up friends.) The Malone is more intensely scented than my go-to Mojave Ghost (Byredo), but it’s been a fun switch-up. (I usually feel like I need to re-apply/re-spritz Mojave Desert several times a day, but the Malone lasts alllll day.)
On my mind from a shopping standpoint:
+These are in my cart in all the colors. Which to start with?
+Halloween is not far off — have some fun finds from Minds Eye in my cart, including this ghost tassel to hang on our mantel for the kids. They LOVE these kinds of decorations. Both of my children want to be Mario for Halloween (?!) so I need to square that away, too.
+Bigger purchases on my horizon: these Emme Parsons loafers and this APC bag. I know I will get so much use out of both…
+I want so many of the fitness items from this roundup, but think I will start by ordering the Brooks thermal running hoodie, Athleta leggings (so many Magpie upvotes) and a few items from Vuori (this henley and this sherpa jacket are in my cart).
+Trying to choose whether I want this in walnut or ivory. Looks like the absolute perfect winter wardrobe workhorse. Love the neckline.
+Did you know I update my Shop section weekly? So many amazing finds here.
+I also had so much fun curating a few “shelves” over at ShopMy — including exactly what’s in my closet for fall, current beauty favorites, my current wishlist, and more.
Have a great week!
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By: Jen Shoop
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds!
My Latest Snag: Sherpa Slippers.
I feel a bit like a Gen-Z-er, but excited about my new Ugg Tazz slippers. Small things spark joy! I’ll wear these in my office at my desk most days this winter (I did this the last two winters with a pair of “coffee run” slippers but Sorel), and slip into for dog walks and dropoff in the morning. They have a high sellout risk factor! I did find them in most sizes at Nordstrom and Zappos, too.
This week, I learned the phrase “JOMO” — joy of missing out. (As opposed to FOMO – fear of missing out.) This cheeky shorthand relates to the vocabulary of “un-busy-ness” and “restfulness” that I’ve been cultivating over the past few months. How do we make peace with not saying yes to everything? How do we stave off the guilt, or envy, or keeping-up-with-the-joneses energy that occasionally accompanies opting out of plans, after-school activities, vacations, events? I think part of it has to be knowing that saying no to something does not create a void, or a lack. It creates a space to fill with quiet things we enjoy — like a cozy trundle bed we’ve just stumbled upon.
Our Labor Day was like this: full of the unscheduled hygge of domesticity. We cooked, played Uno and Spot It, set up sensory play bins for the kids, did laundry, watched “Homeward Bound.” I read sections of my book, took a long shower, played a round of Hive with Mr. Magpie over Mai Tais.
One of my girlfriends often says, “life happens between the drumbeats.” Elsewhere, I’ve heard the sentiment fashioned as: “between goals, there is a thing called life that needs to be lived.” Labor Day was the pause between the drumbeats, the real, chewy filling of life. I think I am happiest there.
Post-Scripts.
+Cozy reversible jacket. More great transitional outerwear here.
+My Dorsey Clemence necklace was just restocked. It’s $260 and absolutely gorgeous. I find it to be the easiest piece of jewelry to dress up or down, layer with other necklaces, or wear on its own.
+My daughter saw my Birks and asked if she could have a pair (meep!!!). This request, along with the many Magpies who observed that her fall wardrobe selections look an awful lot like things I’d wear, made me realize that giving up on the smocked dresses and big hair bows doesn’t mean the end of fashion fun when it comes to my daughter. I’ll happily have her twin with me. Anyhow, found my Birks in her size on sale here!
+J. Crew has some seriously cute new arrivals. Love this tweed jacket, this shrunken cashmere sweater (cannot decide which color/stripe to buy!!!), and this drapey shirtdress. I’m imagining the latter with a pair of velvet Mary Janes like these.
+Speaking of Jenni Kayne vibes, these boucle dining chairs are so chic…not for those of us with children, though.
+I do not need another sweatshirt but…I need this? LOVE the neckline and vintage flare.
+Hyper niche, but Carter’s thermal pajamas are SO cute and cozy. My son has owned a few pairs. They have a great softness and aren’t too thick. Buy now and sock away for Thanksgiving / Christmas.
+Zara has some fab goodies out right now. Love this striped shell and this cropped cardi (under $50). The latter would be so good with trousers like these.
+ICYMI: these sneaks remind me a lot of Loewe’s Flows but are only $100. Have heard they’re very comfortable.
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My favorite outfits from the past week hailed from a wedding weekend we attended up in Maine! Beyond that, I’m just biding time until I can properly dig into my fall wardrobe. (It’s been hot as hades here in D.C. this week.)
In early August, we spent a few days with Mr. Magpie’s family at Deep Creek Lake, Maryland. We stayed in the guest bedroom of his aunt’s home and I noticed that she had a chalkboard on one wall that included the Wi-Fi information as well as little notes that previous guests had left — things like, “we’ve loved being here with you,” echoed by another: “so did we!” It was a highly visual guest book of sorts that made me feel simultaneously welcome and grateful, as though invited to participate in a congo line of vacationers. It made me wonder — what do you keep in your guest room to make your visitors feel welcome?
I always leave out a fresh stack of towels, a carafe of water, fresh cut flowers, a white noise machine, and a couple of books I love. (Who doesn’t love The Dutch House?) When guests are visiting for more than a night, I also leave a couple of snacks (granola bars, bags of spicy-sweet pecans, good chocolate) so that they have something to eat if they don’t feel comfortable helping themselves or asking for something they’d like down in the kitchen.
One item I’d like to purchase for the guest room is a luggage rack. We recently stayed at a little club my parents belong to up North and the rooms had spacious luggage racks at the foot of the bed. I know these are routinely kept in closets at hotels but I’d never used one?! It was so delightful when unpacking!
What am I missing? What other goodies do you leave out for guests to demonstrate hospitality? Or have you ever stayed with a friend who left you something surprisingly thoughtful on your bedside table? Please share in the comments.
Post-Scripts.
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+My beloved quilted liner jacket is back in some new and fab colors. Love the chocolate and rose options! An under-$200 fall staple.
+Madewell just released their Greta flats in a great silver color. These remind me of The Row! Silver shoes and bags are having a major moment. C.F. Marni.
+I mentioned on Instagram that I ordered two Jenni Kayne sweaters over the weekend. I’ve never tried their knitwear but know that many of you are obsessed. I’m testing this one and this one. Will report back on quality!
+This skirt from Liz Damrich’s collab with Dillards is SPECTACULAR. I saw it and imagined pairing with a chunky knit sweater and suede mules like these.
+I’m telling you, these sticker books (specifically by the brand Usborne) should win some major award from someone because they’ve preoccupied my children for many hours at restaurants, in cars, etc. They love them!
+Do you use a dry brush? I just got this one in (people rave about it) and am eager to test.
+While traveling last weekend, I spotted a chic pea toting one of these Calpak bags. Looked like the perfect size/shape for lugging whatever you’d need for a weekend.
+Speaking of travel: good-smelling sanitizing wipes to toss into your bag for your next trip.
